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Question for the Men
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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 09:12

Wow! What's going on here?! There's a lot of emotionally angry people. Way too much gender pointing. One gender is as bad or as good as the other. We all have choices and we should enter our potential relationships with an open mind and open heart. Yes, the possibility of getting hurt along the way is a risk we take. Trust me I have been there also. But take the adventure for what it is; learn and grow from it. The good, the bad and the ugly of dating is not gender specific. We've all been loved and hurt and each of us deal with the aftermath differently. Men and women alike. Take your experiences for whatever they are worth and use them to make better choices in the future. If you can do that, when you finally are fortunate enough to meet that lifetime partner, you both will be the better for it.

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 09:01

mspyder write:
Thanks Nodey,
I have made amends and I pray that next time, if confronted with it, I do differently. It gets old and it is no way to treat someone.
LOL, I think sometimes if I say less I say more.


old habits die hard--don't they????

we all need to put ourselves

sometimes i think we do unto others before they do what we project they will do to us--because of our history--or our own self-esteem believing that that behavior is what we deserve!!!!

we need to do unto others the way we truely want to them to do unto us

Peace



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 08:57

MICK--shortened your post


verbosity to more fully explain a situation. For instance, Eric Clapton's song (it was his song, wasn't it?) "I shot the Sheriff," is short, to the point or otherwise concise. But it makes one think "I" was the bad guy, and raised many questions, until it comes out that the Sheriff and his deputy hauled the guy out and was going to murder him.


Mick sweety--it was Bob Marley's song--that was accepted more when Eric Clapton song it--not to take anything away from your posts

there are long post and short post--none are too long as long as readable--they have been readable not scattered in thought



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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 17:06

Oh get back in here H1A...no one is mad at you g/f!!

  


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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 12:23

mspyder write:
Thanks Nodey,
I have made amends and I pray that next time, if confronted with it, I do differently. It gets old and it is no way to treat someone.
LOL, I think sometimes if I say less I say more.

Good for you for making amends. No doubt she appreciates it.

We learn from our mistakes and it looks like you have...bravo!!

  


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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 11:42

No one should have to feel they have to cancel a post on the grounds that it is too long. Respect is the key in posting. Now we have to be politically correct with the length of our posts?
And for the record Spyder, good to see you have a concience. maybe you should follow it up with an apology to the one you hurt?



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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 11:12

There have been quite a few that have surprised me lately. In posts and off.
I'm gonna start getting righteous on ya all's azz's....Nodey style.

  


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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 10:52

Bottom line...he's probably a liar. He told you what you wanted to hear. Period.

IF the entire trip was on you, he should have been a man and stepped up and offered to contribute something. That is strange to me that any man would let a woman pay for everything, plan for everything, and decide everything. Hell, if it DID bother him, he should have been man enough to stand up and say something.

I really think some of the comments made to you personally are unnecessary. H1A, this surprises me of you. You say some pretty harsh things to her regarding her being unstable, desperate, etc. I don't see where anything she did or said made her any of these? She made a nice gesture, sounds like he took advantage of her kindness, then ditched her when he got what he wanted. How does that make her any of these? It appears the man led her to believe there was a future there, then he puts on the breaks without telling her first. How else should a girl feel? You really surprised me with your comments and personal attacks...not sure I've heard you like this before. What's going on?!?

Gypsy, if you are just going through or finishing up a divorce, you more than likely pretty vulnerable at this time. Take care of yourself right now, not some man you met on a website. You need you right now.

Chalk it up as his loss. Thank your lucky stars you found out when you did about how he is...not after commitments or vows. And feel sorry for the next girl he lies to or takes advantage of.

  


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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 09:59

I have been designated the new BK hall monitor. You all behave in here.

  


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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 08:04

Thank you. I will apologize for the long post and I will refrain myself from doing that again. Like I said I am on other forums and each is different. I take it this is more of a chit chat forum rather than a discussion forum. The last thing I want to do is antagonize anyone. My bad.

On another note, though, I can honestly say that I am not looking for a full-time, long-term relationship at this point in my life. I am not desperate for a man - I was married for 12 years and not planning on going down that road anytime soon.

My intentions with this thread were not what everyone seems to be thinking. I wasn't looking for anyone to take sides or to tell tell me I was right and he was wrong. I'm not obsessing over it and I'm certainly not feeling sorry for myself. I don't need a man in my life just for the sake of having one, I'm looking for my best match and want to be his best match.

And I'm hoping to make some riding friends along the way.



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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 06:22

frenchgypsy write:
I'm curious, is there a "limit" to how long posts should be on here or what they should be about? I certainly wouldn't want to be violating some code of ethics.

