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Posted on Tue, Jan 10, 2006 08:21

enuf said!!!! I am not getting into a word war.



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Posted on Tue, Jan 10, 2006 07:46

DYN

and if my son was arguing with his lady in front of me I would ask him to stop... if my son pushed ... slapped ... hit his lady I would beat his azz from now till sunday. good thing I have daughters...ok now if one of their boy friends even...well hmmmm what if your daughter was in the same place???????

this my friend is true--this my friend i would do--but i would stand by his side and support him in whatever way i could--i wouldn't be pointing a finger at him telling him he is a devient--he isn't his actions are(unconditonal love)

the thing is if my daughter exagaretted(sp) the story i would also stand by her uncondtionally with the support she needed and she would have to make ammends to those she hurt and if that included charges of filing a false police report so be it

what this public mess does it allows both parties the ability to stay in the victim mode--neither one can get on with their lifes and theraputic healing they both need--this way whatever they need they get

and i was with Kitty--all along to drop it--to read it and leave it--BUT THOSE THAT FELT THEY HAD TO RESCUE A WOMAN COULDN'T DO IT(which keeps all women portrayed as victims)--WE AREN'T HELPLESS WE CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES

we may be the fairer $ex--but we sure as hell can take care of ourselves
WE DON'T NEED MEN--WE WANT THEM IN OUR LIFES



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Posted on Tue, Jan 10, 2006 05:55

DYnaml this is why I ask for this to just be stopped .Personal emales work wonders!!!!!!



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Posted on Tue, Jan 10, 2006 05:02

Seemi
I think that you are a sweet passionate lady. I hope you will decide to stay.
As for unconditional love here...sheesh I'm struggling with unconditional like.

I am trying to understand this mess because it is so out of hand and has switched from being about one thing to being about something with you smack dab in the middle...
I see that you are standing between SS and those that would say things against him...I don't understand it...but I can see it. whatever your reasons are, it is obvious to me that you have the courage of your convictions.. I respect that.
I wonder why he would let you???
What kind of man would let you fall on your sword and leave because you are putting yourself in harms way to protect him??? Men on both sides of this discussion would thank you for your friendship and then ask you to stop. Frankly I would be embarrassed that you had to stand in front of me..
and (I believe) any man worth his salt would feel the same...sorry but that's the way it is in my world. guess I'm an old dog that struggles with new tricks

and if my son was arguing with his lady in front of me I would ask him to stop... if my son pushed ... slapped ... hit his lady I would beat his azz from now till sunday. good thing I have daughters...ok now if one of their boy friends even...well hmmmm what if your daughter was in the same place???????



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 23:23

WINDSPIRIT50 write:
HDRIDER629 write:
I think that your past is what shapes who you are, and the main thing to remember is to learn from your past mistakes, for if you do not learn from them you are doomed to repeat them. Every good thing in our lives, and every bad thing that happens to us is a learning experience. Take what knowledge you can from each and move forward. If you do not you are doomed to stagnation and will not grow.

Don't let the past dictate who you are but let it be part of who you become!...Mo

Mo,

I think the interesting point of what you become is where you come from. Can one turn Pb into Au?
I had published once this line in an article on Ethics.
"The character of my actions is the measure by which I am separated from the beast. Let my choices be made that my actions might show the human I have become and not the animal I was born or the wolves amongst whom I was raised."
How much more satisfying it is when one overcomes ones past to become what one endeavors to be which is the striving within each toward that human ideal.

The greatest wisdom I have learned recently is to watch how the deeper historic intention in an "other" person plays out against their concious will while at the same time experiencing the crashing wave of my own deeper historic intention conflicting with my internal desires promise.
It is always easier to observe the affects in others than one's Self, but to observe and connect the essence of this posting with experience is a Grace, I will never forget. The pain is mutable through the blessing of growth.

Char and Seeme,
Thank you for your friendship. Realize that Love more than argument will endure. The speck that others are so anxious to remove and condemn will one day be revealed as a plank in their own eye. Any Christian familiar with the bible knows this.
Although Christ did say
"they have eyes, but do not see and ears but do not hear"
I pray that Grace may touch them and the Spirit bring them understanding.

