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Posted on Tue, Aug 09, 2005 17:57

I am brand new to this site and had to reply. There are nice guys out there as well as nice women. From many a guy's perspective, all women say they want a 'decent' guy. (When was the last time you heard a woman say she wanted an abusive man?) When a decent one shows up they suddenly loose interest and find that guy 'boring'. When a smart guy shows up they find that guy 'intimidating'. I have seen loads of women hook up with abusive guys - one after the other. Those women who honestly want a decent man who will not abuse her will initially go slow and work on developing a real friendship based on mutual respect. She will watch out for the warning signs and run a t the first sign of any major relationship 'deal breaker'.



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Posted on Sun, Aug 07, 2005 13:25

Well, I've read all through the long list (well, maybe not that long) and would like to throw in my 2 cents worth. HarlyChic - when someone says 'you're too good and nice for me'; I strongly suspect that they are just shining you on. They want to move on (for whatever reason) and just don't want to say so directly so take an approach that they think will let them ease out gently.
Most of what all have said is accurate but, while mostly confined to guys, both s e x es have 'moved on' and left someone behind who has treated them 'nice'.
Think a moment, the younger the person is, the less they know about themselves and what/where they're going. Most don't have the security of 'self' to deal with a long term relationship. It is so easy for a 20+ year old to 'catch someone else's eye' and wonder 'what would it be like to be with him/her?' And so they move on. At that level, most of the concerns are physical and for the moment. Let's party, let's ride down the road, etc. Not too many are looking to 'set up house' for very long. I know, I was there for a very long time. I'm sure I left a lot of heartaches behind me because I didn't know what I wanted (maybe I wanted them all - who knows). It took a long time to gain the inner security to know who I am and what I want, so I quit searching and running and 'settled down' with one person. But I do have to say that the match is perfect (for me). How many can say that at any given point in time? As many have said, the MOST important point is to be secure within yourself and know how to make yourself happy (see a movie and have an ice cream) without relying on someone else to make you happy. Being happy is a shared thing, not dependent on one or the other.
If you run into a 'youngy', just enjoy the ride and don't expect any more than what comes along. If it is meant to be, it will happen, if not, then your own security will see you through. But don't isolate yourself from enjoying the time just to avoid the hurt - for then you will just about guarantee it will happen. I once knew a lady who was so insecure about being the perfect person, that she became the very person she didn't want to be - and we parted.
Enjoy the kiss but don't build a life on it prematurely.

  


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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2005 10:19

hi there flhrcui,

Well thank you for your comments. And ive always been me, I never did change and attimes that has been my fault. So now my outlook is positive and my attitude is back the way it used to be almost 30 yrs ... This is me andif you dont like well there are guys who do..so it your loss. And now with this great career opportunity and move and all the support ive received here my outlook is just absolutely awesome.
Thank you from
A canadian girl who is soon to be in the US

46andlooking



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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2005 10:08

As far as what I can tell,anyone of us on here can say one thing and be another.We've all been through that line of b.s. and where did it get us? I agree with the last comment on being yourself.I am me,accept me or don't waste our time.Plain and simple.If ya don't like the package,then don't mess with it.You cannot change how a person feels,acts,or looks like,THEY are the ones that will change themselves IF they want to.So many times people get together,be it a rebound(like me) or through bk or whatever and it proves to be disasterous to one or both parties.Most people need someone in their lives,they just have to find the right ONE.It takes time to meet the right person,and most of us do NOT like to wait.So 46,you'll find a guy who will treat you right,like you should be treated,and that goes for everyone else here as well.You have to love who you are,be happy who you are,and good things WILL come to pass.



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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2005 07:26

Thank you one and all,

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all your insight, it has really opened up my eyes. And I've decided now it is ME time.
My kids are grown and gone so im gonna have some fun. Making big changes in my life. Starting with a major move. Im moving to the states CT actually for ajob. So hopefully some day some of us can meet. Thanks again for all your support

Feel free to contact me. Im gain for just about anything. Have a Large Day

46and looking



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Posted on Fri, Aug 05, 2005 13:56


gefallen write:
Often, wondering about questions like these can start two people meeting at a disadvantage.

Why have to ask and reflect on how you are treated? Would you not know already? Perhaps we are not always honest with ourselves. I do not mean to be crass, but if the physical relationship is hot and loaded, at what point do most people then move onto evaluate the other aspects of a person?

