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Posted on Tue, Aug 16, 2005 17:16

To thine own self be true....
Hang in there Nodey, earthgodess and all the other great women on this site.
It's when you're not looking but instead focusing on the things that really matter,that's when cupid decides to shoot you with an arrow, and when it comes from above, it's much better than what we imagined for ourseleves!

  


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Posted on Mon, Aug 15, 2005 22:10


46andlooking write:
hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies. I did give him everything love passion honesty trust (and trust was a hard one for me to give). anyway my bro here in canada told me it was his loss. Thanks againfor all the feedback and hope to hear from all of you again. And if you have anything else to add go ahead i need all the moral support i can get.

Thanks from
46andlooking, eastern canada



I'm certainly not one to give support to anyone's morals but I think it's all very simple in a way: You're hurting right now because you gave your heart to someone and in the end he decided you were not the right person for him. Maybe you thought he was the right person for you, but the ends justify the reason for the pain, you know? You gave your all to someone, and he was not willing to recive that gift. It's no fault of yours. Re-read: It's NO FAULT OF YOURS.

Eventualy your heart will heal, and trust me, it will heal. The pain you might feel tonight will not be with you all the rest of your days, even though it might seem so a t times. I know this to be true.



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Posted on Sun, Aug 14, 2005 17:55

This June marked 5 years single for me also.
Making sure the next one is for real.
Seems like an angel has found me recently...hope we can stand the test of time



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Posted on Sun, Aug 14, 2005 11:07


bikeman542a write:

Nodey write:

Roxie0215 write:
To thine own self be true....
Hang in there Nodey, earthgodess and all the other great women on this side.
It's when you're not looking and focusing on the things that really matter, that's when cupid decides to shoot you with an arrow, and when it comes from above, it's much better than what we imagined for ourseleves!



Thanks Roxie. I believe the reason I have been single for five years is because I want to make sure it's the right one this time. I'd rather be alone than be with someone and unhappy.


You got that right Southern Bell Goddess!! Keep smilin baby and always trust yourself!!! Someday you'll make some luck man deleriously happy!!



Thanks G! Stranger things have been known to happen!!!

  


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Posted on Sun, Aug 14, 2005 10:55


Nodey write:

Roxie0215 write:
To thine own self be true....
Hang in there Nodey, earthgodess and all the other great women on this side.
It's when you're not looking and focusing on the things that really matter, that's when cupid decides to shoot you with an arrow, and when it comes from above, it's much better than what we imagined for ourseleves!



Thanks Roxie. I believe the reason I have been single for five years is because I want to make sure it's the right one this time. I'd rather be alone than be with someone and unhappy.


You got that right Southern Bell Goddess!! Keep smilin baby and always trust yourself!!! Someday you'll make some luck man deleriously happy!!

  


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Posted on Sun, Aug 14, 2005 10:07


Roxie0215 write:
To thine own self be true....
Hang in there Nodey, earthgodess and all the other great women on this side.
It's when you're not looking and focusing on the things that really matter, that's when cupid decides to shoot you with an arrow, and when it comes from above, it's much better than what we imagined for ourseleves!



Thanks Roxie. I believe the reason I have been single for five years is because I want to make sure it's the right one this time. I'd rather be alone than be with someone and unhappy.



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Posted on Sun, Aug 14, 2005 10:05


flhrcui01 write:
As far as what I can tell,anyone of us on here can say one thing and be another.We've all been through that line of b.s. and where did it get us? I agree with the last comment on being yourself.I am me,accept me or don't waste our time.Plain and simple.If ya don't like the package,then don't mess with it.You cannot change how a person feels,acts,or looks like,THEY are the ones that will change themselves IF they want to.So many times people get together,be it a rebound(like me) or through bk or whatever and it proves to be disasterous to one or both parties.Most people need someone in their lives,they just have to find the right ONE.It takes time to meet the right person,and most of us do NOT like to wait.So 46,you'll find a guy who will treat you right,like you should be treated,and that goes for everyone else here as well.You have to love who you are,be happy who you are,and good things WILL come to pass.




I agree Flh.The way I look a t it is,if one doesn't like me,there is always the next one in line who may. I was holding on to a past hurt for months and finally woke up with some events that happened. Out of this a really great guy drove the eight hours to see ME. Very unusual in this day and time.
We went to the bike night here in Nashville and had a really great time.Yesterday someone who had seen me there and recognized me tracked me down through . Last night we played pretend poker run and went bar hopping ,collecting beer labels instead of cards. Through this I received two more fone numbers!
I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel that because I finally let go of past hurts, I may be portraying something other than what I have in the past. I think having a different attitude about who I am,and liking who I am may have made me more appealing to the opposite s ex.
I really believe that what we are feeling on the inside shows through to our outer image.