Love and Peace to All
SSoul



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 22:33

WestsideFred write:
TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Why Dogs Are Better Than Men.
Dogs admit it when they are lost.

Dogs admit it when they're jealous.

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs are easy to buy for.

Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.

Dogs are nice to your relatives.

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do nor do they feel threatened by your intelligence.

Dogs do not care whether you s h a v e your legs or not.

Dogs don't play games with you - except fetch (And they never laugh at how you throw!)

Dogs don't criticize your friends or correct your stories.

Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.

Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.

Dogs understand what "no" means.

Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

Dogs do not read at the table.

You can house train and obedience train a dog.

You never wonder if your dog is good enough for you.

You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.

Dogs look you in the eyes, mean it when they kiss you and miss you when you're gone.

Dogs are loyal, forgiving and always happy just to be with you.



Lol,I tend to agree with you Fred.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 22:18

HarleyGurl35 write:
This has really turned in to no more than schoolyard gossip.

I really hope Rev and SS are happy whether it be together or apart. That is their decision to make, and their happiness is their decision.

Bottom line...neither one of them will be able to move forward as long as everyone keeps throwing this up in their faces, regardless of who started this thread.

I know for me...when I left my ex, once everyone stopped asking "So, how are you feeling? You doing ok??" with that sad pitiful look, I, miraculously, started seeing life as good again.

As far as I see it, they aren't hurting each other anymore. ALL OF THIS is hurting both of them.

Agreed and well said HG1



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 20:58

This has really turned in to no more than schoolyard gossip.

I really hope Rev and SS are happy whether it be together or apart. That is their decision to make, and their happiness is their decision.

Bottom line...neither one of them will be able to move forward as long as everyone keeps throwing this up in their faces, regardless of who started this thread.

I know for me...when I left my ex, once everyone stopped asking "So, how are you feeling? You doing ok??" with that sad pitiful look, I, miraculously, started seeing life as good again.

As far as I see it, they aren't hurting each other anymore. ALL OF THIS is hurting both of them.

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 20:28

Nodey write:
SeeMe,I have to agree with Suz on this one.To give unconditonal love to an abuser is no different than to ask a woman who has been abused to keep living with and loving the abuser.
To sit and condone SS's actions or his denial of any wrongdoing is NOT helping him any.
I have not voiced my opinion in open forums,even when he used me as an example(although his accounts of my circumstances were inaccurate).
I don't post as much because of the disrespectfulness and meaness of some. But these two that have been through so much torment need guidance. This is a completely different situation.
If you must go,I support you,but you will be missed. Just make sure you're doing this for the right reasons.


unconditional love doesn't mean accepting unacceptable behavior--it means that we stand beside the person--that we understand that the bad choices they made do have consequences--but the bad choices also doesn't make them a bad person--just a person that made a bad choice

it means NOT TURNING YOUR BACK ON THEM WHEN THEY NEED YOU THE MOST!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS UNCONDITONAL LOVE

if SS was your son--would you turn you back on him because of bad choices or would you try to help him to make better ones in the future??????????



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 20:17

Hot4Hogs write:
seeme1st write:
when i 1st joined this site over a yr ago--i thought great a group of ppl that aren't like the rest of the judging-prejudgeing world

i've removed all my posts on this thread and when my membership comes around will be removing it

you all talk about unconditonal love--i don't give a chit who did what butttttttt i will tell you you are no longer acting like unconditonal love--you are now acting conditional

both parties made mistakes in the relationship--they made BAD CHOICES that doesn't make either a bad person and i don't want to be affiliatted with those that talk one way and walk another--if you are going to talk unconditional love--ACT IT

it is no wonder ppl wear masks when we are judged by only our mistakes

i'm sure EVERYONE OF YOU HAVE MADE BAD CHOICES---I KNOW I HAVE--AND I DON'T LOVE EITHER ONE OF THEM ANY LESS

AND I'M SURE EACH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN PRE-JUDGED BECAUSE OF TATS--LEATHER OR RIDING WITH A GROUP ON BIKES

True we've all been judged and we have all judged. That is not being disputed. You say you care not what either party has done but you are quick to point out that the victim of your friends abuse was at fault and responsible for being abused.

