<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<rss version="2.0">
<channel>
<title>Blogs for topdawg044.</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog?topdawg044</link>
<description>My blog</description>
<language>en-us</language>
<item>
<title>Coincidence or Fate or What?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=36874</link>
<pubDate>26-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
When something important in your life happens or when it is planned and doesn't happen, do you attribute it to fate, planning (or lack of it) or merely coincidence?

I'm of the belief that things happen when they're supposed to regardless of our efforts to force them to happen or to suppress them. Many recent events in my life only serve to re-enforce this feeling that there are very few actual coincidences.

Romance is a great topic for this discussion since that's what a lot of us are here for after all. I wouldn't have met my current love (and hopefully my last one too) if either of our timings had been off by even a few hours - and very possibly minutes, since we wouldn't have connected here due to our personal circumstances. Of course I may have met someone else, but believe me, we're more than happy with the way fate dealt us this hand.

How about your story? What has happened in your life to convince you that one of these three factors influenced the outcome?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Investment tips for 2007</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=36161</link>
<pubDate>20-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Maybe I shouldn't give you some of these, but here goes:

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2007.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace

2.) PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and become:
PolyWarnerCracker

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

And finally ....

9. Victoria's Secret and Smith &amp; Wesson will merge under the new name:
TittyTittyBangBang
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>What's In a Name?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=35064</link>
<pubDate>13-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.  Here are this year's {2006} winners:
 
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
 
 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 

 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 

 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future. 

 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 

 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very , very high. 

 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 

 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 

 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 

 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 

 12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 

 13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 

 14. Glibido: All talk and no action. 

 15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 

 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 

 18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>300 - The Movie</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=35061</link>
<pubDate>13-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Check it out if you want to see how far computers have come in the motion picture industry. 300 was shot mostly with computer generated backgrounds and represents the state of the art in the field. A quantum leap over movies like "Titanic"

Good action flick and a great story too even if the characters slay thousands of their enemy with swords and spears but only get a few drops of blood on them which detracts a little from the realism, but it's a minor item.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Sierra Ride Saturday 3/10</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=34366</link>
<pubDate>07-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
HossV8 posted this in another blog but I wanted to make sure it didn't get overlooked.

Meet at 9:30 at Perko's, 1703 Yosemite Ave in Manteca where Hwys 120 and 99 meet...(see map) We'll take a few back roads to Jamestown, then head up Hwy 49 in Gold Country to Jackson for lunch at Mel's Diner.

Hope to see a few new BKers there.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>They're Baaaaaaack</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=34160</link>
<pubDate>05-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The blog responses are gone again - happened at 7:33pm PST as I  was reading them - sure hope I don't get blamed for this one.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Hooray! The Blogs Have Returned!!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=33421</link>
<pubDate>28-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I can SEE - it's a blooming miracle!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>They're baaaaaack!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=33323</link>
<pubDate>27-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Dem blogs be back agin y'all!!!

At least we can reply to them again, however it seems that all the previous replies are still MIA/KIA
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Yep - blog responses are gone</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=33309</link>
<pubDate>27-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Where, oh where, have our little blogs gone?

Oh where, oh where can they be?

With their venom and spite

They're whisked into the light

Oh where, oh where can they be?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Pick Your Favorite</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=32341</link>
<pubDate>20-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
"Why English Teachers Die Young - Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays".

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse with out one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil's, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose graceful ly en Pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
----------------------------

Number 6 is a classic...#18 is becoming too real for me to be funny! What one(s) strike your funny-bone?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Great Vid On Youtube</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=32340</link>
<pubDate>20-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Type "the meaning of american pie" in youtube's search box for a great 8:45 interpretational vid of Don Mclean's hit. Probably old hat to some of you but I just happened to see this...maybe it'll be new to a few here too. 

Nothing much new in the way it's interpreted, but the imagery is great

If you're a child of the 60's or 70's (or even like me, the 50's) this will bring back a lot of memories.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Hollister is Back in 2007</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=31101</link>
<pubDate>10-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The annual 4th of July rally held in Hollister, CA is back. Although it was not officially held last year because the city council couldn't seem to get their collective heads out of their butts long enough to come to any type of agreement, it is now a scheduled event for July 6-8 this year. Go to horsepowerpromotions (one word) for details.

