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Offend Everyone Day - LOL
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Author
SwtFLLdy
total posts:
116
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Posted on Mon, Mar 31, 2008 17:06
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Quoting SwtFLLdy:
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ...' -A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ...' -A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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Junie2006
total posts:
2380
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Posted on Fri, Apr 04, 2008 03:47
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Quoting Junie2006:
"OFFEND ANYONE TODAY?"
NOPE!! I tried but no one got offended. things are getting harder these days. DAMN!! GANGSTA RAP.
Junie
"OFFEND ANYONE TODAY?"
NOPE!! I tried but no one got offended. things are getting harder these days. DAMN!! GANGSTA RAP.
Junie
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ohsusieq
total posts:
1187
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Posted on Wed, Apr 02, 2008 13:54
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Quoting ohsusieq:
Ok that made my day LMAO
Ok that made my day LMAO
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PuftDaddyBill
total posts:
60
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Posted on Wed, Apr 02, 2008 11:46
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Quoting PuftDaddyBill:
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
hmmmmmmmmmmm lol
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
hmmmmmmmmmmm lol
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Trykergal
total posts:
19
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Posted on Tue, Apr 01, 2008 23:15
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Quoting Trykergal:
Man oh man some of these are brillant, really had me laughing
Thanks
Man oh man some of these are brillant, really had me laughing
Thanks
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irishpatti
total posts:
2440
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Posted on Tue, Apr 01, 2008 20:00
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Quoting irishpatti:
LOL
LOL
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leahjuno
total posts:
198
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Posted on Tue, Apr 01, 2008 00:52
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Quoting leahjuno:
thank you for cheering up my day , some of these really made me laugh , now if i can just remember them lol
thank you for cheering up my day , some of these really made me laugh , now if i can just remember them lol
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JerseyAngel
total posts:
706
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Posted on Mon, Mar 31, 2008 23:56
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Quoting JerseyAngel:
OMG they were the best!!!
OMG they were the best!!!
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Eye_m_no_angel
total posts:
285
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Posted on Mon, Mar 31, 2008 21:40
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Quoting Eye_m_no_angel:
Thanks for the chuckle!
Thanks for the chuckle!
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