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Early warning signs "oops, wrong Person!"
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Posted on Wed, Sep 14, 2005 23:56

A big warning sign definite "Red Flag".....When they say one thing and do another and say don't be mad as they're telling you and then your at fault for getting upset!..... (fndrbny) We do watch each other around here! Good to see you hitting the forums girl!

  


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Posted on Wed, Sep 14, 2005 23:41

Falcon.... Thanks for putting the time into that post......It is so on target....More people need to read that!

  


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Posted on Wed, Sep 14, 2005 14:44

Oh, and fndrbndr? You sure you aren't more like 29? Jeesh girl, what's your secret? Great profile, by the way. It's a wonder you don't have all those NY guys lined up by now.
Just one more proof that the girls on BK rock!!



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Posted on Wed, Sep 14, 2005 14:41

Online dating safety tips taken from various internet sources. I've a shorter list, but since you're all looking for information.....

If you have decided you want something of a more personal relationship with someone you've met and they give you a contact number try ringing it. If you can never get hold of them be very wary, even if they give you a seemingly reasonable excuse. If you have to page or text them so they ring you back this is a real warning sign when considering your online dating safety. Presumably they have something to hide.

If you seem to be the only half of the relationship that is making the effort to progress your relationship to the next step you should step back and take a good look at exactly what they are saying.

Asking for financial help or other kinds of help should be a sure fire online dating safety warning sign no matter how polite, sweet and charming they are. An online relationship has in no way progressed to the level where they should be asking you for money.

While it's true that you should take before you give out your personal details once you decide that's the level you want to move to, it should be a two-sided thing. If the person you are talking to is entirely unwilling to give out personal details and you're sure that you've had long enough to get to know each other then their lack of commitment in wanting to meet you might indicate a secret.

Insecurity and a need to get married are more common than you might think in both men and women and if either of these factors crop up on a regular basis then you need to decide whether this is something you can cope with and whether you can stand back it make the relationship go slower. If not, then you are being pressurized into moving your relationship further forward than you want to.

A final online dating safety warning sign is to avoid embarrassment and upset. Online dating sites are sometimes frequented by people looking for something more than a quick chat, and might be looking for someone to indulge in their requirements with them. Make sure right from the start that this isn't the case.

Dating Violence Warning Signs
Are you going out with someone who?
Is jealous or possessive toward you? Won't let you have friends? Checks up on you? Won't accept breaking up? Tries to control you by being bossy? Giving orders? Making all the decisions? Doesn't take you seriously?

Is scary? You worry about how s/he will react to things you say or do? Threatens you? Uses or owns weapons?
Is violent?has a history of fighting? Loses temper easy? Brags about mistreating others?
Pressures you for se*x? Is forceful or scary around se*x? Thinks of you as a se*x object? Tries to guilt trip you by saying "If you really loved me you would?"? Gets too serious about the relationship too fast?
Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them?
Blames you for the mistreatment they might say that you provoked him/her, pushed his/her buttons, made him/her do it, led him/her on?
Has a history of bad relationships and always blames other people for their problems?
Believes that in a relationship one person should be in control and have all the power and the other person should be submissive?
Your friends and family have warned you about the person or told you they are worried about your safety?
If this sounds familiar? get help!

Finally, don't believe everything you read. Most online dating services ask participants to fill out long questionnaires about themselves. Women usually put a lot of thought into these, but men don't. A man may indicate that his favorite movie is When Harry Met Sally and he loves romantic walks on the beach. This will certainly attract women. But, in reality, most men would choose to watch basketball on TV over the beach walk, and Dirty Harry is a more likely contender in the "Favorite Movie" category.

