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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 11:04

Gypsy!
Oh my gawd sista! Ok its good that he had an allergic reaction should of cut off his passage way to breathing LOL! NO J/K - No vacuuming in the world would of helped his allergy. He's a allergic to the Dandruff in the fur that cats carry. And thank you for explaining everything although it was not necessary. I think your great and you should put your Positive Energy into someone who's for real! He definately played you and took advantage. I didn't know of course that you and him had discussed so much. But it still seems you didn't know him that long? And yes, you were very kind and generous to do this and he surely was not appreciated. In your 1st post it sounded like it was all about you But as I read I see thats not so - But I also feel Being in charge and planning things is a part of being in Control. Not only when you dont have a choice. You seem like you have a Very Strong Personality and I think your Website will do well and you should focus your thoughts on that. I dont think he is worth your thoughts anymore as undeserving as he. Actions speak louder and his certainly did. Just move on and Let it go! And your post might be long but at least its an intelligent read!
Take Care
Jade



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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 07:41

The one thing you will notice from me is that I do like to have discussions. I like to make people think and I especially like to create new thought processes in people.

I didn't post this story because I felt sorry for myself or because I wanted to point the finger at him. I wanted to share this story to create discussion. The thread is about why some men are nice and all of a sudden, they show a different side of themselves.

I live a very conscious life and have very different point of views about life. I even teach seminars about this and I'm well on my way to getting my life coach certificate. Once I achieve that, my focus will be on being a relationship coach. I am actually in the process of creating a new kind of dating web site - one that focuses on creating pro-active searches for the right "life" partner.

I'll probably end up annoying a few people here with my posts, but that's okay, as that is how it is supposed to be. We are all different and rather than try to readjust ourselves to fit with as many people as possible, I believe one should consciously realize who they truly are and find the people that fit with that. Be it in friendships or relationships.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 07:32

Jade,

Nice name, happens to be my daughter's too!

Although my post was long, it only included part of the events. I really don't need to justify the reasons behind my planning this weekend other than knowing that I am a caring and thoughtful person.

He is allergic to cats. On my first visit to his place, I could only stay the night and had to come back because of commitments. We had hit it off so much that he decided to come to visit me the next night after his evening with his son. So by the time he got to my place, it was 1 am. I had vacuumed and cleaned my house the best I could because he had told me about the allergies. Barely five minutes after getting here, he had a huge allergic reaction. Sneezing,eyes watering, coughing. I put my cats in the basement and it helped somewhat but we could see his visiting me would be a problem.

I don't consider showing interest in someone you like a mistake. Before I made the arrangements to get away, I called him to ask if, first of all, he could take the time off. He has grown kids he doesn't see very often and I didn't want to take his time with them away. He assured me he would be more than happy to go away for a few days.

I didn't take over. I planned the getaway based on what HE liked. We had had many conversations about where our relationship was heading and he had told me he was ecstatic that he had finally found someone who was willing to take the time "get" him.

When we first arrived at the hotel, I told him that I had made some plans throughout the three days. I told him what I had in mind and asked if he wanted to change anything. He didn't and actually said he was pleased I was doing this for him. We talked plenty leading to the day he sat in bed all day.

As I mentioned in my post, I figured that maybe he wanted some space since I had tried to start conversations on several occasions but only ended up with grunts. I could have nagged, bickered and picked at him but I didn't. I moved to the couch to leave him alone. At that point, I will admit I was annoyed that he wanted to watch TV - he could do that all of the days and evenings I wasn't with him - but realized that if that is what he chose to do, he was entitled to that.

The trip wasn't about me and all of my "needy" needs, it was about him and wanting to pamper him for a few days because he had been working hard renovating his home for the last few months. That is being thoughtful and caring - not controlling. Control is about not giving the other choice. Nothing was done before discussing it with him first.

You can overanalyze this all you want. We had just started dating, we had many things in common, shared many of the same philosophies about life and relationships and had discussed both of our needs. Many other things were said and discussed but there is no need to mention them here.

He was not bored because I took over. He was quite happy with the plans I made. My issue wasn't that he wouldn't converse with me for many hours on end. It's that when I chose to bring it up in a polite and respectful way, he became defensive and stubborn about wanting to talk about it.

