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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 13:32

A friend sent me a article about chronic loneliness. It's not a joke, she is a doctor. There were the symptoms listed and if you had them, well, you are suffering from this malady. I have a feeling that I am not alone in this. I bet there is a high percentage of people on these sites that suffer, also. Will anyone admit, probably not. I am blessed with a life filled with true friends, all spread out across the country. But I keep to myself, for weeks at a time. One of the symptoms is the "why bother' way of thinking. As in why bother going out, I'll just be by myself.How many times have you said this to yourself? After you have been to a gathering of people, say a rally or even just a one day event, do you feel out of sorts when you get home.Even depressed? Can you hardly wait to get to your computer to see if anyone has contacted you? Do you find reasons not to be with other people? I've done that. If a person seems interested in you, do you find a reason to leave the situation. I do it all the time. Chronic loneliness doesn't happen over night, it is a process by which we remove ourselves from living. Some reasons are heartbreak, lack of trust, disease that is affecting our lives, disabilities and even embarrassment at how our bodies change with age. Boy, can I relate to that one. The only thing this article reccommended was to seek out a therapist and antidrepressants. Hooey, I think I'll pass on watching "Lost" and go out for dinner, maybe a movie or the comedy club. Tomorrow, I'll take a nice walk down the Greenbelt. If I have a smile on my face, someone will start up a conversation. You just never know.For some reason too many of us are refusing to allow others into our lives. Is it fear of losing ourselves?


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UncleKnuckle
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Posted on Sun, Apr 01, 2007 09:40

Dawg I agree with you. As a matter of fact I agree with all the comments here. If someone is not happy how their life is going change it. If you can't change it by yourself find someone to help. Be it therapist or what ever. The point I am wanted to make is the doctor seamed to express the opinion that these people who suffer from loneliness were victims. I'm so tired of everybody claiming to be a victim There is a story about a young man in court claiming he was a loser because his father drank and that's why he was arrested. The judge responded did you ever think your father drinks because your a loser.


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TreasureTheHobo
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Posted on Thu, Mar 29, 2007 16:54

Knuck, you sound like a mirror image of me, or vice versa. But then, there are those that are truly afraid of going out there. Society can be a frightening prospect to them. I know, that is another whole subject, fears, phobias and illness. Hossy, you know, maybe your friend's wife has some hormonal issues going on. It does happen. Just a thought. I was extremely lonely and alone in my marriage and I felt reborn after my divorce when I was alone.


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topdawg044
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Posted on Thu, Mar 29, 2007 08:56

KnuckleFan - my point exactly. As long as I chose to be "alone", which also included a couple close friends, I was fine. It wasn't until I wanted a girlfriend down the road and found out that my years of isolation had pretty much left any social skills I might have had doing parking-lot burnouts (lots of smoke and heat but not getting anywhere - LOL) that I started to have problems. Choosing 'being alone' as a lifestyle is a whole 'nuther thing from being forced into it.


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DynaThom
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Posted on Thu, Mar 29, 2007 08:02

Very Very interesting Ms. H. This winter has been the lonliest I have been since the winter of 1962-63. Wintering in Adak, Alaska aboard a Fleet Tug. Long before there were women aboard Navy ships. I find myself going from one train-wreck relationship to another - in fact, RUSHING toward the next one. I realize that the definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, all the time expecting a different result. But - what's the alternative? My life without a woman in it? No thanks. To me, that's like griping about getting older - - - yes getting older sucks (if we let it) but it still beats the heck out of the alternative.


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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 18:56

When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it woud be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. (( Tennessee Williams)) No matter where you go you will be accompanied by yourself, so get to know and like that person. But, don't retreat to it to such an extent that you neglect others and deny yourself the blessings of friendship and companionship. Build bridges instead of walls. This is what I've learned this past year.


