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Posted on Fri, Aug 05, 2005 13:56


gefallen write:
Often, wondering about questions like these can start two people meeting at a disadvantage.

Why have to ask and reflect on how you are treated? Would you not know already? Perhaps we are not always honest with ourselves. I do not mean to be crass, but if the physical relationship is hot and loaded, at what point do most people then move onto evaluate the other aspects of a person?

Why worry if you are going to lose someone for treating them "too nicely". If it makes you happy to be nice and treat people right... then why stop? I remember one gal I know telling me she did not want to treat my brother too nicely, because then he would only run away. I laughed and said "well then , go kick him in the nuts, dump your beer on his head, and guarantee he will be with you tomarrow."

Remember also, it is amazing in that you can treat someone very well for many years. Then... the minute things go south, you hear that "you never treated me right."

Also, planning too far ahead can only make it such that if that time ahead never comes... then you increased your disappointment through expectations that never became real.

Cynical? Perhaps.... Sarcastic.... I do not mean to be. But, I sure hate to over analyze "woman" so much that the next one I meet is going to be pigeon-holed in some pre-determined category.

As for men, it is easy I am told by the ladies. I have been told "men are all pigs."

I reply, "yes, but some pigs are greater than others" (George Orwell Animal Farm). And men are dogs? No, the dogs work for the pigs :) (Also Animal Farm.)

So, I just try to remember the old Irish toast. "Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one hears you, and live each day like it was the last day of your life."

AJ



AJ .... applause..applause!

I am me..I am me all the time. When a man comes along that likes "ME" that is what he gets. If I like 'HIM' then that is how I want him to stay. I will not change nor do I expect anyone to change.
I like me..and if I like you, YOU will know it. For the one I like I will do special things for b/c I desire to please them. I do not expect anything in return..why? b/c I did not do it 'for them' I did it 'for me' It was my pleasure.
I expect nothing (except honest respect) from anyone. Then what extra I get is a bonus. We teach people how to treat us. Look inside yourself, what are you teaching people?
I treat people women and men alike how I want to be treated. I must do the right thing whether anyone else does or not.
I am enjoying my life being me. When that 'one' comes along that likes me and I he then ONE we will be.



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Posted on Fri, Aug 05, 2005 13:31

Hey Harley Chick, you ask an interesting question as I have run across the exact obosite scenio,not in me to treat someone bad,but seems the most I have run into seem to like....Go figure? I just keep on lookin



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Posted on Fri, Aug 05, 2005 13:10

That's easy to answer. The answer is (it's Easy).. Some people think that is a nice way to make someone feel better about themself's as you are breaking there heart. How dumb is that? Really they want to make themself's feel better. Now wasn't that really the problem in the first place? There first thought is to themself's. I believe in telling the truth, it never hurts as much



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Posted on Fri, Aug 05, 2005 05:34


Corkey1100 write:
No person who is happy within themselfs ever want's to be treated badly or to treat anyone badly... First you must be happy with you! Really don't just say it feel it. Personnaly I would never treat someone badly, even if there was no spark. But please know that some of us are out here because are ladies changed from being the person we married to someone that would and did treat there mate badly. So hold you head up and keep looking and like yourself and others will follow.



Beautifully spoken Corkey1100



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 21:30

oh ye of little faith.think outside the box. if its meant to be its meant to be. find out who youre with before you move in with him. try a date. as in I go home at the end of the night. to my home. do that for a few months. and work from there.its slow and old fashioned but parting ways doesn't include a large truck if thats how it ends up



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 21:22


seeme1st write:

chkn write:

46andlooking write:
hi im new to this site and i just read the question for the ladies and now im asking the guys.
Is there not any guys out there who wants a good ol'lady. And who isnt gonna dump her after a year. It hurts when you give everything you have and then be told that he wants to be single again. Please tell me.