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Posted on Fri, Aug 12, 2005 18:38

I agree, but don't forget that it goes for both men and women. Say for instance that a man meets a woman and they start a relationship. He (or she) trying to be supportive, pays off the other person's bills for them. Then tells the signifigant other that "If you want it and we can afford it, go get it." Soon the bank account is depleted and things start to go bad in the relationship. As both live there, it starts out that both help with housework. Then more and more falls to just one. Soon, he 9or she) is doing all the housework, except cooking, plus running a small business. Then, a windfall and there's more money in the account. One of them wants to get married, but the other one has to be talked into it. Once married, a mortgage, a new car payment, etc. She (or he) comes clean about the whole thing and says "I have everything I've ever wanted in life. Now you can go."
The bottom line here is "Yeah. Treat em good, but don't "sacrifice" yourself and don't forget to treat yourself good, as well."
Peace



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Posted on Fri, Aug 12, 2005 15:23


earthgoddes2 write:
i hear ya ladies,i was raised to know what to do in a relationship,work hard,cook,clean, raaise kids,blah blah, was in a 15 yr relationship,did everything i was taught (good house wife) all he did was take advantage,then when i got sick of it,he said i was to blame,go figure,now i'm single and wiser,i'd do anything for my mate,thats how i am,and they don't want it. if i treat them good,i expect to be treated the same in return. just my opinion



I hear ya Goddess. Same thing happened in my marriage. Shoot,the same thing happens to any of the men I get involved with. Maybe we need to be bitches? Those are the types of women most men go for anyway.
I think the best thing to do is just be me,and forget about trying to please. It's always taken for granted anyway.



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Posted on Fri, Aug 12, 2005 09:28

I don't mind saying that I found the greatest woman I could ever find. I just had a very bad accident about 3 months ago and we had only been going out for about 3 months. She was in the hospital everyday, taking care of most of my things in my home and most of all cared about me and gave me the will to live. I'm not getting out of this one!!! I'm in love!!



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Posted on Thu, Aug 11, 2005 09:47

i hear ya ladies,i was raised to know what to do in a relationship,work hard,cook,clean, raaise kids,blah blah, was in a 15 yr relationship,did everything i was taught (good house wife) all he did was take advantage,then when i got sick of it,he said i was to blame,go figure,now i'm single and wiser,i'd do anything for my mate,thats how i am,and they don't want it. if i treat them good,i expect to be treated the same in return. just my opinion

  


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Posted on Thu, Aug 11, 2005 07:04

I have the same problem. I can't help but wonder what I am doing wrong.

Therein lies the answer.

Maybe we aren't doing anything wrong. We are merely doing what we know.

I used to look to a man to complete me.. until I found out I was complete in and of myself.

Now I look for a man to add to my life. And what I can add to his.

It took me turning 40 before I understood that accepting someone for who they are and not trying to change them to be what I want them to be, grants me one of the greatest freedoms of all.

It takes practice and patience and alot of hard work to keep my unrealistic expectations in check and to take care of my side of the street..

If I am unhappy with myself, I will NEVER be happy in a relationship.



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Posted on Thu, Aug 11, 2005 05:45

Hey 46-I've been there too. My advice is to do the things you've always wanted to do in life. Those are your dreams to make you happy. Don't worry about someone else having to be there with you to do it either. I've had more fun by myself going everywhere I've wanted, because no one else is there to distract me from what I want to see/do. Be selfish for once! You'll have a blast! Jy



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Posted on Tue, Aug 09, 2005 17:57

I am brand new to this site and had to reply. There are nice guys out there as well as nice women. From many a guy's perspective, all women say they want a 'decent' guy. (When was the last time you heard a woman say she wanted an abusive man?) When a decent one shows up they suddenly loose interest and find that guy 'boring'. When a smart guy shows up they find that guy 'intimidating'. I have seen loads of women hook up with abusive guys - one after the other. Those women who honestly want a decent man who will not abuse her will initially go slow and work on developing a real friendship based on mutual respect. She will watch out for the warning signs and run a t the first sign of any major relationship 'deal breaker'.



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Posted on Sun, Aug 07, 2005 19:30

Well said MoonBeam. I am a single mom also and have been struggling, But like the saying goes - "I can do bad all by myself". Would rather be alone than be withsome who brings you down.
Keep Smiling!

