<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<rss version="2.0">
<channel>
<title>Blogs for AintRightT.</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog?AintRightT</link>
<description>My blog</description>
<language>en-us</language>
<item>
<title>CVMA -LRRP-THE FISHER HOUSE</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=101740</link>
<pubDate>18-MAR-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Veterans Helping Veterans. 

Please see attached photo.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>BIKER PRIDE</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=99821</link>
<pubDate>29-FEB-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
AAH,THE AMERICAN JOURNALIST

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning
into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from
the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. 

A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.

Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw
this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.

Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?

A Harley Davidson.

The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:

BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I Finally Did It....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=97160</link>
<pubDate>08-FEB-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I finally did it. Working 80 hours a week, I did the dirty deed. 
I traded in my hunka hunka honda for a 2008 HD DYNA SUPERGLIDE

I was so excited, that I (thought)I had enough winter gear on, 
after 10 miles of freezing, I realize, I didn't; 
needless to say, my inner child fuzed the match it was playing with and froze my ass off riding home 25 miles.
Damn Texas weather. 
I should be able to post the pictures tomorrow.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Me!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=98140</link>
<pubDate>16-FEB-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Talk about being 8 up. 2008 Dyna Superglide purchased on February 8, 2008.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>NO I DIDN'T</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=93260</link>
<pubDate>14-JAN-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
move to Kentucky and I am still here in Texas. 
to the one that called me to meet up and go riding in Kentucy, I do so truly apologize for not returning your call, please accept. 
To the BKIB (Investigation Bureau), 
See my ZIP, Zippey Do Day!!!

Let me xplain, I was looking for some on my ol' Army friends in the Ft. Knox area, so I changed my zip, oh, and how I forgot to change it back. 
Well, I am home, here in Texas.
Did ya'll miss me? 
LMSAO....
good news, my ol' army buddies are, well a few of them, are also riding the Iron Butt Ride with the CVMA also. 
It was worth it, to go to KY zip code, but I am glad to be back home.
Hugs to ya'll...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>WOW - Back to the Future</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=90780</link>
<pubDate>28-DEC-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Come One Come All, Back to the Future Blogs. (or is it me that woke up on the wrong side of the BK blogland?)
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Iron Butt Ride</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=87720</link>
<pubDate>12-DEC-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The association I ride with are putting together an unofficial Iron Butt Ride, 1000 miles in 24 hours in June 2008. I'll be leaving Copperas Cove, TXD to Spearfish, SD. Could any of ya'll give me any advise that ya'll wouldn't mind passing on. I am already trying to get in the mind set of the lil' engine, I think I can, I think I can, do this. HELP!!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>South vs. North</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=85501</link>
<pubDate>01-DEC-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The Redneck Challenge:

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,and I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?  It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya, there's a hole heap of things that big city book-learnin don't prepare ya for in this life.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Veterans Day Parades</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=82500</link>
<pubDate>10-NOV-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
This weekend there are alot of Veteran Day Parades scheduled. If there are any in your local area, please attend and show you support for the Veterans. Also if your close by to a Veteans Cemetery, go and visit, the flags that are put out to each headstone is normally place by the Boy Scouts and it is a site to see.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>GOING BALD!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=69020</link>
<pubDate>02-SEP-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I am going bald...but don't know exactly when...it's all for my Moms. She is in stage 3 of breast and lympnode cancer. I will be shaving my hair off as she loses hers and giving all 18" to the locks of love; however, I will be keeping a rats/chinese tail, thats her decision. Being all in good spirits Moms and I are out and about dew rag shopping, preferably pink, any shade and design. Should anyone run into some unusal pink rags, let me know. I'm going Bald, Think Pink!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>No Stress Employment</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=63920</link>
<pubDate>12-AUG-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Remember last month I received my pink slip, well, I am still working at the Texas Veterans Cemetery. I LA LA LA It!! Oh, the benefits are great; expectional weight lose program, farmers tan to the max, more vitiamin D than most ppl can handle. I have increased my knowledge of equipment also; skags, bobcats,
t-rex, and mules. I am thinking of applying for the Director position here soon. (maybe). But here is a pic of the entrance, See My Trees?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>BIKE FOR SALE</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=58660</link>
<pubDate>22-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Keep Laughing!!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>OFFICIALLY PINK SLIPPED</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=58120</link>
<pubDate>21-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Going out on a limb here, but this past Monday I was handed my pink slip from home wrecking after 13 years due to office reduction. (Divorce / Bankruptcy Paralegal). I was given a hefty serverance pay, and out of the office before 11 a.m.. I knew it was coming so I am not dishearted, especially when I have 3 other part-time jobs. (2 bartending and 1 dog-sitting)(don't laugh, I make good money). Well, I called my friends asking how is a person suppose to feel when ya' get the boot, because I was  laughing all the way home; I have never been fired from any job.
Well, I made one special call to a friend, he's says "T" we have a seasonal position open. I replied "I'll Take It". I begin working this Monday, as one of the official (remove all liquids, please) 
Weedeater / Treewell Girl at the Texas State Veterans Cemetery for 973 trees. 
No more stress, no more figuring out what to wear to work, no more steak knifes taped to monitors, no more home wrecking, well other than bartending. 
I will be working with good group of people, and get this; they all ride. I will be riding to and fro with them each day. 

