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Hair today, gone tomorrow

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The hair is gone... so is the beard. Although I've received many comments on how I should "lose the beard" (thanks Jules), the decision to do so was more of timing than anything else... about 2:00 AM to be exact. As I recently told a friend (you know who you are), I've always considered myself above the rules that govern mere mortal man... the troubles that seem to bog the masses down could never touch me. I was a rock... able to stand alone and resist movement or change from any outside forces. I was either deceiving or lying to myself. The truth of the matter is I've been just as vulnerable and fragile as the weakest among us... I've just honed the ability to hide "feeling". The hair and beard, although I personally liked it, was just something to hide behind... like sunglasses when you've been crying. I guess the healing process is in full swing, but I've come to realize that it isn't a healing process from the most recent lost relationship... it goes back much further and deeper. The pain and anguish over that relationship was mostly projected there from within... a scapegoat of sorts... a stool pigeon or decoy. I've always taken great pride in the fact that I'm as transparent as a piece of glass... what you see is what you get... no hidden mystic or meaning. I'm beginning to see it was all smoke and mirrors and the only wide-eyed kid in the crowd being fooled by the illusion was me. As I write, I continue to peel away layers of camouflage... not certain if I'll like what I find when I reach the center. I know there is something there that must be the cause of my inability to maintain a relationship... after all, "one hundred Helen's" can't be wrong. Seems I'm learning the painful lessons of life that most learn in their formative years. I skipped those chapters and proceeded directly to the climactic part of the story... only to be forced to return and revisit them as I didn't realize there would be a quiz and I cannot answer life's questions without the information within. As I stood there above the pile of hair on my bathroom floor, I had mixed emotions. I know what it must feel like for the trapeze artist to perform the first stunt... to let go of the safety and security of the known in hopes that something will be there to keep you from falling. I've learned enough in my journey to know that forward is the only path for me... and if I don't let go of the past, I'll never reach the other side. I thank you for your time.

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Posted on Sep 07, 2006 at 12:25 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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You sound like me, only it's taken me longer to get through it. Very well said. It takes A lot of guts to lay it out like that. I guess I'm not alone. RIDE FREE custer

Posted on Sep 08, 2006 at 09:46 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Simply,wow!

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Posted on Sep 08, 2006 at 08:27 PM Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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LOL... I always appreciate the nice comments, but mshendersom, you've taken the cake there. You DEFINITELY know how to butter-up a man. @ BeingMyself - good points. I don't think I'm to the point of overanalyzing yet, but I see how one could easily fall into such a trap. As for "WHY"... you've hit the nail on the head there. Never really followed the whole zodiac thing... funny that is a trait of Cancer. Hmmmm...

Posted on Sep 08, 2006 at 07:17 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Botarby: You look great! I think I see some dimples! Be strong, ride on! I can relate. Now you can start growing all new hairs. Sort of like a new beginning.

Posted on Sep 08, 2006 at 08:05 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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With or without hair, I'd still do ya.

Posted on Sep 08, 2006 at 07:50 AM Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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I am always amazed when I stumble across a cathartic moment. I suppose when things happen in life that change the way you feel on the inside, you feel compelled to change yourself on the outside. I usually opt to change my hair color, rather than shaving it all off. I hope you keep writing.

Posted on Sep 08, 2006 at 05:47 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report