  


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Posted on Sun, Aug 07, 2005 13:25

Well, I've read all through the long list (well, maybe not that long) and would like to throw in my 2 cents worth. HarlyChic - when someone says 'you're too good and nice for me'; I strongly suspect that they are just shining you on. They want to move on (for whatever reason) and just don't want to say so directly so take an approach that they think will let them ease out gently.
Most of what all have said is accurate but, while mostly confined to guys, both s e x es have 'moved on' and left someone behind who has treated them 'nice'.
Think a moment, the younger the person is, the less they know about themselves and what/where they're going. Most don't have the security of 'self' to deal with a long term relationship. It is so easy for a 20+ year old to 'catch someone else's eye' and wonder 'what would it be like to be with him/her?' And so they move on. At that level, most of the concerns are physical and for the moment. Let's party, let's ride down the road, etc. Not too many are looking to 'set up house' for very long. I know, I was there for a very long time. I'm sure I left a lot of heartaches behind me because I didn't know what I wanted (maybe I wanted them all - who knows). It took a long time to gain the inner security to know who I am and what I want, so I quit searching and running and 'settled down' with one person. But I do have to say that the match is perfect (for me). How many can say that at any given point in time? As many have said, the MOST important point is to be secure within yourself and know how to make yourself happy (see a movie and have an ice cream) without relying on someone else to make you happy. Being happy is a shared thing, not dependent on one or the other.
If you run into a 'youngy', just enjoy the ride and don't expect any more than what comes along. If it is meant to be, it will happen, if not, then your own security will see you through. But don't isolate yourself from enjoying the time just to avoid the hurt - for then you will just about guarantee it will happen. I once knew a lady who was so insecure about being the perfect person, that she became the very person she didn't want to be - and we parted.
Enjoy the kiss but don't build a life on it prematurely.

  


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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2005 10:57


flhrcui write:
As far as what I can tell,anyone of us on here can say one thing and be another.We've all been through that line of b.s. and where did it get us? I agree with the last comment on being yourself.I am me,accept me or don't waste our time.Plain and simple.If ya don't like the package,then don't mess with it.You cannot change how a person feels,acts,or looks like,THEY are the ones that will change themselves IF they want to.So many times people get together,be it a rebound(like me) or through bk or whatever and it proves to be disasterous to one or both parties.Most people need someone in their lives,they just have to find the right ONE.It takes time to meet the right person,and most of us do NOT like to wait.So 46,you'll find a guy who will treat you right,like you should be treated,and that goes for everyone else here as well.You have to love who you are,be happy who you are,and good things WILL come to pass.



I couldn't have said this better !
Why is everyone in such a rush to find " the right one " ? I suspect that much of it is that terrible fear of being alone. I would never expect that following one date, I would meet the love of my life. How would I know...?
Following my divorce after 23 years of marriage, I was fearful, and wondered if I could manage on my own. It was definately a learning process. Six years later, brings me to the point that I am at today. I may not know what I want, but I sure know what I don't want. I've reached a comfort level with myself that I am not willing to give up at this point.
I feel proud of my achievements, and although at times things can get lonely, I can also look at the other end of the spectrum. There are times that I come home from work completely tired. I don't have to feel any guilt if I just want to get a bath, open a can of soup, and lay on the couch and read.
I've raised my children, the laundry is done, and the time of my life when I had to get dinner on the table by 5 pm, to take a little guy to football practice is over. This was probably the best time of my life, but it is over.
.... I am passing the torch to my daughter now.
Now, I look forward to other things. I don't want to raise another family, and I'm not able to tolerate abuse. Tranquility is essential, and if a new love can find it's way into the mix, thats great. But, if it doesn't happen, that will be ok too.
How do we find the "right one", if we are tied up to the "wrong one" ? With this said... I won't rush into anything.
Keep smiling folks !



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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2005 10:19

hi there flhrcui,

Well thank you for your comments. And ive always been me, I never did change and attimes that has been my fault. So now my outlook is positive and my attitude is back the way it used to be almost 30 yrs ... This is me andif you dont like well there are guys who do..so it your loss. And now with this great career opportunity and move and all the support ive received here my outlook is just absolutely awesome.
Thank you from
A canadian girl who is soon to be in the US

46andlooking



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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2005 10:08

As far as what I can tell,anyone of us on here can say one thing and be another.We've all been through that line of b.s. and where did it get us? I agree with the last comment on being yourself.I am me,accept me or don't waste our time.Plain and simple.If ya don't like the package,then don't mess with it.You cannot change how a person feels,acts,or looks like,THEY are the ones that will change themselves IF they want to.So many times people get together,be it a rebound(like me) or through bk or whatever and it proves to be disasterous to one or both parties.Most people need someone in their lives,they just have to find the right ONE.It takes time to meet the right person,and most of us do NOT like to wait.So 46,you'll find a guy who will treat you right,like you should be treated,and that goes for everyone else here as well.You have to love who you are,be happy who you are,and good things WILL come to pass.



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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2005 07:26

Thank you one and all,

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all your insight, it has really opened up my eyes. And I've decided now it is ME time.
My kids are grown and gone so im gonna have some fun. Making big changes in my life. Starting with a major move. Im moving to the states CT actually for ajob. So hopefully some day some of us can meet. Thanks again for all your support

Feel free to contact me. Im gain for just about anything. Have a Large Day

46and looking



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