Make Sure to Delete Mr. Wrong
"Little white lies" on someone's profile may be harmless, but there are some creeps trolling the online dating services. If you're going to cyber date, here are some screening tips to help you delete Mr. Wrong:

Ask a man for a photo. If he doesn't send one, or keeps making up excuses, there's something wrong. Of course, if he has too many photos with his ad, that can be equally problematic.
Ignore men who write form letters or send only a "wink" or a "rose," or who write something like "you're se*xy."
Don't answer email from men with "player" names, such as "MeTarzan." (oops, there goes over half the people on BK, lol)

Sherrie and Ellen also advise women not to "have se*x" online. The Rules girls say, "Delete/Next" to these men.

A Word About Online Dating Safety
If you meet someone online, take it slowly. You may think that you know the person because you have been corresponding via email, but remember to use common sense.

Guard your anonymity. Most online dating services use a "double blind" system that protects your identity. Be sure not to include your last name, address, place of work, ph*one number or any other identifying information when corresponding online.
Request a photo. Appearance can help you determine whether the person is someone you want to correspond with. If the person doesn't send a photo and makes excuses, stop corresponding with him.
Speak on the pho*ne. While the Rules Girls advise women not to push the "relationship" from email to ph*one (let the man call you!), a pho*ne call can reveal much about a person's social skills. If you decide to speak with someone on the pho*ne, give your cell pho*ne number or ask the person for his number. Also use telephone-blocking techniques so he can't get your number through caller ID.
Meet in a public place. If you decide to meet, choose a safe place, such as a restaurant during a busy time. Tell a friend where you're going and what time you plan to return. Give your friend the person's name and pho*ne number. Never arrange for someone to pick you up at your home or office. Take your own transportation. When the date is over, do not allow the person to follow you.
Watch for warning signs. If a person displays anger, tries to pressure you, gives inconsistent information about himself (even age!), refuses to speak to you on the pho*ne after you've established an email correspondence, something isn't right. Move on.
Protect yourself. If you feel uncertain about someone, get offline. If you're in a public place with a person, excuse yourself and call a friend from the ladies room and ask that person to come and meet you. If you feel unsafe, call the police. Don't be embarrassed. Be safe.



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Posted on Tue, Sep 13, 2005 11:53


goddessinca write:
how about this: you have been dating for 2 months, he says he loves you, and one day you see an email he is sending to another woman on BK. RUN!! He tried to sweet talk his way out of it and tried to weasel his way back into my life 3 more times - most recently a week ago. But fortunately her and I talked and he's busted!

Goddess..you have NO idea how many times that's happened here! LOL



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Posted on Tue, Sep 13, 2005 11:46

Good for you goddess!! Sorry to hear that you had to find out the hard way and hope you don't spend too much time hurting over this two timing jerk. Be glad you found now before you really got too involved.

Nice to see the ladies watching out for one another.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 12, 2005 23:01


LadyVulcan write:

WINDSPIRIT50 write:

Nodey write:

WINDSPIRIT50 write:

heritage99 write:

WINDSPIRIT50 write:
If all he gives you is his cell #

LOL....wasn't MY cell!


LOL!....House, cell, Job....should I continue.....LOL



On the other hand,there are some I wish I had never given my home number to.It's all a crapshoot. I'm leery of giving up all my numbers to a man right away.


Nodey...I'm sorry I told some guys my name!

Now that's funny.... but you know what? I feel the same.


I know lady V ...this is real sad that we have to feel this way....LOL



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Posted on Mon, Sep 12, 2005 22:38


byndbtch write:
Hey Double D........I went with a man, whatever, for 3 months, a long distance thing, met in Vegas once, drove right to Cal once and he was so in love with me and 3 weeks later I get the call. I dont love you like that no more. I have been sober for 21 days now!! yikes. that was goood for the 'ol ego. I was crazy about him.......there were signs, chose not to see them ya no?? loneliness can do that to ya. I dont get it!




Lol! You sure we didn't have the same boyfriend?

  


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Posted on Mon, Sep 12, 2005 22:36

Lol,yes ladies. I was so sure this creep did it,I called and confronted him with it. He told me he couldn't believe I had the audacity to accuse him of such a thing. When he said that,I let it rip. There was nothing I didn't call him. I have had money go missing before,but never accussed anyone of stealing it before this man.