I think everyones point here, those who support the abuser, is that there was abuse and there is never an excuse for a man abusing a woman...and that the abuser refuses to own up to his transgressions. Instead he puts himself on a pedestal and makes himself look like some sort of sicko hero. Anyone who supports someone that demented is a bit too openminded for me. If his so called friends want to support him they need to insist he get professional help.

And there's no need to leave the sight because everyone doesn't agree with you.


i question who was the abuser----i believe that something snowballed and that the allegations aren't what truly happened and were made to safe face

i'm not leaving because everyone doesn't agree with me--i'm leaving because i would hate to be the one at the wrath of those who profess to be looking for and giving uncondionial love

i have said in prior posts that i don't and never will condone abuse--this post is that at this point everyone is taking one persons word on what happened--they say that he didn't post because of his guilt---he didn't post because he couldn't post--then when he posted he was blasted for stating his truth and was blasted and accused again gor telling his truth--why because he speaks and writes above some ppls level of understanding

he is guilty because he is a man????he was arrested because he didn't make the fone call 1st--in CO the 1st to make the call is the plantiff and the other the defendent period--so if he had called the other party would have been in jail!!!!!!!!!!!


THEY BOTH NEED TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!!!! WHY WOULD ANYONE STAY WITH A PERSON WHO ISN'T BEING HONEST?????
ESPECIALLY AFTER READING EMAILS THAT WERE BETWEEN HIM AND HIS EX--THEN EMAILING THEM TO OTHERS--TOTALLY WRONG--
AND BEING THERE WERE OFFERS OF OTHER PLACES TO STAY

IT ISN'T ONE SIDED
and as i said before--there are always 3 sides--hers--his and then what really happened

I NEVER SAID SHE WAS AT FAULT!!!!! IF THE ABUSE TRUELY HAPPENED!!!! WHICH I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE TO QUESTION THE REALITY OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS MY STANCE
ABUSE OF ANY KIND PERPETRATED BY EITHER THE MALE OR THE FEMALE IS UNACCEPTABLE

i love them both--i've met them both--and i hoped and prayed for them to work out their differences when they had seperated in November and she stayed at Danes



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 19:16

Well i
ll be damned, good to see ya Char. Just wanted to let you know that I got the story from Rev and I believe her story to be the truth and I stand by my post/comments.

Hope you guys are having a great time!!!


Another opinion---SS,I dont give a rats a$$ who lied to who or who mislead or cheated. Abuse is unacceptable and the soverign being bullsh1t excuses won
t make you a man. You should be ashamed. Those with morals see you as a shame.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 19:11

I have only read some of the posts on this thread and decided to stay WAY out of the situation....I tend to have terrets in the "tell it like it is" area....until now...............so....When we have a family and friends in that family and family friends etc. etc. I know that my family doesn't "get up and leave me" when I say or do something wrong.....and if they did....well...there wouldn't be very many families left now would there?? I believe that if a "so called" friend leaves me when I do something they don't like...then they were not my friend in the first place....and "they" would not be showing me "unconditional love"....no one can give pure unconditional love...that's God's job. I wouldn't want someone to threaten to leave when they didn't like what I am doing or saying....then that would be controlling and mental abuse now wouldn't it?? Hmmmmm....I am in no way meaning these words to be for a victim who is being abused and to put up with it....I have learned from personal experience that you should not even talk your abuser....



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 19:08

Char You Crack Me UP!!!! You Go Girl!
Jade



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 17:18

What a bunch of motherfuckin chit here.......ya'll are spouting off and don't know anything close to the truth. I'm embarassed...course I'm sure none of you give a rat's azz about that.
I'm not leaving...but I'd sure like to give some spankings.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 14:38

TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Why Dogs Are Better Than Men.
Dogs admit it when they are lost.

Dogs admit it when they're jealous.

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs are easy to buy for.

Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.

Dogs are nice to your relatives.

Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do nor do they feel threatened by your intelligence.

Dogs do not care whether you s h a v e your legs or not.

Dogs don't play games with you - except fetch (And they never laugh at how you throw!)

Dogs don't criticize your friends or correct your stories.

Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.

Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.

Dogs understand what "no" means.

Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

Dogs do not read at the table.

You can house train and obedience train a dog.

You never wonder if your dog is good enough for you.

You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.

Dogs look you in the eyes, mean it when they kiss you and miss you when you're gone.