Kudos to everyone last yesr - there was talk of trashing the town by disgruntled bikers, but that didn't happen. Instead, the county and city wound up paying for a police presence that would have done a presidential visit proud. Cops were walking/riding in groups of 4-5 and more with damn near nothing to do the entire weekend. I don't even remember so much as a single fight breaking out. Since I only live a little over an hour away, I had to check it out - it was sad. There were only about 1/20 the number of vendors, no middle of the street parking, and only a handful showed up, not the fire-breathing, ass-kicking hoards that were predicted.

Let's bring back the bikers, the ladies, the lady bikers, and of course the bikes this year bigger and better than ever.

BTW, if you want info on other major national rallys for 2007, go to lightningcustoms and check them out.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Death of a Hero</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29577</link>
<pubDate>29-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
It was a sad day - Barbaro, the magnificent racehorse who shattered his rear leg last year lost his battle to live today. Even his vet was almost in tears on the news conference.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Heaven can be Hell</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29300</link>
<pubDate>27-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>They Walk Among Us</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29163</link>
<pubDate>26-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!"Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where???"

They walk among us.

====================

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

They walk among us. 
====================

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific.."

They walk among us.

====================

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

They walk among us.

====================

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They walk among us.

====================

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both.


They walk among us.

====================

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me,
"has your plane arrived yet?"


They walk among us.

====================

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm
hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

Yep, they walk among us.                           

And here's another thought to make you feel safe and happy:  

THEY VOTE TOO!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>It's Wednesday!!!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=28982</link>
<pubDate>24-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Happy Hump Day Y'all
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>2006 Idiot Express</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=28541</link>
<pubDate>21-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The Idiot Report...... ..

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to e at in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane
and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on
the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
might run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to
give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he
left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the
Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it
was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
sli p or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and
left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it
in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
prom ptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 20056
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed
to vote)

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwega,
Wisconsin) We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The
reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out
here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to
be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg lettuce.

He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, and "Has anyone put anything
in your baggage without your knowledge?" I replied,
"If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He
smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what
the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she
responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker.
She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our
manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should
do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We
all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the- headlights stare.

This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her own life,
couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no
less.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys
had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to
unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side"

This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

STAY ALERT! They walk among us.........and they
REPRODUCE... !!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>So you think YOU'RE having a bad day??!?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=26100</link>
<pubDate>04-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
While walking through the Boulder, Colorado woods, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
 
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
  
 "You gotta be kiddin' me."

 "No, would you like to give it a try?"

 Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the  other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet,
jewelry, car  keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later, a huge tattooed biker type dressed in leather strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you brother?"

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
  
 When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, undid his belt and pulled his pants down, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake..."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I Don't Understand What We Did Right...</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=25002</link>
<pubDate>26-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
...but thanks to the BK staff for allowing the instant blog posts - it makes the experience 1000% more enjoyable
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Need Info On This Pic Please</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=24860</link>
<pubDate>24-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Can someone either identify this pic for me or help me find a distributor for it? I think the artist is David Mann but I can't read the rest of the info in the lower right-hand corner. I'd like to get a print of it.

Thanks
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Milestone for Las Vegas</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=20445</link>
<pubDate>16-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
3 calendar months as of today and counting.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Las Vegas - 100 Days and Counting</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=19363</link>
<pubDate>06-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Sometime this week around the 9th, depending on how you count, we will be at a milestone for the Las Vegas Tailshaker - 100 days to go! This is a national get together with members from all over the country coming. Everyone is invited to make our presence felt and to rock the town and to PAR-TAY baby!!. 

Time to make your reservations if you haven't already.

For those who are new here or aren't otherwise aware, all the blogs referring to 'Vegas' are talking about this event due Feb 16-19. Many, if not most, of us have made reservations at Whiskey Pete's at Stateline, about a 40 minute ride from the Strip...all kinds of activities are in the works and rides around the NV countryside and into Calif will abound.

Let's all turn out and make this 1st annual event something to tell our riding buddies about for years to come.
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<title>Things That Go Bump In The Road</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=19309</link>
<pubDate>05-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
This is a letter I wrote today to a dear friend who does NOT like skull tats, or skulls in any form as a display. She doesn't own a bike and I wanted to try to at least modify her extreme distaste for the subject a little. I originally didn't write it for public comnsumption, but maybe it'll help one of you explain it to a passenger or non-rider as well. I pretty much dashed it off in a hurry so it's not the most elegant piece I've written, but I hope I at least covered the salient points
-------------------------------

I wanted to set down a few thoughts about why we, who ride bikes, are so into skulls and the like - I'm not looking to change your opinion, just maybe show our point of view so that you might be a little more tolerant of it.

