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Promise or History?
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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 20:58

You guys crack me up. Thank you for a great laugh with friends. Your passion even misdirected is welcomed. I wouldn't expect either one of you to walk past a wrong being done on the street just don't be like Lancelot in Monty Python's the Holy Grail and kill the wedding party while living out your particular idioms.
Cut and Dynamal--Peace to both of you! I wish you both enlightenment, prudence, temperance and wisdom. I am glad we each agree passionately that abusing women is wrong even if we have other disagreements amongst ourselves.

Thank you Harly Gurl, I think you have a good point.

Peace to all.
Is anybody thinking about their patterns any more?

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 19:42

I'm gonna throw a positive spin on this.

It's nice to see people who truly care about people. This old world is full of those with the motto of "it's all about me". It's such a good feeling to hear all the compassion and love.

FOR BOTH SIDES!

If we didn't care about Rev or SS, we wouldn't care what happened to either one of them and would just shrug it off and move on to something else.

I would be flattered if I had a problem and any of you guys cared enough to discuss, defend me, or come to my defense.

I hope Rev and SS see that there are many who care about them. Everyone may not care about BOTH, but some care about one, and some care about the other.

It's just cool to see people who care.

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 19:34

seeme---as I told kitty these are opinions to a post taken public by those involved. Don
t tell me what you think I should do tell me your unbiased opinion of the subject------



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 19:27

Let me see kitty, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh because they decided to make it the publics business.!! Its a public forum where people express opinions, what IS your opinion on the subject???

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 16:05

I'm not making judgements on anyone inparticular ..just the topic..and supporting the beautiful ladies who have shared thier experience.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 15:33


DirtyBikers4Eva write:

Msbikerkitty write:
Can we please let this be between the two people involved?Why does everyone have to get into it .

Besides, MsKitty some would rather leap into someone else's business than to examine the things that might be wrong with them. Kinda like the pot calling the kettle.....

Rev, let me know if I can help in anyway.
BB



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 13:20

sorry mskitty...no chance... when SS posted again he opened the door. it's not in me to not say something. I am not sticking my nose in someone's home this is different because it is public. Not saying something would be like walking by on the street and closing my eyes. I just can't do it.
If this offends your sense of order, I'll have to live with that. like I said..sorry but I just can't.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 13:00

Can we please let this be between the two people involved?Why does everyone have to get into it .



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 08:11

Abuse is abuse....bottom line. If it happened one time or 100 times, it's still wrong.
My ex never apologized or thought he did anything wrong. It leaves scars deep within. No one deserves that.

Rev, do what you have to do and put it behind you.Be strong. You have to heal.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 06:15

springer...wtf? I know you...I've met you or someone like you so many times...spewing your passive aggresive pompous bullsh1t to tell all that you are in the right without actually saying it...be a man...let it go. attempting to sell to everyone that black is white and it's all someone else's fault. that makes me gag.
BTW..to all you SS apologists...if I am judgemental...so what? I just don't care. I don't bend over backwards to be fair when men fight with women ... and that's just what this is...verbal, physical or printed, a fights a fight. Don't tell me what the Bible says about judgment...I don't care...unless you can show me that it also says it's cool for men to fight with women... even in this enlightened age.
So I say to you Springer..COWBOY THE FCUK UP... and stop fighting with women.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 00:01

believe who YOU are ..be for yourself before someone else ..it takes two to tango and two to waltz..accept that being wrong doesn't make it right..but acceptance of what is and what will never be ..ok zep qouote...lets just call it the truth ..it is what it is..everyone makes mistakes ..if you blame then then perhaps you are to blame. of course violence is NEVER acceptable ..but we are all human beings and you have the choice to understand and be stronger than that. hrly gurl...I feel 4 you darlin' do not let this person win for one more minuet!! you are awesome be happy you deserve it!!! and Rev ..girl you do too!!!



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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 18:11

SS, Just ran across this and i
m amazed you are still posting your hypocritical bullsh1t!!!
I hope you saw my post to you in the "History Anyone" thread. In fact i
m sure you did since you vanished. But it blows my mind you
re still spouting your long winded, poetic bullsh1t. You portray yourself as some genius and philosopher and that sure gives me a good laugh!!LMFAO Thanks.
But as I said in my previuos post, if the accusations are true you are in fact just some longwinded stream of diarrea that needs flushing. The year is 2006, have you talked to your shrink about how to transport your extremly strange a$$ mind to the present.There is no and I mean NO excuse to batter a woman. Except for a few poor blind souls, which is a shame in itself--- you have no respect remaining.
Oh Yea, my offer at the end of my other post still stands

Lowryder--if you were in court "again" as you say and it was for abuse of a woman---then you have good reason to----"Hope me or the vocal few who have the balls to speak up-- weren
t the jurors"

SS,This is what I feel about any abuser and if the facts prove you are not guilty my words should slid right off your back. And I will stand up and make it known I was wrong.
Either way you know where I stand and stand firm on the subject of abuse be it women or children at the hands of a man..



