Biker Blogs > Likeitalot73's blogs > Come get your oil changed
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Posted on Mon, May 14, 2007 12:02

Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00 Oil Change instructions for Men : 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in the process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21) Drink beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 28) Beer. 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30) Beer. 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35) Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail. 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1500.00 Beer: $20.00 Total: $4,145.00 But you know the job was done right!!!

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AngelNdisguizeus
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Posted on Mon, May 14, 2007 13:22

Likeit... when was the last time you was at jiffylube try... $40 lol Jersey works best if you ask his opinion about what they told you that you needed done. same when you need your bike chrome polished... you'll need to know this soon. first run thru the car wash, ride over to the shop park bike out front (where they like to hang out and drink beer) Now some of those cute little boy pants you got will work fine. First use the wrong towel and don't grab the good polish. Then act like your actually going to use this on the bike. They will feel compeld to get you the right equipment, then they will show you on one area how to put it on so you can do the next area ... this would be a good time to ask if he needs another beer. Then when they say OK your turn, try and do it all wrong they can't stand this. They will snag the stuff right from your hands and show you again. Repeat as many times as nessessary till the bike is done. and that my dear lilhag is how you polish your bike hehe


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irishpatti
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Posted on Mon, May 14, 2007 12:58

Should just go to the BK garage and have DD do it. Shares his beer and bong. LOL


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TreasureTheHobo
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Posted on Mon, May 14, 2007 12:16

LOLOLOL! Likeit!! But you know what? I never go to Jiffylube. I would rather some guy drink beer and lose the nut in hot oil than go there. There is just something so impersonal about Jiffylube and at least I feel the guy with the beer and hot oil on him has an affinity with cars.


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