A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor.The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk,insert them in the base of his penis,and hope for the best.
The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead.The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".
The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner.While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants.It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants,rolls across the table,grabs a dinner roll,and disappears back into his pants.
His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments,then gets a sly look on her face.She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".
Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire."
The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!"
The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop."
The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."
The two roosters line up in back of the farm house; a hen clucks "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
Farmer Brown, sitting on the porch, hearing the commotion looks up and sees what's going on. Quickly, he grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens!
Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust: "Damn! That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week."
Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says,"Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep.
The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said,"This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes on. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"