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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 17:06

This doesnt just happen to single people. A friend and I were discussing the cocooning of his spouse and her withdrawal from society at age 51. They are babyboomers and empty nesters and relatively well off. After she quit working her business and retired at 51 she seemed to have no purpose in life and she tended to define her happiness by controlling the outside world. When the outside doesnt cooperate, she shuts them out. She quit volunteering, throwing parties, gave up social stuff, and threw kids out of the house that cant keep the place clean.... Her happiness depends on a "when" clause..I'll be happy when... happens. My friend holds a good job, does the cooking, grocery shopping and some cleaning to help her, and drags her reluctant butt out shopping and constantly tries to find ways of getting her reengaged in society trying to avoid a lapse into depression. Once they're out, she gets into it and he can see she enjoys herself. I've heard this issue a lot with early retirees and people that have difficulty believing that they should be thankful for what they have and be intrinsically happy just with what they have. Be thankful for what you have. Choose to be a giver. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you, exercise random acts of kindness with no expectation of reward and dont worry...be happy. You will receive so much reward and fulfilment, you will be blessed. If you worry, you die, if you dont worry, you still die, so why worry?


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cruisineasy1
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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 16:35

There is a big difference between enjoying your solitude and choosing to live a less social life versus isolating for fear of rejection or fear of being judged/gossiped/critized by others. Has to do with where one's level of inner peace, joy, and personal contentment is at if it this is an issue or not. Sometimes isolating or avoiding others is a symptom of depression or having social anxiety. It is something to look at within ourselves, rather than gloss over, as these issues can get worse over time. If the problem impairs a person from fully living or having meaningful interpersonal relationships, certian kinds of antidepressants do help, along with brief Cognitive Therapy in conjunction.Great topic!! (Yeah, I'm a psych nurse.)


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UncleKnuckle
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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 15:11

I have lived my whole life with these "symptoms" but I don't consider it a problem. I have been an orphan since I was a little boy. Just ask my mom. I have always preferred my own company than to most peoples. I would rather go some place where nobody knows me, always seem to have a better time by myself. and have always hated crowds.I would rather spend my time camping by my self or with 1-2 other people than at a rally.{been there done that] Most people bore the hell out of me. I don't see the use or need for more than 1 or 2 people that I truly trust and respect in my life. I don't think this means something is wrong with me I am a friendly, funny person who is happy myself. Why does everything and everybody have to have a syndrome now a days? Just my 2 cents


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TreasureTheHobo
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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 14:53

Like the song says.."Loneliness is just a waste of your time". Some people are true loners. Some would give anything not to be alone. Why is life always so contrary?


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topdawg044
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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 14:07

This was the story of my life for many years - completely by choice, which was pretty sick at the time. I had my heart broken and thought I'd never want to fall in love again. Why should I? Just to go through the same pain again? No way!! At the time, it was easier to close out the world while seeming to remain sociable for appearances sake, but inwardly, I vowed I'd never want to try another relationship ever again...it would be much easier to simply put on a happy face and pretend that everything was ok instead. We're not meant to be alone in the world as evidenced by the the high rates of mental illness and suicide by those who are forced into that condition. I'm glad I finally woke up before going off the really deep end...I was already floundering but I got lucky and met a wonderful woman here.


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Junie2006
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Posted on Wed, Mar 28, 2007 13:52

I do think some things are part of human nature and the ups and downs and ins and outs of our feelings. Sometimes I want comapant sometimes I don't. Sometimes I get bored by company I usually enjoy. Sometimes i liek my own company sometimes I want others. Its normal. I think we analyse ourselves too much in some vauge quest for some ideal that never existed. Sometimes we feel disatisfied no matter where we are. Then another day we are intouch with the whole world. Unless it is Clinical depression and you cannot get out of it I would not worry. But if you have been ill and you have. Your mental health also does a downward dive. Because you body and mind are using up and diverting energies to get you well. Therapy Therapy Therapy Don't Get Me On Therapy. And I am A Mental Health Professional. Junie


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