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Posted on Wed, Nov 16, 2005 06:44

Thanks all you lovely people out there,had a rough week this week so a group hug would be lovely.cant read this thread without crying.Not just for me but all the people who are hurting out there.Take care all.Dreamer.
((((((((((((((((x))))))))))))))))



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Posted on Tue, Nov 15, 2005 18:07

verdaineg write:

beatitudes_5 write:
my husbands birthday is nov 20 and his death date is dec 2, and our anniversay is dec 18......odd, some years i forget the dates and other years i remember with no thought at all......the mind is amazing where it will and won't take us......going on 17 years for me since he left, many life times ago and then again it was just yesterday and other times it feels like i am in a time warp and it never happened at all....i don't try to understand the feelings anymore, i just take them as them creep out of the mind, somewhere hidden but emerging also....stange it all is.......


(((((((((Bea)))))))))))) I met Sweet Pea on Vets Day in DC during my first trip to the Wall. I consider our aniversary to be Feb 29th. That is the day she flew out to be with me. We didn't get married until July 3rd 2004. She died April 23rd 2005. The same day my mom died only one year apart. So, I spent our 1st wedding aniversary on the road to Reno from Denver. It was a great ride. We were in the wind together. I have days now that I don't think about her. I don't feel bad about that. Life goes on. She would not want me to dwell on the lose of her touch but to celebrate the touch we had when she was here. I try to do that. We had a couple of songs that were "ours" One was John Michael Montgomery "I Swear" and the other was Tracy Bird's "Keeper of the Stars". I listen to them at least twice a day. When I first started listening to them I would cry. But, now I smile and sing a long like I used to. They now bring great memories.
Celebrate life together. Smile as we think of them. Don't let that new person in our lives feel like they are competing with ghosts. There is no competition. There is room in our hearts for them and for someone new.

A wonderful story V and beautiful words of advice. Thank you!



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Posted on Tue, Nov 15, 2005 13:55

ver-----thanks, your a nice guy....your post gave me chills and it bought tears to my eyes....i never realized that it was only a year you two were together.....man, i don't even know what to say, i am lost for words......i am sorry the time was so short, but the way you write, she gave you a life time....that's nice, she was an amazing women to be able to do that....hey, did you ever get to read thoes books?

  


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Posted on Tue, Nov 15, 2005 11:12

beatitudes_5 write:
my husbands birthday is nov 20 and his death date is dec 2, and our anniversay is dec 18......odd, some years i forget the dates and other years i remember with no thought at all......the mind is amazing where it will and won't take us......going on 17 years for me since he left, many life times ago and then again it was just yesterday and other times it feels like i am in a time warp and it never happened at all....i don't try to understand the feelings anymore, i just take them as them creep out of the mind, somewhere hidden but emerging also....stange it all is.......

(((((((((Bea)))))))))))) I met Sweet Pea on Vets Day in DC during my first trip to the Wall. I consider our aniversary to be Feb 29th. That is the day she flew out to be with me. We didn't get married until July 3rd 2004. She died April 23rd 2005. The same day my mom died only one year apart. So, I spent our 1st wedding aniversary on the road to Reno from Denver. It was a great ride. We were in the wind together. I have days now that I don't think about her. I don't feel bad about that. Life goes on. She would not want me to dwell on the lose of her touch but to celebrate the touch we had when she was here. I try to do that. We had a couple of songs that were "ours" One was John Michael Montgomery "I Swear" and the other was Tracy Bird's "Keeper of the Stars". I listen to them at least twice a day. When I first started listening to them I would cry. But, now I smile and sing a long like I used to. They now bring great memories.
Celebrate life together. Smile as we think of them. Don't let that new person in our lives feel like they are competing with ghosts. There is no competition. There is room in our hearts for them and for someone new.

  


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Posted on Mon, Nov 14, 2005 13:39

my husbands birthday is nov 20 and his death date is dec 2, and our anniversay is dec 18......odd, some years i forget the dates and other years i remember with no thought at all......the mind is amazing where it will and won't take us......going on 17 years for me since he left, many life times ago and then again it was just yesterday and other times it feels like i am in a time warp and it never happened at all....i don't try to understand the feelings anymore, i just take them as them creep out of the mind, somewhere hidden but emerging also....stange it all is.......

