Biker Forums > Relationship > Question for the Men Previous topic Next topic
Jump to:
Question for the Men
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 07:41

The one thing you will notice from me is that I do like to have discussions. I like to make people think and I especially like to create new thought processes in people.

I didn't post this story because I felt sorry for myself or because I wanted to point the finger at him. I wanted to share this story to create discussion. The thread is about why some men are nice and all of a sudden, they show a different side of themselves.

I live a very conscious life and have very different point of views about life. I even teach seminars about this and I'm well on my way to getting my life coach certificate. Once I achieve that, my focus will be on being a relationship coach. I am actually in the process of creating a new kind of dating web site - one that focuses on creating pro-active searches for the right "life" partner.

I'll probably end up annoying a few people here with my posts, but that's okay, as that is how it is supposed to be. We are all different and rather than try to readjust ourselves to fit with as many people as possible, I believe one should consciously realize who they truly are and find the people that fit with that. Be it in friendships or relationships.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2006 07:32

Jade,

Nice name, happens to be my daughter's too!

Although my post was long, it only included part of the events. I really don't need to justify the reasons behind my planning this weekend other than knowing that I am a caring and thoughtful person.

He is allergic to cats. On my first visit to his place, I could only stay the night and had to come back because of commitments. We had hit it off so much that he decided to come to visit me the next night after his evening with his son. So by the time he got to my place, it was 1 am. I had vacuumed and cleaned my house the best I could because he had told me about the allergies. Barely five minutes after getting here, he had a huge allergic reaction. Sneezing,eyes watering, coughing. I put my cats in the basement and it helped somewhat but we could see his visiting me would be a problem.

I don't consider showing interest in someone you like a mistake. Before I made the arrangements to get away, I called him to ask if, first of all, he could take the time off. He has grown kids he doesn't see very often and I didn't want to take his time with them away. He assured me he would be more than happy to go away for a few days.

I didn't take over. I planned the getaway based on what HE liked. We had had many conversations about where our relationship was heading and he had told me he was ecstatic that he had finally found someone who was willing to take the time "get" him.

When we first arrived at the hotel, I told him that I had made some plans throughout the three days. I told him what I had in mind and asked if he wanted to change anything. He didn't and actually said he was pleased I was doing this for him. We talked plenty leading to the day he sat in bed all day.

As I mentioned in my post, I figured that maybe he wanted some space since I had tried to start conversations on several occasions but only ended up with grunts. I could have nagged, bickered and picked at him but I didn't. I moved to the couch to leave him alone. At that point, I will admit I was annoyed that he wanted to watch TV - he could do that all of the days and evenings I wasn't with him - but realized that if that is what he chose to do, he was entitled to that.

The trip wasn't about me and all of my "needy" needs, it was about him and wanting to pamper him for a few days because he had been working hard renovating his home for the last few months. That is being thoughtful and caring - not controlling. Control is about not giving the other choice. Nothing was done before discussing it with him first.

You can overanalyze this all you want. We had just started dating, we had many things in common, shared many of the same philosophies about life and relationships and had discussed both of our needs. Many other things were said and discussed but there is no need to mention them here.

He was not bored because I took over. He was quite happy with the plans I made. My issue wasn't that he wouldn't converse with me for many hours on end. It's that when I chose to bring it up in a polite and respectful way, he became defensive and stubborn about wanting to talk about it.

I am a very different kind of woman - not part of the herd - mostly because of my French and European background. At this point in my life, I have a clean slate in front of me and I can choose any path I want. I want a partner in my life that matches who I am. And, obviously, I must match who they are. In order to figure that out, you have to lay your cards on the table and you really have to know yourself and be able to communicate your needs with the other. If they can't fulfill your needs, then you have to decide if you can live with that or not.

I don't believe in letting things ride with fate. Taking one day at a time, over a long period of time, to figure if we are compatible. All of this was discussed from the start and he wholeheartedly agreed.

It's hard to express yourself on a forum like this since others will read and translate based on who they are and on their beliefs. I don't impose my views on anyone but I certainly believe in putting them out there.

I know exactly who I am, what kind of lifestyle I want to live, and even where I want to be in five years. You may see that as being selfish, I see it as the only way to find the right partner. For me, choosing a mate is not simply about having chemistry (which we did big time) or sharing a few common interests. It's about knowing who you are, what you need, and knowing the kind of lifestyle you want for your future.

