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Headlines-2029
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Posted on Fri, Apr 29, 2005 05:27

Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
(Hey! I just pass it along. I didn't create it!)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.



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Posted on Mon, May 02, 2005 17:19

Kentuck Fried Chicken announces they are on track with contributions for their proposed Battered Women Fund based on record fourth quarter sales of breasts and legs.



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Posted on Mon, May 02, 2005 17:17

Bear.....I like that one.

Nodey, would have loved to see the smile.



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Posted on Mon, May 02, 2005 11:08


hddude45 write:
Al Gore is announced as Nobel Prize winner in physics for his invention of the Internet. Last year's joint winners for fluid dynamics Monica Lewinsky and the pickled mummy of Ted Kennedy present the prize.

Harley Davidson introduces their new water cooled, thermostatically controlled, V4 cylinder engine which is promptly named the Fan Head.

Daimler Chrysler Ford Lincoln Saab Volvo BMW General Motors Jaguar Bentley Rolls Saturn Mitsubishi Honda Toyota Limited Inc. announces plans for a new vehicle which is an econo/sport/hybrid/diesel/off road/luxury truck.

McDonald's Ham Burgler ends tense police stand off by cheesily surrendering. The French Fry Guy, his accomplice, previously surrendered days ago to German authorities and collaborated in the arrest.

Major news networks are expecting an end to the Michael Jackson trial soon. "Really, really, really this time," they report. Michael Jackson's fan could not be reached for comment.

The Old Pope remains dead.





lol..cute hddude

  


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Posted on Sun, May 01, 2005 15:24

Al Gore is announced as Nobel Prize winner in physics for his invention of the Internet. Last year's joint winners for fluid dynamics Monica Lewinsky and the pickled mummy of Ted Kennedy present the prize.

Harley Davidson introduces their new water cooled, thermostatically controlled, V4 cylinder engine which is promptly named the Fan Head.

Daimler Chrysler Ford Lincoln Saab Volvo BMW General Motors Jaguar Bentley Rolls Saturn Mitsubishi Honda Toyota Limited Inc. announces plans for a new vehicle which is an econo/sport/hybrid/diesel/off road/luxury truck.

McDonald's Ham Burgler ends tense police stand off by cheesily surrendering. The French Fry Guy, his accomplice, previously surrendered days ago to German authorities and collaborated in the arrest.

Major news networks are expecting an end to the Michael Jackson trial soon. "Really, really, really this time," they report. Michael Jackson's fan could not be reached for comment.

The Old Pope remains dead.



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Posted on Sun, May 01, 2005 09:02

Bear thanks!

People feel free to make some up---pul-lease



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Posted on Sat, Apr 30, 2005 17:49

umymanin05,

Found them and made some up.

Awww, gorgeous, you know you are going to knock them dead with looks and brains. You honor roll beauty, you!

  


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Posted on Sat, Apr 30, 2005 17:27

Where in the hell do you come up with this stuff? You are so freaking, rediculously funny and my gut is sore from laughing so hard...and I really needed to laugh because all the studying and writing final papers are KILLING me. Next Saturday cannot get here soon enough!!!



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Posted on Fri, Apr 29, 2005 06:03

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. Referendum on new machines voted on in 2012 still being recounted.

Artic Refuge Stop And Fill reports new record low unemployment figures for Eskimos, Caribou and Eagles.

United Indian Nation owner of 98% US land sues federal government to honor previous treaties and take it back.

Gas price rises to $79.99 a gallon, Federal Government considering preliminary study to assess the situation and make recommendations.



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Posted on Fri, Apr 29, 2005 05:30

we never know what the future will bring--do we????????????

some brought a smile--some concern

  


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