The fact that the skull represents death is all important. It symbolizes the fact that we, more than any other person on the road have little chance in a major accident to survive, and in fact, what constitutes a minor fender-bender for someone in a car would send us to the morgue. It's our way of recognizing the fact that our demise is out there in the shadows waiting for us maybe a little sooner than for others. We wear it on our sleeve (in a manner of speaking) to show both a respect for death, and to show that we are willing to accept it if it does come our way. It shows respect for our brothers and sisters who have seen it's face directly and gone on to better things. To most of us, the skull doesn't represent a morbid facination of death, but rather a celebration of life and those who have gone before us much like the Mexican 'Dia Del Muerte' holiday.

In a nutshell, the skull is our way of laughing at, and thumbing our noses at the inevitable who we know will always win in a showdown. It constitutes a very serious inside joke.

Believe it or not, I used to react to skulls much the same way you do until I began to ride and started to see how simply and quickly the transition from this world to the next can occur for us on bikes, and how much more likely it is to happen.


Hope this helps to explain our point of view a little.

Love,
Robert
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<title>Love Ride...Anyone here going or need a back seat?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=19021</link>
<pubDate>01-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
On Sun. Nov 12, the 23rd Annual Jay Leno Love Ride takes place from Glendale HD to Castaic Lake. 

Is anyone from BK planning to attend or is anyone looking to share a back seat? I have a big one...well, I also have a spare one on my bike too - lol

Details are at loveride org or you can google it for more info.

Jay Leno, Peter Fonda, Robert Patrick, Edgar Winter, Black Crowes, Fryed Bros. will be there.

If you'd like to ride with me, let me know one way or another. It'd be great if we could make a BK presence there.
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<title>Taboo Subject...</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=18673</link>
<pubDate>29-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Ok - nobody seems to talk about it much, maybe out of fear that a future soulmate here will discover we're a tad overweight, but what kind of diet works for you?? 

...and is it a constant struggle or are you one of the fortunate ones who sheds Thanksgiving and Christmas pounds like an unwanted ex-spouse? 

I'll start off - I began here on BK weighing 230 and I'm down to 208 now and still losing the old gut day by day. My first line of defense is a modified Atkins to get me over the hump. A low carb diet is the only thing that seems to work for me and hopefully I'll be below 200 by Thanksgiving when I'l probably start yo-yo-ing back up again till after New Year's when all the Christmas pie and candy is gone. Then I'll spend the rest of the year losing it all over again.

How about some healthy dieting ideas or tips for not pigging out over the holidays?
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<title>A New Parent's Dictionary</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=17477</link>
<pubDate>15-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
For those of you who are planning on, or who have, brand new rug-rats, I wanted to offer these phrases for you to memorize.

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Dad to get up at 2 am also.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
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<title>How 'bout it....?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=17458</link>
<pubDate>15-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Do you find that you prefer to talk to members of the opposite sex who live a long ways from you or closer by?

There's a lot to be said in favor of both schools of thought - there's safety in distance, or does the thought of being intimate outweigh the security factor?

I'm torn on this one - I prefer to talk with someone I have a chance of meeting, say within a few hundred miles...some don't, I understand, but I wouldn't NOT chat if a woman lived in Australia or the UK...or elsewhere, and I have a lot of female friends here on BK who live 1000 miles away or further.

A lot, of course, depends on what you're looking for. Booty calls aren't everything...but then everyone's different in that respect.

What are your thoughts?
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<title>Norcal BK Party - Update</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=14380</link>
<pubDate>09-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Note: See the latest entry dated 10/10/06 - We now have a venue and a date.
==============================
I see that there are a lot of members in Northern and Central Calif. If anyone is interested in getting together for a big ol' party sometime in the near future, probably somewhere in between the Bay Area and Sac, post up here so that I can get an idea of how many are interested.

We'll probably try to plan it for sometime in the next 5 or 6 weeks while we still have semi-dry, semi-warm weather.

Post whether you need a ride and/or if you're willing to provide a ride to get there - bike or cages welcome. Of course, it's open to everyone and you don't need to live around here to come, but I was mainly thinking of a mixer to hold us till the First Annual Tail Shaker in Feb in Las Vegas .

