Widow and Widowers post only please. Romance

  • View author's info posted on Oct 07, 2005 06:01


    Bea.. that made more sense than I can say... thank u, my friend... xo
  • View author's info posted on Oct 06, 2005 15:19


    Verdain, I tried getting my kids to go to counseling......they were not ready for it. I too have ahd a struggle getting my kids thorugh things and dealing with the death of their father. I agree that your son needs to pull himslef up out of the feelings and fepression he is esperiencing. All you can do is help him by being there and loving him. It may nto show now, but down the road, it will show and eventually he will appreciate you not giving up on him and loving him. I am always willing ot chat with you if you need an ear. I truly do understand how hard it is, especially with for the kids. I can also tell you, I never would have made it through any of my ordeal if it weren't for my kids. I focused on them, getting them through everything. You are doing what you can with what you have to the best of your ability Verdain.....keep on truckin on......you are doing a great job!!!!
  • View author's info posted on Oct 06, 2005 13:58



    aBraveOldeSoul write:
    Greetings Brothers and Sisters!

    I too have lost a loved one. My wife Felicia was killed in a head-on car crash one night on her way to work in 88. It happened 2 weeks after we celebrated our daughters 2nd birthday... and just 3 days after we celebrated mine. She was my truest soulmate in every sense of the word. I was devastated. Physically ill for nearly a year. I tried everything short of putting a gun to my head to just check out and "find" her. My daughter was the only thing that kept me from doing it. She just turned 19 a few weeks ago and is now in college. Graduated at the top of her class and with national honors. I'm very proud of her and looking back I'm amazed and wonder how the hell I made it this far. By the grace of God and the Angels that watch over me. It was 17 years ago now... but not a day goes by that I don't glance at her picture or think about her. I still talk to her silently in my head and from my heart. It takes no more than a few moments for that tidal wave of emotion to resurface and be in tears. But I've not let that ever stop me from loving others. It's what Felicia would have wanted and it's the one thing she taught me more than anything else.
    Do I make comparisons? NO... I never have... simply because noone could ever possibly fill her shoes. I look at every one of us as being individual, as being unique and special in some way and having different gifts to share with the world. And that's how I approach every potential new relationship partner. Felicia taught me about unconditional love and forgiveness. Not easy things for a guy like me. But I've come a long way over the years and have tried to put these things into practice in every aspect of my life. I have a lot of love to give... I feel it's my repayment in sorts for the gifts I was blessed with in knowing her. Kinda just carrying on the mission that she had while here and then passed to me. It's been so long ago that for me... it isn't really an issue when entering into a new relationship or meeting someone new. I usually get the obligatory sympathies but I don't ever feel as though women don't want to see me because of it. All I can say is that life does move on eventually. The pain of losing someone ya love as much as I loved her never really goes away but ya do learn to live with it.
    At this point in my life... I cherish every day, every breath and every moment spent in the company of someone that I can share myself with... mind, body, heart and soul. Every day is a gift. And I thoroughly savour life with every fiber in my body. For those of you still dealing with a recent loss... be strong and keep the faith. There really will be light again.

    Peace to all! Dragon



    I salute you for doin' so well with your daughter. I have a stepson with me and we are struggling to get him through his Sr. year in HS. We lost his mom the last week of school last year. He is not talking about it and is ditching school and failing in several classes now. We will survive but I feel for him because he is stuck with me. I am tryin' but I am not good at this. I don't have time to get good at it with just one school year left. He has two brothers that dropped out as Sophomores. I was really hoping I would be able to get him through but I am failing at that. He is the only one that can pull himself up and make it happen.
  • View author's info posted on Oct 06, 2005 06:42


    a brave old soul....wow, you were dealt a had one, but look at you and your daughter now........wonderful......isn't it amazing when we look back from where we started and see our selves now.....who, what, or which ever powers that be-someone gave us the strength to survive....i understand about wanting to go find her....i was so self destructive for 5 years, but i still woke every morning much to my suprize.......i remember paraying and saying every night "into your hands i give my soul", but again i woke every morning......so here i sit now, with no regreats, well some-i did some really stupid things-, but my family is close, my kids are strong and parents now, and i found someone to care for and them for me....so, yes live does continue.....sometimes in a time span we would like to change, but it all goes full circle and we get to start anew......i'm glad you are doing so well, and your daughter is doing well........sounds like you did a nice job with her...........
  • View author's info posted on Oct 05, 2005 20:17



    aBraveOldeSoul write:
    Greetings Brothers and Sisters!