You can leave your life to happen on its own and roll with the punches or you can create the life you want. If both partners get into the relationship with the goal to find out the needs of their partner and to strive to fulfill them - I repeat, if BOTH partners do that - you are well on your way to a successful relationship. There is no need for things to drag out for years only to find out you're really not suited for each other.

If you ask me why the divorce rate is so high, I will immediately respond that most people roll with the punches, don't take the time to know who they are and what they need and then wake up one morning realizing that the person they are with, doesn't fit with who they are.

My views aren't for everyone, but I do believe in this philosophy very much. That is my definition of not playing games. When I meet someone I will tell them from the start who I am, what I need and how I intend to live my life. Then I ask them to do the same. It's never about just ME. I would never find my right match if that was the case.

I do appreciate your opinion. Another philosophy of mine is that we all base our judgements on who we are and on how we intrepret things.

I didn't do anything wrong in this particular case, and as a matter of fact, neither did he. My beef is about the communication. I had the right to tell him that I needed conversation. He had the right to tell me he what he wanted. When I brought up my concerns, we should have been able to discuss them intelligently. No more, no less.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 22:43

I'm not going to go on and on with this but as I was cleaning out my (seems we can't use the word that decribes electronic messages), I saw the first message I received from this man.

Part of it is just too ironic. I can only shake me head!

"I like your description of yourself, especially the expression "deep thinker". One of my passions is for intelligent conversation and it just seems so hard to find someone who can have a good conversation without
emotions, opinions, and stubborness getting in the way."

What else can I say? lol



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 16:57

yep he is the loser in this one



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 14:51

Wasn't trying to create anything in order to get something out of it. I am a strong believer that one must "engage" in relationships when they are new. I'm not a dating teenager or young adult. At this age, I'm not prepared to spend a year or more to slowly get to know one another. All of this had been discussed when we initially met and he agreed whole-heartedly.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 10:31

frenchgypsy write:
I can appreciate what you are saying, Mick, but as far as I am concerned, you can't get to know a person unless you open up in varoius ways - superficially, spiritually, historically, deeply and many other ways.

I wasn't trying to chit chat incessantly, I was more than prepared to give him his space. There is no reason why I should have received this treatment after having went all out with this getaway. When you are trying to build a relationship that has potential for you - as he said to me - you must put in the pro-active interest to get to know the other person. I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't understand that. Yes, to each his own. So obviously this is not the guy for me.


At least you found this out now and not later. Once you tell a guy you want to talk and he says ok - talk. Don't expect that he will automatically know what you want to talk about - that's why he isn't - he doesn't.
He was satisfied and happy (albeit he should not have been ignoring you with TV) and didn't feel a need to drive the conversation. You wanted to talk, then talk. Don't ask about the weather, get a reply, and then wonder why you got the reply. If you want to know something - ask! If you expect to hear something - tell him.
It's true some guys are better at chit-chat and letting you in, and some will talk all day to their buddies but ignore their significant others. Others are more guarded and rather than say the wrong thing, say nothing.
His attitude after dinner and the next day says to me he has some issues to work on anyway so it's good you found out now. Also says you evidently crossed some line he's drawn in the sand about what he's going to put up with in relationships. Probably some previous baggage and it's his to work on, not yours.
My suggestion (other than if you want to talk, then talk) would be if you really want to talk to your guy and he's hesitant, ask him what he thinks about you or the surroundings, or ask him about his hobbies or to tell you a story about a road trip. Don't just ask to talk and expect emotions and secrets to come gushing out.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 09:21

don't know but I would say the guy has some deep issues there if he didn't want to be there he just should have said no thanks



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 00:44

I can appreciate what you are saying, Mick, but as far as I am concerned, you can't get to know a person unless you open up in varoius ways - superficially, spiritually, historically, deeply and many other ways.

I wasn't trying to chit chat incessantly, I was more than prepared to give him his space. There is no reason why I should have received this treatment after having went all out with this getaway. When you are trying to build a relationship that has potential for you - as he said to me - you must put in the pro-active interest to get to know the other person. I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't understand that. Yes, to each his own. So obviously this is not the guy for me.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 19:38

frenchgypsy write:
What about this story:

I connected with someone from this site about two months ago. He was two hours away but that didn't bother me. In fact, after only chatting online for a few days, I offered to drive on the spur of the moment to meet him.