Dogs are loyal, forgiving and always happy just to be with you.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 12:55

SeeMe,I have to agree with Suz on this one.To give unconditonal love to an abuser is no different than to ask a woman who has been abused to keep living with and loving the abuser.
To sit and condone SS's actions or his denial of any wrongdoing is NOT helping him any.
I have not voiced my opinion in open forums,even when he used me as an example(although his accounts of my circumstances were inaccurate).
I don't post as much because of the disrespectfulness and meaness of some. But these two that have been through so much torment need guidance. This is a completely different situation.
If you must go,I support you,but you will be missed. Just make sure you're doing this for the right reasons.

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 11:38

HDRIDER629 write:
I think that your past is what shapes who you are, and the main thing to remember is to learn from your past mistakes, for if you do not learn from them you are doomed to repeat them. Every good thing in our lives, and every bad thing that happens to us is a learning experience. Take what knowledge you can from each and move forward. If you do not you are doomed to stagnation and will not grow.

Don't let the past dictate who you are but let it be part of who you become!...Mo



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 11:04

Oh Peggy .... I am so sorry to hear this. It seems that you are not the only one who is leaving or has left for the same reasons. The sad part about it is that the good ones leave and we all suffer the loss... and the ones who start all the bs, stay and continue to snake their way around the threads....

I don't think that the posts on here were meant to cause you to get upset and leave. I think that everyone agrees that abuse in any form is bad news and will not be tolerated. A few of the posts, mine included, stated that. I for one, cannot give anyone the benefit of the doubt when I know for a fact that they are dead to right guilty. The only reason I backed up was because I was not privy to the facts of the breakup. I heard the details through a third party, and then heard different details through another third party.

Rev and SS both chose to make public statements about their relationship and their breakup, but since I still don't know the real details, I will continue to hold my tongue. But I can understand the others stating their feelings. I thought that that was what these forums were for - to exchange ideas and opinions.

I don't think that unconditional love comes into play when people have such strong opinions about abuse, and such loathing for the abuser.... Obviously they know the whole breakup story and were voicing their distaste for the abuser - because it was proven to them.
This is not thread to look for unconditional love. Opinions and prior experiences are too heated for that.

I am pretty well adjusted, but believe me, there is no unconditional love in my heart for for any guilty party. I may pray for them, but they do not get my unconditional love. I guess that I must not be as spiritual as I thought I was....

I, too, have had a few disagreements and differences of opinion with some people the forums, but for me, I would try not to let someones words cause me to walk away from some of the best people I have ever met - you being one of them my friend.....

I try to take what I need and leave the rest....

I came to BK to find me a man. After a few dating disasters lol, I decided to take everyone's advice and check out the forums and meet people. I changed my profile to "looking for friends", and it's been just great so far.... I have met the most awesome people who I talk with, laugh with, cry with, and ride with. I know that you have too.

I just think that maybe you just need to take a step back and take some time off from here. It could help you put things into perspective. It would be a terrible thing to lose you in here Peg....

Please think about it. I'm here for ya gf, and you can call me anytime.....

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 06:47

when i 1st joined this site over a yr ago--i thought great a group of ppl that aren't like the rest of the judging-prejudgeing world

i've removed all my posts on this thread and when my membership comes around will be removing it

you all talk about unconditonal love--i don't give a chit who did what butttttttt i will tell you you are no longer acting like unconditonal love--you are now acting conditional

both parties made mistakes in the relationship--they made BAD CHOICES that doesn't make either a bad person and i don't want to be affiliatted with those that talk one way and walk another--if you are going to talk unconditional love--ACT IT

it is no wonder ppl wear masks when we are judged by only our mistakes

i'm sure EVERYONE OF YOU HAVE MADE BAD CHOICES---I KNOW I HAVE--AND I DON'T LOVE EITHER ONE OF THEM ANY LESS

AND I'M SURE EACH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN PRE-JUDGED BECAUSE OF TATS--LEATHER OR RIDING WITH A GROUP ON BIKES

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 23:16

Tripper, you younguns must not a have paid close attention to other postings elsewhere or maybe you missed something along the way?? Or could be your values are different than the generation before you ??

" Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don
t matter and those who matter don
t mind! "



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