I am a very different kind of woman - not part of the herd - mostly because of my French and European background. At this point in my life, I have a clean slate in front of me and I can choose any path I want. I want a partner in my life that matches who I am. And, obviously, I must match who they are. In order to figure that out, you have to lay your cards on the table and you really have to know yourself and be able to communicate your needs with the other. If they can't fulfill your needs, then you have to decide if you can live with that or not.

I don't believe in letting things ride with fate. Taking one day at a time, over a long period of time, to figure if we are compatible. All of this was discussed from the start and he wholeheartedly agreed.

It's hard to express yourself on a forum like this since others will read and translate based on who they are and on their beliefs. I don't impose my views on anyone but I certainly believe in putting them out there.

I know exactly who I am, what kind of lifestyle I want to live, and even where I want to be in five years. You may see that as being selfish, I see it as the only way to find the right partner. For me, choosing a mate is not simply about having chemistry (which we did big time) or sharing a few common interests. It's about knowing who you are, what you need, and knowing the kind of lifestyle you want for your future.

You can leave your life to happen on its own and roll with the punches or you can create the life you want. If both partners get into the relationship with the goal to find out the needs of their partner and to strive to fulfill them - I repeat, if BOTH partners do that - you are well on your way to a successful relationship. There is no need for things to drag out for years only to find out you're really not suited for each other.

If you ask me why the divorce rate is so high, I will immediately respond that most people roll with the punches, don't take the time to know who they are and what they need and then wake up one morning realizing that the person they are with, doesn't fit with who they are.

My views aren't for everyone, but I do believe in this philosophy very much. That is my definition of not playing games. When I meet someone I will tell them from the start who I am, what I need and how I intend to live my life. Then I ask them to do the same. It's never about just ME. I would never find my right match if that was the case.

I do appreciate your opinion. Another philosophy of mine is that we all base our judgements on who we are and on how we intrepret things.

I didn't do anything wrong in this particular case, and as a matter of fact, neither did he. My beef is about the communication. I had the right to tell him that I needed conversation. He had the right to tell me he what he wanted. When I brought up my concerns, we should have been able to discuss them intelligently. No more, no less.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 07:18

Well Said, Grneyedwitch!



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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 07:02

Gypsy girl,

Chalk it up to experience and move on. And, there are some very fine and appreciative men on this site and this thread. Don't give too much of yourself so soon. Let HIM come to you and when you are doing all the giving, head for the hills. Good luck sistergirl. You'll find the right guy when the time is right.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 22:43

I'm not going to go on and on with this but as I was cleaning out my (seems we can't use the word that decribes electronic messages), I saw the first message I received from this man.

Part of it is just too ironic. I can only shake me head!

"I like your description of yourself, especially the expression "deep thinker". One of my passions is for intelligent conversation and it just seems so hard to find someone who can have a good conversation without
emotions, opinions, and stubborness getting in the way."

What else can I say? lol



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 17:19

ALL I CAN SAY IS PICK ME PICK ME !!!!!!

  


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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 16:57

yep he is the loser in this one



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 14:51

Wasn't trying to create anything in order to get something out of it. I am a strong believer that one must "engage" in relationships when they are new. I'm not a dating teenager or young adult. At this age, I'm not prepared to spend a year or more to slowly get to know one another. All of this had been discussed when we initially met and he agreed whole-heartedly.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 13:57

frenchgypsy write:
What about this story:

I connected with someone from this site about two months ago. He was two hours away but that didn't bother me. In fact, after only chatting online for a few days, I offered to drive on the spur of the moment to meet him.

We hit it off. Both felt the chemistry and spent an evening talking, laughing and enjoying each other's company. From that moment on, I went to his place at least once a week and sometimes twice. He only visited me a couple of times because he's allergic to cats and I have three. Again, no big deal - I really liked this guy so was more than willing to travel to him.

One thing I noticed from the getgo is that he didn't like to exchange messages (something I love to do because I like to write but I figured if he didn't, that was something I could live with). He also would tend to be surfing or reading messages while we did the IM thing. Again, told myself it was no big deal.

I am going through a nasty divorce and have lost my home of ten years and have lots on my plate for the next few weeks with having to move into a two-bedroom apartment. So as a Christmas gift to myself, I offered to take him away for three days for a mini vacation of decadence. My treat.

I booked a nice Jacuzzi room with a fireplace. Brought along some food to snack on and to eat in the morning so we wouldn't have to get dressed and go for breakfast. I brought candles, incense, essential oils for the Jacuzzi, wine, beer and a bagful of lingerie.

