Biker Blogs > ChromeSpikes's blogs > Relationships Dilema...Need advise
Relationships Dilema...Need advise Sort by:
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ChromeSpikes
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Posted on Sat, Nov 18, 2006 05:00

Ok..I know all of you are good at giving advice so I am putting it out there for you all to let me hear it! My best friend is a guy, I have know him a Long time and we grew up in the same area and the same circle of friends. I seem to have problems with the person I am with understanding we are only friends. I won't give him up or the time I spend with him. How do I make this person understand? It's not like he is a dark secret I keep from the other person or anything. Am I being naive or is the other person being narrow minded.


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fatboy94
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Posted on Thu, Dec 07, 2006 10:14

Chromespikes sounds narrowed minded. This person is a long time friend and buddy. I mean we all have at least one person we are the closet to and share our deepest secrets and can count on this person to always be there for that shoulder to cry on. Tell him to get over it and please trust you. My hubby has a good friend that's female and I have no problem with it. Sometimes we need the oppsite to talk with.


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ChromeSpikes
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Posted on Wed, Dec 06, 2006 16:14

Thank you James...means alot coming from you!


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james77075
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Posted on Mon, Dec 04, 2006 14:47

..his loss...he doesnt know what he is losing....he didnt trust you..and he is probally blaming you for what happened to him from another woman. i supposed you trusted him...ohhh well....his loss......and he loses big. :)


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mwallace
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Posted on Sun, Dec 03, 2006 07:32

Hey CS, I don't know if yo are still looking for advice, but here I go. He has to trust you and you should not give up your friends. However, guys are hardwired protectors, I assume your friends would do anything for you, and your B/F wants the right to that position. Basically you just need to bring him into the picture and circle. Once your guy friends get used to him, they will accept the fact that he can take care of you. Then he will be the "alpha Male"lol. In your life. Just keep talking to him and your friends. It will work out if you want it to.


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ChromeSpikes
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Posted on Sun, Dec 03, 2006 06:52

Well Thank you everyone to all the good advice! He is gone and the friend stays! He just couldn't handle it. Oh well another one bites the dust!LOL


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ChromeSpikes
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Posted on Mon, Nov 27, 2006 18:14

What you Hmmmmm about James?


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Posted on Sun, Nov 26, 2006 15:11

Chrome, You shouldnt have to give up your friend. I struggled in the early days with being "just friends". I then decided to pull the plug to the ones I was too attracted to to be friends with. My wife has mostly male friends and I now have lots of women friends. Its about jealousy and trust. I learned to deal with it and your new guy has to past this test. My wife's ex wouldnt let her even have girlfriends, he was so jealous!


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james77075
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Posted on Sun, Nov 26, 2006 15:06

hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


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Posted on Mon, Nov 20, 2006 09:17

I have only one thing to say, without trust in a relationship you have nothing, he obviously doesnt trust you. :)


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Harleyrex03
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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 22:37

Speaking from history here (like I am that old?) Men have a rougher time with it, but either side is not a give in. My ex had a male best friend and they had even dated briefly long before I met her. But I was OK with it because she laid it on the table from the very beginning. Sounds like you did the same. It gets real touchy if he sees any sign of romance between the two of you. But it sounds like he is a little insecure to me.


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ChromeSpikes
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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 21:28

Thanks for all the advice! Sounds like some of the women have the same issue? I grew up around guys and into alot of guy things, so it is just natural for my best friend to be a guy. It just always seems to be an issue. And yes, I let whoever I am seeing know immediately about my guy friend. I won't give him up, that is not the question! He is there when all the others are not! And yes again, on introducing him to the guy I am seeing. Demonan, to answer you question,I have thought about having the shoe on the other foot, and I "think" knowing what I know , I would be Ok with it. Who Knows? Geeze..you are so right Topdawg...turmoil is in the history!This sucks!


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OldSchool2005
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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 08:09

The other is narrow minded. Toys come and go but true friends are there for life.


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ohsusieq
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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 08:08

narrow minded or insecure. I have a male friend that I have known for years and no one has ever asked me to give him up. The one that did a couple years ago, got dumped instead. No one should ever ask you to give up a life time friend no matter what the sex.


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TreasureTheHobo
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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 07:59

Oh boy Chrome...I have always had the same problem. All my closest friends, my entire life, have been males. Some of the men in my life were ok with them, some were not. I have lived it and still do..and I don't have an answer. These friends of mine have seen me through hell and back a few times, I understand you not wanting to give them up. I don't give mine up. Some people say that men and women cannot be friends. That the man will always be wanting to get you into bed, or at least it will go through his mind a lot. Maybe it will, but they still know the boundaries of friendship. This was not much help except to say I hear ya and have the same situation. Maybe explain to your man about the friendship boundaries and how you all respect them. Good luck!!! T


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topdawg044
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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 07:27

That's something you need to make known at the very beginning of a relationship - some men will accept it, some won't...but you need to know which one you have before things begin to get romantic. Otherwise, you're gonna be in a constant state of turmoil if your new love can't or won't accept the platonic friendship you have with your bud. Good luck - it's a common problem..you just need to pick the right guy to get romantic with.


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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 07:12

Baby, baby, baby... Most all of my true friends are men and in all honesty, if the person your with can't be man enough to understand this long-term friendship and you've been on the up and up with him, I'd run like the wind in the opposite direction--but not from my buddy!


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Msprose
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Posted on Sun, Nov 19, 2006 06:37

Your man is being very narrow minded. A friend is a friend no matter what sex. Is there a trust issue with your man, not to be mean but he needs to get over it. Good luck don't lose the friend they are your true value when all is said and done.


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