I have been on the Net since 1990. At that time, newsgroups were the thing and, trust me, flame wars were frequent and nasty.
I run a few discussions groups of my own. My most active has over 250 members and has been around for over four years. I created that forum because a similar one had too many restrictions, encouraged censorship and personal attacks. Since I have founded that list, I have enforced my only rule - anyone can post an opinion or respond to a post as long as it does not contain personal attacks or is disrespectful. I have a three strikes you're out policy and so far I have only had to remove two members. It's funny that you mention that these forums are no different than sitting in a living room because that is what the intro to my discussion forum says also!
I did not take offense to any comments that were made to me. You can see that my responses are never attacks or defensive. They are perceived as defensive by those that have decided that their opinions on my thoughts or comments are the right ones. I replied to the comments made to clear up misinterpretations. You were not the only one that made a comment in regards to my taking some time to work on myself rather than try to find another man. My response is that I am in perfectly good emotional shape to date since only I know what is going on in my head.
You say, "Did you really think you were going to post what you did and NOT get opinions, comments, and feedback?" Did I ever say that I didn't want any response or feedback? People commented on my post based on their interpretations of my words and I simply commented back with some corrections as to what *I* really meant.
I understand that when you join a forum, there is an exisiting clique and style of communication. Does that mean that any newcomer must conform to that style and if he or she doesn't, they should be chastised for it? I pride myself on being a non-judgemental person and you can read every single one of my posts and you will see that I never tell anyone that shouldn't be who they are or respond the way they like. If a comment is made in response to something I said and is taken out of context of the way it was intended, I will point that out.
Communication is a difficult thing - words have actual definitions and are used in various ways with different contexts. The person who speaks or writes (transmitter) knows exactly what definition and what context they are applying to those words. Unfortunately, the person who hears or listens (receiver) will apply their interpretation to those words.
You say, "Again, I am sorry that anyone said something to offend you personally, but knowing these people, it was not intentional." At no point did I say that I was offended by any comments.
You say, "Just give us another chance...you'll see, we're really a good group." Again, your interpretation - I never implied I was not going to part of this group. I never said this was not a good group.
I actually look forward to finding those that can appreciate the way I speak and the contributions I can make to this group. Just as I look forward to the contributions of others.
Gypsy...I understand what you are saying. I, myself, did not agree with the way some of the things said to you were stated.
I was the one who said if you are going through a divorce, maybe you should take care of you right now (or something to that effect). I only said it to maybe somehow help. That's all.
Posting in these forums are really no different than if we were all sitting around in someone's living room. There are a bunch of us here, and we're all different. Thank God. If you are sitting with a group, you're bound to have a clown, you're bound to have a mouthy one, you're bound to have those that seriously listen, you're bound to have those who could care less, and you're bound to have some you just wish would go away.
You said you posted your situation to generate discussion. It did. Did you really think you were going to post what you did and NOT get opinions, comments, and feedback?
There are several of us who have been chatting for a long time here and we pretty much know what kind of response to expect from each other. You can choose to ignore all comments, or you can pick the ones you like and toss the rest.
We're all different. Including you. We appreciate you joining us and we're glad to have you here. There are those people who post, and just like the rest of us, you will await their comments and hear what they have to say. And then there are those who you will learn not to even waste your time to read, much less respond to.
Again, I am sorry that anyone said something to offend you personally, but knowing these people, it was not intentional.
We're a very vocal bunch, and if something is posted, we're going to comment.
Just give us another chance...you'll see, we're really a good group.
Thanks for your comments. If you (or anyone else) read my posts, you will see that I simply relay events and that at no point do I analyze or try to figure out why he reacted to me the way he did. Only he will ever really know why he did.
I am actually not the one overanalyzing this post; the people who are responding to it are. More than one person has told me to move on - I moved on the moment he drove away. Posting this here was simply to generate discussion, because that was the topic of the thread afterall.
I am not pursuing a career as a life coach because I am analytical - twice now comments have been made that I should NOT do this - I'm sorry but these types of comments I take to heart - no one knows my educational or career background. These comments are based on the poster's interpretation of my words. In my seminars I teach people to think - my philosophies are about living life consciously and taking life for what it is rather than for the meaning that we attach to it. I do not force people to take my philosophies and apply them to their lives. And I certainly don't mess up anyone.
I am amazed at how quickly people have jumped to the conclusion that I am desperate, needy and need to work on myself before I can look for another relationship. People are quick to assume that because someone is going through a divorce, they can't possibly be ready for another relationship. That entirely depends on where that person is in his/her life. Sure, this divorce is difficult but I do not dwell on what could have been, what happened or why it happened. It is what it is - we have split up and the only thing I can do is to move forward. I want to date and I want to meet new people. I am not looking to fill a void from the break up of my marriage.
I work on myself every day and will for the rest of my life. As for finding my "own" happiness, I am totally happy with where I am in my life right now. My happiness was not dependent on the turn out of this getaway or my relationship with this man. He was, and is, a great guy.
I enjoy meeting new people, always have and always will. I enjoy dating the old fashioned way. My choice to pamper this man the way I did was not to control, dominate or to "buy" his attention. It is who I am. Some may think it is best to keep something like this for a one year anniversary but that is their opinion based on who they are and how they live their life.
I do not live my life like many people on these forums, I am sure. Does that mean that I judge the others and think I am better, absolutely not. I am here because I like to interact with different people. One of the greatest gifts of friendships is being able to enter someone else's world. We all live in different worlds. Many of us try to conform to the "norm" and think that anything that deviates from that is wrong. I don't happen to think that. I am not arrogant in my posts and I do not get personal.
Personally, when I am on forums or discussion boards, I do not really like the superficial banter back and forth. Do I look down on it or say it should stop? Never. It's just not my style. Should I be judged for it? I will be me and write the way I like to. Unless there are specific rules stating otherwise.
In life, we are all subjected to being around people that don't fit with us and we with them. That's a fact of life. It happens in families, work environments, social interractions and in our daily travels. Some people here will enjoy my posts and others won't.
I'm looking forward to interacting with those that do.
I'm going to try to be as concise as possible. There's a lot more to my interraction with this man than what was posted. There is no need to share the details of what we discussed in regards to how we chose to approach this relationship.
It wasn't about the money - I'm not being defensive - I know for certain he had no issues with that part of it. And although some will think I am being naive and that he was actually lying, he wasn't.
No, I am not angry and will not hold a grudge against him. I obviously pushed a button that I wasn't aware of and after a few months of great communication, if he wasn't able to tell me what that button was, it is best that we move on. Some will disagree with that and that's fine.
My dating philosophy is not to be passive and to roll with the punches. I believe that at this age - 40+ - it is best to be proactive and to lay your cards on the table from the start. But both partners need to do that.
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding.
The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your aRss good-bye.