    I too have lost a loved one. My wife Felicia was killed in a head-on car crash one night on her way to work in 88. It happened 2 weeks after we celebrated our daughters 2nd birthday... and just 3 days after we celebrated mine. She was my truest soulmate in every sense of the word. I was devastated. Physically ill for nearly a year. I tried everything short of putting a gun to my head to just check out and "find" her. My daughter was the only thing that kept me from doing it. She just turned 19 a few weeks ago and is now in college. Graduated at the top of her class and with national honors. I'm very proud of her and looking back I'm amazed and wonder how the hell I made it this far. By the grace of God and the Angels that watch over me. It was 17 years ago now... but not a day goes by that I don't glance at her picture or think about her. I still talk to her silently in my head and from my heart. It takes no more than a few moments for that tidal wave of emotion to resurface and be in tears. But I've not let that ever stop me from loving others. It's what Felicia would have wanted and it's the one thing she taught me more than anything else.
    Do I make comparisons? NO... I never have... simply because noone could ever possibly fill her shoes. I look at every one of us as being individual, as being unique and special in some way and having different gifts to share with the world. And that's how I approach every potential new relationship partner. Felicia taught me about unconditional love and forgiveness. Not easy things for a guy like me. But I've come a long way over the years and have tried to put these things into practice in every aspect of my life. I have a lot of love to give... I feel it's my repayment in sorts for the gifts I was blessed with in knowing her. Kinda just carrying on the mission that she had while here and then passed to me. It's been so long ago that for me... it isn't really an issue when entering into a new relationship or meeting someone new. I usually get the obligatory sympathies but I don't ever feel as though women don't want to see me because of it. All I can say is that life does move on eventually. The pain of losing someone ya love as much as I loved her never really goes away but ya do learn to live with it.
    At this point in my life... I cherish every day, every breath and every moment spent in the company of someone that I can share myself with... mind, body, heart and soul. Every day is a gift. And I thoroughly savour life with every fiber in my body. For those of you still dealing with a recent loss... be strong and keep the faith. There really will be light again.

    Peace to all! Dragon



    Amen Soul!!!!
  • View author's info posted on Oct 05, 2005 12:52


    Blu...i read what yu wrote, and i do understand the guilt or apprehension of being happy or loving again.....it almost feels like a betrayal to the deseased.....my husband was sick for 7 years, and we talked alot about what would happen to me and the kids and what he wanted for my life.....i think if the words be spoken or not, it takes us along time to get over the guilt and all the chit that c-omes with maybe being happy again.....and guilt turns to destruction of our selves maybe because we feel guilty for having feelings, or being alive, or just because we get so screwed up with the whole death/widow thing......it took me many years (17) ouch, to finally feel comfortable to really love someone again....but that is me and we are all different.....but you MUST remember that he loved you to the max, and wanted a life of happiness for you, but his time was unfortunetly shorter then he planned, so if you remember what he wanted for you in life, he gave what he was able to give, and for sure would want it to continue for you-when you are ready......if someone truley loves someone, they understand that if they can't be there for some unseen trickery of life, they want your happiness to continue....i kinda feel that they send who we need to help fill the void that was left behind....i had been in a couple of relationships since rick died, but none were ever right, something was always missing-and i just couldn't figure out what it was......after so many years i have become pretty humble in alot of things, and i just asked for help from my soul, that i was ready for the fist time to love someone again.....and within a few days, thoes prayers were answered.....don't get me wrong, i have a tremendous struggle with religion/god, the whole gammit of it, but once in a while i do break, and this time my feelings are just so natual and easy, no struggling or seconds guessing, just like it was with rick.........so after a whole page of babbling here, yes-i truley beleive that he would want you to be happy and smile and feel safe and love and be loved.......it does nothing to either his or your feelings you had for each other.......and it never will change what you had with him.....it's just another life you have to live now, with the first being tucked away safley in your heart and mind......i hope some of this made sence.....death of a loved one, plays soooooo many tricks on our minds, we can have a million thoughts running around at the same time.............lol.......
  • View author's info posted on Oct 05, 2005 12:24



