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~BIKER JOKES~
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Posted on Sat, Jan 21, 2006 12:42

Walking into the bar, Mike the biker said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."

Oh yeah," said Greg "And how did this one end?"

When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit.'

  


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Posted on Wed, Mar 01, 2006 21:57

A biker calls 911
911: what's you're emergency
Biker: You need to send an ambulance right away a woman's bleeding to death!
911: What is she bleeding from??
Biker: She's bleeding to death from the clap!
911: You can't bleed to death from the clap.
Biker: You can when you give it to me!!



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Posted on Sun, Feb 26, 2006 12:32

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Posted on Tue, Feb 21, 2006 03:35

A crusty old biker walks into a bank and says to the woman at the
teller window "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account
now!" says the biker.

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in
this bank," the teller informs him. She then leaves the window and
goes over to the bank manager to inform her of the situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul
language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker,
"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million
dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account
in this damn bank!"

"I see," says the manager, "and is this b1tch giving you a hard
time?"



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 06:13

" THE 59 RULES OF MOTORCYCLING"

1. Respect the person who has seen the dark side of motorcycling and lived!

2. Midnight bugs taste Best.

3. Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need.

4. Wear heavy boots. You can?t kick things when you?re wearing sneakers.

5. NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench.

6. Routine maintenance should never be neglected.

7. It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.

8. The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror. Never be afraid to slow down.

9. Only bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.

10. Bikes don?t leak oil, they mark their territory.

11. Never ask a biker for directions if you?re in a hurry to get there.

12. If it takes more than 3 bolts to hold it on, it?s probably crucial.

13. Remember that you will be judged by the Horse you ride on.

14. Don?t ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.

15. Pie and coffee are as important as gasoline.

16. The number of kicks it takes to start your bike is directly proportional to the number of spectators.

17. Never ask your bike to scream before her throat is good and warm.

18. Sometimes it takes a whole tank full of gas before you can think straight.

19. If you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principals. You may even have to shave (hmmm is that for us ladies too!)

20. Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you?ll ride alone.

21. Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.

22. Never mistake horsepower for staying power.

23. A good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.

24. A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and riding forty miles.

25. Never do less then forty miles before breakfast.

26. If you don?t ride in the rain, you don?t ride.

27. A bike on the road is worth two in the shop.

28. When you look down the road, it seems to never end but you better believe it does.

29. Young riders pick a destination and go. Old riders pick a direction and go.

30. Overconfidence can be supplied by spare spark plugs, a set of wrenches, and a roll of toilet paper.

31. Advice is free and worth every penny!

32. Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.

33. Always back your scoot into the curb and sit where you can see it.

34. Work to ride?Ride to work.

35. Whatever it is, its better in the wind. Two lane blacktop isn?t a highway-its an attitude.

36. Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.

37. A biker can smell a party 5,000 miles away.

38. Keep your bike in good repair.

39. Motorcycle boots are NOT comfortable for walking.

40. People are like motorcycles: each is customized a bit differently.

41. More races were won in the tavern than on the track.

42. Never loan your bike to someone else, and never ride another?s.

43. If the bike isn?t braking properly, you don?t start by rebuilding the engine.

44. Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.

45. Sometimes the best communication happens when you?re on separate bikes.

46. Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.

47. The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome.

48. Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.

49. Beware the biker whose ink peels off.

50. If you really want to know what?s going on, watch what?s happening at least 5 cars ahead.

51. Don?t make a reputation you?ll have to live down or run away from later.

52. Smoke and grease can hide a multitude of errors, but only for so long.

53. A friend is someone who?ll get out of bed at 2 am to drive her/his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you?re broken down.

54. If s/he changes her oil more than s/he changes her mind-follow her.

55. The thicker your oil, the hotter you can take it.

56. Catchin? a June bug @ 70 mph can double your vocabulary.

57. If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can?t stop at every tavern.

58. Hunger can make even road kill taste good.

59. You gotta be smart enough to understand the rules of motorcycling and dumb enough to think the game's important.

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Posted on Sat, Feb 18, 2006 21:59

A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bas*tard! You waltz in here, flop your fat a*ss down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh sh*it, it's started,

  


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Posted on Tue, Feb 14, 2006 18:11

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Posted on Sat, Jan 21, 2006 17:54

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first."

The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."



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