We went out for nice dinners every night, I took him to the movies, we enjoyed some great wines, soaks in the Jacuzzi, etc. I tried to schedule most days so we wouldn't be asking each other what the other wanted to do. I also planned one night of pleasure - nice dinner and wine, a few drinks at a couple of strip clubs where I offered to get him some lap dances from any lady of his choice.

So what's the problem, you ask? On the third morning, we woke up and decided to just relax in bed. He turned on the television and quickly became engrossed in show after show. I was parading around in my lingerie, caressing him while he watched TV beside me, tried to start some conversation a few times but realized he just wanted to veg. Fine, I thought, we're cooped up together for four days, if he needs some space for a few hours I could give him that. So I eventually left him alone and went to sit on the loveseat to read a magazine.

He got up around 5ish to sit with me - well laid beside me and put his head in my lap and continued to watch TV. I eventually told him we had to take showers so we could go eat. I went first. While he was in the shower, I put on some nice lingerie and dried my hair and did my make up. Eventually, after asking him twice if he was drowning in the shower, I got dressed and gave up trying to get a quickie when he came out.

We decided to walk around to find a restaurant. I put my arm into his and we walked a few blocks this way, a few blocks that way. I pointed a few things out here and there but only got a grunt in return. After ten minutes of walking and trying to get some conversation going, I told him that I was going to eventually quit trying. He asked what I meant and I told him that I had not gotten any conversation from him all day although I had tried numerous times. He replied that he was simply enjoying walking in my company. I told him that was fine but that I was now bored and would like a little bit of conversation. He said I should just go ahead.

We finally decided on a restaurant, had superficial chit chat while looking at the menu. Our meals came and not one word was exchanged. I eat slowly and he doesn't so once he was done his meal, he pulled his chair closer, put his hand on my thigh and - said nothing while I continued to eat. When I was done, he asked if something was wrong. I answered that yes, I was still hoping for conversation and that I didn't understand why he was just sitting there not saying a word. That did not go over well. He told me I just had to talk if I wanted to. I tried to explain that a conversation was only good when it went both ways and when each person was engaged in the conversation. I could tell we were getting into an arguement so we got up and left. I had suggested earlier that we find a bar with a view after the meal so we could have an after dinner drink.

We walked around for a while looking for a good spot - in total silence. We found a bar, had our drinks - no talking - and then left. By then, I was mad as hell. We walked back to the hotel, he laid down on the loveseat and I chose a movie. I told him to come join me on the bed (I was in my lingerie) and watch it with me. He grumbled that he was okay where he was.

Two hours later, he was still there. I opened a bottle of wine, picked another movie and again asked him to join me. His response - I've seen this movie. He eventually got undressed, got into bed but turned his back to me. I caressed his back and told him to stop pouting and to just keep me company. He said he wasn't pouting. He fell asleep. I polished off the wine and went to sleep at 4 am.

The next morning he got up and took a shower, packed up his things and we went to the desk to check out. Barely a few words were exchanged. I asked if he wanted to go for breakfast before driving me home - No.

On the drive back to my place I asked him if we could talk or if he preferred I left him alone. He asked what I wanted to talk about. Sarcastically I answered the weather. He said the weather was nice. I shut my mouth and looked out the window the entire drive back.

Once at my place, he unloaded my luggage and brought it in. I asked him to come sit with me so we could chat. He said there was nothing to chat about. I asked him why it was such a big deal that I bring up the fact that I was bored and wanted more conversation. He said I copped an attitude and had no reason to. He said I was accusing him of doing something wrong and didn't appreciate it. I told him I was saying he was doing anything wrong but was rather just voicing my needs. He walked out and got into his truck. I was dumbfounded.

I had also made him some Christmas gifts (I make incredible hanging rice paper lamps and customized wine glasses) which I had given to him when he first arrived four days earlier. I had also made some glasses for his neighbours which I had met and liked. He was still sitting in his truck so I went outside and tried to open the door but it was locked. I knocked on the window and instead of unlocking the door, he put the window down halfway and asked what I wanted. I asked him if he wanted his gifts. I couldn't hear his reply - radio on and diesel engine so I asked him to repeat his answer. I again did not hear. I told him I had made those gifts especially for him and his neighbours and regardless of what had happened, I still wanted him to have them. He ignored me. I went back in the house.