I'm on numerous other Net forums on various topics and even run a few of my own, and all have different guidelines. I haven't found anything here that gives specifics as to what is allowed and what is not.

Can someone enlighten me?

how about getting to the point before the less enlightened of us fall to sleep...that not a guideline...just a request because my head keeps smashing into the freakin keyboard..

  


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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 04:54

Ok I have to speak up!! The post is and was very lengthy .I dont think anyoine is right or wrong here.Opinions are like azzholes everyone has them.Thus this brings me to state mine!
I didnt think she was beggin for attention or trying to play the poor me .I believe she was mearly getting this off her chest!Thats what these forums are for and its working here.She obviously wanted some feedback and the women are not being nice and the men are ....I never side with anyone and will never do so.I love the fact that we are americans and can say what we want to even at the risk of being flamed.I think maybe frenchy needs to work on herself lil more and not worry bout finding man.Thats what I am doing!



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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 03:05

Hey Gypsy ... I was trying to read your posts and bk kept logging me off ---- in other words ... TOO LONG girlfriend!

Angel ... you gettin into trouble again, honey? You such a BAD GIRL ---- Hee hee hee hee!!!!!!!



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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2006 00:02

I'm curious, is there a "limit" to how long posts should be on here or what they should be about? I certainly wouldn't want to be violating some code of ethics.

I'm on numerous other Net forums on various topics and even run a few of my own, and all have different guidelines. I haven't found anything here that gives specifics as to what is allowed and what is not.

Can someone enlighten me?



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Posted on Fri, Jan 06, 2006 11:52

i think the one thing that we all must remember is that we all have our own code of morals that are given/learned by/in the society we grow/live

my daughter is studying cultural anthropology--and one of the papers she had to do was based on just this--as an anthropologist going into other cultures they need to accept their codes without judgment--a very hard thing to do

we as Americans have that problem more than others being most Americans are less traveled--part of that comes from 2 of our boundries and most of a 3rd one being water--so our cultural exchanges have been more limited

if asked we feel we are the most liberal yet according to others we are the most puritan



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Posted on Fri, Jan 06, 2006 11:49

Actually one more thing - a selfish plug!!

Here are some pics of my wine glasses:

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Posted on Fri, Jan 06, 2006 11:04

The one thing I will clarify is that I am not angry at this person. Should he ever call me back, I would tell him that I would more than be happy to go riding with him but that a relationship is obviously not in the cards.

My post was long and included way too many details but I meant nothing by it other than to point out my confusion as to why this would happen. Obviously, I did push one button of his that touched a sensitive nerve. Much was discussed between us that led me to believe that we were on the same track for many things. This getaway was not about control, it was about showing someone that I cared about that I had been listening to what he said he needs were and I was happy to fulfill them.

I like discussion, I like debate and I like to express myself. I do not impose my views on anyone and I never pass judgement on anyone. I read words rather than put intrepretation on them.

We are on this earth to live our lives individually and socially. There is not getting around that. Each and everyone of us strive to create a circle of friends who complement (there is a difference between complIment and complEment) us.

Harleys1Angel: You are entitled to your opinion and obviously you are quick to judge people. Whether I agree with you or not is irrelavent. A few words on a post like this cannot possibly paint a complete picture. I was not looking for approval or to be told what I did right or wrong. Each person on this board would have a different opinion about this because everyone sees things differently.

My post was not about right or wrong, it was simply about sharing some events that I felt belonged in this thread.

If you read my words carefully, you will see that I no point to I call this person a jerk or say that he did something wrong. I was surprised by his reaction to my comments. I was surprised at his behaviour because it was totally different than what I had encountered in the two months that we dated.

As for your personal comments about me, well again, you are entitled to your opinion. I don't ever think that I am better than anyone or know more but I do embrace who I am. We live in a society of conformists and that is one thing that I am definitely not.

As for the lap dance - I am not a possessive or jealous woman and actually enjoy the beauty of a woman's body. I am quite comfortable with my sexuality and can appreciate that a man has a "biological" need to look at women. Our strip clubs are much more liberal than those in New York state where this person is from. He mentioned that he would like me to accompany him to a club on day and to partake in a lap dance. I decided to include that in my plans during our getaway. I'm such a terrible and selfish person!

This may go directly against YOUR values but that doesn't really matter, does it?

So on that note, that's the end for me on this thread. But, I'm looking forward to putting my two cents worth in these forums.



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Posted on Fri, Jan 06, 2006 02:39

frenchgypsy write:
I'm not going to go on and on with this but as I was cleaning out my (seems we can't use the word that decribes electronic messages), I saw the first message I received from this man.

