Lady, I understand completely. Been there and done that. During my divorce, there were times where I just sat and cried because I wasn't sure if I was going to get my girls or not. I couldn't imagine not getting custody, especially since they wanted to live with me to begin with. They would sit around me and hug on me and tell me everything was going to be alright. They had faith when I didn't, and they were right, too, everything turned out alright. Why a Dad wouldn't want or fight for his kids I will never understand, but that's just me. I would have given up everything just to get mine. Turns out, I didn't have to.
Kids are wonderful and so worth it. Last week, I was at a low point and really sad, my kids must have sensed it because they stayed in my room and rubbed my back and my put lotion on my feet, all without asking. I sat and cried and they sat and hugged me. Nothing is so satisfying as that..
Well, I can only speak for me, as I think that's all any of us can do is speak about what we went through. Each person has to make that decision based on their circumstances. For me, as hard as it was, the answer was yes. I didn't realize it as I was going through it, but my ex was unfaithful, mentally/verbally/physically abusive to our girls, tried to be the same way with me, too, and just an all around mean spirited person, never happy with anything and always wanting more. We never had enough money for some reason, although I have a decent paying job. I know you probably think I am just saying that, but in the end, I got custody of our 3 daughters, I got the house without having to pay her a dime, she pays me support though I make a lot more than she does, and she got stuck with the $20,000 + in credit card debt that I didn't even know we had. Needless to say, my and the girls are much happier, the bills are paid, I got my bike 9 months after the divorce was final, my girls are all three on the honor roll at school for the entire year for the first time in their lives, and we have done more, been more places, had more fun and are happier in the almost two years since the divorce than the 18 years we were together. So....again, in my case, it was worth it, not just for me, but for my girls too.
Hi Cutie! I would say that your divorce is definitly justified. Sorry it happened. (I think I was too good to my husband! I did everything, then when I felt I was being taken advantage of, I slacked off alittle on the things I used to do for him- (he would never talk to me, I had to do something so he would notice I was there!) That's when things went from bad to I wanted to just die!)
Thank you sweetheart, justified or not I still consider it a failuer on my part. I know that I took her for granted sometimes in that I was happy to be married and thought that she was to and I did not have to put forth any effort to keep it happy. Man did I ever learn from this.
I am a truck driver, since I am gone for 3 to 4 days a week I would stay home to take care of my son so she could go out with the girls to get out for a bit. Was never comfortable with this but figured I am not her dad, it was not my place to tell her what she could or couldn't do but her place not to put herself in these situations. On one of our vacations it was goin to be her first time seeing the ocean so I wanted it to be special. I left on a trip on Sunday afternoon, drove making drops and pick ups non stop until i got home on Wed. morning around 3 am. I done this so I could then drive the 3 hour trip with her and my son to the beach so the first time they ever saw the ocean would be at sunrise. Her reason given for divorceing me was that I never did anything for her. I have never understood this but am sure I am just missing something.
LadyOnABike write: When I think about my divorce, I think of being a failure. It took 2 of us to make our Marriage fail. I do know I will never make the same mistakes again. but yes it was worth it to get divorced but not to my kids it wasnt.
I hear ya, that failure thing always kinda went up my backside sideways!! All we can do is try to not repeat the mistakes we made in our failed relationships.
LadyB04 write: Thanks Bikeman... for the kind words. It's nice to know that someone out there cares.
I have only 1 question for you....... WHY ARE YOU SINGLE? The words you speak..... If you can make a person feel special on the internet, & from your pic. your handsome....What's up?
**Thanks once again Bikeman
Thanx for the compliments
I'm 2 and 0 in marraiges. My 2nd marraige's divorce was final Jan of 2005. We seperated in Oct 2003. I dated off and on last summer, then stupidly enough I saw my 2nd ex from August to December. THAT was an extaordinarily BAD idea, but I guess you could say love is deaf dumb and blind sometimes!! As they say chit happens.
I try to learn from past mistakes or at least not repeat them!! I've been talking and goofing with allot of the BK ladies and even tho it , thus far has been strictly on the internet and a few on the p h o n e it has done a great deal for my overall frame of mind. My longterm goal is still to find 1 woman that I can spend the rest of my life giving and receiving unconditional love emotionally, spiritually and physically..
DAM I talk too much, what was the question???
I'll check this thread when I get home, I'm in my office and I'm leavin now. YAY friday rush hour leaving Logan Airport... The only place you can spend 2 hours on a 50 mile commute!!
Hang in there Darlin, been to hell and back a couple times myself. I think the hardest part for most people, and certainly myself, is learning not to try to control things that ya can't control anyway!! Just look at life as one big ride to wherever and ya deal with the road as it comes up.
This will sound silly but start everyday reminding yourself that you are a good person and that you love yourself as much as your friends.
LadyB04 write: No matter what, divorce isn't easy! & It's even harder when u loose the love of your life!
With all that's happened to me, I'm tring to get back some of my selfworth & selfesteem. I still have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror without disgust!
I don't think the words-"broken hearted" come close to how I feel inside at times.
I do know what you're talkin about and hope you learn to love yourself and put the past where it belongs, in the past. Look forward to new relationships and learn from past mistakes. Don't ignore the red flags that I'm willing to bet ya you have seen before and ignored them. Keep smilin and ridin
When I think about my divorce, I think of being a failure. It took 2 of us to make our Marriage fail. I do know I will never make the same mistakes again. but yes it was worth it to get divorced but not to my kids it wasnt.