Lol..he had the nerve to email me 4 months later and try to talk to me.

And when I thought I had seen it all.

  


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Posted on Mon, Sep 12, 2005 16:18


DoubleDelight write:
Nodey said"Lol...good call LadyV. Sounds like the date I had. I thought he was a really cool guy on the first date. Second date we went to his place so he could make me dinner. He stole money out of my purse while I went to powder my nose.

Oh well,guess he had to find a way to pay for the groceries he had to buy. "
~~~~~~~
OMG! Nodey, what a date! Stealing from your purse. Now. that's lowdownN'dirty. Glad you noticed it early on and could make a quick exit.
~~~~
Lady V- Good to see your posts. It's almost as good as chatting with you direct! I just got back from a 4 day meet up in S.L.O. We did the back roads to Cambria-some coast, was an awesome trip. No traffic, beautiful views, and plenty of curves.
~~~~~
Windspirit-love your dreamcatcher pic...
~~~~
DD

Glad you had an awesome trip, DD. WTG g/f. :)

  


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Posted on Mon, Sep 12, 2005 12:56


:{{im gonna ignore the first one, but these ARE words of wisdom, {thanx}....

ChiefTwoKicks write:

An objective, open perspective should allow you to see the person for who they really are. Usually takes a few encounters to spot trends. And if you can't tolerate something, you'll see it before too long, people don't change colors all that easily.



very well put there cheif..no need for further discussion i'd say..



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Posted on Sun, Sep 11, 2005 09:00

Hey Double D........I went with a man, whatever, for 3 months, a long distance thing, met in Vegas once, drove right to Cal once and he was so in love with me and 3 weeks later I get the call. I dont love you like that no more. I have been sober for 21 days now!! yikes. that was goood for the 'ol ego. I was crazy about him.......there were signs, chose not to see them ya no?? loneliness can do that to ya. I dont get it!

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Posted on Sat, Sep 10, 2005 20:00


HarleyGurl35 write:

Nodey write:

Lol...good call LadyV. Sounds like the date I had. I thought he was a really cool guy on the first date. Second date we went to his place so he could make me dinner. He stole money out of my purse while I went to powder my nose.

Oh well,guess he had to find a way to pay for the groceries he had to buy.



Oh what a loser! Did you say anything or did he ever realize you knew he took the money?!? THAT is way low.

I can't handle people who are sneaky and mischievious. If he played it out all cool or even denied it, I'm not sure I wouldn't have invested in a good year long subscription to a gay porn magazine....having it sent to his work, of course!

NEVER think you've got one over on me!


You are too funny Harley!

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 10, 2005 19:42


Nodey write:

Lol...good call LadyV. Sounds like the date I had. I thought he was a really cool guy on the first date. Second date we went to his place so he could make me dinner. He stole money out of my purse while I went to powder my nose.

Oh well,guess he had to find a way to pay for the groceries he had to buy.



Oh what a loser! Did you say anything or did he ever realize you knew he took the money?!? THAT is way low.

I can't handle people who are sneaky and mischievious. If he played it out all cool or even denied it, I'm not sure I wouldn't have invested in a good year long subscription to a gay porn magazine....having it sent to his work, of course!

NEVER think you've got one over on me!

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 10, 2005 19:35


Bigbear2000 write:
Sorry for ramblin. This is the most I've talked in years. : )



Keep it up BigBear...we love hearing it!

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 10, 2005 06:46

Nodey said"Lol...good call LadyV. Sounds like the date I had. I thought he was a really cool guy on the first date. Second date we went to his place so he could make me dinner. He stole money out of my purse while I went to powder my nose.