I think I'll just stick to the Question as it was asked.
My answer is, yes. At my age I'm not into waisting time, or trying all that hard to keep or atract someone. This time around I'm looking for a ready fit. Not someone to be remolded for my chosing. For that matter I'm not all that eager to fit someone elses mold. From what you said, you knocked yourself out trying to please someone that was already wrong for you. Sorry for your lose. Next time I know you'll find someone that will put in the same amount of effort you are, then I'm sure you'll find one worth keeping.
Yes there are alot of good men out there, and there is one for you.
Chkn



Chkn---i'm with you--i believe it isn't my responsibilty to make or keep someone happy and forget about ME--it isn't MY responsiblity to keep the emails or fone calls going it is mutual and as far as i'm concerned if someone things it is mine--they aren't going to hear from me often because this time--i'm not going there--i'm taking care of ME 1st and if i'm feeling funky about something WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT WE HAVE TO MY FEELINGS ARE AS IMPORTANT!!!!!



Nothing wrong with having a little self strenth, Seeme. Altho sometimes being an independant can have it's tough timmes.
Chkn

  


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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 17:53


HarleyChic1 write:

46andlooking write:
hi im new to this site and i just read the question for the ladies and now im asking the guys.
Is there not any guys out there who wants a good ol'lady. And who isnt gonna dump her after a year. It hurts when you give everything you have and then be told that he wants to be single again. Please tell me.



I can't figure the men out either 46. I think the worse you treat them the more they want to be with you & If you treat them right don't give them a problem they dump you.

So do tell men whats the reason for that?

I do beleive that to be true in most cases...I think that applies in both woman and men. I treated my ex like gold and you all know where that got me...So just be your self....Hell I don't know what to tell ya, I have the same problem. I will think on that one!! Chit...I guess just talk it slow? I am not the one to comment on this, I am still looking for answers myself from the ladies. Wish I could help, but I know how you feel. Hang in there and keep looking 46...Good luck to ya !! Whats up there HarleyChic...You play nice now!!



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 11:32

Often, wondering about questions like these can start two people meeting at a disadvantage.

Why have to ask and reflect on how you are treated? Would you not know already? Perhaps we are not always honest with ourselves. I do not mean to be crass, but if the physical relationship is hot and loaded, at what point do most people then move onto evaluate the other aspects of a person?

Why worry if you are going to lose someone for treating them "too nicely". If it makes you happy to be nice and treat people right... then why stop? I remember one gal I know telling me she did not want to treat my brother too nicely, because then he would only run away. I laughed and said "well then , go kick him in the nuts, dump your beer on his head, and guarantee he will be with you tomarrow."

Remember also, it is amazing in that you can treat someone very well for many years. Then... the minute things go south, you hear that "you never treated me right."

Also, planning too far ahead can only make it such that if that time ahead never comes... then you increased your disappointment through expectations that never became real.

Cynical? Perhaps.... Sarcastic.... I do not mean to be. But, I sure hate to over analyze "woman" so much that the next one I meet is going to be pigeon-holed in some pre-determined category.

As for men, it is easy I am told by the ladies. I have been told "men are all pigs."

I reply, "yes, but some pigs are greater than others" (George Orwell Animal Farm). And men are dogs? No, the dogs work for the pigs :) (Also Animal Farm.)

So, I just try to remember the old Irish toast. "Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one hears you, and live each day like it was the last day of your life."

AJ



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 07:56


Roxie0215 write:
Bikeman....I like what you wrote on your profile / honest & upfront


Thanx Roxie, just da truth ya know??



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 07:55


HarleyChic1 write:

bikeman542a write:

HarleyChic1 write:

Corkey1100 write:
No person who is happy within themselfs ever want's to be treated badly or to treat anyone badly... First you must be happy with you! Really don't just say it feel it. Personnaly I would never treat someone badly, even if there was no spark. But please know that some of us are out here because are ladies changed from being the person we married to someone that would and did treat there mate badly. So hold you head up and keep looking and like yourself and others will follow.