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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 08:35


I have been doing a lot of reading to figure out how this whole experience can be placed in my past and learned from...and I found a profound quote:

"Betrayal is the only truth that sticks" - Arthur Miller

Until more time shall pass, this is what I am reflecting on.


Rev...great quote. I am big on quotes. They always seem to express what I can't quite say.

I may have told you this one before, but this is one that is rock solid and I feel if we all truly do what it says, we may be able to prevent a few heartaches, whether in love, with friends, co-workers, and even family.

"When someone shows themself to you the first time...believe them."

For me, it means, the first time my ex cheated on me, I should have believed him to be a cheater, no matter how much he cried. The first time he lied, I should have believed him to be a liar, no matter how much he apologized. And so on.

I have always heard that people don't change. And I have yet to see it proved wrong. As much as I wanted to believe him when he said "I swear I'll never do it again" 6 years earlier, I was a fool and trusted him. Well, he did it again. He showed me who he really was, and I didn't believe him.

Things we go through affect us for a long time. In April, my divorce will be final for 2 years. I think about him everyday. Not in a longing way, but he was a part of my life for over 11 years, what kind of person would I be if I could erase him that quick?

Just last night I had a dream that I had just gotten married. I was in a dress and everything. I don't remember his face, but whoever my husband was, was in his tux, and walked out of a room with another woman. I looked at him and said "Did you sleep with her?" and he shook his head that he did. I turned and walked down some stairs. That's all I remember.

I think that is something that is telling me that I am not quite ready to trust again. I don't think I cried, or got upset, I just turned and walked down some stairs. Kinda like maybe I expected it.

Trust me Sweetie, hurt does eventually ease, but it never goes away. If it did, we would never learn from it. One thing I refuse to believe though is that every man will cheat and lie to me. I don't think I'm quite yet there, but it's getting closer.

You'll be fine, and talking about it helps. Or it did for me...and still does. Everything happens for a reason. Be thankful for what you had with him, and even more thankful this came to the surface before marriage vows or children.

We love you Rev, and only wish there was something we could do to ease the pain a little faster. We've all pretty much been there so never feel you're alone.

  


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Posted on Fri, Jan 06, 2006 21:24

Nodey write:
Thank you Rocky.Will be a nicer trip now that the backrest is attached.

I remember...Nodster..Back can rest but nice to have your own...

side by side is nice too...we Lady's will all have that some day...



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Posted on Fri, Jan 06, 2006 04:04

Yes, it is interesting betrayal when one pretends to be ready for a relationship, but is no where close to being ready for a relationship. It is also saddening when the individual who tries to save the person drowning is bludgeoned in the process and is nearly drowned by the victim. Rescuing people is not a safe action or decision.

I imagine one will continue to operate from a center of powerlessness and blame their decisions and actions on someone for a long time.
I think the healing will begin when they can take responsibility for their choices and begin to tell others the truth of the deceptions they crafted.

It is always the easiest path to confront or blame someone other than ourselves.

I think in a relationship when recognizing patterns that a potential partner is operating out of it is important to check one's own participation in the pattern and stop contributing to it. Often times two people feel a strong connection if their patterns resonate. For example, the helpless victim falls in love with the rescuer, this happens in a variety of situations actual medical treatment between patient and nurse, psychologist, doctor or anyone in the role who is perceived by the deeper eye as the rescuer or savior archetype.
If one looks at one's life and sees a continual pattern repeating itself it is evident that the problem is found with what is common to each cycle; the person experiencing the pattern.
If you are continually being rescued and find each situation the same it is highly plausible that the position of pity or dependence is engaging the pattern. It can be more difficult to recognize and curtail this pattern the earlier in life it began operating in one's life as a method of solving or avoiding a problem.

Interesting dialogue and discussion..reminds me a little of three blind men or women all holding a different piece of reality that none can perceive all of and whose prejudices blind one to what truth maybe because they don't wish it so. Also saddly speaks a little of the God of Strife who wears a bicolored hat and walks through the middle of two fields of workers.

I would whole heartily agree with the stance against abusers. I think it has many shapes and forms none of which are healthy or appropriate. I think it is also interesting that s e x is often a blinder of prejudice that one fails to see who the real abuser is. Abuse is most often inflicted by those who feel powerless and blame others or situations for their condition. An abusers frustration and anger is projected outward instead of inward because the problem or pain they suffer can't possibly be caused by them.
Sovereign individuals who take responsibility for their choices and actions have nothing to project because they are the source and creators of their own destinies. The anger lies internally if it all. They immediately find frustration within themselves and see their own contribution to their situation. Often times they are more patient with others than they are themselves.

Great dialogue. I hope all are starting the New Year off on a good note.

  


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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 15:08

Warm Hugs Rev,

And, best wishes for healing to flow for every person affected!