We hit it off. Both felt the chemistry and spent an evening talking, laughing and enjoying each other's company. From that moment on, I went to his place at least once a week and sometimes twice. He only visited me a couple of times because he's allergic to cats and I have three. Again, no big deal - I really liked this guy so was more than willing to travel to him.

One thing I noticed from the getgo is that he didn't like to exchange messages (something I love to do because I like to write but I figured if he didn't, that was something I could live with). He also would tend to be surfing or reading messages while we did the IM thing. Again, told myself it was no big deal.

I am going through a nasty divorce and have lost my home of ten years and have lots on my plate for the next few weeks with having to move into a two-bedroom apartment. So as a Christmas gift to myself, I offered to take him away for three days for a mini vacation of decadence. My treat.

I booked a nice Jacuzzi room with a fireplace. Brought along some food to snack on and to eat in the morning so we wouldn't have to get dressed and go for breakfast. I brought candles, incense, essential oils for the Jacuzzi, wine, beer and a bagful of lingerie.

We went out for nice dinners every night, I took him to the movies, we enjoyed some great wines, soaks in the Jacuzzi, etc. I tried to schedule most days so we wouldn't be asking each other what the other wanted to do. I also planned one night of pleasure - nice dinner and wine, a few drinks at a couple of strip clubs where I offered to get him some lap dances from any lady of his choice.

So what's the problem, you ask? On the third morning, we woke up and decided to just relax in bed. He turned on the television and quickly became engrossed in show after show. I was parading around in my lingerie, caressing him while he watched TV beside me, tried to start some conversation a few times but realized he just wanted to veg. Fine, I thought, we're cooped up together for four days, if he needs some space for a few hours I could give him that. So I eventually left him alone and went to sit on the loveseat to read a magazine.

He got up around 5ish to sit with me - well laid beside me and put his head in my lap and continued to watch TV. I eventually told him we had to take showers so we could go eat. I went first. While he was in the shower, I put on some nice lingerie and dried my hair and did my make up. Eventually, after asking him twice if he was drowning in the shower, I got dressed and gave up trying to get a quickie when he came out.

We decided to walk around to find a restaurant. I put my arm into his and we walked a few blocks this way, a few blocks that way. I pointed a few things out here and there but only got a grunt in return. After ten minutes of walking and trying to get some conversation going, I told him that I was going to eventually quit trying. He asked what I meant and I told him that I had not gotten any conversation from him all day although I had tried numerous times. He replied that he was simply enjoying walking in my company. I told him that was fine but that I was now bored and would like a little bit of conversation. He said I should just go ahead.

We finally decided on a restaurant, had superficial chit chat while looking at the menu. Our meals came and not one word was exchanged. I eat slowly and he doesn't so once he was done his meal, he pulled his chair closer, put his hand on my thigh and - said nothing while I continued to eat. When I was done, he asked if something was wrong. I answered that yes, I was still hoping for conversation and that I didn't understand why he was just sitting there not saying a word. That did not go over well. He told me I just had to talk if I wanted to. I tried to explain that a conversation was only good when it went both ways and when each person was engaged in the conversation. I could tell we were getting into an arguement so we got up and left. I had suggested earlier that we find a bar with a view after the meal so we could have an after dinner drink.

We walked around for a while looking for a good spot - in total silence. We found a bar, had our drinks - no talking - and then left. By then, I was mad as hell. We walked back to the hotel, he laid down on the loveseat and I chose a movie. I told him to come join me on the bed (I was in my lingerie) and watch it with me. He grumbled that he was okay where he was.

Two hours later, he was still there. I opened a bottle of wine, picked another movie and again asked him to join me. His response - I've seen this movie. He eventually got undressed, got into bed but turned his back to me. I caressed his back and told him to stop pouting and to just keep me company. He said he wasn't pouting. He fell asleep. I polished off the wine and went to sleep at 4 am.

The next morning he got up and took a shower, packed up his things and we went to the desk to check out. Barely a few words were exchanged. I asked if he wanted to go for breakfast before driving me home - No.

On the drive back to my place I asked him if we could talk or if he preferred I left him alone. He asked what I wanted to talk about. Sarcastically I answered the weather. He said the weather was nice. I shut my mouth and looked out the window the entire drive back.

