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Is it ok....?
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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 16:41

Browneyes...I too expressed my personal thoughts to Nodey, I didn't want to throw my 2 cents in here because things like this always have a way of working out. However, after hearing Rich I would like to say this:

You two, my very first post in this forum had to do with an identical post. Like Nodey I had found the perfect person for me and exactly like Nodey...my heart got beat up. It has been a few months now and I'm happy to report we're trying it again, this time alot slower and in a more gentle way. All things work out, sometimes it's not what we want but rather what we need at that particular time. Something I didn't know at the time was that those same feelings scared my guy to the point he didn't know what the heck to think! ~shrugs~ Don't turn loose of those special feelings, there is no such thing as a coincidence in this world. Maintain that bond, if it's meant to grow it most certainly will. Remember the old saying...ya don't know what you've got until you lose it. Sometimes when we fall back and regroup we can see both sides more clearly and believe it or not, the respect and feelings actually do grow.

Sorry, had to comment on this because it's better to regret trying something than to regret ya didn't give it your best shot.

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 15:44

I expressed my sorrow for her pain to Nodey privately rather than here but being the hopeless romantic that I am (and someone that gives 2nd chances when maybe I shouldn't) I'm gonna jump in. Nodey, I truly meant what I wrote to you. I am someone that knows that pain all too well & have been carrying some of it for almost a year. Rich, perhaps you need to step back & evaluate all of your actions. I am one that believes that all things happen for a reason and I also believe that with faith, things that seemed wrong can be made right. I wish you both the best regardless.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 15:38

a shoulder too LOL....my fingers got away from me



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 15:36

Nodey
You will never know how terrible I feel for your heart...when and if I ever figure it out I will share my answers to why this happens to people. I recently went through this almost exact same thing. On our 6 mth anniversary I got an email of all things an email!!! And I was warned and I didn't listen to her. Not only was I devastated but my kids were crushed....they loved Ray.Almost 1200 miles a weekend we shared...no distance was to great for him. He won't speak, email or anything as if we never existed. I guess I am simply saying sorry you had to experience this and here is yet another should if you need it.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 14:54

I was going to come on here and remove my posts from this thread. I have re-read the entire thread and come to the conclusion that the truth has got to mean something. There isn't anything in this thread that is untrue, including the very first post. Nodey is one of the most awesome women I have ever met. She made me feel things I had not felt is such a long time. The weekend we spent together was one of the most happy times I have ever had in my life. If a person (man or woman) is single and "meeting" people, at what point does he become a jerk for "seeing" more than one woman at a time? When he fiannally decides that he has the best chance of happiness with this one or that one? I am not the kind that takes "serious" interest in more than one woman at a time. I was faced with a choice that was never in my mind that I would have to make. Okay, I chose to pursue a relationship close to home. Nodey, being the persecptive woman she is "felt" a difference in our conversation immediatly. Was I dishonest? I did not want to try and explain the very complicated feelings I was experiencing over the pho ne. I wanted to wait for the weekend when I was supposed to go see her. It was important to me that she be able to not only hear me, but see me, feel the sincerity in me. I had to be sure that she understood. I didn't feel I could do that over the pho ne, but the distance was something I couldn't jump up and go to her right then and there. So YES I put off revealing those feelings right then. If that' is dis honest, then I am guilty. The very next day while we were talking it became evident that there was no way to postpone that conversation. Nodey is much to smart and perceptive a woman. So the thing began to unwind and I knew I was losing the ability to convey my real feelings and meanings because all she could hear was my voice, and not my entire being. She was hurt and I was hurting for causing her such pain. I felt like the more I talked the more damage I was doing. I stopped. I tried and I messed it up, I have caused such pain for someone that I truely cared about. I believe that at one point during our weekend I told Nodey that I am a honest man, honest to a fault at times. I too have been honest with the woman I met "closer" to home. And now, not that it should really matter to anyone, or that it is anyone's business, she has now told me that she feels I chose her because she was convienant [sic]. So she has walked out. I don't tell you this for any reason other than to try and explain that through all this mess, I have been honest, my honesty has cost me, cost me dearly. I know that Nodey feels I was dishonest with her, and I understand why she feels that way. I will not dispute anything further that she or anyone else may say to all this. Nodey is an absolute wonderful woman. She deserves so much better than me and I do so wish her well. I am truely sorry.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 14:16

Well maybe it was more conveniant for him to see someone closer....Your awesome Nodey and someone will be very lucky to have you.You want a man that can give it ALL to you , not just bits and pieces....keep a truckin...

