Opinions, Please Message board

  • View author's info Author posted on Dec 26, 2005 05:15


    Well folks, I'm thinking about adopting an 11 year old boy. His father is going to jail for about 15 years and the child has had no raising. Been let run wild, has few manners, but a good kid nonetheless.
    Not sure how well I'd do as a father, as I've had little or no experience at it. That, and my age are a concern to me. Any thoughts/suggestions would be appreciated.
    Thanks
  • 34Comments

  • View author's info posted on Jan 04, 2006 21:04


    I was thinking of adopting a 21 year old Scandinavian girl....
  • View author's info posted on Jan 04, 2006 12:20


    Bigbear, first thing is get an ongoing counselor to start you two up and don't stop going until you're sure the boy will stable. If you can't afford it find a church you're comfortable with that has a good youth program and make sure this boy is willing to go as a condition of living with you. You have to have some rules before you get started. This kid needs MANY parents so to speak. Good luck and God bless you. Mikif
  • View author's info posted on Jan 04, 2006 12:16


    Bigbear2000 write:
    My thanks to all. Thus far, i've been hung up on and told to "forget it". They even said that Loyd doesn't want to contact me. (?) Not sure where to go from here. Beginning to think it just was not meant to be.

    Very sad....Huge hugs, Jess...
  • View author's info posted on Jan 04, 2006 12:08


    My thanks to all. Thus far, i've been hung up on and told to "forget it". They even said that Loyd doesn't want to contact me. (?) Not sure where to go from here. Beginning to think it just was not meant to be.
  • View author's info posted on Jan 03, 2006 21:19


    dont give up bear. opportunities come to he who looks for them...
  • View author's info posted on Jan 03, 2006 14:29


    Jess my brother....my heart breaks for this young man and also for you. At what age in your state is a child allowed to say where he wants to be....It is probably different than in divorce cases....but my god man, if the child has a good home he can be placed in....why would they want to stop that. Keep fighting the fight brother....I would love to be an honorary Aunt should the system allow. Prayers for this child in abundance.
  • View author's info posted on Jan 03, 2006 13:23


    I'm so sorry Jess...Hugs...I'm agreeing with others though here. Let this boy still know that you care so he doesn't fall through the cracks in the system here. He needs to know that at least one person cares about him. I don't know what you need to do there & how the system works, but you have many people here who are praying for you & prayer is powerful. Hopefully something good will come of this. More Hugs Hun..
  • View author's info posted on Dec 30, 2005 17:30


    Bear..ALL things happen for a reason! Not just 'some' things...but 'ALL' things. Our hardest task in life is accepting that when it isn't the way we want it. As humans we can only do so much. The end result is not in our control. WE MUST TO THE RIGHT THING..even if no one else does it.

    If possible, let this boy know that you will ALWAYS be there for him. NO MATTER What, Where, or When. He should have a SASE w/your address on his person as well as a number where you can be reached on his person at all times. If not possible right at the moment..have it ready to give and be patient. The opportunity will come.

    He can be given a great peace of mind just knowing he can reach you and you will be there for him.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 29, 2005 22:22


    Thgus far I have been stymied in all attempts to get information about the boy. Even his father doesn't know where he is.
    I am to the point that I'd like to gather the information I seek at the point of a gun. But know that instead of being viewed as one who cared, I'd just be another "armed nut case."
    But should it be the Will of God and I ever do get him inside these walls, no one will take him against his will, while I live.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 29, 2005 17:23


    KinMonmouth write:
    ((((((((JESS)))))))

    Fight to at least be an interested party. Petition the court to be the court appointed guardian. This will give you the ability to help make decisions that influence his future. Even if they put him in a foster home. This poor kid needs to know someone cares enough to fight for his future. How scared,lost and alone he must feel.
    SO , sad...

    I agree, and as someone who grew up in "the system", I know it can be a very scary and confusing place. Try to be a part of this child's life if you can, he needs someone like you in his corner. At his age he will probably moved from place to place as opposed to somewhere stable. At your age, you can be considered stable. Has this child exspressed a desire to live with you? If so,you might want to see an attorney regarding gaurdianship.
    I'll be praying for all concerned in this situation. God bless you.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 29, 2005 10:14


    one battle may be over but the war has certainly not been won. I hope you will try to stay a positive force in this boys life , sounds like he needs someone . If you are to be a big uncle or brother bear then perhaps that what is needed. good luck to you dear Jess, I pray for this boy. that is a hard age to go through "the system" and he will need a lot of kindness I hope you will be able to stay a part of his life.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 28, 2005 22:52


    Bigbear2000 write:
    Today an 11 year old boy was taken from his home by the state Child Protective Service, when his father was arrested once again on a drug charge. Any inquiry that has been made by non related persons has been denied answer.
    Hav, Jade, Heritage and all the rest, I thank you for your posts. It is done.