Once at my place, he unloaded my luggage and brought it in. I asked him to come sit with me so we could chat. He said there was nothing to chat about. I asked him why it was such a big deal that I bring up the fact that I was bored and wanted more conversation. He said I copped an attitude and had no reason to. He said I was accusing him of doing something wrong and didn't appreciate it. I told him I was saying he was doing anything wrong but was rather just voicing my needs. He walked out and got into his truck. I was dumbfounded.

I had also made him some Christmas gifts (I make incredible hanging rice paper lamps and customized wine glasses) which I had given to him when he first arrived four days earlier. I had also made some glasses for his neighbours which I had met and liked. He was still sitting in his truck so I went outside and tried to open the door but it was locked. I knocked on the window and instead of unlocking the door, he put the window down halfway and asked what I wanted. I asked him if he wanted his gifts. I couldn't hear his reply - radio on and diesel engine so I asked him to repeat his answer. I again did not hear. I told him I had made those gifts especially for him and his neighbours and regardless of what had happened, I still wanted him to have them. He ignored me. I went back in the house.

He drove away and I haven't heard from him since.

I'm baffled, hurt and can't quite figure out why this happened. The unfortunate part is that we had a lot in common and talked about how we were looking forward to the spring so we could go riding. I'm hoping to get my first bike in the spring and was hoping for his help in finding one and in getting me going. Oh well, back to the starting block, I guess!


i'd swear it was my ex--but he is remarried living in GA

you didn't do anything wrong and most men would appreciate it



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 18:59

What about this story:

I connected with someone from this site about two months ago. He was two hours away but that didn't bother me. In fact, after only chatting online for a few days, I offered to drive on the spur of the moment to meet him.

We hit it off. Both felt the chemistry and spent an evening talking, laughing and enjoying each other's company. From that moment on, I went to his place at least once a week and sometimes twice. He only visited me a couple of times because he's allergic to cats and I have three. Again, no big deal - I really liked this guy so was more than willing to travel to him.

One thing I noticed from the getgo is that he didn't like to exchange messages (something I love to do because I like to write but I figured if he didn't, that was something I could live with). He also would tend to be surfing or reading messages while we did the IM thing. Again, told myself it was no big deal.

I am going through a nasty divorce and have lost my home of ten years and have lots on my plate for the next few weeks with having to move into a two-bedroom apartment. So as a Christmas gift to myself, I offered to take him away for three days for a mini vacation of decadence. My treat.

I booked a nice Jacuzzi room with a fireplace. Brought along some food to snack on and to eat in the morning so we wouldn't have to get dressed and go for breakfast. I brought candles, incense, essential oils for the Jacuzzi, wine, beer and a bagful of lingerie.

We went out for nice dinners every night, I took him to the movies, we enjoyed some great wines, soaks in the Jacuzzi, etc. I tried to schedule most days so we wouldn't be asking each other what the other wanted to do. I also planned one night of pleasure - nice dinner and wine, a few drinks at a couple of strip clubs where I offered to get him some lap dances from any lady of his choice.

So what's the problem, you ask? On the third morning, we woke up and decided to just relax in bed. He turned on the television and quickly became engrossed in show after show. I was parading around in my lingerie, caressing him while he watched TV beside me, tried to start some conversation a few times but realized he just wanted to veg. Fine, I thought, we're cooped up together for four days, if he needs some space for a few hours I could give him that. So I eventually left him alone and went to sit on the loveseat to read a magazine.

He got up around 5ish to sit with me - well laid beside me and put his head in my lap and continued to watch TV. I eventually told him we had to take showers so we could go eat. I went first. While he was in the shower, I put on some nice lingerie and dried my hair and did my make up. Eventually, after asking him twice if he was drowning in the shower, I got dressed and gave up trying to get a quickie when he came out.

We decided to walk around to find a restaurant. I put my arm into his and we walked a few blocks this way, a few blocks that way. I pointed a few things out here and there but only got a grunt in return. After ten minutes of walking and trying to get some conversation going, I told him that I was going to eventually quit trying. He asked what I meant and I told him that I had not gotten any conversation from him all day although I had tried numerous times. He replied that he was simply enjoying walking in my company. I told him that was fine but that I was now bored and would like a little bit of conversation. He said I should just go ahead.