  


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Posted on Mon, Nov 14, 2005 13:34

dreamer......my heart goes out to you and your girls and a big hug also......yes, it is rough and scary and 22 months is not a long time, but do know we are by your side and do understand all feeling and thoughts, just remember all thought and feeling are normal from hate to pity to fear to love and all inbetween and you are normal in all thoes feelings......we will be here when you come back, ask anything of us and you got it....................

  


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Posted on Mon, Nov 14, 2005 12:10

thunderunderme write:
I am have a harder time w/this second anniversary w/o him than the first one. I also seem to be missing him more as time goes on.

I am looking forward to when my children understand why I acted the way I did and made some bad decisions after their dad died.

Gosh I need a ride in the wind...

My thoughts are with you, Sweet Lady. Sweet Pea would be 50 next week. They are all talkin' with each other about all of us. They want us to live free. They didn't control us then and they don't want to control us now. Never forget, never stop lovin' 'em, but live a happy life with them in our hearts. Ride Free, Char and everyone else.

  


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Posted on Mon, Nov 14, 2005 10:32

dreamer8 write:
Have read this thread twice but got too upset both times to put finger to keyboard.all the posts were very moving.
I lost my hubby suddenly one monday morning to a massive heart attack,he was only 44.I spent 40 minutes trying to help him on the hallway floor waiting for the ambulance but he died in my arms.Our 4 girls and I were devastated to say the least.Part of me wanted to give up but i love our daughters too much.
It has been 20 months now and I feel him with me always.How could it be any different when we were and still are soulmates?He will always be part of me and our girls.Always on my mind and forever in my heart.
Will post again soon,take care all & keep dreamin.x

Thanks for your post. You have survived and you will continue to survive. My daughter lost her first 15 years ago. Saturday she called me and said she needed to talk because I was the only one who would understand. We didn't talk about him or Sweet Pea. We just talked and knew. She has a wonderful husband now who allows her to cry and to remember him once in a while. You will find that kind of guy someday. Keep dreamin'.



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Posted on Fri, Nov 11, 2005 04:46

I love you ... thanks for Sharing and loving me ...



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Posted on Fri, Nov 11, 2005 02:39

thunderunderme write:
I am have a harder time w/this second anniversary w/o him than the first one. I also seem to be missing him more as time goes on.

I am looking forward to when my children understand why I acted the way I did and made some bad decisions after their dad died.

Gosh I need a ride in the wind...

char....i wish there was something we could do for you, i know in reality there is no way to take your pain from you, but hopefully knowing we love and understand you helps a little.....the first couple we unbearable for me, but-and i know this sounds horrible-sometimes i forget now when my anniversay was-i mean i remember after the fact...but it always amazed me that when i realize it, i could and alway say "oh, that's why i was so down and cring"...it get's so deeply buried, but my subconcisous knows, for me to survive i guess....listen char-you'll be forgive, lady v is right, just hold on tight.....i didn't handle the first few years to well, became a drunk and anything else that was ingestable to get so wasted that i didn't have to face another day without him, to the point my kids ended up trying to take care of me......nice-huh....all the chit they were dealing with and now this.....but my kids and i are fine now and they will realize there is no right or wrong way to deal with losing a loved one, we each deal with things in our own way......when i finally got my chit together, i apolized to them, and had to let them come back to me when they were ready, and they did....just as yours will.......i hope the time is easing up for you....there is no clich'e that can be said to help you at the time, but remember you are loved and cared for, cry if you have to-don't hold that in because it will just fester up inside of you....my love and a hug are sent to you, and i will keep you in my thoughts.....take care g/f.....luv ya

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 16:50

Bea, thank you so much for the hug, the warmth, the kind words and your friendship. I come back to this thread often because here I know we have an unspoken bond that most will never understand until they have walked in our shoes. I understand your anger and asking yourself "why God." I have asked myself that one a million times. Not only do we feel anger. We watch our children grow up with anger of their own. We hurt for them as much as we hurt ourselves, maybe more. Congratulations on the Engagement, Bea. Seems like there is much to celebrate these days. Char, I have no doubt that the second anniversary is tougher than the first was. I think we are in denial initially. We try to remain strong for our kids, for appearances sake. I know I did. Your kids will eventually forgive you. They do not understand that it was your way to get through your heartache. One day they will.
I agree, none of us asked to join this illusive club. I would wish it on no one, but here we are and we are here for one another. We are NOT alone. If I can share anything that I have been through that will help another overcome their pain, I will do so gladly.
Again big hugs for all of you.