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 13:51


Roxie0215 write:
At one time I was talking to a guy, after a while He said he was comming to meet me. THen I got the "Dear John" email, saying he found someone closer, and we wished each other the best. He recently emailed me and asked if I was seeing anyone, I told him that the relationship I was in had just ended. He said he had hoped for a second chance with me and and planned to come for a visit, well that's when hurricane Katrina hit, as fate would have it, his job has sent him down south to my area to helped set up poles and restore power, so now he is in my neck of the woods and is comming to see me next weekend. Funny how things work out. But I'm not getting my hopes up this time, if it's only for a weekend....so be it!
Nodey...just know that if a relationship ends on a somewhat good note it can always be restored!




That's what I am hoping for Roxie. I want him to be happy. I don't want to ruin or make a mockery of what little time we did share. He treated me better than any man has ever treated me. I fell when I knew I shouldn't have. He met this girl last week,so it's all new. In my gut,I know it will work out between them,becuase he is such a good man. It just hurts to know that she will be getting all the goodness I had.

I just wish he would have been patient and waited on us.

On the other hand, would I want to go through this again. If someone can let go of something because he found someone"just as amazing as I am"(his words),only closer. Is this someone I can trust to be here for me? If someone can let go of something he started over convenience,he's not a very strong man in my book. Not very reliable either.

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 12:31

At one time I was talking to a guy, after a while He said he was comming to meet me. THen I got the "Dear John" email, saying he found someone closer, and we wished each other the best. He recently emailed me and asked if I was seeing anyone, I told him that the relationship I was in had just ended. He said he had hoped for a second chance with me and and planned to come for a visit, well that's when hurricane Katrina hit, as fate would have it, his job has sent him down south to my area to helped set up poles and restore power, so now he is in my neck of the woods and is comming to see me next weekend. Funny how things work out. But I'm not getting my hopes up this time, if it's only for a weekend....so be it!
Nodey...just know that if a relationship ends on a somewhat good note it can always be restored!



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 11:14


jerryw13 write:
Love you girl!

no wants, no needs, no expectations, just the love of admiration.

(this was the only way I could send you flowers)



Jerry,that has to be the sweetest thing a man could do for me right now. You put a smile on this otherwise sad face. I'll keep coming back here to look at my flowers when I am feeling sad.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 11:08


JULES write:

Nodey write:
I found out he found someone closer to him. I want so bad to hate him,but I can't. I called to tell him it was ok.
Wasn't that the topic of this thread anyway?


God,it hurts like hell.

Nodey I'm sorry that your hurting right now but I applaud you for the class and integrity you have shown in your postings. You are truly a lady and I know one day you will find the right man for you. Big hugs from NC



Thank you Jules. I feel like I shouldn't even being showing my pain in such a way,but it's the only way I know right now to get through it.

I only want him to be happy.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 10:58

Love you girl!

no wants, no needs, no expectations, just the love of admiration.

(this was the only way I could send you flowers)

  
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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 10:49


Nodey write:
I found out he found someone closer to him. I want so bad to hate him,but I can't. I called to tell him it was ok.
Wasn't that the topic of this thread anyway?


God,it hurts like hell.

Nodey I'm sorry that your hurting right now but I applaud you for the class and integrity you have shown in your postings. You are truly a lady and I know one day you will find the right man for you. Big hugs from NC

  


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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 10:36

I found out he found someone closer to him. I want so bad to hate him,but I can't. I called to tell him it was ok.
Wasn't that the topic of this thread anyway?


God,it hurts like hell.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 08:36


seeme1st write:

verdaineg write:

Nodey write:
Thank you Dane. I know I deserve a soulmate. And I know when I HAVEN'T found one. True friends do not run out without any sort of explanation. They don't withhold information from you that is important.
I just thought this one was a communicator,but I was wrong.I need strength from my man.I need a man who is at least as strong as I am ,if not stronger. I won't settle for less.

I hold no malice. I had a truly wonderful weekend. If I could had the choice of doing it over again. I would absolutely go for it.

I'm just truly disappointed in the way it ended.