DD

  


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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 20:33

Bigbear2000 write:
IF I or my statements here have been misread or miscommunicated, allow me to expound.
I too am against abuse, be it physical, mental or emotional. Period.
I have and will continue to place myself between abuser and the abused, whenever I see it and if there was violence here, and i'm not saying there wasn't, then the authorities should have been called and someone went to jail.
However. I'd like to point out that there is abuse directed toward someone on this thread, by people who were not there and cannot possibly know everything that happened. So where is the f*ucking difference?
As for any who may think me wishy washy;
You are right. I'm wishy that my washy was done. Ah so.


I don't know all the information that has been relayed to you, BB...or anyone else that hasn't heard from me directly.

I know that there has been some info spread...but unless I get contacted directly, I don't know who has heard what.

What I do know is that I was ready willing and able to devote my life to someone who asked me to share his life with him when he actually wasn't ready and never spoke up about it. I left everything I knew behind and traveled over 1,200 miles to be with whom I had thought was to be my eternal soul-mate. Time went by and still nothing to me about his questioning his previous relationship and what "might have been". Finding things out the hard way because of suspicions is not a good thing for anyone involved. A lot of pain and feelings of betrayal erupt.

Still, I was advised that things did not seem plausable with the ex...and yet, it wasn't in his heart to look into working things out for us because of his feelings still of "what if" with the ex.

Because of this...low communication. Things erupted...

I ended up leaving after a terrible display of anger, hurt, and betrayal.

Local authorities were involved...

I've been looking to my future with such a strong lesson learned, and still yet wonder if this is going to effect any future relationship and me having any fears of the same situation recurring, because he was not the first to do this to me. In my past, there has always someone else...whether or not that relationship worked or not. I was the one placed aside.

As I said, I'm still healing, learning and growing from this tulmultuous ending to what I had thought and expected to be a lifetime of joy and happiness.

I have been doing a lot of reading to figure out how this whole experience can be placed in my past and learned from...and I found a profound quote:

"Betrayal is the only truth that sticks" - Arthur Miller

Until more time shall pass, this is what I am reflecting on.

  


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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 04:55

IF I or my statements here have been misread or miscommunicated, allow me to expound.
I too am against abuse, be it physical, mental or emotional. Period.
I have and will continue to place myself between abuser and the abused, whenever I see it and if there was violence here, and i'm not saying there wasn't, then the authorities should have been called and someone went to jail.
However. I'd like to point out that there is abuse directed toward someone on this thread, by people who were not there and cannot possibly know everything that happened. So where is the f*ucking difference?
As for any who may think me wishy washy;
You are right. I'm wishy that my washy was done. Ah so.



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 04:22

Hot4Hogs write:
Interesting how this thread took the typical turn of most BK threads. One either believes in his/her comments or one does not.

I will not apologize for nor retract anything I posted. I do not post anything that I will not stand behind now or in the future.

And I applaud the other 2-3 people who stood behind their posts and were not swayed by retribution.

This is a Forum for lighthearted banter, information, dating prospects, and personal opinions. I post my opinion, I do not direct others.

This type of wishy washy, CYA, Oh-Dear- I've-stepped-on-someones-toes inconsistancy is the reason I rarely post anymore. No one seems to want to stand behind what he/she says for fear someone else may not like it.

I have met some wonderful people through BK and for that I am thankful. But the turn this site has taken is disconcerting to say the least.


H4H I understand what you are saying, and yes I too have seen the direction of many threads change in the way that you point out. Please know that my opinion of people who resort to physical abuse has not changed, nor did I or will I back down or retract any of my original statements to the person I believe was the abuser....that is IF he was, in fact, the abuser.

I had to take the time to re-read all the posts on this thread before posting this, and after doing so, I still stand by my opinions of abuse and my opinion of abusers.

However, after it was pointed out to me that I was not privy to the details of their particular situation, and after looking at that, I did apologize for jumping the gun without knowing all the facts. I still stand by this.

You're right that these forums are here for our banter, information and for our opinions. I just feel that I stated my opinion without knowing all of the facts. And no... physical abuse is not acceptable in any form, but for me, condemning someone without knowing all of the facts is akin to a lynching, and I felt that I was a party too that. For that, I apologized.

Please re-read Seeme's words about how stories can get twisted and sometimes the wrong party can get blamed for an act they did not commit. And the ramifications of that false accusation caused an unspeakable amount of pain.

I still stand by my words, but I realize that I was wrong to judge someone because of a story I heard through a third party. As a matter of fact, the next day I heard a totally different story from a totally different third party, saying some things that were totally opposite from the first story I heard..... So that made me look hard at my "judgements" of one particular person, and take a step back to look at my words condemning him.

That to me is what exchange of information is - listening to someone elses take on a particular subject, and being open enough to accept a differing opinion.

As I stated, I probably will never know the true facts about what transpired between Rev and SS, so I will reserve judgement at this time. I will not, however, retract any of my opinions about people who abuse..... I just choose not to direct them at any one particular person at this time....

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 02, 2006 18:56

Thank you Rocky.Will be a nicer trip now that the backrest is attached.



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