My question is still how is a person suppose to feel when their fired, booted, let go, etc,? ;  because I am stilling laughing after a week and the 2nd question is does this gray work uniform make my butt look big?
(I even get work shirts with my name on it so I remember who I am)

Please no I am so sorry comments either----LMSAO
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>One Very Brave Cowboy</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=57780</link>
<pubDate>19-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. 
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. 
So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!!, Or I'll kick the #$%$)@ out of all of you!" 
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?" 

"Just a couple minutes ago..."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Benefits Of Being A Woman</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=56500</link>
<pubDate>14-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
We got off the Titanic first. 
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological excuses. 
We never ejaculate prematurely. 
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 
When we buy a vibrator its glamorous, when men buy a blow-up doll its pathetic. 
We can be groupies, male groupies are stalkers. 
We can cry and get off speeding fines. 
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. 
Taxis stop for us. 
Men die earlier, so we can cash in on the life insurance. 
We don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance. 
Free drinking. 
Free dinners. 
Free moving (you get the point). 
We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 
We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay. 
We know the truth about whether size matters. 
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease of life. 
If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're NOT the devil. 
Condoms make no significant difference to our enjoyment of sex. 
We can sleep our way to the top. 
Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. 
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 
If we cheat on our spouse people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. 
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. 
If we forget to shave, no-one has to know. 
We never have to reach down there every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 
If we're dumb, some people still find us cute. 
We have the ability to dress ourselves. 
We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. 
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 
Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. 
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS???</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=55760</link>
<pubDate>10-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I AM NOT ONE TO USE CAPS, HOWEVER... WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? 

July 10, 2007)?Authorities have arrested five people in connection with the July 4 shooting death of Hidi Gower, 31, of Copperas Cove including the victim?s husband. Deputies found Gower after receiving a report that a woman was lying in the parking lot of the VFW hall in Kempner. She was airlifted to Scott &amp; White Hospital in Temple where she died shortly after arrival. Police arrested the victim?s husband, Donald Dean Gower, 39, of Copperas Cove, on a warrant charging capital murder around 3:15 a.m. Tuesday at a motel in Manhattan, Kan., where Hidi Gower?s funeral is scheduled later in the day. He?s held in the Riley County, Kan. Jail pending an extradition hearing.
Capital murder arrest warrants were also served on Jeremiah John Ellison, 25, of Copperas Cove; Regina Edwards, 25, of Copperas Cove, and John Robert Martinez, 27, of Copperas Cove.
They will be transferred to the Lampasas County Jail later in the day. Deputies also arrested Chaka Romain Johnson, 31, of Lampasas on a capital murder warrant.
Investigators have recovered a .45 caliber revolver that?s believed to be the murder weapon and two vehicles used in the killing, Lampasas County Sheriff Gordon Morris said in a press release issued late Tuesday morning. Morris said Hidi Gower was killed in a murder-for-hire plot. The motive was a life insurance policy, Morris said.
Once an agreement was made, Donald Gower and his wife drove to the Kempner VFW to play in a pool tournament,? Morris said.
At around 9:00 p.m., Donald sent his wife to their vehicle in the parking lot to obtain an item from the vehicle.? After she failed to return, Morris said, ?Gower sought help from another patron to help locate his wife. She was found lying beside their vehicle in a pool of blood.?

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS???

I apologize for ranting, this happens on televison, not at home.

"T"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Never Leave Your NUTS Alone</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=55000</link>
<pubDate>07-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.  For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived.  Everything went  quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up Nuts', and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, 'Down Nuts', and they all sat  back down in their seats.  After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, 'Cheer Nuts'.
They all broke out into applause and cheered.  When the  umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, 'Booooo Nuts' and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go  get a 
beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.  When he re  turned, there was a riot in progress.  Finding his tizzied assistant, the  doctor asked, 'What in the world happened?' The assistant replied, 'Well  everything was 
going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'

Admit it - this one brought a smile to your face!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>NOT THIS BATHROOM!!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=54320</link>
<pubDate>04-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Bathroom Painted Floor

Imagine you are at a party on the 10th floor and have to visit the bathroom...You open the door...

Now, remember the floor is painted. Kind of takes your breath away.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>The Headless....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=53520</link>
<pubDate>02-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Demo. He has become headless. Has anyone seen Demo's head?
(joking, demo...)
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>The Lonely Brain Cell</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=52600</link>
<pubDate>28-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. 

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer. 

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. 

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, 

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away............. 

"We're down here ."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Can You Hear Me Now?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=52540</link>
<pubDate>28-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Can you Hear Me Now?? 
  
A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. 
The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband 
  
could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 
  
"Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away 
from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." 

