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We numb ourselves to feelings...
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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 08:02

May 19, 2006
Opening To Feel
Ways We Numb Ourselves
We are born equipped to experience a complex array of diverse emotions. Many of us, however, are uncomfortable confronting our most powerful emotions. We may shy away from delight and despair and deny life's colors by retreating into a world of monotone grey. We may numb ourselves to what we are truly feeling. It's easier to suppress our emotions than to deal with them, so we may momentarily turn to pleasures such as alcohol, food, sugar, shopping and too much television. We may even numb our hearts. While it's normal to temporarily seek distractions as a means of coping with intense emotions, numbing yourself prevents you from confronting your issues and keeps you from ever finding resolution or peace. When you are numb, there is no pain or powerlessness, but there can also be no joy or healing.

The activities that numb you may seem harmless or pleasurable, but using them to numb yourself diminishes the quality of your life. Numbing yourself so that you don't have to feel intense emotions can often satisfy a surface need while blocking your awareness of a deeper need. You may find solace in food or shopping when what you really need is spiritual nourishment. The less you feel, the less alive you feel. Your feelings add vividness to your experiences and serve to connect you to the world around you. It is possible to disavow yourself of numbing behaviors a little at a time and once again taste life's rich flavors. When you sense that you are engaging in a particular behavior simply to deaden your emotions, stop and ask yourself why. Examining the feelings that drive you to numb yourself can help you understand what is triggering your desire to emotionally fade out.

With each numbing activity that you cut out of your life, you'll find yourself being more aware and experiencing a greater emotionally acuity. Senses once shrouded by the fog of numbness become sharp and acute. Traumas and pain long hidden will emerge to the forefront of your consciousness and reveal themselves so that you can heal them. You'll discover a deeper you-a self that is comfortable experiencing and working through intense emotions with courage and grace.



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Posted on Tue, Jun 13, 2006 10:28

OMGosh Treecutter...Thank You for sharing that...that was beautiful. Somehow each and every person should read that before becoming a parent.



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Posted on Mon, Jun 12, 2006 18:18

part two : Right next to that little girl part was the little boy part. He hated to see that girl part hurt and sad all of the time, and he was angry at the Parents. So he spoke up, and said to them: "NO, you are mean, don't talk to us that way! Love us!"

Well, you can imagine what they said and did to that little boy part. That's right, they got really mad at him. And they made him be quiet -- and they knew perfectly well how to make him be quiet. They told him that nobody would love them unless both the little girl and the little boy acted the way the Parents told them to, because they knew the way the World expected them to act.

And so, the little boy part turned to the little girl part inside, and said to her: "You have to be quiet! Don't cry and don't be hurt and don't show your fear and don't tell the truth -- because you and your feelings are bad and the Parents know it and if you don't do all that stuff maybe they will love us and not reject us and not hurt our feelings so much. I'm not big enough or strong enough to protect us from them, so we have to be quiet and do it their way."

As you might expect, the little girl part became silent, and she and the little boy part of our child of Love learned to look outside of themselves to see what was expected of them, what was allowed of them, and who they should be in order to be loved and accepted. They were very afraid of being rejected and not loved, because they were very little.

And so, the child of Love died, and the child of Fear was born. And the little boy part became the voice of the Parents and the World, inside, making the child of Love wrong for being who she was. AND THUS WAS BORN THE INNER JUDGE.

And to this day, even now that the special child is all grown up, inside the little boy Judge is still telling the little girl part to be quiet, to not express her feelings or her truth, and to do everything the way THEY say she should. And to make sure that she remembers, he reminds her constantly that she is not OK the way she is... she has to do it better, be more, be stronger and less emotional, and mostly be like Them, in order to have the love and acceptance she and he need to survive in the world.

It is a sad, true story.

Now in a perfect fairy tale, the World would tell that precious child of Love: "Welcome to the world. We are so glad you are here. We know you are perfect just the way you are, and we are here to protect you and nurture you and help you discover who you came here to be." And in the perfect fairy tale, our child of Love would learn how it feels inside to be nurtured and accepted and loved without condition. And when it is time to be grown up, the little girl and the little boy inside would grow up too, into the healthy feminine and masculine parts of the healthy Adult of Love.

And the Adult of Love would go into the world whole and complete and natural, from the inside out. And that is good. That would be a good fairy tale.