He drove away and I haven't heard from him since.

I'm baffled, hurt and can't quite figure out why this happened. The unfortunate part is that we had a lot in common and talked about how we were looking forward to the spring so we could go riding. I'm hoping to get my first bike in the spring and was hoping for his help in finding one and in getting me going. Oh well, back to the starting block, I guess!

The weekend you planned out sounded great its to bad you waisted it on someone who wasnt worth it . Not all of us are like that im sure there are more then a few who would of loved to have been shown the affection you were willing to give . Its said there is someone for everyone out there some where . I wish us all good luck in finding her / him .



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 13:56

Some guy's have all the luck....then blow it......His loss....



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 13:07

Hmm.. not that this appplys in your case...BUT, I see a lot of women try and create the perfect situation every time they see a man they are interested in in hopes of keeping him around. Life isn't perfect.. neither are we. Don't give up, one day you'll meet a man who can't wait to see your face or hear you speak. He'll be the one worth spoiling.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 12:25

frenchgypsy write:
I can appreciate what you are saying, Mick, but as far as I am concerned, you can't get to know a person unless you open up in varoius ways - superficially, spiritually, historically, deeply and many other ways.

I wasn't trying to chit chat incessantly, I was more than prepared to give him his space. There is no reason why I should have received this treatment after having went all out with this getaway. When you are trying to build a relationship that has potential for you - as he said to me - you must put in the pro-active interest to get to know the other person. I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't understand that. Yes, to each his own. So obviously this is not the guy for me.


Gypsy,

You were going all out, he wasn't. If you had so much on your plate, he should have done this for you. I don't know what else to say but, I think he might have gone along for the ride. Hopefully, I'm wrong.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 10:37

Ok- French Gypsy - Im reading that you met this guy from this site and before not to long you were making a (2) hour drive to see this guy 2x's a week and maybe he came to you once- saw 3 cats and said Im allergic I can't possibly come to your house anymore.
1st- Do YOU know hes allergic for a fact? So he saves on his milege and since YOU dont mind YOU will drive to him and use up yours. (1st Mistake) So then YOU feel YOU want to get a way with him all expenses paid! YOU will make the arrangements, YOU will schedule things to do, YOU will Find Fine Dining for YOU guys to eat! Well HECK If I was him I would be bored already too and probably would jerk off in the bathroom!!! YOU totally took over like the man would do in a relationship (Control comes to mind) and YOU blew your communication with him when you planned everything! You do know that right? He had nothing to say to you and YOU were upset when he wasn't talking to YOU or didn't want to be bothered. And then YOU feel YOU went through all this trouble to get to know him. Well maybe he saw and learned enough about YOU that he knew the weekend was over and wanted to leave. But YOU just didn't get it and YOU refuse to be treated this way. Well my dear - this is something YOU do when YOU are dating or with someone for a longer period of time. This trip sounded to me like it was all about YOU and your Needy Needs. And your scratching your head and wondering what still happened? Why?- You should have learned something from this. This was a very nice jesture on your part but I think you were rushing it a bit and wanting something in your life at that point not to feel alone with all the other crap that is happening to you, theres nothing wrong with that or wanting that. Next time take one of your girlfriends with you! YOU probably will get more satisfaction! Just my Opinion
Jade



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 10:31

frenchgypsy write:
I can appreciate what you are saying, Mick, but as far as I am concerned, you can't get to know a person unless you open up in varoius ways - superficially, spiritually, historically, deeply and many other ways.

I wasn't trying to chit chat incessantly, I was more than prepared to give him his space. There is no reason why I should have received this treatment after having went all out with this getaway. When you are trying to build a relationship that has potential for you - as he said to me - you must put in the pro-active interest to get to know the other person. I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't understand that. Yes, to each his own. So obviously this is not the guy for me.


