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Widow and Widowers post only please.
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Posted on Sun, Sep 18, 2005 05:17

Is it just me or do other widows and widowers get the same feelings. As a man I have the following perceptions about women now. I would never have dreamed this but it is my feeling now.

If a guy is lieing about being married or never says up front that he is married, ladies will talk with him, date him, go to bed with him, even fall in love with him. Sometimes even after they find out he is married.

If a guy is recently separated, ladies will talk with him, date him, go to bed with him, even fall in love with him.

If a guy is recently divorced, ladies will talk with him, date him, go to bed with him, even fall in love with him.

but... If a man is a widower. Ladies are scared of him. They are afraid he will compare her to his deceased loved one. They say you need more time to grieve. They want you to date around and even are okay if you sleep around so you are sure you are not just rebounding. They are afraid you are just trying to fill a void.

Are we not all trying to fill a void if we are looking for love? Are we not all in need of someone to hold, to love, to be soulmates with? Are we not all human beings with feelings? Wheather we are divorced or widowed or just single.

What do other widows and widowers think? What are your experiences?



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Posted on Sat, Sep 10, 2011 06:40

It's been a little over 2 years since my husband died of lung cancer. I find it hard to start dating at this point of my life. Just when I think I am ready to begin the dating process I get cold feet. It has been so long since i've dated. I have just started to get on sites like this one.



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Posted on Sat, Aug 27, 2011 16:10

I know someone who started dating after 4 months losing their spouse, how do you do that one? I know its different for everyone but 4 months, how disrespectful is that and there's kids involved. I felt like such an outcast and still kinda do after 9 yrs of being widowed. My best to you all.



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Posted on Fri, Aug 26, 2011 15:15

wow, I just got on here the other day,and see some peeps I know from another site, Hi to you all, yeah this thread caught my attention, I became a widower on the 8th of January,2011. never thought I'd be one, well it was very difficult emotionaly at first,and it has lessened some , every now and then I get to cry about my greif and loss of my life partner,my lovely wife of 16 years, cancer got her after a two year battle.I ve been thinking of getting back into a loving relationship again,and then at times I don't think I'm ready,we had some long talks about her dying,and what my life would be like after she was no longer here,she knew that I probably would find another mate some day, and it was her sincere hope that who ever it was ,should be a lot of fun to be with,Connie and I had a lot of fun together, learning the lessons of a life in recovery from addictions, she had 16 years clean  when she died. it was the only relationship I knew in recovery, and the best one either of us has ever had. so I been looking for some prospective relationship minded women, and desided to go on the different sites to look .and see what turns up.I figure the bigger the pool the more chances I will have of finding a good match for the both of us who ever she might be. thanx for all your input on this powerfull subject. ..later.. Geo..



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Posted on Sat, Feb 19, 2011 20:40

Howdy Squeaky. It has been 5 years, almost 6 years, for me now. I still think about her everyday but it is all good. I still cry once in a while but I still think it was a great ride with her and I would not have missed it for the world. She has moved on and so have I. I have learned, when it is your turn, it is your turn. When it isn't it isn't. I have met a lot of wonderful people on this site and across this beautiful country. I am with a beautiful, sweet, wonderful widow. I knew her husband and she before they married. He had lung cancer. We are together but 1000 miles apart. She is in my house and I am working in California. This is the first time I have posted here in a couple of years. I hope others are able to use this thread as a therapy tool to help them heal also.



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Posted on Wed, Feb 09, 2011 15:14

Lordy,what an old thread,but I think my thoughts might be the same as most of yours. After the loss of my darling wife of 9 years, it took me some thought and a few conversations with friends and co-worker to finally get used to the idea of again being alone(as said earlyer in this thread, you never get over it, just use to it).The hardest part is trying to figure out what each of us did(laundry, dinner,grocerys,taxes,ext.) and then pick up the slack. Then figureing out where to find the time to go out and date. The other thing is personal stuff. What to do with clothes,shoes,cars,jewerly,nic-nacs,her favorite coffee mug. This really tears me up to the point that I feel like I will fall apart forever. I am tryingto use to this and get passed this point, but I WILL get to a normal life real soon.
Thank You for letting me get this off my chest.
Squeeky76



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Posted on Wed, Jul 09, 2008 14:38

Just came back to this site.. and realize this is an old thread, but your post is quite recent.
I've been widowed 8 yrs now. Every one deals and heals with their loss in their own way and their own time. For me, it took me at least half that time, no, much longer, to be ready to finally consider that a permanent long-term relationship was something i was ready for. Prior to that, i was in relationships, sure, but i just wasnt ready for true commitment.
All i can say is listen to what's inside you and let that voice inside be your guide. I tend to think it DOES take time to know what and where you want this new phase of your life to go; but then again, some move on quickly, remarry quickly, and stay happily so. My best to you!!



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Posted on Tue, Jun 10, 2008 20:11

I lost my wife of 27 years last October. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm ready to move on. I doubt it. I have been wanting to hear from other widowers but have not found ny groups I can relate too. I would like to see some rides for just widows/widowers.



