Sorry...I thought it was FUNNY! Friends

  • View author's info Author posted on Dec 01, 2005 at 19:52


    Roses are reddish
    Violets are blueish
    If it wasn't for Christmas
    We'd all be Jewish!

    Sorry...HAD to share it!
  • 14Comments

  • View author's info posted on Dec 11, 2005 at 17:51


    ROFL Seeme, No. 12 is my favorite. I have to send these to mu wife's Jewish boss. He'll love them. lol
  • View author's info posted on Dec 11, 2005 at 08:56


    Sorry guys--got another one


    1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
    Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the
    fact
    that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

    2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
    In
    Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it
    graduates
    from medical school.

    3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
    A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

    4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
    A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."

    5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
    A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

    6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
    A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

    7. When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her cheque
    came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."

    8. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too
    good, " said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why
    are
    you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The
    son
    said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The
    mother
    answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if
    you
    should call."

    9. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a
    part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play
    the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go
    back
    and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

    10. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
    A: Under the vacuum cleaner

    11. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be
    a
    nuisance to anybody."

    12. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we
    won,
    let's eat.

    13. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the
    street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force
    yourself,"
    she replied.

    14. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
    A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

    15. Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."

    16. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
    A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 08, 2005 at 09:02


    MIG_64 write:
    Mig_64 knock, knock
    Bigbear2000 who dere?
    Mig_64 who.

    Who who?
  • View author's info posted on Dec 06, 2005 at 20:32


    Mig_64 knock, knock
    Bigbear2000 who dere?
    Mig_64 who.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 03, 2005 at 11:00


    thought i'd add this one for ya'll


    Remarkable Quotes from Remarkable Jews:

    I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
    >>>>> Henny Youngman>>>

    Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their brea$ts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.
    >>>>> Mel Brooks>>>


    The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and skullcap will not bar a man from the White House, unless, of course, the man is Jewish.
    >>>>> Jules Farber>>>

    Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York, you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyim even if you are Jewish.
    >>>>> Lenny Bruce>> >

    God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose somebody else for a change?
    >>>>> Shalom Aleichem>>>

    The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
    >>>>> Calvin Trillin>>>

    Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!
    >>>>> Golda Meir>>>

    Even a secret agent can't lie to a Jewish mother.
    >>>>> Peter Malkin>>>

    Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
    >>>>> Fran Lebowitz>>>

    My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
    >>>>> Benjamin Disraeli>>>

    It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
    >>>>> Sam Levenson>>>

    Don't be humble; you are not that great.
    >>>>> Golda Meir>>>

    God will pardon me. It's His business.
    >>>>> Heinrich Heine>>>

    I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
    >>>>> Joe E. Lewis>>>

    Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
    >>>>> Sam Goldwyn>>>

    A spoken contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
    >>>>> Sam Goldwyn>>>>>

    Everybody likes a kidder but nobody loans him money.
    >>>>> Arthur Miller>>>

    I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
    >>>>> Jackie Mason>>>

    I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
    >>>>> Woody Allen>>>

    Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?
    >>>>> Groucho Marx>>>

    Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
    >>>>> Groucho Marx>>>

    A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.
    >>>>> Oscar Levant>>>

    Too bad that all the people who know how to run this country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.
    >>>>>! George Burns>>>

    Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.
    >>>>> Mort Sahl>>>

    A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
    >>>>> Milton Berle>>>

    I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.
    >>>>> Sam Goldwyn>>>

    Television is a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
    >>>>> Ernie Kovacs>>>


    With the collapse of vaudeville, new talent has no place to stink.
    >>>>> George Burns>>>

    When I bore people at a party, they think it is their fault.
    >>>>> Henry Kissinger
  • View author's info posted on Dec 03, 2005 at 07:55


    Msbikerkitty write:
    love it you guys ...how about some snow fun?,,,,,

    Bad Kitty!
  • View author's info posted on Dec 03, 2005 at 07:52


    OHHHHHHHHHHHHH..Ya'll being badddddddddd! I love it!
  • View author's info posted on Dec 02, 2005 at 21:34


    MIG_64 write:
    KNOCK, KNOCK...

    Who dere?
  • View author's info posted on Dec 02, 2005 at 21:29


    KNOCK, KNOCK...
  • View author's info posted on Dec 02, 2005 at 17:18


    love it you guys ...how about some snow fun?,,,,,

    Available only
    to logged in members

  • View author's info posted on Dec 02, 2005 at 09:58


    oh my lands HG and BB....ya'll need to take it on the road!! tooooo funny ya'll
  • View author's info posted on Dec 02, 2005 at 09:52


    and what does a wreath of hundred dollar bills and a famous singer have in common?
    They are both A Wreatha Franklin.

    Sorry HG, but you started it. LOL
    back to my cave. :(
  • View author's info posted on Dec 02, 2005 at 05:05


    Good one HG, I got a chuckle.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 02, 2005 at 04:28


    V good
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