Jokes...... HARLEY OR HORSE? Message board

  • View author's info Author posted on Feb 10, 2006 at 05:42


    HARLEY
    S AND GOD

    The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation,
    Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.
    Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and
    your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you
    can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

    Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want
    to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne
    Room, and introduced him to God.

    Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

    God said, "Ah, yes."

    "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have
    some major design flaws in your invention:

    1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
    2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
    3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
    4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
    5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

    "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God,
    "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in
    a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed
    out a slip of paper and God read it.

    "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said
    to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are
    riding my invention than yours."
  • 10Comments

  • View author's info posted on May 11, 2006 at 18:18


    AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
    >We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease
    >is located among the millions and millions of cows
    >in America but we haven't got a clue as to where
    >thousands of illegal immigrants and
    >terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
    >Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
    >
  • View author's info posted on May 11, 2006 at 18:16


    Nokia47 write:
    HARLEY
    S AND GOD

    The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation,
    Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.
    Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and
    your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you
    can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

    Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want
    to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne
    Room, and introduced him to God.

    Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

    God said, "Ah, yes."

    "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have
    some major design flaws in your invention:

    1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
    2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
    3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
    4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
    5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

    "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God,
    "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in
    a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed
    out a slip of paper and God read it.

    "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said
    to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are
    riding my invention than yours."

    LOL!! Did he get a free Gold Membership to BK for his suggestions??? j/k LOL
  • View author's info posted on May 11, 2006 at 12:55


    Woman goes to Texas, she hears how things are Big out there. Friday night sittin in a bar, scopes a big man drinkin..
    Lady: Sir, I hear Texas men are big, can I ask a few questions?
    Big Man: Yes mam go right ahead.
    Lady: What size pants do you wear?
    Big Man: 48/40 Mam.
    Lady: Oh my, that's big. Can I ask you another question?
    Man:Yes mam go right ahead.
    Lady What size shirt do you wear?
    Big Man: 30 inch collar, 40 in sleeve.
    Lady: Oh my, that is big, can I ask one more question?
    Man: Yea mam go right ahead.
    Lady: What size shoes do you wear?
    Man: 18 mam.
    Lady: OH MY! That is so big. Can I ask you, No, I couldn't. I would be to embarrassed.
    Man: Go ahead mam anything.
    Lady: What size is your. your thing?
    Man: Six inches Mam.
    Lady: Six inches? Is that all, my husband is only 5'6" and he is 6 inches.
    Man: ACROSS MAM?
  • View author's info posted on Feb 23, 2006 at 07:45


    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

    Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
    He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

    Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
    "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.
    They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

    After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
    her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

    They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
    The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings.

    The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! !

    "You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

    "No, " she replies. . . . . "

    She says:................

    "You just happened to catch my eye."
  • View author's info posted on Feb 20, 2006 at 08:58


    The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting
    in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)

    When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun,
    told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.
    The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.


    The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products,
    that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About seven minutes later,
    they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and
    camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.


    The top ten were:


    > 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!


    > 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.


    > 8. Viagra, Like a rock!


    > 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.


    > 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.


    > 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.


    > 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.


    > 3. Viagra, home of the whopper!


    > 2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!


    > And the unanimous number one slogan:


    > 1. This is your winkie. This is your winkie on drugs.
  • View author's info posted on Feb 19, 2006 at 06:38


    " SLAMMED"

    If you ride motorcycles right and if you ride long enough, you will eventually find yourself in the can, the big house, the pokey, county, or, as the civilians say it, in jail. Now finding yourself in the slammer isn't any cause for alarm. In fact, I recommend it. It's a good place to get away from the hustle and bustle of daily living, the nagging old lady, the other nagging old lady, the worries of rent, grocery money and gym memberships, which are all paid for in the hole. But, there is one problem. How do you know when you are in jail? After all, jail time is limited and with today's overcrowded correctional facilities an outlaw's chances at some state-sponsored R&R are growing fewer and fewer every day. So in order to make the most out of every day in prison, I've taken it upon myself to give the bros a list of ways to know when you're in prison.
    You know you're in prison when:

    1) Your old lady makes you breakfast and doesn't bitch.

    2) The yard gets mown on a regular basis.

    3) Your cable TV is mysteriously hooked back up.

    4) Your laundry is so clean you can tell the whites from the blacks.

    5) You suddenly have health insurance.

    6) The light bill gets paid.

    7) Nobody kicks down your front door at 4:00 a.m. and yells, "Police! Search warrant!"

    8) You get mail.

    9) Everybody around you readily accepts you for who you are.

    10) None of the bikers around you is wearing a cell phone.

    11) Everyone laughs at your jokes.

    12) You wake up one morning and find out that wench you foolishly invited to move in with you is finally gone.

    13) Some rumpkin yupp fuck custom builder pops off and you break his neck and you don't get thrown in jail for it.

    14) You can get good pot at a reasonable price. Nt

    Available only
    to logged in members

  • View author's info posted on Feb 18, 2006 at 20:59


    Bigbear2000 write:
    Good laugh. Thanks Nokia. : )

    anytime bear boo:)
  • View author's info posted on Feb 18, 2006 at 20:45


    Good laugh. Thanks Nokia. : )
  • View author's info posted on Feb 18, 2006 at 19:29


    saxon write:
    Love it
    'LoL Thank u Saxon.It gave me a laugh.

  • View author's info posted on Feb 18, 2006 at 11:53


    This one is clever -- and hits from all sides.


    The George W. Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for
    Viruses of mass destruction.

    The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and
    Causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

    The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

    The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and
    Re-counting.

    The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

    The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then
    E-mails everyone about what it did.

    The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but
    Will be back.

    The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

    The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB,
    Then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB.

    The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

    The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor
    Doesn't care.

    The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files.

    The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch
    Floppy ... Then discards it through Windows.

    Available only
    to logged in members

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