At least you found this out now and not later. Once you tell a guy you want to talk and he says ok - talk. Don't expect that he will automatically know what you want to talk about - that's why he isn't - he doesn't.
He was satisfied and happy (albeit he should not have been ignoring you with TV) and didn't feel a need to drive the conversation. You wanted to talk, then talk. Don't ask about the weather, get a reply, and then wonder why you got the reply. If you want to know something - ask! If you expect to hear something - tell him.
It's true some guys are better at chit-chat and letting you in, and some will talk all day to their buddies but ignore their significant others. Others are more guarded and rather than say the wrong thing, say nothing.
His attitude after dinner and the next day says to me he has some issues to work on anyway so it's good you found out now. Also says you evidently crossed some line he's drawn in the sand about what he's going to put up with in relationships. Probably some previous baggage and it's his to work on, not yours.
My suggestion (other than if you want to talk, then talk) would be if you really want to talk to your guy and he's hesitant, ask him what he thinks about you or the surroundings, or ask him about his hobbies or to tell you a story about a road trip. Don't just ask to talk and expect emotions and secrets to come gushing out.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 09:21

don't know but I would say the guy has some deep issues there if he didn't want to be there he just should have said no thanks



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 00:44

I can appreciate what you are saying, Mick, but as far as I am concerned, you can't get to know a person unless you open up in varoius ways - superficially, spiritually, historically, deeply and many other ways.

I wasn't trying to chit chat incessantly, I was more than prepared to give him his space. There is no reason why I should have received this treatment after having went all out with this getaway. When you are trying to build a relationship that has potential for you - as he said to me - you must put in the pro-active interest to get to know the other person. I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't understand that. Yes, to each his own. So obviously this is not the guy for me.



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 19:38

frenchgypsy write:
What about this story:

I connected with someone from this site about two months ago. He was two hours away but that didn't bother me. In fact, after only chatting online for a few days, I offered to drive on the spur of the moment to meet him.

We hit it off. Both felt the chemistry and spent an evening talking, laughing and enjoying each other's company. From that moment on, I went to his place at least once a week and sometimes twice. He only visited me a couple of times because he's allergic to cats and I have three. Again, no big deal - I really liked this guy so was more than willing to travel to him.

One thing I noticed from the getgo is that he didn't like to exchange messages (something I love to do because I like to write but I figured if he didn't, that was something I could live with). He also would tend to be surfing or reading messages while we did the IM thing. Again, told myself it was no big deal.

I am going through a nasty divorce and have lost my home of ten years and have lots on my plate for the next few weeks with having to move into a two-bedroom apartment. So as a Christmas gift to myself, I offered to take him away for three days for a mini vacation of decadence. My treat.

I booked a nice Jacuzzi room with a fireplace. Brought along some food to snack on and to eat in the morning so we wouldn't have to get dressed and go for breakfast. I brought candles, incense, essential oils for the Jacuzzi, wine, beer and a bagful of lingerie.

We went out for nice dinners every night, I took him to the movies, we enjoyed some great wines, soaks in the Jacuzzi, etc. I tried to schedule most days so we wouldn't be asking each other what the other wanted to do. I also planned one night of pleasure - nice dinner and wine, a few drinks at a couple of strip clubs where I offered to get him some lap dances from any lady of his choice.

So what's the problem, you ask? On the third morning, we woke up and decided to just relax in bed. He turned on the television and quickly became engrossed in show after show. I was parading around in my lingerie, caressing him while he watched TV beside me, tried to start some conversation a few times but realized he just wanted to veg. Fine, I thought, we're cooped up together for four days, if he needs some space for a few hours I could give him that. So I eventually left him alone and went to sit on the loveseat to read a magazine.

He got up around 5ish to sit with me - well laid beside me and put his head in my lap and continued to watch TV. I eventually told him we had to take showers so we could go eat. I went first. While he was in the shower, I put on some nice lingerie and dried my hair and did my make up. Eventually, after asking him twice if he was drowning in the shower, I got dressed and gave up trying to get a quickie when he came out.

We decided to walk around to find a restaurant. I put my arm into his and we walked a few blocks this way, a few blocks that way. I pointed a few things out here and there but only got a grunt in return. After ten minutes of walking and trying to get some conversation going, I told him that I was going to eventually quit trying. He asked what I meant and I told him that I had not gotten any conversation from him all day although I had tried numerous times. He replied that he was simply enjoying walking in my company. I told him that was fine but that I was now bored and would like a little bit of conversation. He said I should just go ahead.

We finally decided on a restaurant, had superficial chit chat while looking at the menu. Our meals came and not one word was exchanged. I eat slowly and he doesn't so once he was done his meal, he pulled his chair closer, put his hand on my thigh and - said nothing while I continued to eat. When I was done, he asked if something was wrong. I answered that yes, I was still hoping for conversation and that I didn't understand why he was just sitting there not saying a word. That did not go over well. He told me I just had to talk if I wanted to. I tried to explain that a conversation was only good when it went both ways and when each person was engaged in the conversation. I could tell we were getting into an arguement so we got up and left. I had suggested earlier that we find a bar with a view after the meal so we could have an after dinner drink.