    DakotaBlu write:
    I've been reading this particular thread since the beginning... some very wise words being spoken here... those of you that 'know' me, know that my loss was sudden and violent... we never spoke about what we wished for each other upon the death of one of us... I think we thought we'd both live forever... maybe it sounds crazy, but I now know how important it is to discuss the "what ifs"... it's been nearly 5 years and sometimes I still find myself wondering what he'd expect of me... I'm sure he'd want me to move on and be happy... that's certainly what I'd want for him had the situation been reversed... but if I had heard him actually SAY those words, that haunting question would have never been an issue... just my 1 1/2 cents worth... xo to you all.. Blu


    He would want you to be happy and if that means being and loving someone else that is what you should be doing. I know that you didn't hear those words but think of how he flelt about you. I bet he tried to keep you happy and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. He did that because that is what he wanted you to feel like. Why would he stop wanting that for you now? He is with you in your heart and always will be. Since he is in your heart, make your whole heart feel warm and fuzzy for the both of you. Good luck my friend. May the rest of your life be filled with love, hugs, smiles, laughter, rainbows and butterflies dancin' along the road to happiness for your heart and his. Ride Free and LRB to him.
  • View author's info posted on Oct 05, 2005 08:20


    My personal feelings are these...I believe that no matter how "prepared" you feel you are when you know that a loved one is dying or even if it's sudden...You're still never really prepared...it's still so very hard & heartbreaking & you still miss that person with all your heart & soul...
    Hugs to all of you...
  • View author's info posted on Oct 04, 2005 22:55


    Dakota...I had a year to talk to my first hubby. I took care of him for the year. We took the time to let each other know what we wanted donein case of the "wht ifs". The "what of" happened and I was prepared. It was not an easy thing to go through but talking to my hubby helped a lot. he took the decisions he knew I would have to make and he made them easier for me. While the difficult situation and the loss of my hubby did not change.....I was more prepared than if we had not talked about anything at all. While the subject of death is not easy, and most people do think they are immortal and will live forever...reality is......it just does not happen. Death needs to be an issue that is talked about. I know you will be okay and that when the time is right, you will find love and you will be ready to love! All the best to you Dakota!
  • View author's info posted on Oct 04, 2005 20:21


    I've been reading this particular thread since the beginning... some very wise words being spoken here... those of you that 'know' me, know that my loss was sudden and violent... we never spoke about what we wished for each other upon the death of one of us... I think we thought we'd both live forever... maybe it sounds crazy, but I now know how important it is to discuss the "what ifs"... it's been nearly 5 years and sometimes I still find myself wondering what he'd expect of me... I'm sure he'd want me to move on and be happy... that's certainly what I'd want for him had the situation been reversed... but if I had heard him actually SAY those words, that haunting question would have never been an issue... just my 1 1/2 cents worth... xo to you all.. Blu
  • View author's info posted on Oct 03, 2005 21:10


    I just speak from experience and from the heart! I have had many experiences in my life. Its been a hard road but I have come through it a much stronger person. I know this...its now time to find the one special person to share my life with. I know this will happen, until then, I will meet people, get hurt (i am sure of it) and learn. I wish you all the best!
  • View author's info posted on Oct 03, 2005 20:59



    strvoygr write:
    Its been 11 1/2 years since my first husband passed away. I met my second one online. We are divorced after 10 years of marriage. I did not have any of the problems that others may have had with dating, of course, the second hubby and I met after talking for 6 months. We were married 6 months later. I will say this; being a widower or widow is very hard. You never forget that person you loved. I never do, all I have to do is look at my children and see their father and my first husband. That however doe not mean that I compare him to other men. It does mean that I loved him. I have room in my heart to love another person and I am not afraid to do that! Life is too short. Whether you are divrrced, widowed or single, heck even seprated, I say just be honest, tell it like it is and let the new person you are meeting know that you are ready to love. While the person you lost will always be with you, you can love again and without comparison. If they can't accept that, then it just means they were not meant for you! There are people out there who can accept your situation. It takes time to find the right one..be patient, they will come to you! Oh, by the way, I am single now and ready to love again. Will I compare? No way!!!! Just ready to share my life and love with someone special!