Why worry if you are going to lose someone for treating them "too nicely". If it makes you happy to be nice and treat people right... then why stop? I remember one gal I know telling me she did not want to treat my brother too nicely, because then he would only run away. I laughed and said "well then , go kick him in the nuts, dump your beer on his head, and guarantee he will be with you tomarrow."

Remember also, it is amazing in that you can treat someone very well for many years. Then... the minute things go south, you hear that "you never treated me right."

Also, planning too far ahead can only make it such that if that time ahead never comes... then you increased your disappointment through expectations that never became real.

Cynical? Perhaps.... Sarcastic.... I do not mean to be. But, I sure hate to over analyze "woman" so much that the next one I meet is going to be pigeon-holed in some pre-determined category.

As for men, it is easy I am told by the ladies. I have been told "men are all pigs."

I reply, "yes, but some pigs are greater than others" (George Orwell Animal Farm). And men are dogs? No, the dogs work for the pigs :) (Also Animal Farm.)

So, I just try to remember the old Irish toast. "Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one hears you, and live each day like it was the last day of your life."

AJ



AJ .... applause..applause!

I am me..I am me all the time. When a man comes along that likes "ME" that is what he gets. If I like 'HIM' then that is how I want him to stay. I will not change nor do I expect anyone to change.
I like me..and if I like you, YOU will know it. For the one I like I will do special things for b/c I desire to please them. I do not expect anything in return..why? b/c I did not do it 'for them' I did it 'for me' It was my pleasure.
I expect nothing (except honest respect) from anyone. Then what extra I get is a bonus. We teach people how to treat us. Look inside yourself, what are you teaching people?
I treat people women and men alike how I want to be treated. I must do the right thing whether anyone else does or not.
I am enjoying my life being me. When that 'one' comes along that likes me and I he then ONE we will be.



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Posted on Fri, Aug 05, 2005 13:31

Hey Harley Chick, you ask an interesting question as I have run across the exact obosite scenio,not in me to treat someone bad,but seems the most I have run into seem to like....Go figure? I just keep on lookin



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 21:30

oh ye of little faith.think outside the box. if its meant to be its meant to be. find out who youre with before you move in with him. try a date. as in I go home at the end of the night. to my home. do that for a few months. and work from there.its slow and old fashioned but parting ways doesn't include a large truck if thats how it ends up



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 21:22


seeme1st write:

chkn write:

46andlooking write:
hi im new to this site and i just read the question for the ladies and now im asking the guys.
Is there not any guys out there who wants a good ol'lady. And who isnt gonna dump her after a year. It hurts when you give everything you have and then be told that he wants to be single again. Please tell me.



I think I'll just stick to the Question as it was asked.
My answer is, yes. At my age I'm not into waisting time, or trying all that hard to keep or atract someone. This time around I'm looking for a ready fit. Not someone to be remolded for my chosing. For that matter I'm not all that eager to fit someone elses mold. From what you said, you knocked yourself out trying to please someone that was already wrong for you. Sorry for your lose. Next time I know you'll find someone that will put in the same amount of effort you are, then I'm sure you'll find one worth keeping.
Yes there are alot of good men out there, and there is one for you.
Chkn



Chkn---i'm with you--i believe it isn't my responsibilty to make or keep someone happy and forget about ME--it isn't MY responsiblity to keep the emails or fone calls going it is mutual and as far as i'm concerned if someone things it is mine--they aren't going to hear from me often because this time--i'm not going there--i'm taking care of ME 1st and if i'm feeling funky about something WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT WE HAVE TO MY FEELINGS ARE AS IMPORTANT!!!!!



Nothing wrong with having a little self strenth, Seeme. Altho sometimes being an independant can have it's tough timmes.
Chkn

  


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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 11:32

Often, wondering about questions like these can start two people meeting at a disadvantage.

Why have to ask and reflect on how you are treated? Would you not know already? Perhaps we are not always honest with ourselves. I do not mean to be crass, but if the physical relationship is hot and loaded, at what point do most people then move onto evaluate the other aspects of a person?

Why worry if you are going to lose someone for treating them "too nicely". If it makes you happy to be nice and treat people right... then why stop? I remember one gal I know telling me she did not want to treat my brother too nicely, because then he would only run away. I laughed and said "well then , go kick him in the nuts, dump your beer on his head, and guarantee he will be with you tomarrow."