We walked around for a while looking for a good spot - in total silence. We found a bar, had our drinks - no talking - and then left. By then, I was mad as hell. We walked back to the hotel, he laid down on the loveseat and I chose a movie. I told him to come join me on the bed (I was in my lingerie) and watch it with me. He grumbled that he was okay where he was.

Two hours later, he was still there. I opened a bottle of wine, picked another movie and again asked him to join me. His response - I've seen this movie. He eventually got undressed, got into bed but turned his back to me. I caressed his back and told him to stop pouting and to just keep me company. He said he wasn't pouting. He fell asleep. I polished off the wine and went to sleep at 4 am.

The next morning he got up and took a shower, packed up his things and we went to the desk to check out. Barely a few words were exchanged. I asked if he wanted to go for breakfast before driving me home - No.

On the drive back to my place I asked him if we could talk or if he preferred I left him alone. He asked what I wanted to talk about. Sarcastically I answered the weather. He said the weather was nice. I shut my mouth and looked out the window the entire drive back.

Once at my place, he unloaded my luggage and brought it in. I asked him to come sit with me so we could chat. He said there was nothing to chat about. I asked him why it was such a big deal that I bring up the fact that I was bored and wanted more conversation. He said I copped an attitude and had no reason to. He said I was accusing him of doing something wrong and didn't appreciate it. I told him I was saying he was doing anything wrong but was rather just voicing my needs. He walked out and got into his truck. I was dumbfounded.

I had also made him some Christmas gifts (I make incredible hanging rice paper lamps and customized wine glasses) which I had given to him when he first arrived four days earlier. I had also made some glasses for his neighbours which I had met and liked. He was still sitting in his truck so I went outside and tried to open the door but it was locked. I knocked on the window and instead of unlocking the door, he put the window down halfway and asked what I wanted. I asked him if he wanted his gifts. I couldn't hear his reply - radio on and diesel engine so I asked him to repeat his answer. I again did not hear. I told him I had made those gifts especially for him and his neighbours and regardless of what had happened, I still wanted him to have them. He ignored me. I went back in the house.

He drove away and I haven't heard from him since.

I'm baffled, hurt and can't quite figure out why this happened. The unfortunate part is that we had a lot in common and talked about how we were looking forward to the spring so we could go riding. I'm hoping to get my first bike in the spring and was hoping for his help in finding one and in getting me going. Oh well, back to the starting block, I guess!


i'd swear it was my ex--but he is remarried living in GA

you didn't do anything wrong and most men would appreciate it



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 18:59

What about this story:

I connected with someone from this site about two months ago. He was two hours away but that didn't bother me. In fact, after only chatting online for a few days, I offered to drive on the spur of the moment to meet him.

We hit it off. Both felt the chemistry and spent an evening talking, laughing and enjoying each other's company. From that moment on, I went to his place at least once a week and sometimes twice. He only visited me a couple of times because he's allergic to cats and I have three. Again, no big deal - I really liked this guy so was more than willing to travel to him.

One thing I noticed from the getgo is that he didn't like to exchange messages (something I love to do because I like to write but I figured if he didn't, that was something I could live with). He also would tend to be surfing or reading messages while we did the IM thing. Again, told myself it was no big deal.

I am going through a nasty divorce and have lost my home of ten years and have lots on my plate for the next few weeks with having to move into a two-bedroom apartment. So as a Christmas gift to myself, I offered to take him away for three days for a mini vacation of decadence. My treat.

I booked a nice Jacuzzi room with a fireplace. Brought along some food to snack on and to eat in the morning so we wouldn't have to get dressed and go for breakfast. I brought candles, incense, essential oils for the Jacuzzi, wine, beer and a bagful of lingerie.

We went out for nice dinners every night, I took him to the movies, we enjoyed some great wines, soaks in the Jacuzzi, etc. I tried to schedule most days so we wouldn't be asking each other what the other wanted to do. I also planned one night of pleasure - nice dinner and wine, a few drinks at a couple of strip clubs where I offered to get him some lap dances from any lady of his choice.

