Children model themselves after what see, not what they are told. Children learn to love and respect themselves for what their parents love and respect in themselves and in their children. Children will do anything to be noticed,give them loving attention when they are well or they'll become sick, crazy,or self-destructive in order to get the attention they need. Children learn to speak as their parents speak and see what their parents see. To spoil children with too much understanding (the Essence of love) is not possible. Do for children that which they cannot do for themselves, do it so they can learn for themselves. Allow children to make reversible mistakes, protect them from the irreversible ones. Sometimes its painful to tell which is which-have the co urge to try. Children need you more as a teacher and coach than as a guardian or a servant. The respect and love of children cannot be bought with courage,patience,and understanding, it can be earned........... As I was growing up I always heard "Do as I say,not as I do" and I thought then that it was bulls***.I still do.
Treat your kids as you do yourself. You want respect - you give respect.
The Dr. Spock parenting crap does not work. If you are permissive passive parenting - quit it - your kids do not learn respect or what they need to know in life from doing that to them. Action - consequence works...
If you have an ex throwing a wrench into the works screwing up what your kid needs to learn - cut ties with said ex - you childs life & well being comes first.