Part of it is just too ironic. I can only shake me head!

"I like your description of yourself, especially the expression "deep thinker". One of my passions is for intelligent conversation and it just seems so hard to find someone who can have a good conversation without
emotions, opinions, and stubborness getting in the way."

What else can I say? lol

Gypsy
Ummm I don't beat around the bush well, so FWIW, I'm thinkin for whatever reason he didn't like you or something about you which is fine, but the way he handled everything or failed to handle everything sukked!! Sounds like you tried hard to make a connection and try to get to know him, and maybe there wasn't that much to know, either way count yourself lucky that you found out that soon rather then after 6 months or a year, cuz that does happen!! Just keep rollin along I'm sure you'll stumble on some lucky guy that'll trip yer trigger and you'll do the same for him. Hopefully he'll even be able to have conversations!!!!

Keep ridin and smilin
Peace
DOC

  


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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 21:35

SpringerSoul write:
tripper2006 write:
revolutionarypassion write:

Rev, I shortened your post, don't expect to be right on, but here's my opinion, the guy is telling half truths trying to control the hurt he feels he's eminently dumping on 2 people he cares about. He's doing the best he can to control damage, emphasis on THE BEST HE CAN DO, it remains up to you what you decide to do with the best he can do.

Best of luck, nothing's perfect, follow your heart but steer with your instincts.

Tripper I can see why you are in a relationship.

Nodey,

You had one advantage...intimacy and privacy.
You two were allowed to work out your issues or problems without either one trying to publicly bully you into Loving them. A relationship is two people drawing into themselves to combat the world not two people drawing the world into their combat.
It really damages any chance of romance when individuals think they can force Love on someone.

Sometimes individuals run into a burning house to rescue somone and in the flight forget their own stove is still on.
Does it really serve any purpose when the rescued trys to humilate the rescuer for not shutting off their stove before running into their neighbors house to save them and loosing their house in the process?
Now we have two houses burned down but both individuals are alive. Sometimes we don't make the best choices when we just react, but we are still alive to learn and make the best of it if we allow it.
Although many have sued a Good Samaritan in the past because they weren't medically trained regardless of the help they attempted to provide.
It is just bitterness and needing someone to blame for a bad situation instead.

Peace and Happy New Year


I'm pleading the fifth.

  


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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 18:55

frenchgypsy write:
." The thread is about why some men are nice and all of a sudden, they show a different side of themselves."

I live a very conscious life and have very different point of views about life. I even teach seminars about this and I'm well on my way to getting my life coach certificate. Once I achieve that, my focus will be on being a relationship coach. I am actually in the process of creating a new kind of dating web site - one that focuses on creating pro-active searches for the right "life" partner.

I'll probably end up annoying a few people here with my posts, but that's okay, as that is how it is supposed to be. We are all different and rather than try to readjust ourselves to fit with as many people as possible, I believe one should consciously realize who they truly are and find the people that fit with that. Be it in friendships or relationships.

." The thread is about why some men are nice and all of a sudden, they show a different side of themselves."
I think the same is true about women. The different side is merely the "shadow" and depending on how much shadow work one has done it can either rule the roost or be in unison with one's life.
I have often said it before and fell victim to not heeding my own advice, that one must take time to let the costume presented be known as either the true skin or a costume. I think once we give each relationship its proper time not only will we know who that person is but what our role is in their life. I think often times we are too urgent about fulfilling the role we desire and not seeing what our role really is in that persons life.

Being a life coach and your website sound like a great idea. However, again I question what is intention and what is Grace?
I think the truest thing I have seen is that individuals male and female all have some romantic image in their minds of what their ideal or "promise" is. Often times it doesn't take in to the equation two things
a) I am not perfect
b) what has formed this romantic idea and how does my experience shape its plausibility?

The other aspect is that often our historic image has one intention for us that is counter to our imagined image.
Everyone knows of someone if not themselves that self sabbatoges a good thing almost unknowningly whether for the beginning or somewhere along the line. Or who really desires a good relationship and always chooses a bad relationship.

I think the true beginning of any good relationship reallly isn't seeking out with intent to find the partner but in seeking out with intention a better awareness of "who I am" and what centers I am operating out of.
When I know my shadow, wiseman and the aspects of my psyche that focus my attention and my repulsion, I will be more able to relate to something truly new and wonderful in my life because when I first en counter it, it will be foreign and uncomfortable because I do not "know it" by experience.

Always enjoy a good conversation.
Good luck on your certificate and don't worry about annoying people some of us on here enjoy the discussions.



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