As you know, everybody has their own fairy tale. Many of us live as the child of Fear, with an Inner Judge following us around telling us that we are not good enough the way we are and that we have to change a lot to be worthy of love. And some of us live as the Adult of Love, with gentle self acceptance and self love. Whatever fairy tale you are living, it is yours to change if you want to, now that you are grown up. My wish for you is that you are creating for yourself a story of love, perfection and acceptance. Because you, too, are a special child of Love, and you deserve it. And so does the little girl and the little boy inside of you.



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Posted on Mon, Jun 12, 2006 18:14

rac1257 write:
Trust is the biggest obstacle we have to overcome. After enough emotional B.S. happens to us, we learn not to trust. First we don't trust others we wonder "If I let them in will I be hurt again?" Then we start not trusting ourselves. Thats when the numbness engulfs us. It can be easier to feel nothing than risk feeling the pain of another lost relationship.
If we don't feel, then life becomes nothing but a long painful death.

ahhh

ahhh trust.. and masking emotions,, this is quoted from a friend of mine that teaches and gives therapy....

Once upon a time, in a time not so long ago and in a place not so far away, there was born a little child. This little child was very special, born into complete innocence and purity. This child was a child of God, born as Love-- being only Love, like a gentle heart turned inside out. Open. Vulnerable. Pure love.

The new parents and everybody liked this child well enough at first -- it was cute and not too much trouble. As time went by, however, this child began to express itself in the world, and conflicts began to develop. Often the Parents got angry at the child for crying, or told it not to use that angry tone of voice with them. They laughed at its fear, and told it not to make so much noise, and so on. The child began to be afraid of the Parents, and the World-- and most of all, the precious child of Love began to be afraid of its own feelings and sense of reality.

Now totally unbeknownst to the child of Love and to the World, deep inside this little child there were a actually two little children-- a little girl part and a little boy part. The little girl part felt the feelings, needs, and sensitivities inside this special child. The little girl is the part that felt so hurt when she was shamed or yelled at or made wrong for being herself.

Right next to that little girl part was the little boy part. He hated to see that girl part hurt and sad all of the time, and he was



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Posted on Mon, Jun 12, 2006 05:32

Rescue1 write:
thunderunderme write:
KinMonmouth write:
Now I'm me, not someone everyone expects me to be. Nah I dont have the house or the inground pool or the new cars or vacations in Europe anymore...

But guess what...Now I'm happy :O)

Thanks Char..reminders are always good!


WOW... You have the most precious gift of all...Yourself! And a Happy self at that. No amount of money can buy that.

My father taught me that there are three precious gifts..
1)Love
2)Happiness
3)Health...
and money can not buy them.

My father taught me three precious things:
1)Boobs
2)Bikes
3)Beer
This would explain why I am single, looking for a woman. I never listened to Dad.

Well at least money can buy all three of those....btw, I got all three...lol



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Posted on Fri, Jun 09, 2006 14:41

Your dialoque regarding the dumbness of numbness was eloquent, apt and intensely personal....thank you for sharing it with whomever chose to read it. I am impressed by your insight and the great courage you have obviously displayed by doing what you say and saying what you do. you rock!
Not so much unlike the status quo I have taken the road too well travelled and with blinders on and senses only barely alert have had mundane journeys. However, more often than not I have allowed my entire array of senses to be alert and aware of all around me, felt the pain and joy of great love and contentment and fear in moderation but with equal intensity. If you are unable to feel and express those feelings particularly to those whom evoke them, there is always God whom listens intently, patiently and with great empathy.....Live life fully...
Chopperchick46

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Posted on Thu, Jun 01, 2006 10:39

KinMonmouth write:
Now I'm me, not someone everyone expects me to be. Nah I dont have the house or the inground pool or the new cars or vacations in Europe anymore...

But guess what...Now I'm happy :O)

Thanks Char..reminders are always good!


WOW... You have the most precious gift of all...Yourself! And a Happy self at that. No amount of money can buy that.

My father taught me that there are three precious gifts..
1)Love
2)Happiness
3)Health...
and money can not buy them.

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Posted on Thu, Jun 01, 2006 06:04

Kin thanks for sharing your experience hopefully someone other than me will read it and find some help in your words. I can't say that I've been numb to my feelings I've been thru quite a bit this year and it's only halfway over and I still go thru life. I struggle at times but find comfort in my friends friends like Kin, Kitty, Don DD, Smiles, Sexybaby, JJ girl and Ms. Peach. Iread your posts and they make me laugh or your send me an e-mail or call me and leave a message and it's funny but they all seem to come right when they are needed the most.
Thank you all for what you've done and Thank yo Kin for posting this it means the world to have someone share what they have gone thru it helps us know thay we are not alone in our suffering.



