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Coincidence or Fate or What?
74 Views
03/26/07
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When something important in your life happens or when it is planned and doesn't happen, do you attribute it to fate, planning (or lack of it) or merely coincidence?
I'm of the belief that things happen when they're supposed to regardless of our efforts to force them to happen or to suppress them. Many recent events in my life only serve to re-enforce this feeling that there are very few actual coincidences.
Romance is a great topic for this discussion since that's what a lot of us are here for after all. I wouldn't have met my current love (and hopefully my last one too) if either of our timings had been off by even a few hours - and very possibly minutes, since we wouldn't have connected here due to our personal circumstances. Of course I may have met someone else, but believe me, we're more than happy with the way fate dealt us this hand.
How about your story? What has happened in your life to convince you that one of these three factors influenced the outcome?
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Investment tips for 2007
31 Views
03/20/07
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Maybe I shouldn't give you some of these, but here goes:
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations in 2007.
1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
2.) PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become:
PolyWarnerCracker
3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!
And finally ....
9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:
TittyTittyBangBang
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What's In a Name?
67 Views
03/13/07
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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2006} winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very , very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
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300 - The Movie
106 Views
03/13/07
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Check it out if you want to see how far computers have come in the motion picture industry. 300 was shot mostly with computer generated backgrounds and represents the state of the art in the field. A quantum leap over movies like "Titanic"
Good action flick and a great story too even if the characters slay thousands of their enemy with swords and spears but only get a few drops of blood on them which detracts a little from the realism, but it's a minor item.
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Sierra Ride Saturday 3/10
317 Views
03/07/07
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HossV8 posted this in another blog but I wanted to make sure it didn't get overlooked.
Meet at 9:30 at Perko's, 1703 Yosemite Ave in Manteca where Hwys 120 and 99 meet...(see map) We'll take a few back roads to Jamestown, then head up Hwy 49 in Gold Country to Jackson for lunch at Mel's Diner.
Hope to see a few new BKers there.
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Pick Your Favorite
94 Views
02/20/07
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"Why English Teachers Die Young - Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays".
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse with out one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil's, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose graceful ly en Pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
26. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
----------------------------
Number 6 is a classic...#18 is becoming too real for me to be funny! What one(s) strike your funny-bone?
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Great Vid On Youtube
88 Views
02/20/07
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Type "the meaning of american pie" in youtube's search box for a great 8:45 interpretational vid of Don Mclean's hit. Probably old hat to some of you but I just happened to see this...maybe it'll be new to a few here too.
Nothing much new in the way it's interpreted, but the imagery is great
If you're a child of the 60's or 70's (or even like me, the 50's) this will bring back a lot of memories.
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Hollister is Back in 2007
365 Views
02/10/07
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The annual 4th of July rally held in Hollister, CA is back. Although it was not officially held last year because the city council couldn't seem to get their collective heads out of their butts long enough to come to any type of agreement, it is now a scheduled event for July 6-8 this year. Go to horsepowerpromotions (one word) for details.
Kudos to everyone last yesr - there was talk of trashing the town by disgruntled bikers, but that didn't happen. Instead, the county and city wound up paying for a police presence that would have done a presidential visit proud. Cops were walking/riding in groups of 4-5 and more with damn near nothing to do the entire weekend. I don't even remember so much as a single fight breaking out. Since I only live a little over an hour away, I had to check it out - it was sad. There were only about 1/20 the number of vendors, no middle of the street parking, and only a handful showed up, not the fire-breathing, ass-kicking hoards that were predicted.
Let's bring back the bikers, the ladies, the lady bikers, and of course the bikes this year bigger and better than ever.
BTW, if you want info on other major national rallys for 2007, go to lightningcustoms and check them out.
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Heaven can be Hell
58 Views
01/27/07
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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They Walk Among Us
95 Views
01/26/07
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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!"Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where???"
They walk among us.
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
They walk among us.
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific.."
They walk among us.
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
They walk among us.
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
They walk among us.
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both.
They walk among us.
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me,
"has your plane arrived yet?"
They walk among us.
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm
hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep, they walk among us.
And here's another thought to make you feel safe and happy:
THEY VOTE TOO!
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2006 Idiot Express
98 Views
01/21/07
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The Idiot Report...... ..
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to e at in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane
and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on
the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to
give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he
left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the
Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it
was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
sli p or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and
left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it
in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
prom ptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 20056
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed
to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwega,
Wisconsin) We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The
reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out
here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to
be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg lettuce.
He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, and "Has anyone put anything
in your baggage without your knowledge?" I replied,
"If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He
smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what
the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she
responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker.
She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our
manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should
do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We
all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the- headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her own life,
couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no
less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys
had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to
unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side"
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
STAY ALERT! They walk among us.........and they
REPRODUCE... !!!
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So you think YOU'RE having a bad day??!?
140 Views
01/04/07
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While walking through the Boulder, Colorado woods, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet,
jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.
Two hours later, a huge tattooed biker type dressed in leather strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you brother?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, undid his belt and pulled his pants down, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake..."
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