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Question for the Men
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Posted on Fri, Nov 04, 2005 21:53

Char said:"Well ya know Mystery...ya really can't blame the guy for trying it again w/his wife. If he had not committed to you then I think he needed to know for sure. I may have told him YES, if it didn't work we can continue to get to know each other. I tend to think that everyone deserves a second chance. I also would respect him for telling me he wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing by leaving his wife. If you had taken him back the two of you may have been able to form a strong relationship. Perhaps you could tell him after he is separated >>>x amount...of time the two of you could date again. Just my thoughts. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel the same way.
WE can grow, learn from our mistakes and move towards better relationships and understanding.
Some people are stuck like a barnacle to their "stuff". Takes work to make changes. Some are in complete denial and will never make the changes.
DD

  


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Posted on Fri, Nov 04, 2005 05:10

Well you can swing this right back to the females of this board. You ask one to go for a ride on a Saturday. They treat you like a lepper. I have found that 90% of people have "AGENDAS". It is finding that 10% and you have a good time. But everyday ticks another day off your life.
Rich



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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 20:14

I certainly am glad that I started reading these forums. It made me realize that its not "Just me" that these situations keep happening to. Meeting someone who you think is "the one" to have him disappear and then say he was afraid of committment. You start feeling like you have horns coming out of the top of your head. There are some really wonderful people on here, all searching for the same thing. Hopefully we will all find what we are looking for, and if not, be happy with what we have in friends and family and ourselves.

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 15:12

jerryw13 write:
Hey, life is life and people are human. No sense holdin' a grudge. I've had people tell me they would call and they forgot, obviously they weren't that interested. I've told people I would call and I've forgotten, obviously "I" wasn't that interested. I like what I like about each person, and I dislike what I dislike as well. I enjoy the part I like and look somewhere else for the part I don't like about that person. When the part is commitment, we all know what that includes, when it's other things, it's not worth carrying around all the time. If I like someone's company and want to enjoy their presence, it doesn't involve a 'second chance', it involves an evolving relationship. Enjoy what's there and don't ask for what isn't! Life is too short for absolutes.


Jerry, I agree that if I enjoy someone's company, then it's a good thing. In that respect, 2nd chances are unnecessary. It doesn't come into play. Friends are friends. And if you value each other's friendship, you'll remain friends.

On the other hand, if you are in an intimate relationship, ie., married, engaged, 'spoken for', etc., and something "goes wrong" (whatever that may be), then there is absolutely nothing to say that it won't happen again. And the affect it may have on people other than the two involved can be dramatic. My split with my first wife (twice, ie., a 2nd chance was involved) had a dramtic negative affect on my daughter which lasts to this day. So, yes, life is too short for absolutes...and for those of us that reject 2nd chances...there's always another day, and someone else down the line that may never need a 2nd chance.

Viking



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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 12:53

Hey, life is life and people are human. No sense holdin' a grudge. I've had people tell me they would call and they forgot, obviously they weren't that interested. I've told people I would call and I've forgotten, obviously "I" wasn't that interested. I like what I like about each person, and I dislike what I dislike as well. I enjoy the part I like and look somewhere else for the part I don't like about that person. When the part is commitment, we all know what that includes, when it's other things, it's not worth carrying around all the time. If I like someone's company and want to enjoy their presence, it doesn't involve a 'second chance', it involves an evolving relationship. Enjoy what's there and don't ask for what isn't! Life is too short for absolutes.

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 12:50

That's the way to do it.
I will keep on trying to find the one that at the same time finds me.
Or until the checkout lane closes!!
I dont want the rose garden, you have to fertilize it. And at my age I dont want to do that again.



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Posted on Wed, Nov 02, 2005 12:46

Jerry you make so much sense....You think just like I do. OMGosh that is scary...lol



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Posted on Tue, Nov 01, 2005 20:07

HarleyChic1 write:

1viking1 write:
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



I'm with you on that 1viking.
"NO more second chances under ANY circumstances."

I tried that and it didn't work "AGAIN," he said he changed but he really didn't, he's still the same, so I'll never do that again.

Just keep looking you'll find what your looking for eventually -- in the meantime I'm just having a good time till I find the right one.


