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Quoting topdawg044:
The Idiot Report...... ..
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to e at in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane
and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on
the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to
give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he
left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the
Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it
was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
sli p or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and
left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it
in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
prom ptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 20056
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed
to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwega,
Wisconsin) We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The
reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out
here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to
be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg lettuce.
He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, and "Has anyone put anything
in your baggage without your knowledge?" I replied,
"If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He
smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what
the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she
responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker.
She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our
manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should
do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We
all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the- headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her own life,
couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no
less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys
had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to
unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side"
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
STAY ALERT! They walk among us.........and they
REPRODUCE... !!!
The Idiot Report...... ..
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to e at in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane
and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on
the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to
give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he
left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the
Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it
was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
sli p or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and
left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it
in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
prom ptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 20056
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed
to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwega,
Wisconsin) We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The
reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out
here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to
be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg lettuce.
He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, and "Has anyone put anything
in your baggage without your knowledge?" I replied,
"If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He
smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what
the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she
responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker.
She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our
manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should
do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We
all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the- headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her own life,
couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no
less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys
had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to
unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side"
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
STAY ALERT! They walk among us.........and they
REPRODUCE... !!!
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