Oh well,guess he had to find a way to pay for the groceries he had to buy. "
~~~~~~~
OMG! Nodey, what a date! Stealing from your purse. Now. that's lowdownN'dirty. Glad you noticed it early on and could make a quick exit.
~~~~
Lady V- Good to see your posts. It's almost as good as chatting with you direct! I just got back from a 4 day meet up in S.L.O. We did the back roads to Cambria-some coast, was an awesome trip. No traffic, beautiful views, and plenty of curves.
~~~~~
Windspirit-love your dreamcatcher pic...
~~~~
DD

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 10, 2005 01:08


Nodey write:

LadyVulcan write:
DD, I too go by my gut instincts. I am a very good listener and I pick up a lot of what is being said during our conversations. I also notice body language and I see if his actions reflect the words that he speaks? Does he walk his own walk and talk his own talk? I have to share a recent date that I had. You will get a good chuckle over this one. See if you pick up on any warning signals, lol. After date #1 he decided he really wanted to see me again and soon. He called two days later and asked if I would like to have dinner. Sounded good???? WRONG! He said he didn't get paid until Friday (and it was only Wednesday) so he wasn't talking "go out" to dinner. He wanted to bring a couple of cans over to my house and make a batch of spaghetti. I could add some ingredients (like the meat.) And, he asked if he could use my shower when he was here because his place had no running water or electricity. Hmmmmmmm...... needless to say I graciously bowed out and decided he was NOT the right ONE for me. It is little hints like this... lol.




Lol...good call LadyV. Sounds like the date I had. I thought he was a really cool guy on the first date. Second date we went to his place so he could make me dinner. He stole money out of my purse while I went to powder my nose.

Oh well,guess he had to find a way to pay for the groceries he had to buy.

Egads! Now that guy is the lowest of the lows, Nodey. We really know how to pick em, don't we????? Well from what I see things are really looking up for you, girl. That is sooooooooooooo neat! I wish you the both the best.

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 10, 2005 01:04


WINDSPIRIT50 write:

Nodey write:

WINDSPIRIT50 write:

heritage99 write:

WINDSPIRIT50 write:
If all he gives you is his cell #

LOL....wasn't MY cell!


LOL!....House, cell, Job....should I continue.....LOL



On the other hand,there are some I wish I had never given my home number to.It's all a crapshoot. I'm leery of giving up all my numbers to a man right away.


Nodey...I'm sorry I told some guys my name!

Now that's funny.... but you know what? I feel the same.

  


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Posted on Fri, Sep 09, 2005 15:50


mojo2005 write:
Saw a book that may help...I have not read...."How To Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved" (Hunter House)..by..Sandra Brown


MoJo,
I am going to take a little trip to a book store soon- I'm getting behind on my reading. Thnaks for the title-I'll check it out.
DD



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Posted on Thu, Sep 08, 2005 20:24


Nodey write:

LadyVulcan write:
DD, I too go by my gut instincts. I am a very good listener and I pick up a lot of what is being said during our conversations. I also notice body language and I see if his actions reflect the words that he speaks? Does he walk his own walk and talk his own talk? I have to share a recent date that I had. You will get a good chuckle over this one. See if you pick up on any warning signals, lol. After date #1 he decided he really wanted to see me again and soon. He called two days later and asked if I would like to have dinner. Sounded good???? WRONG! He said he didn't get paid until Friday (and it was only Wednesday) so he wasn't talking "go out" to dinner. He wanted to bring a couple of cans over to my house and make a batch of spaghetti. I could add some ingredients (like the meat.) And, he asked if he could use my shower when he was here because his place had no running water or electricity. Hmmmmmmm...... needless to say I graciously bowed out and decided he was NOT the right ONE for me. It is little hints like this... lol.




Lol...good call LadyV. Sounds like the date I had. I thought he was a really cool guy on the first date. Second date we went to his place so he could make me dinner. He stole money out of my purse while I went to powder my nose.

Oh well,guess he had to find a way to pay for the groceries he had to buy.


Damn!

  


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