HarleyChic, and I agree with you...have to be leery of those who say they've changed. I gave one too many 2nd chances...and finally wised up. Until then, I could've worn a "kick me" sign on my back! **lol**

Viking



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Posted on Tue, Nov 01, 2005 16:02

If someone wants out, that means they don't want to be with you. Period. Why let them back in? It'll only bite you in the ass in the end.
If someone wants out, that means they don't want to be with you. Period. Why let them back in? It'll only bite you in the ass in the end.



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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 14:20

Isn't it a "mulligan" when you are allowed a second chance at the hole?

Isn't that only in golf?
Isn't it a "mulligan" when you are allowed a second chance at the hole?

Isn't that only in golf?

  


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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 13:59

I gave someone a second chance and he messed up again....NO MORE!!!
I gave someone a second chance and he messed up again....NO MORE!!!

  


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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 10:30

I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.
I've given second chances and have come to learn the hard way that they don't work. No seconds chances anymore...under ANY circumstances.



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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 09:29

very well said Bear
very well said Bear

  
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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 05:46

I agree with Mystery. I'm one of the easiest people in the world to get rid of. Tell me you're leavin or tell me to go and you'll only say it once. I have no time for "second chances". If after giving it my best shot, it still didn't work; I have no faith that it will work the second time around.
And for those who tell me to "go", but "didn't mean it", I say that as an adult, you are responsible for your actions and your words. So, IF you were just angry and didn't mean it; Ya shouldn't have said it, baby!
I agree with Mystery. I'm one of the easiest people in the world to get rid of. Tell me you're leavin or tell me to go and you'll only say it once. I have no time for "second chances". If after giving it my best shot, it still didn't work; I have no faith that it will work the second time around.
And for those who tell me to "go", but "didn't mean it", I say that as an adult, you are responsible for your actions and your words. So, IF you were just angry and didn't mean it; Ya shouldn't have said it, baby!



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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 05:27

Mystery write:
Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.
Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.

Well ya know Mystery...ya really can't blame the guy for trying it again w/his wife. If he had not committed to you then I think he needed to know for sure. I may have told him YES, if it didn't work we can continue to get to know each other. I tend to think that everyone deserves a second chance. I also would respect him for telling me he wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing by leaving his wife. If you had taken him back the two of you may have been able to form a strong relationship. Perhaps you could tell him after he is separated >>>x amount...of time the two of you could date again. Just my thoughts.

Reason I say this is there is a couple here who are very much in love. They started in a similar fashion..but she understood and allowed him to return.



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Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 23:51

Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.
Notythots,I had the same thing happen to me.Only after we got to know each other,he decided to go back to his ex to "try it again with her".But he also added that if it didn"t work out,could he call me back.Guess what my answer was? When H--- freezes over.Now he is single again and has contacted me,but I told him not in his lifetime would he get another chance to hurt me.I know there are plenty of men out there who will appreciate who I am and not play games with my heart,and someday I may find the one for me.Keep your chin up ,not all men are that way.



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Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 15:56

I understand your pain but remember ladies sometimes pull the same stunts it just means it wasn't meant to be. Good luck and don't give up the next one might be the one. I think there are alot of folks who think they want a LTR but can't seem to get it right and do become nervous, it's something about if you give of yourself too openly you tend to scare people off it sure is confusing huh!
I understand your pain but remember ladies sometimes pull the same stunts it just means it wasn't meant to be. Good luck and don't give up the next one might be the one. I think there are alot of folks who think they want a LTR but can't seem to get it right and do become nervous, it's something about if you give of yourself too openly you tend to scare people off it sure is confusing huh!



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Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 14:50

stillme67 write:

Weenie write:

there is nothing wrong with that brother, if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak at all



that's excellent! it's gonna be my new motto:
"if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak to me at all"


Great motto!

  


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Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 13:04

stillme67 write:

Weenie write:

there is nothing wrong with that brother, if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak at all



that's excellent! it's gonna be my new motto:
"if you can't speak the truth with me, then don't speak to me at all"


Speaking the truth...yeah. Must agree, even if it's bold and abrasive, and someone (whomever) may not like what they hear or even believe it. Better to be truthful and honest. If they can't deal with it, at least YOUR conscious is clear.



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Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 12:17

Thats how it should be anyways, I always say if you don,t want the truth, don,t ask the question" maybe thats my problem, honest to a fault?
Thats how it should be anyways, I always say if you don,t want the truth, don,t ask the question" maybe thats my problem, honest to a fault?

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