its nice to read where people like their kids, and they are their center...its been me and my two kids for a long time together, since they were so young when their dad died, it's kinda like us against the world...what i don't get is more then once, a guy kinda stopped hanging around because they said "you do to much for your kids, i don't see mine, you need to let them figure it out, don't help them, my kids give me no respect",ect....i think you get what i am trying to say here.....why would someone feel that way about their kids? the way i see it they are my kids, and yes i will always be there for them as they are for me, and please don't make me choose, because sorry-family/kids come first...isn't that what family is?.....thanks for letting me dump...i just don't get it sometimes i guess......
strvoygr.........i totally agree...my husband was the only child...his parents are some pieces of work (chit-he joined the military during vietnam to get away....hummmmm....vietnam or mom &dad)when we met he told me about his parents, but i just, at that time, couldn't understand his feeling toward them, because mine were so different...but lo and behold i did met them, and he was right.....after he died, they have nothing to do with his children (jake and nicole tried several times to stay in touch with them, they wanted nothing to do with them), and now they have four great grandchildren that they have never seen or want to see....rick would be turninn over in his grave, but maybe not, because i think he can see all....what a loss for them....if it was my grandkids and kids-you would never be able to make me move....yea, i also don't get it when people want you to choose between your kids or them---what is that??????????????your a good lady, yes mame......you hang tight-good will come your way........
I understand whatyou are saying. As you know, I told the second hubby to hit hte road after he wanted me to choose between him and the kids. No way will any man ever do that to me!!! Besides, your kids will always be there....after the kids come the grandkids! Since kids do not come with a manual, all you can do is love them, teach them right from wrong, let them make their mistakes and hopefully they will learn from them, and hold then hold on for dear life through the ride! It's amazing to me though that any family, whether mother, father, grandparents, etc., would "give away" their children or family. My first hubby's family did it to my kids. They were angry at me and took it out on the kids.....sad really, they missed so much! I am goingot end this by saying...tell you kids you love them every day, let them be what they want to be, not what you want them to be and love them unconditionally! Kids are great!!!!
I have been thinking of writing to you for days. I read your profile and I thought that your quote was wonderful. I have never wrote to anyone before so I am a little shy. I need to take a photo or photos to upload. I am going to Cape Cod this week and when I get back I will upload some pics. I lived in Vermont and I like the outdoors and camping. I love the way I perceive your feelings to be. I would love to become a friend just from the things you wrote. My name is Brenda and I live in Virginia near Williamsburg. I am trying to build a new life after my husband left me for a younger woman--it has knocked the wind out of me but I know it will come back -- I just have to reach out and take life by the horns. I love so much about the world and I think there is so much to do and to see. I want to do it all. This is my first experience writing on the net --you just captured my imagination--have a great fourth and keep loving life thank for reading-- Brenda
Great responses. The fact is that they come with no operators manual. And what I choose (when i can remember) is to just give them unconditional love. That is to say that after I give them a royal how the f*ck could you do that , and/or what the f%ck were you thinking ... I do turn it around to acceptance, The truth is thank God they aren't doing what i did at their age! Frank
thru out raising my kids i have come to several conclusions
1. kids are going to make mistakes 2. if we don't give them attention they will get into trouble because any attention is better than none at all
when they make mistakes we need to make sure that we don't attribute it to them being bad people--just that they make a bad choice or bad decision
what i used to tell mine was that no matter what i still loved them but that i was disappointed in the choices they made--that they would have to pay any consequences for those choices--but just because they made a bad choice didn't make them bad people
i believe if and when we are told we are bad--we start to believe that we are--if a parent removes their love or it appears that they do--we begin to feel unloveable
I am a really dad, my girl has got through Uni without any aggro and now is ready to start her career in London, never know might even get abit of dosh back for all those years at UNI, Isn't life grand
Well , I am raising my 4 'critters' alone and loving it.Yesterday was one of my boys graduation ceremonies, (welding votech!)and Friday is the HS. one. And he is a great kid with sensitivity and a noble mind. And I am proud of him. But I am saddened at the same time. He will work for me this summer (as he has over the years) but now it is the real deal. I am sorry that he is now loining that world that demands so much of us , work, worry and bills. It is sad and beautiful all at once...does any of this make any sense?
Mandy, my heart goes out to you. There is no feeling worse than burying your own child. As parents, we always expect them to out live us. In your quiet times, you will hear him speaking to you. And he will always be in your heart.
Treasure your children my son passed away a month ago and I miss him with all my heart. I never got to say goodbye that night or even to tell him that I loved him. I have good memories but with all things time will make me smile again.
LadyBlue, I couldn't agree with you more. I lost my oldest daughter & her family 6 years ago. My daughter knew she was loved but I never hesitated to tell her. I was the last person to see them alive & the very last thing I said to her was "I love you". We should never me ashamed to tell those closest to us that we love them because if "tomorrow never comes" they will know.
Hug your kids and tell them you love them. You never know what may happen.
I lost my son 2 years ago this April. The one good memory is that we had talked just before his passing and told each other that we loved wach other and why. It was as if we knew that the time was coming although he was not sick and had just had his annual physical. We ent through heaven together and we went through hell. The road has all sorts of ups and downs but at least I know that he knew I loved him more than life itself. Your children are priceless whether they are biological or otherwise. They are our future. So treat them wisely and lovingly no matter what. But always remember to tell them you love them and give then a hug if you can.
Take care stay safe and be grateful for what you have.
Old Sailor, I can relate... I am a foster Mom... I have 2 babies that were put in my care after the mother decieded to give them up for adoption... Now after almost 2 years Mom wants them back. But she is in the same strights she was in when she gave the kids up in the first place. She has visitation 3 days a week 2 hours each time... think she would show up right? Nope, she shows up for one day in four weeks, then tells the kids that she is going to take them home with her soon, and guess who is left having to clean up the disapointment? And trying to do it so that the kids don't hate their mom? It's a fine balance... and it's getting harder with each passing day. Trust your son to know the differience between the truth as she knows it and the truth as he has lived it. Nothing can change what you gave him when he needed it... not lies... not BS. He was raised by a good and loving man, he knows where you were for all the times he didnt know where "mom" was. Let her make an ass of herself with her son... he will see her for what he has always known in is heart,,, a selfish woman who left him, not alone but with a good man who loved him and raised him to the best of his ability! it will only serve to make the relationship between you and him better. Chessie