I think this is a bit like the chicken or the egg deleima. As a teenager or a 20 something dater, it starts out as entertainment. As we mature, it goes through many types of metamorphosis before it evolves to something greater than ourselves. (Though I have found some that never seemed to evolve beyond "entertainment.")Be that as it may, there are of course many people who never have fit the mold and tap their feet to the varying beats of the drummer as if in a high level jazz ensemble. I love people who can adjust to the circumstance.
Seeme, I assume you are referring to the "well meaning" friend, the one who is trying to help you "get over it" by occupying your time, giving you busy things to keep you company with, social stuff to do, etc.. for just a little while, while the pain is still fresh, or until the newness wears off, or until they have other things or events in their life, or find someone, or get tired of hearing of your emotions, etc. blah blah..then they leave and you are alone, lonely, and now need to grieve and feel all those things they were keeping you too busy and entertained for feel, except now it is months or years later, and you have to start from the beginning to deal with it, so essentially now you are starting as if you just were divorced? Those people? Well those people you say no thanks to - I need to be alone. I appreciate the thought, but I need to be alone.
BHG--you are right about the person going thru the divorce to initiate a relationship with another--we need to grief the death of a marriage
but what about the person who thinks they are the rescurer--they inject themselves into someones life thinking they are helping the other--instead they add to the pain and feelings of abandonment when they leave--and those feelings are intensified because the orginal hurts weren't dealt with
so by all means do your grieving--and heal your souls before moving on--otherwise it will take you longer to heal and get on with living
BHG, after reading your posts, profile and looking at your pics. I bet most men would jump at the chance to get eaten up and spat out by you. I have a feeling that after they heal they would carrie that scar with pride....
Thanks Angel and Eye, you probably didn't think I had a serious side. Just think it is wrong..I didn't start dating for two years following my divorce..I knew it would not have been fair to any man I dated, I would have chewed him up and spit him out probably, don't know that for sure but I knew I was not in a state to begin a romance or consider a relationship and knew that I would have just been going thru the motions and I consider that unfair to someone who may be ready for something other than going thru the motions - other people don't deserve to be treated that way, I know I would not want to be.
disagree on using dating to get over divorce...sorry
think it is wrong to use other people that way. Divorce is painful, no matter who initiated it, takes a long time to heal and in the mean time it is unfair to take the bitterness and sarcasm out on innocent bystanders.
Heal yourselves before taking on dating.
once the divorce is final the only way to get out of the doldrums is to start dating. By dating we heal and get a new perspective on life as the hurt dulls we find that we enjoy going out and meeting new people. I now find that I am enjoying dating and meeting new people.