OK - so then tell me something.
Every guy I've ever dated, and they have all been long term relationships I've never went out with anyone for less then 3 yrs. They have all told me the same thing - I'm too nice and too good for them.

"so, that tells me they don't want to be treated nice" you can't pick a fight with someone if there's nothing to fight about.

"So, if you guys don't like to be treated like crap, why would you tell the woman your with that there too nice to them and your too good of a person to be with them"??

I really don't understand you guys at all - AND it's not just one class of guys either. I've dated alot of guys. I've dated lots of bikers, Rich men, middle class and yes even poor guys and again the same thing. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Maybe I'm just too nice for you guys. So what are you guys really looking for in a woman?


quote from my profile

I am divorced and not sure what comes next in life. Would like a long term relationshp with someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them and to be able to live with each other's oddities. Maybe too much to look for, but I'll keep my eyes open, ya never know right??

I'm hoping for someone who is either normal enough to not need meds or smart enough to take them if they need them!!
Other then that honesty and monogomy, the rest we'll figure out as we go.



Doc maybe you and me were born in the wrong era.

I sure wish I could figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong already.


Yea me too darlin



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 07:46

Bikeman....I like what you wrote on your profile / honest & upfront



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 05:21


chkn write:

46andlooking write:
hi im new to this site and i just read the question for the ladies and now im asking the guys.
Is there not any guys out there who wants a good ol'lady. And who isnt gonna dump her after a year. It hurts when you give everything you have and then be told that he wants to be single again. Please tell me.



I think I'll just stick to the Question as it was asked.
My answer is, yes. At my age I'm not into waisting time, or trying all that hard to keep or atract someone. This time around I'm looking for a ready fit. Not someone to be remolded for my chosing. For that matter I'm not all that eager to fit someone elses mold. From what you said, you knocked yourself out trying to please someone that was already wrong for you. Sorry for your lose. Next time I know you'll find someone that will put in the same amount of effort you are, then I'm sure you'll find one worth keeping.
Yes there are alot of good men out there, and there is one for you.
Chkn



Chkn---i'm with you--i believe it isn't my responsibilty to make or keep someone happy and forget about ME--it isn't MY responsiblity to keep the emails or fone calls going it is mutual and as far as i'm concerned if someone things it is mine--they aren't going to hear from me often because this time--i'm not going there--i'm taking care of ME 1st and if i'm feeling funky about something WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT WE HAVE TO MY FEELINGS ARE AS IMPORTANT!!!!!



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 22:25

We are praying for understanding? What happens when the day comes when we finally DO understand? Be careful what we wish for!



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 21:50


beatitudes_5 write:

springer-how did you become so wize, i love what you write and the way you think.....do you think we ever get to the point of totally understanding?...and/or we are given another chance to have what we once had?..........


Beatitudes,
Will we ever get to the point of total understanding?
Yes, however it will be a long generational road and currently my mortal time span fails to see what it has faith will be. Human consciousness has been maturing for 5000 plus years and always it has been a struggle. We see bright blooms at times that light the way but they are only beacons to tomorrow. One day the masses will become the beacon of 2000 years ago and then another beacon will rise to direct us again.
Just continue to pray
this is the short answer..

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 20:29


HarleyChic1 write:

Corkey1100 write:
No person who is happy within themselfs ever want's to be treated badly or to treat anyone badly... First you must be happy with you! Really don't just say it feel it. Personnaly I would never treat someone badly, even if there was no spark. But please know that some of us are out here because are ladies changed from being the person we married to someone that would and did treat there mate badly. So hold you head up and keep looking and like yourself and others will follow.



OK - so then tell me something.
Every guy I've ever dated, and they have all been long term relationships I've never went out with anyone for less then 3 yrs. They have all told me the same thing - I'm too nice and too good for them.

"so, that tells me they don't want to be treated nice" you can't pick a fight with someone if there's nothing to fight about.