So what's the problem, you ask? On the third morning, we woke up and decided to just relax in bed. He turned on the television and quickly became engrossed in show after show. I was parading around in my lingerie, caressing him while he watched TV beside me, tried to start some conversation a few times but realized he just wanted to veg. Fine, I thought, we're cooped up together for four days, if he needs some space for a few hours I could give him that. So I eventually left him alone and went to sit on the loveseat to read a magazine.

He got up around 5ish to sit with me - well laid beside me and put his head in my lap and continued to watch TV. I eventually told him we had to take showers so we could go eat. I went first. While he was in the shower, I put on some nice lingerie and dried my hair and did my make up. Eventually, after asking him twice if he was drowning in the shower, I got dressed and gave up trying to get a quickie when he came out.

We decided to walk around to find a restaurant. I put my arm into his and we walked a few blocks this way, a few blocks that way. I pointed a few things out here and there but only got a grunt in return. After ten minutes of walking and trying to get some conversation going, I told him that I was going to eventually quit trying. He asked what I meant and I told him that I had not gotten any conversation from him all day although I had tried numerous times. He replied that he was simply enjoying walking in my company. I told him that was fine but that I was now bored and would like a little bit of conversation. He said I should just go ahead.

We finally decided on a restaurant, had superficial chit chat while looking at the menu. Our meals came and not one word was exchanged. I eat slowly and he doesn't so once he was done his meal, he pulled his chair closer, put his hand on my thigh and - said nothing while I continued to eat. When I was done, he asked if something was wrong. I answered that yes, I was still hoping for conversation and that I didn't understand why he was just sitting there not saying a word. That did not go over well. He told me I just had to talk if I wanted to. I tried to explain that a conversation was only good when it went both ways and when each person was engaged in the conversation. I could tell we were getting into an arguement so we got up and left. I had suggested earlier that we find a bar with a view after the meal so we could have an after dinner drink.

We walked around for a while looking for a good spot - in total silence. We found a bar, had our drinks - no talking - and then left. By then, I was mad as hell. We walked back to the hotel, he laid down on the loveseat and I chose a movie. I told him to come join me on the bed (I was in my lingerie) and watch it with me. He grumbled that he was okay where he was.

Two hours later, he was still there. I opened a bottle of wine, picked another movie and again asked him to join me. His response - I've seen this movie. He eventually got undressed, got into bed but turned his back to me. I caressed his back and told him to stop pouting and to just keep me company. He said he wasn't pouting. He fell asleep. I polished off the wine and went to sleep at 4 am.

The next morning he got up and took a shower, packed up his things and we went to the desk to check out. Barely a few words were exchanged. I asked if he wanted to go for breakfast before driving me home - No.

On the drive back to my place I asked him if we could talk or if he preferred I left him alone. He asked what I wanted to talk about. Sarcastically I answered the weather. He said the weather was nice. I shut my mouth and looked out the window the entire drive back.

Once at my place, he unloaded my luggage and brought it in. I asked him to come sit with me so we could chat. He said there was nothing to chat about. I asked him why it was such a big deal that I bring up the fact that I was bored and wanted more conversation. He said I copped an attitude and had no reason to. He said I was accusing him of doing something wrong and didn't appreciate it. I told him I was saying he was doing anything wrong but was rather just voicing my needs. He walked out and got into his truck. I was dumbfounded.

I had also made him some Christmas gifts (I make incredible hanging rice paper lamps and customized wine glasses) which I had given to him when he first arrived four days earlier. I had also made some glasses for his neighbours which I had met and liked. He was still sitting in his truck so I went outside and tried to open the door but it was locked. I knocked on the window and instead of unlocking the door, he put the window down halfway and asked what I wanted. I asked him if he wanted his gifts. I couldn't hear his reply - radio on and diesel engine so I asked him to repeat his answer. I again did not hear. I told him I had made those gifts especially for him and his neighbours and regardless of what had happened, I still wanted him to have them. He ignored me. I went back in the house.

He drove away and I haven't heard from him since.

I'm baffled, hurt and can't quite figure out why this happened. The unfortunate part is that we had a lot in common and talked about how we were looking forward to the spring so we could go riding. I'm hoping to get my first bike in the spring and was hoping for his help in finding one and in getting me going. Oh well, back to the starting block, I guess!



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 15:42

Looking forward to it Bud! Where you been!!!!!!! :)



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