Starting over after 25 yrs feel like a virgin Romance

  • View author's info Posted on Feb 02, 2005 at 03:08 AM

    Is there life out there after being with one man for 25 years? Need the does and donts of whats to come and the whats and what not to do can someone anyone looking for that someone that can help
  • 18Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 10, 2005 at 10:25 AM

    There is always life after breakups, short or long, it's like riding a bike again after years of wishing you never gave them up (for someone). You are shaky at first, then hold on and go for it. There will always be bumps in the roads, but it is all about the ride of life that matters, and those we meet along the way.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 25, 2005 at 06:03 PM

    23 years, been 4. Everybody's already said the main stuff, Iowa - take your time, find out who you are now (new context). Virgin? You're probably right: check out this book: David Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage" - says best sex doesn't start till mid age (40-50) 'cause that's when we really get in touch with who we are. Meanwhile, ride - it's a great place to be alone with yourself... but not alone. I'm not sure I'd agree with "don't get into a relationship" - just don't get in fast or deep, or for "a fix". See, I think we find out who we are by interacting with other people. Trust your comfort zone, and follow that voice.

  • View author's info Posted on Feb 25, 2005 at 11:54 AM

    Yes I think there is life after but in my case I have made a number of bad choices and looking to comfort the loneiness. I found myself in relationships and thinking "What the h--l have I gotten myself into. I'm no angel, but man I can sure find them. Blondeharleygirl I think has good sound advice. goodluck, ride your heart out.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 24, 2005 at 08:58 PM

    iowaleather - the do's and dont's are simple:
    Don't let anyone make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable at a point when you just aren't ready,
    and do anything that makes you happy
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 24, 2005 at 07:13 PM

    hi guys, it's been 16 years for me and i thought it was forever. One day i come home and he has left-4 days before my 50th birthday, he decided he needed a 35 year old on his side...It was really tough, but I had been though worst, I lost a son when he was 10 years old, and if you can get though that you can get though has made me realize that life is short and you have to make the best of what you have. I love life, people and my kids. That's one thing about bikers that I really enjoy and that's "they help each other out" and you need meet a stranger on a me if you want to talk more...
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 11, 2005 at 12:31 AM

    I also became single after 19 years married to my high school sweetheart,then one day she drove to the market then I receive a phone call from the fire dept ,informing me that she was in an auto accident[wasn't her fault] and that I should go to the hospital asap.Well She didn't make it,I wasn't able to make it before she passed either.I raised my two sons by myself,if it wasn't for some very good friends ,not sure how I would have handled it.Now I realize that life is to short,you sometimes need to take a deep breath and be thankful for what you have-not what you've lost.Starting over wasn't easy,but things do work out.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 09, 2005 at 07:04 PM

    Hi Iowaleather... Just read your input.. We can chat later on this if you like.. For me it was 23yrs.. You should look closer to home for comfort.. Lost friends whom you havent seen in years, and Family. THis all takes time so dont rush things.. You need time to heal and find yourself first b4 getting involved in someone elses life.. For me it has taken 2 yrs now and im still learning and experiencing new things in my life.. Relationships are a learning experience too. I think from every relationship ive had since I learn a little more about myself.. It all helps and things will be better.. Time has a way of healing... Softail
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 09, 2005 at 10:08 AM


    you need a very self assured woman in your life---it isn't easy to feel that you are competing with the others ex--trust is something that is earned--and as long as you aren't dropping everything to go help her!!!!!!!!!!! or double dating!!!!!!!!!

    to me there should be no reason why 2 people can't still love one another--and not be able to live together--if we look at our friends of the opposite sex there are plenty we love as friends butttttttttt the chemistry is either gone or never was
    you are probably the envy of some people being some can't even be in the same room with their ex's--the last time i saw mine was in court almost 3 years ago--we haven't talked except thru attorneys in over 4
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 06, 2005 at 10:13 AM

    Hi new here. twenty three years for me.can be scary for a man also. We parted regrets for time shared. no you did me wrongs to dwel on. my problem is explaining to the new girls why she lives next door and is around all the time. {still best friends} still enjoy each others company.Have not bin sexual for over a year like her new man of about a year. He and I also are becomming good friends. girls still cant handle it .dont wish to give it up "friendship" ex trys to ashure them . we dont want to go back wards in our life. lady's need imput?
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 05, 2005 at 07:56 PM

    My divorce was final last year I went camping for the first time since boy scouts it was fantastic and something that I had not even known that I missed. So get out there and do your thing and try some of the things from your past that used to give you pleasure and the doors will open on your soul.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 05, 2005 at 08:52 AM

    Iowaleather, wow that is a long time, yet you are starting the second half, bring your smile,open your mind and your heart to new adventures you may have put aside for years or perhaps didn't even know were inside you. Keep the sparkle in your eye for the thrills today and the excitement of what tomorrow can bring! The men and women here are great, make new friends and by all means, GET ON AND RIDE!! Good luck!
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 04, 2005 at 11:29 PM

    Divorce after 17 years..felt like I just got out of Prison..(never been there). to just go do what I wanted felt so good..I was a outdoor person and large Crowds. and she was a indoor and no_body around except me..This Really feels I just need someone to enjoy the outdoors and long rides with me.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 04, 2005 at 06:26 AM

    Iowaleather, feeling like a virgin can be fun and exciting don't you think. Nothing like taking a new road and discovering what's just over the hill and around the corner. Remember life is a journey. Enjoy the ride. Embrase it and squeeze all the juice out of it that you can.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 03, 2005 at 10:51 PM

    Iowaleather, yes there is life after a 25 year relationship ends. One thing is a given, life will never be like it was yesterday. Each day is a new beginning. Some days are brighter than others. You will make some mistakes, as we all do, but as you experience the world anew will blossom and become your own unique person. I wish you the best!
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 03, 2005 at 05:07 PM

    Well I don't think there is anything like the real thing. Ya think
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 03, 2005 at 02:13 PM

    yes it is---i had been with my ex for 24.5 yrs when we seperated--the big thing is--i wasn't sure where we began and i did--i was so used to doing things as a we it was hard to do things as a me

    i have gone to the movies myself--out to a nice dinner--and will be going on vacation by myself

    i realized there were things i gave up doing because of we and i am doing them now--such as dancing, roller skating, volleyball and getting my degree

    understanding who i am and who i have become allows me the flexablity of who i want to share me with

    it has been over 3 yrs now and i appreciate all i have been thru and all the growing i have done

    the one thing i miss the most(not sex--it was infrequent)--is my ex was a great sounding board when i had to make a business decision--and at this time i don't have anyone that fills that bill--and need to make one within the next mth

    it does get easier with time--just go at your own pace
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 02, 2005 at 09:12 PM

    Iowaleather can't say I was in your shoes but was connected for 10 years not 25 thought it was my I thought... he needed more that one..ME?...I started my freedom fund!!!!HA! Yes there is life after near death...and there is wonderful people out there...made some great friends here and don't be in a big hurry to find a number one again...might miss him if your LQQKING to hard...enjoy your freedom and make alot of girly friends!!! Girls unite we don't need a guy! We have Power Tools!!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 02, 2005 at 08:30 PM

    I had 34 years w/the same advice here. I'm plodding through it just like did when I was a teenager. Relearning along the way. I have found people are still playing games just like before. I was on the stick for 'em then but had lost that intuition..LET me tell ya, after a couple dates, it all came back.
    Continue on gf...I know there's good for us again. CC