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Why I'm single... an old story

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For starters, I guess I should admit now that I'm a "retired" cop. I was in law enforcement for 17 years and have been "free" now for 2 years. I had to do a few months working the streets as a male prostitute to regain my self-esteem, but I'm with the living now. Although I've been riding since I was a child, I'm new to the "biker" world. This actually occurred in September of 2001 and I posted the below story on a hobby forum a year or so afterwards. On to the story... A lot of you know about my marital history... 3 strikes and your out... and each one was a little less desirable than the previous. Anyway, after the immediate annulment of the third I refused to date. I spent all of my social time on the computer... good to know some things never change. I met someone on-line that was local. I loved her sense of humor. She was a Marine and a kickboxer... right up my alley. I never got a picture of her and I wasn't interested in her for her looks anyway, so when she mentioned meeting, I agreed. We met at a coffee shop and I was very surprised and pleased with what I saw coming through the door. I was even more pleased when I discovered it was the person I was there to meet. We hit it off fine and set up a "date" for her to come to my house for dinner two days later. I had to work a midnight shift that night, so there was little concern of things going too far too fast. Unusual comment for a man, but I can live with that. Over the next 48 hours she called over 20 times and "broke up" with me twice. This was a bit of a shock since I didn't even know we were going steady. She called at 1 AM on the morning we were to have dinner at my place and asked me if I would go on a work related road trip with her that day. I declined. She called again at 7 AM with the same question and acted as if she had never called the first time. With my history of being able to locate a raving mental in a convent, I was growing a bit concerned. Around noon the day of our scheduled dinner, she called and sounded as if she'd been drinking. So now I had an intoxicated mental that I didn't know coming to my house for dinner. I asked her if she'd been drinking and she declined... a lying, intoxicated mental that I didn't know was coming to my house for dinner. A few hours later she called and said she'd just been in a fight with her ex. I asked her if she called the cops and she said "No, that NEVER works." A wounded, lying, intoxicated mental that I didn't know was coming to my house for dinner. I told her I wanted to cancel and she wasn't taking no for an answer. I told her not to come or I would call the cops... she said she was on her way. I called the local PD and told them who I was (a sergeant with the Sheriff's Office at the time) and my situation. They told me to just call 9-1-1 and they'd send a car. As I'm cooking dinner, she walks into my house like we were old neighborhood buddies. She comes into my kitchen and shows me her newly pierced tongue as a reason for the slurred speech. I said I was happy for her. She raised her shirt and showed me her newly pierced belly button. Again I applauded with great enthusiasm. This woman, who I'd met just over 48 hours before, then dropped trou in my kitchen and showed me her newly pierced clitoris. I stood in my kitchen with my chin on the floor in utter disbelief. The only words that I could force out of my mouth was,"You need to leave... now." Much to my surprise, that wasn't the reaction she was expecting and I got to see her evil twin in action. She's now angry, cursing at me, and digging through her purse explaining how she was trained in how to treat a sucking chest wound in the Marine Corps... I'm reaching for my cast iron skillet in hopes of defraying bullets a la Saturday morning cartoon style. So now the local PD arrives... a patrol officer, his trainee, and a sergeant. They ask me if I want her arrested. I explain I just want her gone. She is intoxicated so they take her to the station and call a friend to come pick her up. I eat my dinner, count my blessings, and head off to work. A short time after I arrive at work, I get a call from her on my cell phone. "Guess where I am." I'm thinking she's calling from my drive way... but noooooo. She's calling from the local PD. Aparently she'd been arrested, but I couldn't understand anything she was saying so I asked to speak with the officer. He told me her friend picked her up at the station and took her to get her car at my house. Then they went to a bar to discuss the evenings events over a cocktail or twenty. Once she's good and loaded her friend did what all good friends would do... sent her back to my house. Unfortunately she forgot where it was. End of story... right? Noooooo. She knew the local PD knew where I lived. Perhaps they'd help her out. Yep, she called 9-1-1 and told them she couldn't find her way back to my house and asked if they'd send a car to show her the way. They were more than happy to send a car... and arrest her for DUI. The officer said, "I don't know what you've got going on with this girl, but she's already offered us BJ's if we let her go." I told him I'd just met her two days prior and to do whatever he felt was appropriate. She went to jail. So now she's in the jail ran by my boss. She decides to give the booking officer my name and number as her emergency contact and then calls me the next morning, after she bonds out of jail, and wants to know if I'd like to meet her for lunch. I later found out she was on probation for falsely accusing a man of rape. THAT is why I'm single. With the way my luck has been, the next one will kill me for sure.

Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 08:23 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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wow and just when i thought i had dated some creepos you are now in first place ...bless your heart

Posted on Aug 08, 2006 at 04:47 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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What an amazing story WOW and I think you are really a good writer, thats a story you should submit to a biker magazine lol and I really mean that. also HI, Im Mary from Michigan, new to this site and blog. ;-)

Posted on Aug 08, 2006 at 04:06 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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@ Jessicadarlin - Sorry you found the post offensive. Although it is true, it was told due to the humorous content. If you can't see the humor in what took place, reading more of my posts would be pointless. Why did I still cook dinner? Because I still planned on eating. I continue to do so on almost a daily basis whether someone is coming to dinner or not. "If you're a cop"... I'm not. I retired a couple of years ago. Even then, I was never a "cop" much like I'm not a "biker". I'm me. I worked in law enforcement. I ride a motorcycle. Neither of those things define who I am. I am somewhat offended by the "if" part, but that could very well have been an unintentional choice of words on your part and I'll grant you the benefit of a doubt. This experience has not altered my desire for female companionship. As I stated earlier, it is a true story written in a style meant to be entertaining. If my style does not "entertain" you, I am truly sorry I fell short. As for everyone else, your comments are appreciated. This happened a few years back and I found it humorous then as I do now. It really has nothing to do with why I'm single... that story is long, dry, and not very funny.

Posted on Aug 03, 2006 at 08:40 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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You poor thing! You could make a movie "The Girlfriend That Wouldn't Go Away" I totally believe you though - if there is a whack job out there he'll find me - had plenty of them!

Posted on Aug 03, 2006 at 03:21 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Yikes!

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 10:06 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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whew....close call huh?

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 08:12 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Just wanted to say hello from Down Under, and I felt sorry for you in your bad luck story "Why im single". I really enjoyed reading your profile and thank you for putting a smile on my face and making me laugh. I wish you all the best and hope that you find what your looking for. P.S I love your bike. Kiddels

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 07:07 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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@ monicavand - Actually I find it quite amusing as well. It was just the final straw of a long line of romantic mishaps for me. I'm a huge hit at family reunions... I end up telling the same stories over and over again. Besides... one must be able to laugh at oneself and if it will be funny in 10 years, you might as well enjoy it now.

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 06:22 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Hilarious story - for those of us who haven't lived it!! I've been fortunate - I haven't met any crazies on the net - but I'm also careful. Don't give up - we're not all intoxicated mental idiots.

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 06:06 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Holly Crap, That Chic was psycho how did you ever survive that whole thing. I guess I've just been lucky so far haven't met any Mental cases so far ... At least you know hoe to dodge bullets are you sure you not Neo from the matrix...lol You would have to have some instability to pierce you clit or some kind of masochist...lol She must have been really needy to keep coming back she needs a shrink.....

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 05:26 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Excellent advice there Longbeard. I made the work change a couple of years ago, but it will most likely take a while for me to shake "the rescuer" persona I've developed over the years. I've spotted the problem though... so that should be half the battle. I've always identified with the "biker" types, just never joined in on any reindeer games. Not that I would have been excluded, I just felt strange being a cop and joining in with the crowd that has it's roots in the 1% history. Again, I know that is my own outlook clouding things over, I just felt it would be hypocritical of me personally. At any rate, I've made the changes and I'm enjoying myself. Once the work is done, I usually head out to eat up a couple of hours of blacktop. My daughter (10 years old) is my primary riding partner as she enjoys it as much as I do and it gives us an opportunity to spend some time together. On times when she's with her mom or spending the night with friends, I go solo. I've already met some pretty cool people locally, so I'm looking forward to expanding that circle into other states as I travel with my business. I just returned from up your way (Racine, WI) on Monday. Perhaps we'll cross paths someday as well.

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 04:42 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Well, you've certainly earned your place in heaven, and at least one good relationship. Sometimes dealing with that sort of person in your day to day life on the job, sets up some type of attraction that draws them for miles around. (like having a sign over your head) . I dont have an answer for your situation, but just getting into a whole different emotional/ mental environment may help knock that sign down. you have started that by getting into the bike world, now find some good, true friends, and you'll find the nut jobs not a bother to you anymore.

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 04:23 PM Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Yikes,What a story,I can understand why that would make u a tad trigger shy.what a piece of work.thats usually the kind of drama women have to deal with,I am a rookie to all of this,and thats the very reason I have been alone the last 5 and one half yrs,since my husband of 25 yrs passed away.Now I am really scared.ouch!

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 06:30 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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OMG!! And I thought I had been meeting weirdos!

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 05:21 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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OMFG...LMFAO! I so have to stop reading your blogs over breakfast! I am so sorry you attract such wackos...and I thought *I* had issues about dating. WOW.

Posted on Aug 02, 2006 at 04:16 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report