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Opinions, Please
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Posted on Mon, Dec 26, 2005 05:15

Well folks, I'm thinking about adopting an 11 year old boy. His father is going to jail for about 15 years and the child has had no raising. Been let run wild, has few manners, but a good kid nonetheless.
Not sure how well I'd do as a father, as I've had little or no experience at it. That, and my age are a concern to me. Any thoughts/suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 21:04

I was thinking of adopting a 21 year old Scandinavian girl....



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 12:20

Bigbear, first thing is get an ongoing counselor to start you two up and don't stop going until you're sure the boy will stable. If you can't afford it find a church you're comfortable with that has a good youth program and make sure this boy is willing to go as a condition of living with you. You have to have some rules before you get started. This kid needs MANY parents so to speak. Good luck and God bless you. Mikif

  


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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 12:16

Bigbear2000 write:
My thanks to all. Thus far, i've been hung up on and told to "forget it". They even said that Loyd doesn't want to contact me. (?) Not sure where to go from here. Beginning to think it just was not meant to be.

Very sad....Huge hugs, Jess...

  


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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 12:08

My thanks to all. Thus far, i've been hung up on and told to "forget it". They even said that Loyd doesn't want to contact me. (?) Not sure where to go from here. Beginning to think it just was not meant to be.



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 21:19

dont give up bear. opportunities come to he who looks for them...



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 14:29

Jess my brother....my heart breaks for this young man and also for you. At what age in your state is a child allowed to say where he wants to be....It is probably different than in divorce cases....but my god man, if the child has a good home he can be placed in....why would they want to stop that. Keep fighting the fight brother....I would love to be an honorary Aunt should the system allow. Prayers for this child in abundance.

  


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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 13:23

I'm so sorry Jess...Hugs...I'm agreeing with others though here. Let this boy still know that you care so he doesn't fall through the cracks in the system here. He needs to know that at least one person cares about him. I don't know what you need to do there & how the system works, but you have many people here who are praying for you & prayer is powerful. Hopefully something good will come of this. More Hugs Hun..

  


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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 17:30

Bear..ALL things happen for a reason! Not just 'some' things...but 'ALL' things. Our hardest task in life is accepting that when it isn't the way we want it. As humans we can only do so much. The end result is not in our control. WE MUST TO THE RIGHT THING..even if no one else does it.

If possible, let this boy know that you will ALWAYS be there for him. NO MATTER What, Where, or When. He should have a SASE w/your address on his person as well as a number where you can be reached on his person at all times. If not possible right at the moment..have it ready to give and be patient. The opportunity will come.

He can be given a great peace of mind just knowing he can reach you and you will be there for him.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 22:22

Thgus far I have been stymied in all attempts to get information about the boy. Even his father doesn't know where he is.
I am to the point that I'd like to gather the information I seek at the point of a gun. But know that instead of being viewed as one who cared, I'd just be another "armed nut case."
But should it be the Will of God and I ever do get him inside these walls, no one will take him against his will, while I live.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 17:23

KinMonmouth write:
((((((((JESS)))))))

Fight to at least be an interested party. Petition the court to be the court appointed guardian. This will give you the ability to help make decisions that influence his future. Even if they put him in a foster home. This poor kid needs to know someone cares enough to fight for his future. How scared,lost and alone he must feel.
SO , sad...

I agree, and as someone who grew up in "the system", I know it can be a very scary and confusing place. Try to be a part of this child's life if you can, he needs someone like you in his corner. At his age he will probably moved from place to place as opposed to somewhere stable. At your age, you can be considered stable. Has this child exspressed a desire to live with you? If so,you might want to see an attorney regarding gaurdianship.
I'll be praying for all concerned in this situation. God bless you.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 12:02

((((((((JESS)))))))

Fight to at least be an interested party. Petition the court to be the court appointed guardian. This will give you the ability to help make decisions that influence his future. Even if they put him in a foster home. This poor kid needs to know someone cares enough to fight for his future. How scared,lost and alone he must feel.
SO , sad...

  


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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 10:30

Bigbear2000 write:
Today an 11 year old boy was taken from his home by the state Child Protective Service, when his father was arrested once again on a drug charge. Any inquiry that has been made by non related persons has been denied answer.
Hav, Jade, Heritage and all the rest, I thank you for your posts. It is done.

Well Bear, this is indeed very sad. As much as we'd all like to, some things we just can't control. If nothing else, wherever he goes has got to be better than where he's leaving. I guess one could say "if it's meant to be..........". Your heart surely is in the right place, be well.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 10:14

one battle may be over but the war has certainly not been won. I hope you will try to stay a positive force in this boys life , sounds like he needs someone . If you are to be a big uncle or brother bear then perhaps that what is needed. good luck to you dear Jess, I pray for this boy. that is a hard age to go through "the system" and he will need a lot of kindness I hope you will be able to stay a part of his life.

  


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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 22:52

Bigbear2000 write:
Today an 11 year old boy was taken from his home by the state Child Protective Service, when his father was arrested once again on a drug charge. Any inquiry that has been made by non related persons has been denied answer.
Hav, Jade, Heritage and all the rest, I thank you for your posts. It is done.

(((((JESS))))) I know that this is a sad day for you. Know that you tried and did all that you could. It is now out of your hands. I will send up prayers and smoke for all of you.

  


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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 19:15

Yeah I know "The System" Suxs!



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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 18:35

Today an 11 year old boy was taken from his home by the state Child Protective Service, when his father was arrested once again on a drug charge. Any inquiry that has been made by non related persons has been denied answer.
Hav, Jade, Heritage and all the rest, I thank you for your posts. It is done.



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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 05:52

Some valid points being written here but only Bb can answer the questions...Children learn from their "parents"...And BB...sounds like your heart is in the right place...and that is a major factor...A big change in your lifestyle? Maybe...for awhile...A person can have a child...but it does not necessarily make them a "parent"...Or as the saying goes...Any man can be a dad...but it takes someone special to be a father...You may have some issues BB to work out, family, school, etc...if you feel it in your heart and gut...go for it...

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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 04:58

Thats just it PapaBear! I dont believe you will fail! I know you will succeed and touch this boys life just like you have touched each and every one of ours! - I happen to think "The SYSTEM" suks! and does more damage then good. I have no kids - but I have Friendz who have been through the wringer! and I dont believe truly they have the childs interest best at heart! But hey thats here in NY Maybe we are just over populated! Im not saying don't go for it - Im just saying cover your bases- and make sure there is no room for disappointment on both ends. Im sure what you decide will be best for the long haul! Have a Happy New Year Bear and I, will see ya in January!!! Jade



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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 04:30

Jade,
Once again you and other's have made valid points. Though it isn't looking good at this time, except maybe as a "Big Brother" gig, I'm still trying. And should it happen, then I know that I must bow out of the runs, ralleys and change my lifestyle. But what would be more worthy of that sacrifice?
And yes, I know that it may be an uphill fight against genes, past environment and unlearning to relearn, but again; What more worthy fight can I engage in. As afore stated, it may not happen. I may fail before I even get started, but I will try.
My thanks to all who care enough to have given their input here.
BB



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