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 14:48

I am have a harder time w/this second anniversary w/o him than the first one. I also seem to be missing him more as time goes on.

I am looking forward to when my children understand why I acted the way I did and made some bad decisions after their dad died.

Gosh I need a ride in the wind...



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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 13:56

lady V....wow, what else could anyone say......you bought tears to my eyes and you wrote really a nice post and from your heart.......and i too give you my love and a big hug, and that is wonderful news of your soon to arrive grandbaby.........how exciting...my son just got engaged finally, he is now thirty, and it's odd but i think now he understands more things from my point of view because he is an adult now..it was a strained relationship after his father died for a long time, and i remember when it was over and i went to him and told him that his father was gone and my son looked and me with tears in his eye's and said "i will never love anyone again", but now he is so much more free with his feelings....i remember the councler (yes, after five years of total destruction to myself in any form or way, i did get help) and i remember the councler telling me that the kids could never understand what it was i was going thru or feeling until they themselves become parents, and how right he was....yes, life does go on, and we continue to live...differently i think, more guarded because we know how quick we can lose someone we love, so maybe our feelings are a little harder to find and a little harder for us to give out, and sometimes i think people don't understand that, but when a good person comes along, even if they can only emphazie, that is a good thing for us.........yes, i agree we joined a club we had no intentions of doing, and our insite into what is important is a little stronger then some i think, but yes, life does go on......you have to keep us updated on that baby.....i'm so excited for you guys........

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 13:52

thunderunderme write:
Today would have been our 36th wedding anniversary. I remember our last one 2 years ago. We went out to eat and had our favorite..lobster..we splurged as we often did on our anniversary. We were so happy and had such a fun night. Little did we know it would be our last anniversary.

Does this particular day make me any sadder than yesterday or than tomorrow? No..it's just a number.

My closest times to him since he his gone is when I am riding. When I climb on Thunder I ask God to watch over my ride and then I say "Come Rock..Let's ride." He rides with me, I always feel him there. So as we were for 34 years we are still "in the wind".

hey char....i just saw this.....happy aniversary to both of you........and i'm positive without a doubt, he's loving every minute of it.............

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 11:38

LadyVulcan write:
expander1 write:
I pick up my new street bike next month. This is something Di and I had promised ourselves for many years. It's going to be bitter sweet to fulfill this dream without her.

Expander, my husband used to kid me and say "Stick with me Babe and we will have that circular driveway with our Corvettes, you with your white one and me with my black one." When I finally came back to the world of the living I knew I had to fulfill that part of our dream. I went out and bought myself that white Corvette. That dream was short lived though. I picked up 3 speeding tickets in less than a year. Honest officer I wasn't really doing 107 MPH.... was I? Lol. Anyway, after the initial shock wore off from the price of those speeding tickets? I realized that it really helped me to not lose sight of a dream. Expander, do not do as I did.... but enjoy your new bike. Di would want this for you. Ride-On!

Ladyvulcan, thanks for the kind words. I'll post pictures of the new bike when I get it.



