10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
9. Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
8. Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax
on new Harley.
4. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized
H-D is partially owned by Honda.
3. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to
cover their ears like everyone else.
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled
his hand on spiked helmet.
1. They're jealous that after spending $30,000, they still don't
own a Gold Wing.
Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don't Wave Back
10. Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated
8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult
to raise arm.
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
6. The espresso machine just finished.
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and
3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height,
programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation
1. Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard.
Top Ten Reasons Why Dual Sport Riders Don't Wave Back
10. Vibration of knobby tires prevented the rider from taking
his hand off the bars.
9. MX style safety gear was too bright to see you wave.
8. His front fender prevents you seeing him wave back.
7. Was too busy configuring his GPS/Enduro Roll/FishFinder.
6. His rain/wind/thorn/bug/bird proof thousand-dollar jacket
won't allow it.
5. Was too busy re-arranging his 500 pounds of soft-sided
4. Doesn't recognize a wave in any language other than German.
3. Too busy splitting lanes/filtering through traffic.
2. One handed wheelies are not easy.
1. On single-track trails you stop, not wave.
Top Ten Reasons Why Sport Bike Riders Don't Wave Back
10. They have not been riding long enough to know they are
9. If they took one hand off the bars they would break their
8. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars.
7. It's hard to put their hand in the air doing 175.
6. Their skin tight-kevlar-balistic-nylon-goose-leather suits
prevent any position other than fetal.
5. One handed stoppies are ill advised.
4. They are waving, but you can't see it behind the neon green
3. They were slipping their flip-flop back on.
2. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank
1. They don't know how.
Of course on a sidecar outfit everyone waves no matter what brand
tug we have.Right?
Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the road dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new model Harleys.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the bikers looks at her and says, "kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head, no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.
The biker walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the biker walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.
His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver," but 'til today, I ain't never seen nobody do it."
MODERN DAY BIKER
I?m a modern day biker, got a scooter to prove it,
Got ink on my arm, took 5 minutes to choose it.
My putt she?s a beauty 40 grand worth of chrome,
I'd never rode when I bought her, so I trailered her home.
I bought her on credit, accessories up the wazoo,
Bought some worn chaps and a leather jacket on HD credit too.
I got me some apes, about 3 feet tall
They?re way over my head, can?t reach them at all.
Big carb and big cam, big tire to boot,
But I pray she don?t break cuz I can?t fix my own scoot.
Couple falls, couple crashes, another 5 grand in fix?n,
Now I got my permit just can?t take my little vixen.
The vixen she's a hottie, she?ll be 18 in June,
She loves all the chrome and now gives me the poon.
I wear a bandana, all folded and pressed,
No helmet for me, I ride to impress.
I got me an attitude, I?m the baddest in town,
But I check it at the door when real patchers are around.
I bought a big knife but I leave it at home,
I wore it out once but it got in the way of my ph0ne.
I call my friends ?bro? now, they got new scooters too,
We think we need an oil change, just no sure how to.
I watch Pauly and Cody and Vinny and Senior,
But I love Mikey the most, he?s the freaking ring leader.
And don?t forget Jessie and his West Coast Choppers,
Building every bikers dream, 50 thousand dollar bar hoppers.
I won?t ride to Sturgis, man that?s way too far,
I?ll just load up the trailer and tow with the car.
I?ll stay in a motel, five stars there?s no doubt,
One with great food and where credit has clout.
I will trailer near town then jump in with some scooters
1200 miles to drool at some girl with fake hooters.
I might get my ear pierced or another tattoo
Of skulls or of dagger or maybe F**k U.
If the vixen don?t like it and thinks I?m a dope
No problems here, it?ll wash off with soap.
Sleep on the ground! You?re kidding me right?
Next thing you?ll want me to do is stay up n party all night.
I?ll buy me a patch that says ?I RODE MINE THERE?,
Who the hells gonna know, it?s a lie but who cares.
Ride to live, live to ride, I got riden in my veins,
Except when it?s too hot or too cold or windy or it rains.
Yea, I?m a modern day biker, you got something to say?
Send me an email, I?ll reply someday.