    I divorced my first wife and all of my kids were with her. My wife that passed away will always be a part of my heart and life that are wonderful. I will never compare anyone to her or my first wife. I am ready to love again. I have a lot of love to give. Time is running out and my wife knew that. She told me over and over.. Go.. find someone new and love her and treat her the way you have treated me. No one understands that now. If I were divorced and my wife were still giving me hassles people would still probably not have a problem with dating but tell them you are divorced and they get confused and scared. But, I am a patient man. Even though I don't want to wait til I am in a rockin' chair on th' front porch. I will if I have to. lol.. right now I am just havin' fun and meetin' lots of new friends and sisters. There is one that has my heart. I hope she and I will be one someday. If not, I hope she is happy and finds the right person. Thank you very much for your post. It is filled with wisdom and love.
  • View author's info posted on Oct 03, 2005 16:09


    Its been 11 1/2 years since my first husband passed away. I met my second one online. We are divorced after 10 years of marriage. I did not have any of the problems that others may have had with dating, of course, the second hubby and I met after talking for 6 months. We were married 6 months later. I will say this; being a widower or widow is very hard. You never forget that person you loved. I never do, all I have to do is look at my children and see their father and my first husband. That however doe not mean that I compare him to other men. It does mean that I loved him. I have room in my heart to love another person and I am not afraid to do that! Life is too short. Whether you are divrrced, widowed or single, heck even seprated, I say just be honest, tell it like it is and let the new person you are meeting know that you are ready to love. While the person you lost will always be with you, you can love again and without comparison. If they can't accept that, then it just means they were not meant for you! There are people out there who can accept your situation. It takes time to find the right one..be patient, they will come to you! Oh, by the way, I am single now and ready to love again. Will I compare? No way!!!! Just ready to share my life and love with someone special!
  • View author's info posted on Oct 03, 2005 07:41


    Hugs to all of you here...
  • View author's info posted on Oct 03, 2005 07:12



    expander1 write:
    My dreams are almost surrealistic. The dreams are so real sometimes that I am tempted to see a psychic for a seance!


    expander, my heart goes out to you. My dreams of Sweet Pea have subsided for the most part. She is almost finished with her work with me. She will check on me periodically but she has other work to do.
    May your dreams be filled with hope, compasion, information, and good memories.
    Dane
  • View author's info posted on Oct 03, 2005 07:09



    DoubleDelight write:
    Widow and Widowers post only please.
    Verdaineg,
    Hi! Was avoiding this thread because of the above line. Knew I would be tempted to post in compassion. Finally came in and- can't stop myself! Apologizing first... Sharing now:
    Liars: To the Curb!
    Married:Forget it
    Seperated:Wait till later
    Divorced: Are they really Healed enough and ready to love again?
    Widowed: See divorced.
    Good communication is always the key. Knowing one's own heart: the gateway.

    Santana concert at Red Rocks and the wonderful hugs and compassion/All you shared-awesome. Thanks for this beautiful thread and all you have given to others through your kind words.
    Recently: Waking from a dream already reaching for the Fone to call my mom. I had been dreaming about my son-young and innocently happy in the dream-19 now in real time- my brother(alsomy best friend)-alive in the dream-but died at 19, my mom-happy in the dream! Alas, now alive only in the hearts of those who loved her. My hand fell back on the comforter, calling out only from my heart for all of those who have gone, and all who mourn them. I made a resolution -again-in that moment. To b all I can, and 2 live for them, give for them, and ride free in the wind. We are all Riders on the Storm.
    Thanks/Hugs for every one who has posted here. Hugs for those who can only lurk for now.

