Stupid joke that was funny Entertainment and Hobbies

  • View author's info posted on Dec 21, 2005 19:21


    Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her
    eighties and had never

    been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

    One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her

    quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
    tea.


    As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a
    cut-glass
    bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water.

    In the water floated, of all things, a condom!


    When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
    tried
    to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange


    floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer
    resist.
    "Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
    pointing to the bowl.


    Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?


    I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little


    package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ,

    keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
    Do you know, I haven't had the flu all winter!"
  • 17Comments

  • View author's info posted on Dec 01, 2005 15:15


    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.

    Men use them to have safe se x.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

    He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.

    He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!

    With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."

    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.

    Men use them to have safe se x.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

    He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.

    He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!

    With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."
  • View author's info posted on Nov 25, 2005 13:26


    A Christmas Story

    'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pi-s-sed.
    He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
    Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
    I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

    I've busted my a-s-s for damn near a year,
    Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
    The old lady b-itch-es cause I work late at night.
    The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

    Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
    Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
    And just when I thought that things would get better
    Those a-s-sholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
    They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
    Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

    And the kids these days--they all are the pits
    They want the impossible--Those mean little sh-it-s
    I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
    Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
    I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
    They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

    Flying through the air...dodging the trees
    Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
    I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
    I'll sit on my fat a-s-s and draw unemployment.

    There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
    I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
  • View author's info posted on Nov 25, 2005 13:24


    Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.

    It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

    Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"

    Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

    "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.

    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.

    Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

    Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her b-oo-bs.

    "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.

    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!" She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up.

    Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!"

    Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.

    Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously,

    "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE F..@K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    Wait for it.......

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot if I go down, I go down in flames!"
  • View author's info posted on Nov 25, 2005 05:50


    One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that
    >
    >it's his daughter's birthday.
    >
    >
    >
    >He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the
    >
    >Barbie on the display window?"
    >
    >
    >
    >The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have:
    >
    >Work out Barbie for $19.95
    >
    >Shopping Barbie for $19.95
    >
    >Beach Barbie for $19.95
    >
    >Disco Barbie for $19.95
    >
    >Divorced Barbie for $265.95
    >
    >
    >
    >The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
    >
    >the others only $19.95?"
    >
    >
    >
    >The salesperson annoyingly answers :
    >
    >Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:
    >
    >Ken's Car,
    >
    >Ken's House,
    >
    >Ken's Boat,
    >
    >Ken's Furniture,
    >
    >Ken's Computer and...
    >
    >One of Ken's Friends
  • View author's info posted on Nov 22, 2005 15:56


    outdoorsman63 write:
    Official Announcement:
    >>
    >>The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from
    >>an
    >>Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the
    >>government's
    >>political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts
    >>production,
    >>destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pr!cks, and gives
    >>you
    >>a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
    >>
    >>Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that

  • View author's info posted on Nov 22, 2005 15:56


    ThighSyn write:
    Tennessee Drinking Rule.....

    A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
    pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico
    our glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."


    An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
    glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces.
    He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
    need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

    The Tennessee boy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
    throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Mexican
    and the Iraqi, and catches his glass.

    He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we
    don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

  • View author's info posted on Nov 21, 2005 17:41


    Official Announcement:
    >>
    >>The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from
    >>an
    >>Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the
    >>government's
    >>political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts
    >>production,
    >>destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pr!cks, and gives
    >>you
    >>a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
    >>
    >>Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that
  • View author's info posted on Nov 21, 2005 17:35


    A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.
    >He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,"Thank
    >you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing,
    >food stamps, free medical care and free education!" But the passer-by says
    >"You are mistaken, I am Mexican".
    >
    >
    > The man goes on and en*counters another passer-by. "Thank you for
    >having such a beautiful country here in America !" The person says "I no
    >American, I Vietnamese."
    >
    >
    >
    > The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
    >shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America !" That
    >person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an
    >American!"
    >
    >
    >
    > He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an
    >American?" She says, "No, I am from Russia !" So he is puzzled, and asks
    >her, "Where are all the Americans?" The Russian lady looks at her watch,
    >shrugs, and says..."Probably at work!"
  • View author's info posted on Nov 17, 2005 04:09


    DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repiarman. Since she had to go to work, She told the repairman. " I,ll leave the key under the mat." Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, an I,ll send you a check." " Oh, by the way donnt worry about my bulldog. He wont bother you. But whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY CIRCUNSTANCES, TALK TO MY PARROT!!" I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT OKAY!!!" When the repiarman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the wholetime with his inncessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repiarman couldnt contain himself any longer an yelled. " Shutup, you stupidugly bird!!!" To whitch the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!!!!!"
  • View author's info posted on Oct 06, 2005 13:45


    The most tasteless joke in existence,

    I can only take credit for offending you,

    "What were Christa McAuliffes' last words?"

    "What does this button do?"
  • View author's info posted on Sep 18, 2005 10:54



    bellairkid write:
    "Roses are red violets are korny, when I think of you Ohh baby I get horny, Eat me, Beat me, Bite me, Blow me, Su*k me, Fu%k me, Very Slowly, if you kiss me, don't be sassy, Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!

    OMG too funny bellairkid and what an imagination
  • View author's info posted on Aug 15, 2005 16:15


    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

    Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, " Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky, what you see?"

    The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

    The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute the says, " Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

    Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

    Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past 3 in the morning.

    Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerfull and we are small and insignificant.

    Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you Tonto?"

    Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, " Kemo Sabe you dumber than buffalo sh*t, someone has stolen the tent."
  • View author's info posted on Aug 15, 2005 10:57



    angelrider800 write:

    ThighSyn write:
    Tennessee Drinking Rule.....

    A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
    pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico
    our glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."


    An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
    glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces.
    He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
    need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

    The Tennessee boy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
    throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Mexican
    and the Iraqi, and catches his glass.

    He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we
    don't have to drink with the same ones twice.



    hahahahha, good one
  • View author's info posted on Aug 15, 2005 10:29



    TNBrowneyes write:
    Gotta love those Tennessee boys!


    I was hoping you and the others from TN would enjoy that..
  • View author's info posted on Aug 12, 2005 14:35



    ThighSyn write:
    Tennessee Drinking Rule.....

    A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
    pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico
    our glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."


    An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
    glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces.
    He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
    need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

    The Tennessee boy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
    throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Mexican
    and the Iraqi, and catches his glass.

    He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we
    don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

  • View author's info posted on Aug 12, 2005 14:31


    Tennessee Drinking Rule.....

    A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
    pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico
    our glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."


    An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
    glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces.
    He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
    need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

    The Tennessee boy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
    throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Mexican
    and the Iraqi, and catches his glass.

    He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we
    don't have to drink with the same ones twice.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 16:14



    bashor1 write:
    Please excuse the language!!

    3rd grade class room..The teacher was calling out letters of the alphabet and started with the letter A The kids had to say a word that started with that letter. Ralph is in the back waving his hands in the air and says pick me pick me I got one... The teacher thinks to herself and says no because Ralph likes to cuss and he will say azz or something. So she says ok Mary whats your word? Mary say Apple and the teacher says good job.

    Teacher goes through the letters B C D and so forth and Ralph says again on all letters, I got one !! Pick me !!
    The teacher was not falling for it and got clear to the letter R and ralph says please I have one!! and the teacher thinks to herself and can't seem to think of a cuss word that starts with the letter R
    So the teacher says ok ralph whats you word

    Ralph stands up in class and says Rat !! Big Harry F_ _ ken Rat !!


    Well is it good or bad? Just trying to make waves...



    LOL Cute Bash! LOL real cute, Sweetie!
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