We finally decided on a restaurant, had superficial chit chat while looking at the menu. Our meals came and not one word was exchanged. I eat slowly and he doesn't so once he was done his meal, he pulled his chair closer, put his hand on my thigh and - said nothing while I continued to eat. When I was done, he asked if something was wrong. I answered that yes, I was still hoping for conversation and that I didn't understand why he was just sitting there not saying a word. That did not go over well. He told me I just had to talk if I wanted to. I tried to explain that a conversation was only good when it went both ways and when each person was engaged in the conversation. I could tell we were getting into an arguement so we got up and left. I had suggested earlier that we find a bar with a view after the meal so we could have an after dinner drink.

We walked around for a while looking for a good spot - in total silence. We found a bar, had our drinks - no talking - and then left. By then, I was mad as hell. We walked back to the hotel, he laid down on the loveseat and I chose a movie. I told him to come join me on the bed (I was in my lingerie) and watch it with me. He grumbled that he was okay where he was.

Two hours later, he was still there. I opened a bottle of wine, picked another movie and again asked him to join me. His response - I've seen this movie. He eventually got undressed, got into bed but turned his back to me. I caressed his back and told him to stop pouting and to just keep me company. He said he wasn't pouting. He fell asleep. I polished off the wine and went to sleep at 4 am.

The next morning he got up and took a shower, packed up his things and we went to the desk to check out. Barely a few words were exchanged. I asked if he wanted to go for breakfast before driving me home - No.

On the drive back to my place I asked him if we could talk or if he preferred I left him alone. He asked what I wanted to talk about. Sarcastically I answered the weather. He said the weather was nice. I shut my mouth and looked out the window the entire drive back.

Once at my place, he unloaded my luggage and brought it in. I asked him to come sit with me so we could chat. He said there was nothing to chat about. I asked him why it was such a big deal that I bring up the fact that I was bored and wanted more conversation. He said I copped an attitude and had no reason to. He said I was accusing him of doing something wrong and didn't appreciate it. I told him I was saying he was doing anything wrong but was rather just voicing my needs. He walked out and got into his truck. I was dumbfounded.

I had also made him some Christmas gifts (I make incredible hanging rice paper lamps and customized wine glasses) which I had given to him when he first arrived four days earlier. I had also made some glasses for his neighbours which I had met and liked. He was still sitting in his truck so I went outside and tried to open the door but it was locked. I knocked on the window and instead of unlocking the door, he put the window down halfway and asked what I wanted. I asked him if he wanted his gifts. I couldn't hear his reply - radio on and diesel engine so I asked him to repeat his answer. I again did not hear. I told him I had made those gifts especially for him and his neighbours and regardless of what had happened, I still wanted him to have them. He ignored me. I went back in the house.

He drove away and I haven't heard from him since.

I'm baffled, hurt and can't quite figure out why this happened. The unfortunate part is that we had a lot in common and talked about how we were looking forward to the spring so we could go riding. I'm hoping to get my first bike in the spring and was hoping for his help in finding one and in getting me going. Oh well, back to the starting block, I guess!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 15:42

Looking forward to it Bud! Where you been!!!!!!! :)



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Dec 31, 2005 07:22

tripper2006 write:
revolutionarypassion write:

Rev, I shortened your post, don't expect to be right on, but here's my opinion, the guy is telling half truths trying to control the hurt he feels he's eminently dumping on 2 people he cares about. He's doing the best he can to control damage, emphasis on THE BEST HE CAN DO, it remains up to you what you decide to do with the best he can do.

Best of luck, nothing's perfect, follow your heart but steer with your instincts.

Tripper I can see why you are in a relationship.

Nodey,

You had one advantage...intimacy and privacy.
You two were allowed to work out your issues or problems without either one trying to publicly bully you into Loving them. A relationship is two people drawing into themselves to combat the world not two people drawing the world into their combat.
It really damages any chance of romance when individuals think they can force Love on someone.

Sometimes individuals run into a burning house to rescue somone and in the flight forget their own stove is still on.
Does it really serve any purpose when the rescued trys to humilate the rescuer for not shutting off their stove before running into their neighbors house to save them and loosing their house in the process?
Now we have two houses burned down but both individuals are alive. Sometimes we don't make the best choices when we just react, but we are still alive to learn and make the best of it if we allow it.
Although many have sued a Good Samaritan in the past because they weren't medically trained regardless of the help they attempted to provide.
It is just bitterness and needing someone to blame for a bad situation instead.