"So, if you guys don't like to be treated like crap, why would you tell the woman your with that there too nice to them and your too good of a person to be with them"??

I really don't understand you guys at all - AND it's not just one class of guys either. I've dated alot of guys. I've dated lots of bikers, Rich men, middle class and yes even poor guys and again the same thing. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Maybe I'm just too nice for you guys. So what are you guys really looking for in a woman?


quote from my profile

I am divorced and not sure what comes next in life. Would like a long term relationshp with someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them and to be able to live with each other's oddities. Maybe too much to look for, but I'll keep my eyes open, ya never know right??

I'm hoping for someone who is either normal enough to not need meds or smart enough to take them if they need them!!
Other then that honesty and monogomy, the rest we'll figure out as we go.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 20:07


46andlooking write:
hi im new to this site and i just read the question for the ladies and now im asking the guys.
Is there not any guys out there who wants a good ol'lady. And who isnt gonna dump her after a year. It hurts when you give everything you have and then be told that he wants to be single again. Please tell me.



I think I'll just stick to the Question as it was asked.
My answer is, yes. At my age I'm not into waisting time, or trying all that hard to keep or atract someone. This time around I'm looking for a ready fit. Not someone to be remolded for my chosing. For that matter I'm not all that eager to fit someone elses mold. From what you said, you knocked yourself out trying to please someone that was already wrong for you. Sorry for your lose. Next time I know you'll find someone that will put in the same amount of effort you are, then I'm sure you'll find one worth keeping.
Yes there are alot of good men out there, and there is one for you.
Chkn

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 15:11

No person who is happy within themselfs ever want's to be treated badly or to treat anyone badly... First you must be happy with you! Really don't just say it feel it. Personnaly I would never treat someone badly, even if there was no spark. But please know that some of us are out here because are ladies changed from being the person we married to someone that would and did treat there mate badly. So hold you head up and keep looking and like yourself and others will follow.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 13:47

it goes both ways,Ive been married twice and both times I treated my lady like gold only to get chit on ,Im not bitter or looking to change the way I treat the ladys,Im holding out for a good one,so hang in there, he'll come along soon enough.dont give up.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 10:43

Springer...there you go again with your beautiful ways of expression. It is true that if somepne has been in an absuvive realtionship and had been treated unworthy, IF and WHEN thar someone does get out the relationship and is blessed to fall into the arms of a wonderful person who treats them with love & respect, we don't know how to react, we contine to wait for the bottom to drop out or for that person to turn evil and we mess up what could be "true love".
We all deserve to love and be loved. First be whole and content within yourself, don't expect someone to make you happy, that's not thier job, they only add to your life....like whipped creme and a cherry are added to a sundae! Good luck in love to everyone

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 09:56


SpringerSoul write:
Ladies,

Men experience the same thing a gorgeous woman with a lot going for her going out with an abusive man trying to rescue him and not at all interested in a good man who has very little to mother or tend to. Being needed is a very deep need in many people and someone that is needy supplies your need but can't supply much else really. Both s e x e s experiences it because it is a soul thing beneath the physical s e x.
46 you gave up everything in less than a year! He probably felt burden by that and didn't feel worth the sacrifice. You can do heroic things to let someone know how much you love them but if they don't love themselves and feel they are worth it; it will fail.
Secondly, if you don't know what a good relationship is and have never experienced one (most commonly why you and I are single) then when you find one you don't know how it is suppose to feel and it will feel different. If you don't feel like you deserve it or are fearful of the intimacy because you don't know how or never learned what a wonderful experience it is you sabotage it.
Most people were never shown a model of a good relationship to follow and don't know what it is. Many of us have learned and are learning but old habits and fears die hard...12 weeks I have heard for some but the deeper the origin the stronger the root problem.

Good luck ladies and above all have fun!

springer-how did you become so wize, i love what you write and the way you think.....do you think we ever get to the point of totally understanding?...and/or we are given another chance to have what we once had?..........

  


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