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Posted on Sat, Mar 29, 2008 18:48

I HAVE BEEN A WIDOW FOR YRS NOW, SINCE MY SON WAS 5, NOW HE'S 29. I FIND IT HARD TO MEET DECENT MEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I WOULD LIKE TO REMARRY. I WON'T DATE MEN THAT ARE JUST SEPARATED, I HATE DATING SOMEONE THAT LIES AND HAS AN EX STILL ATTACHED. AND AS A CHRISTAIN, I WON'T JUMP IN BED EASY EITHER.



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Posted on Fri, Aug 11, 2006 08:08

Thanks again to Dane for starting this thread. It has helped a lot of people to do some healing.

Sending 'good mojo' to those who posted here.

DD : )



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Posted on Thu, Jun 08, 2006 06:04

Heretic write:
the only reason I joined this site was because of this thread. I stumbled onto it, and it hit a nerve. Reading through here has helped me deal with some of the issues I needed to face. I thank all of you who have posted here. I had to start the healing proscess, instead of hiding behind work, and I am doing that now. Thank you all

Hey H, its not so easy to come out and let ppl know what your status is, but good on you for starting to take some baby steps, I used to find it very hard to tell people that Im a widow, now I just tell them in a matter of fact way, its interesting to see some peoples reaction, I had some good advice from someone telling me how my sons needed to learn to cope, it was they will never let go of the load but they have to learn how to lighten it, I think that is some of the best advice I have ever recieved. Cos the memories are all we have other than some material things. And that is yours to keep in your safe place. I wish you good luck and all the very best in your journey through the rest of your life, it might not be how you planned it but, you now have the opportunity to make a new path and create new memories. HUGS AND CHEERS FROM AUSTRALIA - CAZZIE

  


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Posted on Sun, May 21, 2006 06:12

verdaineg write:
thunderunderme write:

verdaineg write:
It has been one year for me now. I spent the weekend on the road with a great bunch of brothers and sisters. I rode about 500 smiles and could feel her presence even though a great friend was on the back of my bike. I have been lucky compared to a lot of you I suppose. I dont feel guilt or bad about being with others. She gave me "permission" before she passed and I was standing next to her even the moment she passed. I have met some great people on this site. I hope you all get to know each others hearts. I hope you all take care of each others hearts. Don't hurt each other. Treat each other with respect. Get to know the persons heart before you leap and protect your heart. When you find that right person, give them your heart and protect theirs like it was yours. May you all be happy and may you take time to smell the flowers along the ride. Good luck to all of you.


Dane, my dear friend, it's good to see a post from you again.
I also feel no guilt seeing other people. BUT, the more I see the more I realize I don't want to be with them. Odd? I don't know. I actually enjoy being by myself now, instead of wanting another around.
The more time that passes the more I miss him. Especially when I'm w/a group of people. Seems like the more men I meet & see the more I see where I don't have an interest in them.
I like just hanging out w/my friends independantly.

Howdy Char!!! Long time no see. You are a gift of a friend. I am okay alone too, but I have met a lady that wants to share my time. I am gonna Ironbutt it down to Austin on the 26th and move her stuff up here. She has to stay down there for another month or two but then she will move up here with me. I need to start planning the second annual Ride the Rockies BK ride. She will make it a lot of fun. She is a hoot. Wish you could meet her.

Dane and Char: HUgggggggggggzzzzzzzzz
I miss chatting with you!

Hi Peg!

My best wishes to all,
DD

  


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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 18:55

Heretic write:
the only reason I joined this site was because of this thread. I stumbled onto it, and it hit a nerve. Reading through here has helped me deal with some of the issues I needed to face. I thank all of you who have posted here. I had to start the healing proscess, instead of hiding behind work, and I am doing that now. Thank you all


Howdy Heretic. Welcome to the site. Sorry that this string drew you here but you will meet some very good people here. I hope this string helps you move on. I started it as kind of a self therapy thing. I think it is good to talk about it and not hold it in. I think they love us and want us to be happy. They didn't make us unhappy when they were with us so why wouldn't they be happy to look down and see us moving along with a smile and a great memory of the super ride they gave us. It is exciting to start a new ride.



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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 11:47

Dane....WOW, congratulations. That is great and you know I wish you both the best.
Does she dance???

Well hell's bells Dane...I can meet her. You two come here for Thunderstock II, Flora knows the way. lol Maybe I could work it to come out for the Ride in the Rockies...since I was there for the inception. (kinda)

Gift of a friend...gag gift maybe.

Be well and keep me informed of what's going on.....



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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 11:41

Heretic write:
the only reason I joined this site was because of this thread. I stumbled onto it, and it hit a nerve. Reading through here has helped me deal with some of the issues I needed to face. I thank all of you who have posted here. I had to start the healing proscess, instead of hiding behind work, and I am doing that now. Thank you all

Bless your heart. If I helped in anyway I am so thankful.
I should have hidden awhile before I started the healing process. Perhaps I would not have made a couple of the bad decisions that I did. But yet, there was a lesson learned in them.