I understand fully nodey. To ignore is to hurt. To refuse to communicate is to cause pain. There are so many people that only think of themselves and not the consequences of their actions. When any of us do, or not do, anything it affects those around us that we care for the most. The lack of respect for others feelings is prolific in todays world. It is all about me and my feelings and if I will be hurt. It doesn't matter that the other person has feelings too. May your life be filled with wonderful communcation and understanding by all those around you. May you find the one that worries more about your feelings than their own. May you find your soulmate and support each other in everyway.



i took a speech class a few yrs ago--the most important part of communication is listening not only to the verbale but the non-verbale things that are said--and not just listening but truely hearing--there are many of us that don't truely hear what is being said--but what we want to hear

in order to judge those that are self-centered(another post) you must understand why--are there reasons yes---i read a good book "The Gift of Taking" it is about taking and giving your abundance--there are times in our lifes that we have done nothing but give and have no more to give at the moment and need to take--there are times we speak and aren't being heard

so when someone is being self-centered we need to ask why because if we understand why we may be able to truely be there for them the way they need us--yet we can't forget to take care of ourselves in the meantime



I have taken the same speach class I think. We try to listen the best we can. Sometimes the communication must be done in several ways before the listener actually hears what is being communicated.

I understand the bean jar theory of giving. Pretty soon the jar is empty if giving is all that is done by one soul. But, the version of the story that I believe, has to do with taking and accepting what is given. i.e. A person who loves another will give as many beans as they take from the jar. Otherwise the jar becomes empty. To take without being given is wrong to me. I would never take a bean to put in my jar. It would have little meaning except to me. The beans that come and go into my jar must be given and taken jointly to create a lasting plant. The beans are the seeds of love. When the seeds disappear so does the love eventually.

Yes, we need to take care of ourselves, but relationships are mutual between two souls. When the relationship takes care of itself it means the two souls have come together as one and they take care of that soul together. One cannot do it all themselves.

I love ya. Thanks for communcating. Please don't take any of this personally. I am just giving my thoughts at this moment on this subject in general. Dane



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 08:09


Nodey write:

seeme1st write:

verdaineg write:

Nodey write:
Thank you Dane. I know I deserve a soulmate. And I know when I HAVEN'T found one. True friends do not run out without any sort of explanation. They don't withhold information from you that is important.
I just thought this one was a communicator,but I was wrong.I need strength from my man.I need a man who is at least as strong as I am ,if not stronger. I won't settle for less.

I hold no malice. I had a truly wonderful weekend. If I could had the choice of doing it over again. I would absolutely go for it.

I'm just truly disappointed in the way it ended.



I understand fully nodey. To ignore is to hurt. To refuse to communicate is to cause pain. There are so many people that only think of themselves and not the consequences of their actions. When any of us do, or not do, anything it affects those around us that we care for the most. The lack of respect for others feelings is prolific in todays world. It is all about me and my feelings and if I will be hurt. It doesn't matter that the other person has feelings too. May your life be filled with wonderful communcation and understanding by all those around you. May you find the one that worries more about your feelings than their own. May you find your soulmate and support each other in everyway.



i took a speech class a few yrs ago--the most important part of communication is listening not only to the verbale but the non-verbale things that are said--and not just listening but truely hearing--there are many of us that don't truely hear what is being said--but what we want to hear

in order to judge those that are self-centered(another post) you must understand why--are there reasons yes---i read a good book "The Gift of Taking" it is about taking and giving your abundance--there are times in our lifes that we have done nothing but give and have no more to give at the moment and need to take--there are times we speak and aren't being heard

so when someone is being self-centered we need to ask why because if we understand why we may be able to truely be there for them the way they need us--yet we can't forget to take care of ourselves in the meantime



But you cannot be there for somene who won't even talk to you.



bingo, amen, thank you. You are a wise woman, Nodey.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 07:31


seeme1st write:

verdaineg write:

Nodey write:
Thank you Dane. I know I deserve a soulmate. And I know when I HAVEN'T found one. True friends do not run out without any sort of explanation. They don't withhold information from you that is important.
I just thought this one was a communicator,but I was wrong.I need strength from my man.I need a man who is at least as strong as I am ,if not stronger. I won't settle for less.

I hold no malice. I had a truly wonderful weekend. If I could had the choice of doing it over again. I would absolutely go for it.

I'm just truly disappointed in the way it ended.



I understand fully nodey. To ignore is to hurt. To refuse to communicate is to cause pain. There are so many people that only think of themselves and not the consequences of their actions. When any of us do, or not do, anything it affects those around us that we care for the most. The lack of respect for others feelings is prolific in todays world. It is all about me and my feelings and if I will be hurt. It doesn't matter that the other person has feelings too. May your life be filled with wonderful communcation and understanding by all those around you. May you find the one that worries more about your feelings than their own. May you find your soulmate and support each other in everyway.



i took a speech class a few yrs ago--the most important part of communication is listening not only to the verbale but the non-verbale things that are said--and not just listening but truely hearing--there are many of us that don't truely hear what is being said--but what we want to hear

in order to judge those that are self-centered(another post) you must understand why--are there reasons yes---i read a good book "The Gift of Taking" it is about taking and giving your abundance--there are times in our lifes that we have done nothing but give and have no more to give at the moment and need to take--there are times we speak and aren't being heard

so when someone is being self-centered we need to ask why because if we understand why we may be able to truely be there for them the way they need us--yet we can't forget to take care of ourselves in the meantime



But you cannot be there for somene who won't even talk to you.