Remember also, it is amazing in that you can treat someone very well for many years. Then... the minute things go south, you hear that "you never treated me right."

Also, planning too far ahead can only make it such that if that time ahead never comes... then you increased your disappointment through expectations that never became real.

Cynical? Perhaps.... Sarcastic.... I do not mean to be. But, I sure hate to over analyze "woman" so much that the next one I meet is going to be pigeon-holed in some pre-determined category.

As for men, it is easy I am told by the ladies. I have been told "men are all pigs."

I reply, "yes, but some pigs are greater than others" (George Orwell Animal Farm). And men are dogs? No, the dogs work for the pigs :) (Also Animal Farm.)

So, I just try to remember the old Irish toast. "Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one hears you, and live each day like it was the last day of your life."

AJ



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 07:56


Roxie0215 write:
Bikeman....I like what you wrote on your profile / honest & upfront


Thanx Roxie, just da truth ya know??



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 07:55


HarleyChic1 write:

bikeman542a write:

HarleyChic1 write:

Corkey1100 write:
No person who is happy within themselfs ever want's to be treated badly or to treat anyone badly... First you must be happy with you! Really don't just say it feel it. Personnaly I would never treat someone badly, even if there was no spark. But please know that some of us are out here because are ladies changed from being the person we married to someone that would and did treat there mate badly. So hold you head up and keep looking and like yourself and others will follow.



OK - so then tell me something.
Every guy I've ever dated, and they have all been long term relationships I've never went out with anyone for less then 3 yrs. They have all told me the same thing - I'm too nice and too good for them.

"so, that tells me they don't want to be treated nice" you can't pick a fight with someone if there's nothing to fight about.

"So, if you guys don't like to be treated like crap, why would you tell the woman your with that there too nice to them and your too good of a person to be with them"??

I really don't understand you guys at all - AND it's not just one class of guys either. I've dated alot of guys. I've dated lots of bikers, Rich men, middle class and yes even poor guys and again the same thing. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Maybe I'm just too nice for you guys. So what are you guys really looking for in a woman?


quote from my profile

I am divorced and not sure what comes next in life. Would like a long term relationshp with someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them and to be able to live with each other's oddities. Maybe too much to look for, but I'll keep my eyes open, ya never know right??

I'm hoping for someone who is either normal enough to not need meds or smart enough to take them if they need them!!
Other then that honesty and monogomy, the rest we'll figure out as we go.



Doc maybe you and me were born in the wrong era.

I sure wish I could figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong already.


Yea me too darlin



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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 05:21


chkn write:

46andlooking write:
hi im new to this site and i just read the question for the ladies and now im asking the guys.
Is there not any guys out there who wants a good ol'lady. And who isnt gonna dump her after a year. It hurts when you give everything you have and then be told that he wants to be single again. Please tell me.



I think I'll just stick to the Question as it was asked.
My answer is, yes. At my age I'm not into waisting time, or trying all that hard to keep or atract someone. This time around I'm looking for a ready fit. Not someone to be remolded for my chosing. For that matter I'm not all that eager to fit someone elses mold. From what you said, you knocked yourself out trying to please someone that was already wrong for you. Sorry for your lose. Next time I know you'll find someone that will put in the same amount of effort you are, then I'm sure you'll find one worth keeping.
Yes there are alot of good men out there, and there is one for you.
Chkn



Chkn---i'm with you--i believe it isn't my responsibilty to make or keep someone happy and forget about ME--it isn't MY responsiblity to keep the emails or fone calls going it is mutual and as far as i'm concerned if someone things it is mine--they aren't going to hear from me often because this time--i'm not going there--i'm taking care of ME 1st and if i'm feeling funky about something WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT WE HAVE TO MY FEELINGS ARE AS IMPORTANT!!!!!



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 22:25

We are praying for understanding? What happens when the day comes when we finally DO understand? Be careful what we wish for!



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 21:50


beatitudes_5 write:

springer-how did you become so wize, i love what you write and the way you think.....do you think we ever get to the point of totally understanding?...and/or we are given another chance to have what we once had?..........