WELCOME!!!! Let the healing begin..



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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 00:04

the only reason I joined this site was because of this thread. I stumbled onto it, and it hit a nerve. Reading through here has helped me deal with some of the issues I needed to face. I thank all of you who have posted here. I had to start the healing proscess, instead of hiding behind work, and I am doing that now. Thank you all



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Posted on Tue, May 09, 2006 17:06

thunderunderme write:

verdaineg write:
It has been one year for me now. I spent the weekend on the road with a great bunch of brothers and sisters. I rode about 500 smiles and could feel her presence even though a great friend was on the back of my bike. I have been lucky compared to a lot of you I suppose. I dont feel guilt or bad about being with others. She gave me "permission" before she passed and I was standing next to her even the moment she passed. I have met some great people on this site. I hope you all get to know each others hearts. I hope you all take care of each others hearts. Don't hurt each other. Treat each other with respect. Get to know the persons heart before you leap and protect your heart. When you find that right person, give them your heart and protect theirs like it was yours. May you all be happy and may you take time to smell the flowers along the ride. Good luck to all of you.


Dane, my dear friend, it's good to see a post from you again.
I also feel no guilt seeing other people. BUT, the more I see the more I realize I don't want to be with them. Odd? I don't know. I actually enjoy being by myself now, instead of wanting another around.
The more time that passes the more I miss him. Especially when I'm w/a group of people. Seems like the more men I meet & see the more I see where I don't have an interest in them.
I like just hanging out w/my friends independantly.

Howdy Char!!! Long time no see. You are a gift of a friend. I am okay alone too, but I have met a lady that wants to share my time. I am gonna Ironbutt it down to Austin on the 26th and move her stuff up here. She has to stay down there for another month or two but then she will move up here with me. I need to start planning the second annual Ride the Rockies BK ride. She will make it a lot of fun. She is a hoot. Wish you could meet her.



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Posted on Tue, May 09, 2006 17:02

Angelle write:
Hey Dane, well Im glad that your moving forward and you are doing well. Time does make things easier and also harder.
Ive been moving on for over 4 years now and have had my share of highs and lows but I do know that Im just getting comfortable being ME. I dont think Im such a complex person but I do think that I need a partner with a HUGE heart and alot of understanding. Something I havent come across yet. I dont know if its a sign of the times but I think alot of people just cant be bothered to work alittle at things - it seems they just want simplicity - one thing I know is that my life isnt simple. Im just living my life and helping my kids to adulthood. These things I can do alone or with a partner but at the moment Im just going solo. BIG HUGS AND KISSES FROM AUSTRALIA - CHEERS CAZZIE

Howdy, young lady! Thanks for the hugs and kisses. You have a great attitude. Some guy is gonna be blessed when he realizes who and what you are. May your smile there all the time. May you see many smiles in return. May your heart be filled with love and devotion. May you keep the forward motion. Thank you for all the wonderful chats.



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Posted on Tue, May 09, 2006 09:26

verdaineg write:
It has been one year for me now. I spent the weekend on the road with a great bunch of brothers and sisters. I rode about 500 smiles and could feel her presence even though a great friend was on the back of my bike. I have been lucky compared to a lot of you I suppose. I dont feel guilt or bad about being with
others. She gave me "permission" before she passed and I was standing next to her even the moment she passed. I have met some great people on this site. I hope you all get to know each others hearts. I hope you all take care of each others hearts. Don't hurt each other. Treat each other with respect. Get to know the persons heart before you leap and protect your heart. When you find that right person, give them your heart and protect theirs like it was yours. May you all be happy and may you take time to smell the flowers along the ride. Good luck to all of you.



Dane

i'm happier for you then you will ever know---you are a good man and deserve to be happy

luv ya
Peg



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Posted on Tue, May 09, 2006 06:17

verdaineg write:
It has been one year for me now. I spent the weekend on the road with a great bunch of brothers and sisters. I rode about 500 smiles and could feel her presence even though a great friend was on the back of my bike. I have been lucky compared to a lot of you I suppose. I dont feel guilt or bad about being with others. She gave me "permission" before she passed and I was standing next to her even the moment she passed. I have met some great people on this site. I hope you all get to know each others hearts. I hope you all take care of each others hearts. Don't hurt each other. Treat each other with respect. Get to know the persons heart before you leap and protect your heart. When you find that right person, give them your heart and protect theirs like it was yours. May you all be happy and may you take time to smell the flowers along the ride. Good luck to all of you.

Dane, my dear friend, it's good to see a post from you again.
I also feel no guilt seeing other people. BUT, the more I see the more I realize I don't want to be with them. Odd? I don't know. I actually enjoy being by myself now, instead of wanting another around.
The more time that passes the more I miss him. Especially when I'm w/a group of people. Seems like the more men I meet & see the more I see where I don't have an interest in them.
I like just hanging out w/my friends independantly.



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