    DD


    Ride free DD. Thank you for posting. I probably should not have requested this be for widows and widowers only. Your post is beautiful.
    Thanks,
    Dane
  • View author's info posted on Oct 03, 2005 06:28


    DD and expander.....that's kinda neat you have dreams.....after all this time i only had three that i can remember........i won't go into it but after his death and all the drugs, etoh, and anything ingestable to get away from the pain, after 5 years i finally got help, and i remember the councler telling me that until i was able to deal with the pain i won't be able to have any dreams because my mind has burried him so deep that i won't let him come out because my mind couldn't handle it.....i think of that from time to time, and wonder if he was right, or maybe i dream and just don't remember it..........i guess it's just one of thoes things that happens with death and we deal with it as it happens....and dd, post here anytime, i like reading what you write, you always write such nice heart lelt things..........
  • View author's info posted on Oct 02, 2005 11:51


    Widow and Widowers post only please.
    Verdaineg,
    Hi! Was avoiding this thread because of the above line. Knew I would be tempted to post in compassion. Finally came in and- can't stop myself! Apologizing first... Sharing now:
    Liars: To the Curb!
    Married:Forget it
    Seperated:Wait till later
    Divorced: Are they really Healed enough and ready to love again?
    Widowed: See divorced.
    Good communication is always the key. Knowing one's own heart: the gateway.

    Santana concert at Red Rocks and the wonderful hugs and compassion/All you shared-awesome. Thanks for this beautiful thread and all you have given to others through your kind words.
    Recently: Waking from a dream already reaching for the Fone to call my mom. I had been dreaming about my son-young and innocently happy in the dream-19 now in real time- my brother(alsomy best friend)-alive in the dream-but died at 19, my mom-happy in the dream! Alas, now alive only in the hearts of those who loved her. My hand fell back on the comforter, calling out only from my heart for all of those who have gone, and all who mourn them. I made a resolution -again-in that moment. To b all I can, and 2 live for them, give for them, and ride free in the wind. We are all Riders on the Storm.
    Thanks/Hugs for every one who has posted here. Hugs for those who can only lurk for now.

    DD
  • View author's info posted on Oct 01, 2005 15:25



    expander1 write:

    Cougar2005 write:
    I've experienced the sudden death ordeal with my long-time boyfriend. I talked to him 6 hrs before he died, and I would give anything to get that day back, but in REALITY, that never happens. I am so glad I had the chance to love and to be loved that much. Some men are intimidated when they know you've loved someone hard. It's almost like they feel like they aren't good enough to try. Like maybe you'll never love them like that. Maybe yes, maybe no, but I can't stop living just because he did. It's one year this Sunday, and it's still hard. You never forget.



    Likewise on the sudden death thing; got the call at work. Hurts to remember, hurts to forget. What doesn't hurt is meeting new people ... and the inevitable "How long has it been?" is always a crucial point in the conversation.

    cougar....your right you never forget, and you mentioned sun. is the one year mark.....you need to hug your self and give your self a pat on the back and tell your self you survived one year.......there is no time limit on the pain or feelings, they come and go at the oddest times and at different levels of pain, like a damm kalipescope....it has been 17 years for me, and this is the first time in my life that i love another man.....i never realized i even had that left in me, but to my suprize it was there, i guess the right person had to come along...i had been in relationships in the past, but something was always missing and i never could really figure it out until now....because i do have the ability to love some one again, i now realize that it was love missing in thoes past relationships...i just always figured i cared to the best of my ablity allowed, and inside of me i knew it wasn't good enough for me, so i left figuring i was just going to be alone, but content with the rest of my life, but loving someone and they loving me back, is really quite amazing to me, after all these years......
  • View author's info posted on Oct 01, 2005 15:16



    jerryw13 write:
    Inspiring thoughts, thanks for sharing. Can't help but wonder how much effect this stuff has on those who call, plan and then disappear on us, guys and gals alike. The tough part of dealing with starting over may have some degree of impact on the choices made. Makes me more understanding of those that can't face up to what they've created at any point in their lives. I don't know what they're dealing with, so I shouldn't condemn them for my pain. Like death, there are some choices we aren't prepared to handle.

    your right, all the pain is the same, so c-omes (can you beleive i can;t write c-omes) thru the different doors.......
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