    (((((JESS))))) I know that this is a sad day for you. Know that you tried and did all that you could. It is now out of your hands. I will send up prayers and smoke for all of you.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 28, 2005 18:35


    Today an 11 year old boy was taken from his home by the state Child Protective Service, when his father was arrested once again on a drug charge. Any inquiry that has been made by non related persons has been denied answer.
    Hav, Jade, Heritage and all the rest, I thank you for your posts. It is done.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 28, 2005 04:30


    Jade,
    Once again you and other's have made valid points. Though it isn't looking good at this time, except maybe as a "Big Brother" gig, I'm still trying. And should it happen, then I know that I must bow out of the runs, ralleys and change my lifestyle. But what would be more worthy of that sacrifice?
    And yes, I know that it may be an uphill fight against genes, past environment and unlearning to relearn, but again; What more worthy fight can I engage in. As afore stated, it may not happen. I may fail before I even get started, but I will try.
    My thanks to all who care enough to have given their input here.
    BB
  • View author's info posted on Dec 27, 2005 21:06


    bear, jades posts might not seem as supportive as others but they are valid points and I am proud you responded as maturly as you did. You can argue pros and cons all day. One of the few things i have learned is we are here for a reason, and it involves a sacrifice of ourself. For what its worth, I would of loved to have been raised by a man like you. In fact, I still would. Sometimes there is no right and wrong, theres only...doing what you think is best, the best you can, for as long as you can. All i know is I pray to somehow influence at least 1 kid before I die, so he doesnt turn out a mess like me.I am in your corner no matter what Bro.!
  • View author's info posted on Dec 27, 2005 11:50


    my dear bear, whatever you decide I am positive that you will be a part of this boys life. only you know if this is something you want to do. Dyna...I just loved your post!!! really great to reflect on the little things that make the learning experinence as a child so dear to us. I don't have any children so I cannot speak to you personally about that Bear, but I would certainly love to have a child however the circumstance presented that opportunity. what ever the outcome consider it a blessing to be so well loved and thought of - as there is no higher calling than to be a meaningful part of the life a child.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 27, 2005 09:32


    Bigbear2000 write:

    jadeeyes write:
    Yes I do believe Jess would make a wonderful Father Figure - But If jess was intended to have kids he would of had them already.
    I also hear no mention of this boys family tree? Have they been notified? Where is his mother? Where are his grandparents? Aunts/ Uncles- ??? Cousins and so forth! Do I think you should get involved - No, I dont - You wanna be a friend and give this kid guidance - so be it. But not at this stage of your life. And if you really need to start a thread on this because you need an opinion - Then your not strong or confident enough to take on this responsibility. Because if you were- you would not ask you would just do.
    Just an opinion...
    Jade


    Thanks Jade. You've brought up some valid points, as many others have, as well.
    I've checked into his family and it is lacking, as perhaps is my confidence in the matter and you are also correct; in that I have chosen not to have children of my own.
    The father, son and I agree on this, but I have been told that the state authorities are not too keen on a single man with no blood ties getting custody of a minor. It remains to be seen.

    I've been pondering this since I first read your posting, Jess. I agree with what so many have written here but I also agree totally with what Jade has written. Taking on the responsibility of adopting an 11 year old is quite a lot of responsibility & with you never being a parent of your own children. But then again, parenting doesn't come with a manual. Have you maybe thought instead of becoming a licensed foster parent? That may be a good route for you to take at this moment rather than adopting. If your home would meet the qualifications to be licensed as a foster home, you would be able to provide the love & stability this child needs in his life right now, you would reap the rewards of providing this in this child's life, & even though the stability is lacking in this child's life, these people are still his family. And his Dad is still his Dad. And with him being 11, one day he may want to reconnect with his family even though you had adopted him. Also, by being a foster parent, you do get paid for doing so & there are regulations that need to be followed being a foster parent. I would check with your local Human Services/Social Services Department, or even your State authorities. If this may be a route you choose, you may even find that you enjoy "parenting" & may not stop at just being this 11 year old boy's "parent". You may one day decide to open your home for other children in your community. Good foster homes are much needed & there are so many children out there needing a good home.
    Just food for thought...Good luck in your decision, Jess.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 27, 2005 08:48


    grnidwitch write:
    HD and Dyna,

    There is nothing wrong with you two raising your daughters. You have given them the ideal to strive for in their relationships. They know what a good man is and how they should be treated by a real man. I applaud both of you.


    so right

    most men don't realize the importance of the relationship between father and daughter--it is more important than the relationship between fathers and sons

    women base all future male/female relationships on the 1st male/female one they have--that is with their dads

    so guys i applaude you both--i've met several dads that have raised their daughters and have done a fine job of it--and peeing in the woods--is ok in my book--i'm not and have never been the prissy female having had 3 brothers
  • View author's info posted on Dec 27, 2005 05:57


    It would have to be a blood relative for me to consider that, good luck dude.
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