Once I get a rough idea of how many are going to attend, I can start looking for a venue.

Any suggestions to help pull this off are welcome too.
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<title>What's your Favorite...</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=16202</link>
<pubDate>30-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Ain't oxymorons great?

From a Star Trek episode:

SPOCK: We have breached time travel Captain - it is now three days ago.

What's your favorite one?? 

"Military Intelligence" springs immediately to mind as one of the all time best :-)
]]></description>
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<title>What kind of relationship are you looking for?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15380</link>
<pubDate>20-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
One thing I've noticed here is that there are people who get really upset because a relationship doesn't pan out to their expectations. However, there aren't any set rules and since this is a dating site, there are lots of different ways to date. Some are looking for marriage, some just pen-pals, and everything in between, including gay/les and beyond. 

One thing that seems to be a theme here is people getting their hopes all up and then dashed on the rocks because of some flirting just to find out that's all it was.  Flirting is a great way to get to know someone, even if it's only for a pure friendship. It can (but not necessarily) involve teasing, mild sarcasm, poking gentle fun, sensuality, eroticism, as well as the testing of emotions that formal conversations can never have. The main danger is that it can be misinterpreted as being serious as well as committal and get you in deep doodoo when it's found out that you do it with others as well.

Personally, I'd never make a committment to someone clear across the country unless I'd met her first, and it's amazing how many people do just that and then get hurt for no good reason other than expectations not being met...I don't think it's wrong, but it has to be mutually agreed upon in order to avoid misunderstandings.

I'd suggest that if you're looking for a particular type of relationship, that you spell it out clearly from the beginning - playing games can be a lot of fun as long as both parties understand that that may be all there is. When someone goes to a party, the last thing on most people's mind is latching onto some stranger right away with no thought of the tremendous variety available. Isn't that the same atmosphere we have here? In short, have fun and enjoy each other's company here...
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<title>Why I have a dog...................</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=14324</link>
<pubDate>08-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made
-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
- Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret
]]></description>
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<title>A search for romance</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=14121</link>
<pubDate>05-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
You have all my best wishes for you and the lovey Linda. But you already knew that Robert.

Hugs and kisses

Elmo
]]></description>
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<title>Joke of the Day - MEN ONLY</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=13640</link>
<pubDate>31-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
To the women:

First off - I knew I'd catch some of you clicking into here...revenge for Tamara's post is sweet!

Bwaaaaahaaahaaa!!

Now - things women say to further confuse men:

"Fine" - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

"Five Minutes" - If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

"Nothing" - This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes.Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

"Go Ahead" - This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

"Loud Sigh" - Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

"That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

"Thanks" - This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.
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<title>In Harm's Way...</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=13481</link>
<pubDate>29-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
It's hurricane season once again - I wanted to wish all the BKers, their family and friends on the Gulf Coast and FL as well as points north a safe next few months - hopefully this season will be not be as severe as last year and none of you will suffer personal or property loss.
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>My Ding-a-Ling</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=13408</link>
<pubDate>28-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling... 

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. 

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." 

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100-years-old having sexy would surely be asking for trouble. 

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." 

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along."
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Viewing/Replying Etiquitte for Newbies</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=12520</link>
<pubDate>16-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I feel so much at home here and as such, a few questions have come to mind over the course of the last few weeks.

What is expected when you see that someone has looked at your profile - is it in poor taste to email them, should I wait till they email me? I know I look at lots of profiles just to get to know people without any thought of contacting them so I'm assuming others do the same to me, but on the other hand, many women don't care to make first contact either, but on yet another hand, biker women don't fit into a lot of common social molds and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Oh my head hurts! :-)

Just curious, each site seems to have their own 'rules' about things like this...not really rules, but accepted behavior.
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<item>
<title>Guess It's time to say hello y'all</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=12423</link>
<pubDate>15-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I've been on here for a few weeks now and have been made to feel really welcome so I think I should introduce myself so I don't appear to be a lurker.

My name is Robert and I live in the central San Joaquin valley about 50 miles north of Fresno. Been riding off and on since the 60's (mostly off) and pretty much full time/year-round/rain or shine for the last 5 or 6 years. I have two dogs who are my kids...they believe it and have me pretty much convinced as well. My grown-up human kids all live in Chattanooga where my late first wife is from.

Hope to meet most of you online - there seems to be a pretty good bunch of peeps here.
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