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A wife that won't ride, any suggestions?
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Posted on Thu, Jan 18, 2007 05:29

I have been riding for 25 years and finally in 2004 got my first Harley. I have been with my wife for 12 years and trying to get her to enjoy and understand the therapy of riding with the wind in your hair and no stress on your mind. With over 20,000 miles on my bikes she has been on the back less then 100. She says she's not the biker type, which really irks me, due to meeting some of the best people you can imagine while riding. I lost my brother 2 years ago and enjoy the fall bike week in Myrtle Beach SC every year due to it being the last ride we went on together. Have done everything to get her to go and meet some of these bikers and she still sends me alone. She hasn't tried to withhold anything involving my bike or travels but it sure sucks I can't get her to see the real fun in the whole biker world. I told her it's not a bike it's a lifestyle. Would appreciate any and all help.
Thanks in advance. Ride hard and be safe

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Posted on Wed, Jan 02, 2008 03:02

Hey NC,
Take my advice with a grain of salt, I'm twice divorced, but my ex and I were married 13 years and if I came home with my dream bike after 13 years she probably would have reacted the same as your wife. Marriage is a trade off, possibly if you let her pick a weekend with you doing something different she has always wanted to do alone with you, and then she might see how important it is to you that she shares your passion of bikes. Even couples therapy, hell, I'd go to a snake charmer before I'd let another relationship get stuck in the mud. But it sounds like she didn't marry a biker until 12 years later, even if it is your dream, it might never be hers. I don't mean to be offensive, but if that is your wife in your profile picture she is a pretty lady, and with a trip to the Harley motor clothes dept. chaps, nice jacket , your gonna have your hands full keeping the bikers away from her. There are so many different types of people ridding now It's just a matter of finding the right group of women she feels comfortable being around. Lots of clubs and orgs. that do charity, christian types, folks who stay in the best hotels, nice restaraunts, keep at it, I'm no Dr. Phil, or I would not be single, but I think there has to be some middle ground. Sorry to hear about your brother, you have something some of us will never have, memories of real brothers ridding together. Never give up, best of luck, Pete

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Posted on Mon, Dec 24, 2007 06:43

If you have a good backrest, she may feel safer. If she wears a helmet with a face shield, she may like it better. It is all about how you feel and we always want to be safe



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Posted on Tue, Dec 18, 2007 07:27

mine was the same !
i bought a triumph tt600 missile
and when she saw it she was saying what
a beautiful bike etc
so i took her on a ride just locally
and she loved it, i took it easy (i dont want to scare anyone ) and then the next weekend the kids were away and i said we should go for a ride
she said "on that deathtrap" if we get killed who would look after the children


go figure ??

i am glad shes gone
she was messing with my head

cheers dan



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Posted on Tue, Oct 02, 2007 12:55

hi there is she scared of doesnt she just not like it my friend said she wasnt bothered but when she been out a few times she soon began to like it
it all started a few years ago my ex and i was talking and i mentioned bikes he said you like themi said love them always watch them in amazement and think to my self id love to be on that back of there then sure enough a few months on there came sukuki 600 old 1 but ok i loved it took to it like a duck to water then 12 months on i got bored wanted to do it my self i did cbt and got nsr 125 i loved it had it 2 years sold it last winter supose to be doin my test this summer but not managed it yet but iv missed it like you said no worries wind in ya face its a great feeling but ill be back



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Posted on Thu, Sep 27, 2007 11:23

I have found the best thing to do is remove the sissy bar and put a solo seat on. My bike looks much better and shes not complaining about me having other woman on the bike. If she ever wants to ride I will just put it back together.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 10, 2007 12:12

Hey-its Gypsie Rider


how about this suggestion-maybe to save growing conflict-you might have to accept her choices..However, you might be able to strum up a compromise by finding ways that she can get involved in other ways..like organizing rides, getting behing the runs etc. When she discovers that the biker world is far more than what the critiques are about-she may find for herself that she might enjoy riding herself. If she doesnt come to it herself all you are going to do is chip away at your marriage-and hey the road aint worth that...



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Posted on Sat, Aug 11, 2007 12:10

Divorce? only kidding, guess some people just dont like it, atleast if she has a go and decides from there



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Posted on Wed, Aug 08, 2007 11:15

Hi nc06Harley,

I agree with Taz, her own bike might be the solution. I find others just can't get over the exposure or vulnerablity they have on a bike no matter how safe the driver is. It's kinda like how some people when up on the roof, think they're going to fall, no matter what. Communication. You got to find out all the things that bother her about it. And maybe a professional on phobias can help. Either way, she'll have to be the one who decides to over come this reluctancy, that's the first step...