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 04:38


verdaineg write:

Nodey write:
Thank you Dane. I know I deserve a soulmate. And I know when I HAVEN'T found one. True friends do not run out without any sort of explanation. They don't withhold information from you that is important.
I just thought this one was a communicator,but I was wrong.I need strength from my man.I need a man who is at least as strong as I am ,if not stronger. I won't settle for less.

I hold no malice. I had a truly wonderful weekend. If I could had the choice of doing it over again. I would absolutely go for it.

I'm just truly disappointed in the way it ended.



I understand fully nodey. To ignore is to hurt. To refuse to communicate is to cause pain. There are so many people that only think of themselves and not the consequences of their actions. When any of us do, or not do, anything it affects those around us that we care for the most. The lack of respect for others feelings is prolific in todays world. It is all about me and my feelings and if I will be hurt. It doesn't matter that the other person has feelings too. May your life be filled with wonderful communcation and understanding by all those around you. May you find the one that worries more about your feelings than their own. May you find your soulmate and support each other in everyway.



i took a speech class a few yrs ago--the most important part of communication is listening not only to the verbale but the non-verbale things that are said--and not just listening but truely hearing--there are many of us that don't truely hear what is being said--but what we want to hear

in order to judge those that are self-centered(another post) you must understand why--are there reasons yes---i read a good book "The Gift of Taking" it is about taking and giving your abundance--there are times in our lifes that we have done nothing but give and have no more to give at the moment and need to take--there are times we speak and aren't being heard

so when someone is being self-centered we need to ask why because if we understand why we may be able to truely be there for them the way they need us--yet we can't forget to take care of ourselves in the meantime



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Posted on Sat, Sep 17, 2005 04:28


Nodey write:
SeeMe, I value your words. But this was not about distance. This was about lack of consideration and honesty. After all the wonderful words and getures, it's a disappearance into thin air without lack of consideration to just pick up the p*hone and say,hey I'm not making there as I promised. It's the lack of honesty to even be able to tell me the truth.

Anyone they cared the way he claimed would have done at least that.



i do understand what you are saying Nodey--yet fear is also mentioned in my post

part of the reason i try to do what HC says--not date anyone going thru a seperation or not divorced for a year

i dated one guy back in the fall winter of 02/03--i could always tell when he was putting on his running shoes--he would switch to emale vs fone
and in this case i would have to say riding boots--not running shoes

unconquered fear allows (not that it should) to act and treat others differant than if we lived without it--look at those that overcome it--like yourself



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Posted on Fri, Sep 16, 2005 20:33


verdaineg write:

To ignore is to hurt. To refuse to communicate is to cause pain. There are so many people that only think of themselves and not the consequences of their actions. When any of us do, or not do, anything it affects those around us that we care for the most. The lack of respect for others feelings is prolific in todays world. It is all about me and my feelings and if I will be hurt. It doesn't matter that the other person has feelings too.


I very good point, Dane, that many tend to overlook in an effort to save face.



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Posted on Fri, Sep 16, 2005 20:08


Nodey write:
Thank you Dane. I know I deserve a soulmate. And I know when I HAVEN'T found one. True friends do not run out without any sort of explanation. They don't withhold information from you that is important.
I just thought this one was a communicator,but I was wrong.I need strength from my man.I need a man who is at least as strong as I am ,if not stronger. I won't settle for less.

I hold no malice. I had a truly wonderful weekend. If I could had the choice of doing it over again. I would absolutely go for it.

I'm just truly disappointed in the way it ended.



I understand fully nodey. To ignore is to hurt. To refuse to communicate is to cause pain. There are so many people that only think of themselves and not the consequences of their actions. When any of us do, or not do, anything it affects those around us that we care for the most. The lack of respect for others feelings is prolific in todays world. It is all about me and my feelings and if I will be hurt. It doesn't matter that the other person has feelings too. May your life be filled with wonderful communcation and understanding by all those around you. May you find the one that worries more about your feelings than their own. May you find your soulmate and support each other in everyway.



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