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 10:27

i have gotten pretty good at numbing my feelings and emotions. it still hurts too much when the self medication wears off.



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 09:48

Armydaughter311 write:
Thanks for sharing that Char..I know myself all about being Numb..

Its a habit Im trying to break..

Peace to all those who have felt that as well..


You can conquer that bad habit honey..just keep persevering. Keep your focus on your goal.

  


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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 09:44

chkn write:
thunderunderme write:

I would rather have those joyful feelings even for a short period of time rather than deny them and not experience them at all. The pain would not be too big a price to pay.


OMG I have been grandstanded. I could never have said it better than how you just did. Props to You...
I love being alive today, the ups and downs of living are just parts of it. The downs seem to always spotlight the ups.
chkn


Wow...and you have a way w/the words..I'm honored..
I LOVE livin' too...

  


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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 13:03

seeme1st write:
IrishRoseCA write:
IMHO:Sometimes we have devastating things happen in our lives, like heavy losses of a loved one, a home, our health. Numbness for a period of time can help us to cope and deal with reality until we are ready to deal with the emotions. This is a healthy coping mechanism. It is when we STAY in numbness that it becomes a problem.

I know this has been true for me recently. It is part of the grief process.

Thank you Char for posting this. Hugs g/f!

DD


you are right about that IrishRose--especially as children--buttttt if we don't eventually go back and deal with them they come out at the most inopportune time

Seeme,
Sounds like some good stories there?

DD

  


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Posted on Sun, May 28, 2006 09:43

thunderunderme write:

I would rather have those joyful feelings even for a short period of time rather than deny them and not experience them at all. The pain would not be too big a price to pay.


OMG I have been grandstanded. I could never have said it better than how you just did. Props to You...
I love being alive today, the ups and downs of living are just parts of it. The downs seem to always spotlight the ups.
chkn

  


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Posted on Sat, May 27, 2006 19:46

jjgeorgiapeach write:
I've been numb for 3 mos. now


Just started to get the feelings back about 6 months ago, after 2 years of one relationship failure followed by another followed by another.

Divorce.. hook up with old high school sweetheart who lived 800 miles away, 8 months go by .. sudden breakup,dropped with no expanation on the last day of a visit where she introduced me to her family as her soulmate and future husband (this happened the day before the drop) lol..
One meaningless relationship after another.. About 6 months ago a few really good friendships start, thanks to them..

Hearts pretty healed now.
Life is good and getting better.. all the bad had good to offer..
Live , love, Learn.. Repeat from the beginning until you get it right.

Hugs to you.. {{{jjgeorgiapeach}}}



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Posted on Sat, May 27, 2006 09:59

AJ....LMAO, yes hon I know about the 'numb eyes'...it happened to me too. No offense taken, I didn't write it. LOL

But when I read it the thought 'post it on BK' entered my head ... so I did. Someone must have needed to read it.

I love ya guy!!!!



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 21:58

Char baby...

I really tried to read this... but my eyes got numb. I think I know the point.

I do know that some folks "numbing" activities are another's "feeling" experiences though.

Peace hon...

AJ



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 20:58

WOW..w/o feelings all I need to lose is my pulse to be completely dead. AMEN!

I had a man tell me that he would not pursue a relationship w/me b/c he loved me too much...that should I die first he would not be able to take the pain. That he was a coward.

To me that is sad. That he would deny himself the pleasure and joy of time shared...the closeness and sharing of love...b/c of pain he may incur.

I would rather have those joyful feelings even for a short period of time rather than deny them and not experience them at all. The pain would not be too big a price to pay.



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 17:50

Nice Thoughts

I have seen many things in my life. Some, in a younger time, made me to numb my self to feelings, saying to myself I will never let myself to feel again. Now in these times when the shadows grow longer, all my family is gone, so many loved ones beckoned over the horizon I find comfort in knowing the pains for the lost was because I was able to love again. In these times when feelings can seem like too much the risk. I remind myself, that with out them all I have to lose is my pulse to be completely dead.
Chkn

  


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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 14:02

IrishRoseCA write:
IMHO:Sometimes we have devastating things happen in our lives, like heavy losses of a loved one, a home, our health. Numbness for a period of time can help us to cope and deal with reality until we are ready to deal with the emotions. This is a healthy coping mechanism. It is when we STAY in numbness that it becomes a problem.

I know this has been true for me recently. It is part of the grief process.

Thank you Char for posting this. Hugs g/f!

DD


you are right about that IrishRose--especially as children--buttttt if we don't eventually go back and deal with them they come out at the most inopportune time



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 06:31

I hear that, Tree!
Peace.



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