Beatitudes,
Will we ever get to the point of total understanding?
Yes, however it will be a long generational road and currently my mortal time span fails to see what it has faith will be. Human consciousness has been maturing for 5000 plus years and always it has been a struggle. We see bright blooms at times that light the way but they are only beacons to tomorrow. One day the masses will become the beacon of 2000 years ago and then another beacon will rise to direct us again.
Just continue to pray
this is the short answer..

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 20:29


HarleyChic1 write:

Corkey1100 write:
No person who is happy within themselfs ever want's to be treated badly or to treat anyone badly... First you must be happy with you! Really don't just say it feel it. Personnaly I would never treat someone badly, even if there was no spark. But please know that some of us are out here because are ladies changed from being the person we married to someone that would and did treat there mate badly. So hold you head up and keep looking and like yourself and others will follow.



OK - so then tell me something.
Every guy I've ever dated, and they have all been long term relationships I've never went out with anyone for less then 3 yrs. They have all told me the same thing - I'm too nice and too good for them.

"so, that tells me they don't want to be treated nice" you can't pick a fight with someone if there's nothing to fight about.

"So, if you guys don't like to be treated like crap, why would you tell the woman your with that there too nice to them and your too good of a person to be with them"??

I really don't understand you guys at all - AND it's not just one class of guys either. I've dated alot of guys. I've dated lots of bikers, Rich men, middle class and yes even poor guys and again the same thing. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Maybe I'm just too nice for you guys. So what are you guys really looking for in a woman?


quote from my profile

I am divorced and not sure what comes next in life. Would like a long term relationshp with someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them and to be able to live with each other's oddities. Maybe too much to look for, but I'll keep my eyes open, ya never know right??

I'm hoping for someone who is either normal enough to not need meds or smart enough to take them if they need them!!
Other then that honesty and monogomy, the rest we'll figure out as we go.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 20:07


46andlooking write:
hi im new to this site and i just read the question for the ladies and now im asking the guys.
Is there not any guys out there who wants a good ol'lady. And who isnt gonna dump her after a year. It hurts when you give everything you have and then be told that he wants to be single again. Please tell me.



I think I'll just stick to the Question as it was asked.
My answer is, yes. At my age I'm not into waisting time, or trying all that hard to keep or atract someone. This time around I'm looking for a ready fit. Not someone to be remolded for my chosing. For that matter I'm not all that eager to fit someone elses mold. From what you said, you knocked yourself out trying to please someone that was already wrong for you. Sorry for your lose. Next time I know you'll find someone that will put in the same amount of effort you are, then I'm sure you'll find one worth keeping.
Yes there are alot of good men out there, and there is one for you.
Chkn

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 13:47

it goes both ways,Ive been married twice and both times I treated my lady like gold only to get chit on ,Im not bitter or looking to change the way I treat the ladys,Im holding out for a good one,so hang in there, he'll come along soon enough.dont give up.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 09:56


SpringerSoul write:
Ladies,

Men experience the same thing a gorgeous woman with a lot going for her going out with an abusive man trying to rescue him and not at all interested in a good man who has very little to mother or tend to. Being needed is a very deep need in many people and someone that is needy supplies your need but can't supply much else really. Both s e x e s experiences it because it is a soul thing beneath the physical s e x.
46 you gave up everything in less than a year! He probably felt burden by that and didn't feel worth the sacrifice. You can do heroic things to let someone know how much you love them but if they don't love themselves and feel they are worth it; it will fail.
Secondly, if you don't know what a good relationship is and have never experienced one (most commonly why you and I are single) then when you find one you don't know how it is suppose to feel and it will feel different. If you don't feel like you deserve it or are fearful of the intimacy because you don't know how or never learned what a wonderful experience it is you sabotage it.
Most people were never shown a model of a good relationship to follow and don't know what it is. Many of us have learned and are learning but old habits and fears die hard...12 weeks I have heard for some but the deeper the origin the stronger the root problem.

Good luck ladies and above all have fun!

springer-how did you become so wize, i love what you write and the way you think.....do you think we ever get to the point of totally understanding?...and/or we are given another chance to have what we once had?..........

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 08:29

hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies. I did give him everything love passion honesty trust (and trust was a hard one for me to give). anyway my bro here in canada told me it was his loss. Thanks againfor all the feedback and hope to hear from all of you again. And if you have anything else to add go ahead i need all the moral support i can get.

Thanks from
46andlooking, eastern canada



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