Rich



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Posted on Thu, Jul 26, 2007 13:04

nco6 Harley

I wish I could give you the magic answer but it seems to me she has stereo typed bikers in general. Now days bikes are from all walks of life. There are doctors, lawyers, etc. I know the " true bikers" dont acknowlege the fact that they are bikers but just the same they are. THey put hunders of thousands of miles on their bike.

Anyway the point is bikers are not all Hell's Angels or not everyone has to belong to a MC to ride a bike. It is the most relaxing thing to do and the friendships built are like non other. AFter you've been on a road trip for 3 days or two weeks the experience is unbelievable. She is definitly missing out. Good luck and maybe all of these comments will convince her to ride a little more!!! BIKERS RULE!!!



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Posted on Wed, Mar 21, 2007 13:33

Well my wife did ride on the bake for some time then she got her MC Lic and had an mismap and put her bike in the ditch , I had her out once after that and thet was it.

She has never got back on, but she wants me to still ride and with who ever I want to ride with, that is why I am here I still would like to ride with a woman it is a slower more relaxing ride in general.

In time I think if I went to a side car or a trike she might come back but she says that she would not even ride that right now.

The mishap was about 8 years back and I have done many miles since then with many people both men and women.

But i will say that there is no use in pushing it, and when I get home it sure is nice!



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Posted on Thu, Feb 08, 2007 05:50

I just meant the 20000 on my Harley the past 2 years. I have a good friend with a trike and I'll give that a shot. Thanks much dear!!



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Posted on Fri, Feb 02, 2007 12:04

After 25 years of riding - I think you must mean riding 200,000 miles, not 20,000?? As far as not being the "biker" type?? What is the biker type? Seems she married a "biker"!!
I have a friend whose wife doesn't ride, she HATES it ! However, she took a ride on another friends trike and liked that - so they are planning to buy a Trike soon so they can both enjoy. He'll keep his Heritage to ride when she doesn't want to go along.
You can't force it, if she doesn't want to. If she ever gets on the back again -make sure she feels safe - just take a nice leisurely cruise donw a pretty back road.
The first time I was ever on a bike, we were heading back at night on a little hilly, country road. I could have reached out and touched a deer from my passenger seat. We did some fancy ducking and dodging before we came to a stop - it was so close to a hit. You might want to avoid things like that!



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Posted on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 21:22

BikerBarbie,
Sound like my wife might be one of your girlfriends. lol. Ever find out why the ex took the bike apart?
Thanks ride safe and stay warm up there



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Posted on Thu, Jan 25, 2007 10:35

You know there really are people who just don't like to ride. Plain and simple. It's not their thing and never will be. I personally have a couple of girlfriends that like to be around bikers and bikes, especially harley's, but would do nothing but complain after going out for a nice ride. 'my hair's messy' ' my back hurts' and so on. Unfortunately if it's not her thing then I guess you have go it alone. If it is part of your lifestyle than I guess that pretty much sucks. My ex took the bike apart and for 5 years it sat that way. I really couldn't understand that, drove me crazy, but didn't seem to bother him at all.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 24, 2007 05:49

Hazelpearl,
Thanks anyway. As far as Fall in MB, keep in touch. Be glad to treat you and yours to one on me. I go to MB every chance I get when the weather permits. It's something about the beach and getting out of the helmet law state. You drive safe
nc06harley



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Posted on Wed, Jan 24, 2007 05:44

LilDeb,
Thanks and like anything communication is important. I will try and see what she think about what you said and maybe I have a path there. you drive safe and thanks.
Nc06Harley



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Posted on Tue, Jan 23, 2007 20:58

Just a suggestion, but maybe you need to find out what it is about riding that she doesn't care for...is she afraid or is it the stigma that "society" puts on bikers? Maybe that will give you the answer and solution. As bikers we all know how "society" sees us. (Course if they really knew the facts they would see things differently) Maybe that bothers her for people to see her in that light. Maybe if she realized that she can ride and just be herself maybe that would relax her. She doesn't have to be wild, or drink or any of the other things that people think biker chics do. Just a suggestion and idea. Being a biker chic for years I know how "society" thinks and I have had to deal with some of the ways they react to me when they find out I'm a Harley girl. Good Luck.



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Posted on Tue, Jan 23, 2007 09:47

nco6Harley
Some guys don't like to ride either and some have a real attitude about their girlfriends riding.
I, however have no suggestions to help you.
I go the MB Fall Rally and love it.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 22, 2007 06:19

Thanks Taz
I tried getting her interested by getting telling her I'd buy her one. I think she's more apt to stay home with the grand baby. I am just looking for something I haven't tried. I appreciate your reply.

drive safe



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