Peace and Happy New Year



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 21:15

1viking1 write:

seeme1st write:

1viking1 write:
Nodey write:
1viking1 write:
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



I gave someone a second chance. I don't regret it at all. We were in a new relationship,and he decided he wanted something closer to home. I was hurt,but knew I had too much pride to be with someone who didn't want me. For some unknown reason,we found our way back to one another.I,ME,I gave a second chance. I have no one to point the finger at this time but myself.

Will I be hurt again? Possibly,maybe not. But to me,it was worth it.
We are taking it slow,becoming friends,not rushing into anything,I'm having the time of my life.Love is too precious for maybe's,or what if's.

Not all second chances can be regretted. I know I don't regret mine at all.


Hiya Nodey,

That is cool and congrats to you. I would consider that a rare occasion the way it worked for you.

Be that as it may, people giving others a second chance is fine if you're willing to risk a relationship on the sincerity of one who was insincere the first time around. I no longer am. Just doesn't work for me. That's not to say that it won't work the second time around. It may well work. I just won't give it a chance anymore. Been down that road one too many times.

I've come to the conclusion that if a relationship was built on truth, trust, and honesty, then it would work from the start and a second chance would be unnecessary. Sure, we all have our problems and deficiencies, etc., but a "third party" shouldn't be one of them. And that we do have some control over.

Viking



i think it depends on the situation

if a person outright lies or if the person puts his running shoes on!!!!!!

i don't know for sure but i think in Nodey's case he was honest about what was going on!!!! that is a big difference



Peggy,

I agree in Nodey's case...there is a difference, and as I said...a rare occurrence. More often than not, the reasons for seconds chances are vastly different.

Viking


for sure---hope you had a good holiday!!!!!!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 20:56

seeme1st write:

1viking1 write:
Nodey write:
1viking1 write:
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



I gave someone a second chance. I don't regret it at all. We were in a new relationship,and he decided he wanted something closer to home. I was hurt,but knew I had too much pride to be with someone who didn't want me. For some unknown reason,we found our way back to one another.I,ME,I gave a second chance. I have no one to point the finger at this time but myself.

Will I be hurt again? Possibly,maybe not. But to me,it was worth it.
We are taking it slow,becoming friends,not rushing into anything,I'm having the time of my life.Love is too precious for maybe's,or what if's.

Not all second chances can be regretted. I know I don't regret mine at all.


Hiya Nodey,

That is cool and congrats to you. I would consider that a rare occasion the way it worked for you.

Be that as it may, people giving others a second chance is fine if you're willing to risk a relationship on the sincerity of one who was insincere the first time around. I no longer am. Just doesn't work for me. That's not to say that it won't work the second time around. It may well work. I just won't give it a chance anymore. Been down that road one too many times.

I've come to the conclusion that if a relationship was built on truth, trust, and honesty, then it would work from the start and a second chance would be unnecessary. Sure, we all have our problems and deficiencies, etc., but a "third party" shouldn't be one of them. And that we do have some control over.

Viking



i think it depends on the situation

if a person outright lies or if the person puts his running shoes on!!!!!!

i don't know for sure but i think in Nodey's case he was honest about what was going on!!!! that is a big difference


Peggy,

I agree in Nodey's case...there is a difference, and as I said...a rare occurrence. More often than not, the reasons for seconds chances are vastly different.

Viking



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 20:39

1viking1 write:
Nodey write:
1viking1 write:
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



I gave someone a second chance. I don't regret it at all. We were in a new relationship,and he decided he wanted something closer to home. I was hurt,but knew I had too much pride to be with someone who didn't want me. For some unknown reason,we found our way back to one another.I,ME,I gave a second chance. I have no one to point the finger at this time but myself.

Will I be hurt again? Possibly,maybe not. But to me,it was worth it.
We are taking it slow,becoming friends,not rushing into anything,I'm having the time of my life.Love is too precious for maybe's,or what if's.

Not all second chances can be regretted. I know I don't regret mine at all.


Hiya Nodey,

That is cool and congrats to you. I would consider that a rare occasion the way it worked for you.

Be that as it may, people giving others a second chance is fine if you're willing to risk a relationship on the sincerity of one who was insincere the first time around. I no longer am. Just doesn't work for me. That's not to say that it won't work the second time around. It may well work. I just won't give it a chance anymore. Been down that road one too many times.