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Posted on Thu, Nov 10, 2005 09:27

DoubleDelight write:
Expander said: "Start building new memories to stack on top of the old ones."
Dane said: "When you see a friend, wheather they are the same sexx as you or not, give them a hug to celebrate their presence and when you depart, give them another because it may be the last. Celebrate life, ride like crazy and feel the wind dancin' on your skin. Take a risk, make a fist and shake it at your fears. Then dry the tears and celebrate."

~~~~~~~~~
Expander, Yes, good memories! I love the idea of stacking them on top of older ones that are in the past. Congrats on the new bike! I hope you find some great people to make new memories with.


Dane: Hope you have been able to celebrate lately. Shake that fist at the fears!

Lady V: Just read your story for the first time. Thank you for sharing it. My heart goes out to you and the others who have been through such a loss.
May you all be able to create many new wonderful memories to lighten your hearts and fill your souls with healing.

DD

Thank you DD. Life is an open book with many chapters to fill. Each new chapter has left me with beautiful memories to relect back on and cherish always. Here's to beautiful tomorrows!

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 09, 2005 14:47

cinderella...i understand what you wrote.....it has been since 88 for me, and i still get angry......i also wondered why we had to met and have children, because when they found the cancer they said he had it for years before it was picked up....i always wondered why i was given him and they the powers that be knew he was going to be taken away.....that use to really get me angry, but i realize that if i never met him, i never would of experiensed that kind of love.....that helps me some......oh yea and the guilt of remembering that you didn't think of him that day, that too fades as alot of things fade....chit, when i knew i was leaving the state i took some of the dirt off of his grave and placed it in a box....why....i dunno.....chit-i use to go to the grave in flannal pajams (in the beginging), but that also faded.....i don't go to his grave-i can't look at his name is stone like that, but that is me....as you said we all handel things the way that is best for us.....for what it is worth-happy anniversay.......

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 09, 2005 14:03

I come back to this thread often...it's like I'm drawn here even though I have never lost a spouse or boyfriend...But I do have friends close to my heart & soul who have...my heart aches for each & every one of you & I just want to reach out & gently wrap my arms around you & give you a long & warm hug & to gently wipe the tears from your eyes & stop the aching in your heart...I want to believe in my heart that I do know how you feel with your loss...But each person has their own feelings with their loss. Be it with the loss of their loved one...their soulmate...the loss of a parent...a sibling...& I feel even in some cases, the loss of their mate through divorce...
My heart is aching right now & I have tears in my eyes as I'm writing this...
May one day each & every one of us find Peace & Tranquility in our hearts & souls & to allow love to enter our hearts once again. We don't need to ever forget our loved ones & we don't ever need to feel the need to stop talking about our loved ones...they were a very special part of our life. And I feel that one who hasn't experienced the loss of a spouse/soulmate...if that person is caring & compassionate enough...that the person who has lost their loved one would hopefully open their heart to allow this person into their heart & to love again...
Hugs...

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 09, 2005 07:00

Expander said: "Start building new memories to stack on top of the old ones."
Dane said: "When you see a friend, wheather they are the same sexx as you or not, give them a hug to celebrate their presence and when you depart, give them another because it may be the last. Celebrate life, ride like crazy and feel the wind dancin' on your skin. Take a risk, make a fist and shake it at your fears. Then dry the tears and celebrate."

~~~~~~~~~
Expander, Yes, good memories! I love the idea of stacking them on top of older ones that are in the past. Congrats on the new bike! I hope you find some great people to make new memories with.


Dane: Hope you have been able to celebrate lately. Shake that fist at the fears!

Lady V: Just read your story for the first time. Thank you for sharing it. My heart goes out to you and the others who have been through such a loss.
May you all be able to create many new wonderful memories to lighten your hearts and fill your souls with healing.

DD

  


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Posted on Tue, Nov 08, 2005 19:51

expander1 write:
I pick up my new street bike next month. This is something Di and I had promised ourselves for many years. It's going to be bitter sweet to fulfill this dream without her.

Expander, my husband used to kid me and say "Stick with me Babe and we will have that circular driveway with our Corvettes, you with your white one and me with my black one." When I finally came back to the world of the living I knew I had to fulfill that part of our dream. I went out and bought myself that white Corvette. That dream was short lived though. I picked up 3 speeding tickets in less than a year. Honest officer I wasn't really doing 107 MPH.... was I? Lol. Anyway, after the initial shock wore off from the price of those speeding tickets? I realized that it really helped me to not lose sight of a dream. Expander, do not do as I did.... but enjoy your new bike. Di would want this for you. Ride-On!

  


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