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Rabid Hamster

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"Pinkie" was my responsibility while my daughter was visiting her mom for the weekend. Not that I take such responsibilities lightly, but I have a LOT of mouths to feed. Anyway, "Pinkie" joined the rodent masses in chew toy heaven and I was faced with finding a suitable replacement... and fast. I went to a local pet store owned by a friend of mine and found a ringer... surely I could pull this off. So I loaded "Pinkie II" into the little cardboard box and threw her in the truck for the journey home. As I'm travelling down I-35 headed home in rush hour traffic, I noticed a carload of twenty-something hotties in the lane next to me. Knowing that a carload of twenty-somethings are ALWAYS seeking middle-age-man for a night of naked gymnastics, I put on my best "cool dude" face as they passed by. Just as I thought my romantic stars were about to change, I noticed the little furry she devil had chewed a hole in the box and was making good her escape in my truck. I tried to maintain the "cool dude" look as I was wrangling the Carl Malone of the hamster world who was now running a 4-minute mile in the confines of the cab of my truck as I'm swerving lane to lane at 70 MPH down the freeway. Just as I thought I was pulling it off, "Pinkie II" made her way up the leg of my jeans. This must have caused quite the humorous look upon my face as I now had the undivided attention of the twenty-somethings I'd been so desparately trying to impress. Not wanting to have to go purchase "Pinkie III", I tried pulling my jeans away from my leg to attempt to keep from squishing Pinkie II... not to metion the fact that I really didn't want a dead hamster in my pants... sounds like the aftermath of a Frat party. Let me take the opportunity to tell you that in the hamster world, no good deed goes unpunished. Pinkie II, not feeling the constricting confines of my jeans against my leg took this opportunity to venture forward towards the delicate underbelly of my nether region where, once all movement was no longer possible, she decided to clamp down like a starving Ethiopian at a hot dog eating contest. I'm now jumping around in the cab of my truck trying to remove my pants and free Pinkie II from my flesh... much to the enjoyment of the twenty-somethings who had maintained a position next to me throughout the entire event. In the end, I made it home without wrecking my truck, Pinkie II survived, and I'm sure the twenty-something hotties were all laughing it up that night at the local bar and grill over a few cold ones. My daughter never noticed the change, but I can feel the cold glare of the rabid hamster as I walk by her cage at night... I sleep in fear.

Posted on Jul 31, 2006 at 10:40 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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..dude!!! you are so cool....the thing we do for our kiddos.

Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 12:00 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Still laughing! True or not, a great read. You are a skilled writer.

Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 10:34 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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AaHaa, another victim done in by a hamster. We had BuckyBuck Buckmiester, BuckyBuckBuckmiester II and BuckyBuckBuckmiesterIII. The moral to the lessons I've learned from hamsters, 'just 'cause they're cute, doesn't mean you should take them home'.

Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 09:30 AM Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Well, I WAS a little down this morning and trying to psych myself up for a busy day....You put a smile on my face with that story. You have to wonder what those gals thought you were doin' in that truck!?

Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 06:11 AM Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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That is hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 06:11 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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Ya know, I innocently clicked on the link to this blog for something to read while I munched on my morning bowl of cereal. I had no idea of what I ws getting myself into. The facts of your story sound quite traumatic--and I hope your delicate nether regions did not suffer any permanent damage, but I have to say, your storytelling technique is as funny as funny gets. Now I have to figure out how to extricate a Fiber One flake from my nose. Should I send in a hamster?

Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 05:35 AM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report