I've come to the conclusion that if a relationship was built on truth, trust, and honesty, then it would work from the start and a second chance would be unnecessary. Sure, we all have our problems and deficiencies, etc., but a "third party" shouldn't be one of them. And that we do have some control over.

Viking


i think it depends on the situation

if a person outright lies or if the person puts his running shoes on!!!!!!

i don't know for sure but i think in Nodey's case he was honest about what was going on!!!! that is a big difference



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 15:33

LOL.... no worries Bud ... Angel was asking if you had a brother. Scroll down a bit ....:)

xoxo



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 13:50

Nodey write:
1viking1 write:
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



I gave someone a second chance. I don't regret it at all. We were in a new relationship,and he decided he wanted something closer to home. I was hurt,but knew I had too much pride to be with someone who didn't want me. For some unknown reason,we found our way back to one another.I,ME,I gave a second chance. I have no one to point the finger at this time but myself.

Will I be hurt again? Possibly,maybe not. But to me,it was worth it.
We are taking it slow,becoming friends,not rushing into anything,I'm having the time of my life.Love is too precious for maybe's,or what if's.

Not all second chances can be regretted. I know I don't regret mine at all.


Hiya Nodey,

That is cool and congrats to you. I would consider that a rare occasion the way it worked for you.

Be that as it may, people giving others a second chance is fine if you're willing to risk a relationship on the sincerity of one who was insincere the first time around. I no longer am. Just doesn't work for me. That's not to say that it won't work the second time around. It may well work. I just won't give it a chance anymore. Been down that road one too many times.

I've come to the conclusion that if a relationship was built on truth, trust, and honesty, then it would work from the start and a second chance would be unnecessary. Sure, we all have our problems and deficiencies, etc., but a "third party" shouldn't be one of them. And that we do have some control over.

Viking



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Mon, Dec 26, 2005 11:25

NASCAR6FAN write:

revolutionarypassion write:
Here's a new question for the guys...
Beginning with a short scenerio:

You broke up with someone. Got involved with someone new. Had the new girlfriend move in.

While with the new girlfriend, the ex contacts you. Misses you. You tell her you miss her...

The new girlfriend finds out. You tell the new girlfriend that the contact means nothing. You tell her that you love her and that the words didn't mean anything to you, because you believe actions speak louder than words. And the words are like a story...not real. You tell her that you love her and want her...and that you are sorry for the communication with the ex, because you knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere because 'that's how she is and she's never going to change'.

So...some time goes by and you and your girlfriend are trying to get over this issue with your ex. Your girlfriend is hurt and feels like you've betrayed some of your love, but she's willing to work things out.

Your girlfriend finds out that the communication didn't stop, and that you are telling the ex that the two of you (the ex and you) will be together again, but you tell the girlfriend that your conversation revolved around you two getting over one another and that she (the ex) has a new guy.

Here's my question...

Why tell the girlfriend and the ex these lies?

Rev.... there's no logical reason for this wild pack of lies being spun by this person , the only actual reason these lies are being spun is because this person thinks solely of themselves and they are selfish in every sense of the word , eventually the ex will be lied to again and that ex will get tired of the lies and dump this person on their deceitful aZZ , so in the long run this person will get what's coming to them, what goes around... comes around...


I agree with Stan. Stand back and watch this relationship blow up in his face also. Most don't want good and stable. They want what they can't have.

Hopefully,with therapy,if they are humble enough to realize they need it,most can overcome their demons and be able to obtain a healthy,normal relationship.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Mon, Dec 26, 2005 11:17

1viking1 write:
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



I gave someone a second chance. I don't regret it at all. We were in a new relationship,and he decided he wanted something closer to home. I was hurt,but knew I had too much pride to be with someone who didn't want me. For some unknown reason,we found our way back to one another.I,ME,I gave a second chance. I have no one to point the finger at this time but myself.

Will I be hurt again? Possibly,maybe not. But to me,it was worth it.
We are taking it slow,becoming friends,not rushing into anything,I'm having the time of my life.Love is too precious for maybe's,or what if's.

Not all second chances can be regretted. I know I don't regret mine at all.

  


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Mon, Dec 26, 2005 08:21

<---- Agrees with Huntr .... the female in this party deserves better, and hey, the man don't like it when the shoe is on the other foot; maybe she needs to try administering the proverbial dose of his own medicine :)

Angel --- HE MIGHT. Bud? >;-)



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share