One of the positive things (and there are positive things) of a broken relationship is the chance to reflect and analyze myself and what I want to do differently in the future. One of my sisters says I am capable of learning from my mistakes and not doing the same thing again. Let's hope so. Here are a few things I've decided so far.
One thing I will do differently is take things much slower and not allow myself to be persuaded to move faster. And I take responsibility for not taking things slower, regardless of anything the other person said. I've read recently that "intensity" is not the same as "intimacy." Intensity is what happens in a relationship that has progressed quickly where both people "fall in love" really fast and feels like "this is it." It feels like intimacy but it is not. Intimacy, true intimacy can only happen over a period of time. True intimacy must pass the test of time and whatever difficulties or conflicts that arise. It can only be built; it is not magical.
Number two, I would not be quite so giving in the beginning. I'm a giver and nurturer like so many women. I still struggle with learning to balance and hold back. I love giving and being caring and loving, but it seems two things happen. I get taken for granted. And I get exhausted from it.
Number three, I will not be so available. I hate playing games so I will have to figure out how to just not be available. Make somebody wait for me for a change.
Number four, I will expect more. There should be more give and take. I give 110 percent. Why should I settle for 75 percent. Of course, next time I'm not going to start out giving 110 percent anyway. Might start out giving 75 percent, maybe less. We'll see.
Number five, I have done some research to back up my experience. And my experience is this: Many times the faster a man falls head-long in love (especially if he hasn't been in a relationship for a while), the more likely he is to scare the heck out of his own dam* self and turn and hightail it like a deer through the woods in huntin' season.
These are just my thoughts. What would y'all do different next time?
gosh bash that was some commentary -you sound like a great guy and I wish more men could describe their feelings so well. it will get better, you can lean back on me anytime !!
gosh bash that was some commentary -you sound like a great guy and I wish more men could describe their feelings so well. it will get better, you can lean back on me anytime !!
HEY!!! Funny this should come up!! I just ordered a book that will be very helpful on this subject, well for me anyway, I forgot the exact title but it's something like "The charming sociopath"
My new dating bible!!!
fuggen ay!!
OK, gotta catch a plane, I'm outta here!!
HEY!!! Funny this should come up!! I just ordered a book that will be very helpful on this subject, well for me anyway, I forgot the exact title but it's something like "The charming sociopath"
harleyrose6569 write: what would i do differently try to right all the wrongs but they keep changing rules..... so it's hit or miss i got the miss down
The hit is on it's way to ya darlin'
OH yeah ... don't play by the rules.
harleysandsun write: I just have taken time to realize what is important to ME! Not to sound self centered but it has to begin with whaat you are willing to accept and not accept in a relationship....I don't play around and I don't want someone who wants to play around. Better to be alone than to have your head played with and wind up miserable. Now when I meet someone it's to develop a true friendship and if anything blossomns beyond that then it's with both of us having our eyes open!
we need to be selfish at times--because if we aren't we risk the chance of loosing who we are
i'm with you on i need to make sure i'm ok with the way i'm treated and speak up when something is bothering me
we all preceive things on past experiences and the other may not realize that we are in escense mis-reading what is being said or done--soooooo prior to something reaching resentment stage if we talk and truely communicate (which is listening un-judgingly as well as speaking)we can take care of things before they become issues--and/or fester into something uncontrolable
I agree Seeme. It does begin with you. No one else can be happy if you aren't. If you can't love yourself, how can you love someone else? I don't lower my standards of what I am looking for in a relationship. As a matter of fact, I have gotten to know what I do look for in someone by being willing ot open up and being hurt. Thats not to say, I am willing to do that everytime. For instance, I am seeing someone, and believe it or not, we met through bikerkiss. NOw, its not a serious relationship, heck you could say its a friendship, the point is, He is not ready to be in a serious relationship. I am not willing otwait for him to be ready. I know what I want and I am not goign to settle. In the meantime, we do go out occasionally because I have found a friend. I am still looking and searching for someone, but I also know he will come to me. If not, it was never meant ot be. I just keep trucking on!!!!
harleysandsun write: I just have taken time to realize what is important to ME! Not to sound self centered but it has to begin with whaat you are willing to accept and not accept in a relationship....I don't play around and I don't want someone who wants to play around. Better to be alone than to have your head played with and wind up miserable. Now when I meet someone it's to develop a true friendship and if anything blossomns beyond that then it's with both of us having our eyes open!
we need to be selfish at times--because if we aren't we risk the chance of loosing who we are
i'm with you on i need to make sure i'm ok with the way i'm treated and speak up when something is bothering me
we all preceive things on past experiences and the other may not realize that we are in escense mis-reading what is being said or done--soooooo prior to something reaching resentment stage if we talk and truely communicate (which is listening un-judgingly as well as speaking)we can take care of things before they become issues--and/or fester into something uncontrolable
I've always heard that you can't screw up a relationship that is meant to be...
No matter what....When you bump into the person you are suposed to be with you will be with them....
in Gods time, not ours....
I just have taken time to realize what is important to ME! Not to sound self centered but it has to begin with whaat you are willing to accept and not accept in a relationship....I don't play around and I don't want someone who wants to play around. Better to be alone than to have your head played with and wind up miserable. Now when I meet someone it's to develop a true friendship and if anything blossomns beyond that then it's with both of us having our eyes open!
DoubleDelight write: LowRyder said: " The rule i live by now tho is.Never let anyone close enough to kill you.Emionaly-finacaly-Phycaly-Spirtualy
spelling is off tonight but ya'll get the drift. ~~~~~ Low, That is just SAD! Plenty of good hearted women out there.
*I edited this post cause I wrote it in the middle of the night and when I read it again was embarrased my Mooshiness! Ride Free LiveNLove
Bea, Bashor, Tink, HC, and the rest who expressed loss in this thread-including you Low. We could have a great time talking and laughing. Then, let's go for a ride-k? I know I can't hug you from here. I can say I love ya', but talk is cheap. Wish you well-and happy. I haven't seen this thread for a long time. Man, what a long post I put in before! lol. DD
Hi DD. Hope all is OK. You are one of the bright spots on this forum.
Bob
LowRyder said: " The rule i live by now tho is.Never let anyone close enough to kill you.Emionaly-finacaly-Phycaly-Spirtualy
spelling is off tonight but ya'll get the drift.
~~~~~
Low,
That is just SAD! Plenty of good hearted women out there.
*I edited this post cause I wrote it in the middle of the night and when I read it again was embarrased my Mooshiness!
Ride Free LiveNLove
Bea, Bashor, Tink, HC, and the rest who expressed loss in this thread-including you Low. We could have a great time talking and laughing. Then, let's go for a ride-k?
I know I can't hug you from here. I can say I love ya', but talk is cheap. Wish you well-and happy. I haven't seen this thread for a long time. Man, what a long post I put in before! lol.
DD
Hey Luv, I agree with you. I don't need a man to make my life complete, but its sure nice to want one in my life. I won't settle for mediocrity either.......I just want a man in my life to enjoy life, have fun and someone to share things with. It's also nice to have someone to snuggle up and cuddle with...roflmao
It sounds backwards, but the thing I am trying to practice is to just be happy with myself and not need a relationship to make me "complete"... I am a whole person and a happy person. I can provide for myself, fix stuff around the house, etc. While it is nice to have someone to share it (life) with and even nicer to be able to love, trust and honor each other, I'm OK by myself until it c*mes along.
This time around, I'm not willing to settle for mediocrity.
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