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the  den. 
He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens." In a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" 
No response. 
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"  Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 
"Honey, What's for dinner?" 
Again, no response. sso, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, What's for dinner?" Again, there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" 

"EARL FOR THE 5TH TIME, CHICKEN!"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>How Many Steps?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=52000</link>
<pubDate>26-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
On Jeopardy the other night, the final question was How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (Unknowns) 
--- All 3 Missed the Question-----
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>MY 2 Cents, 4 Cents 6 Cents...A Dollar</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=50460</link>
<pubDate>21-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
"What Is To Be Is Up To Me."


oops, forgot my feetnotes, 
Feetnote I  - My Momma Lives and Raised Me By This Saying 
Feetnote II - Her Daddy Raised Her On This One-Liner Also
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Have You Dated A White Couch?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=49320</link>
<pubDate>18-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Let me explain, The White Couch.  Some men or women are like a white couches. 
The white couch is nice to look at, it matches about everything, and they have style and class, however, you wouldn't want to own one. The White Couch must be the center of attention, over-stuffed with themselves and high maintenance.
Have You Dated A White Couch?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>WEARING A BUCKET -MAKES NO SENSE</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=48620</link>
<pubDate>15-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I think a safety strp, parachute would do much better.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>COWBOYS LAST WORDS</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=48000</link>
<pubDate>13-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Just Laugh...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I FOUND MY....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=46920</link>
<pubDate>09-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Hunka Hunka Honda. He came to me today and he is all mine. He needs some minor adjustments, but this is one hunka hunka that won't do me wrong, I pray.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>New Blonde Cook Book to New Margo</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=46721</link>
<pubDate>07-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
As I am known, I don't cook much anymore, it's no fun for just one person. But I did get a New Blonde Cook Book, so I met a "Victim" and this is what has happened.

Monday - "Victim" asked for an Angel Food Cake food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday - "Victim" wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress.  What a surprise when "Victim" brought a friend home for supper. 

Wednesday - A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway.  I can't say it improved the rice any. 

Thursday - "Victim" asked for salad again, so I tried another new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.  "Victim" asked me why I was rolling around in the garden. 

Friday - I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. 
 
Saturday - "Victim" did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason "Victim" keeps counting to ten. 

Sunday - "Victims'" folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. 

Start of 2nd Week - This has been a very exciting week cooking. I am eager for this new week to come so I can try out a new recipe on "Victim". If I can talk "Victim" into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Broke Back Mountain Lady</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=45620</link>
<pubDate>28-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
 She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about
ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied
she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have
him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked
hard and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he found
the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine,waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. 

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. 

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, You're Fired!"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Texas Women Are Smart</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=45344</link>
<pubDate>25-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Texas one day.
As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' (ready) to jump.  She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead.  I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."
He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, think of the Alamo."
He replied, ''What's the Alamo?''

She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, you dumb-ass Yankee."

Just joking ya'll Northerners...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Just Some Scary Thoughts</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=45343</link>
<pubDate>25-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Scary --
In a hospital's ICU, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 AM, regardless of their medical condition.  This puzzled the Doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.  No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM, on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.  The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM, all of the Doctors and Nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.  Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books; and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday Sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Having a Bad Day -- 
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000.00.  At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.  A minute later, in full view of the cheering crowd, a killer whale ate them both.

Another Bad Day -- 
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.  Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.  Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Protesters -- 
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughter house in Bonn , Germany .  Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.  The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

Forgetter -- 
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb he mailed.  It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it.  Forgetting that he sent the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. 

There, are we feeling better now?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>PIECE BY PIECE</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=44240</link>
<pubDate>16-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Beautiful is a word rarely associated with burly motorcyclists, but that is how Rosa Hollingsworth described the processional Tuesday that escorted the Dignity Memorial Vietnam Wall into Killeen.

Hollingsworth, the widow of the firstveteran buried in the Central Texas State Veterans Cemetery, rode in the lead car escorting the memorial wall to the cemetery, where it will be displayed Friday through Sunday.

Her husband, Donald, a veteran of both the Vietnam and Korean wars, was instrumental in bringing the cemetery to Killeen. (Commander of VFW Post 8577 -which I am a life member of)

Hollingsworth was accompanied by daughters Barbara Mims, of Copperas Cove, and Jane Bellinger, of Belton.

"I don't think people realize how much has been given in the name of freedom," Bellinger said. "This trip has been such a powerful experience for us. It is a reminder of how much so many people have given in the name of freedom."

More than 600 motorcyclists from across Texas turned out to escort the wall from Waco to Killeen.

"The most emotional part of the journey was when we turned off the highway and cars had pulled on to the side of the rode to wave us on," said rider Tom Creek of Copperas Cove. "I choked up a little when I saw the soldiers standing at attention on the roadside."

After arriving at the cemetery, volunteers assisted in unloading the panels of the wall from the truck. After unloading the panels used to support the wall, visitors paused to observe a ceremony that has become a tradition prior to erecting the monument ? the placement of a Purple Heart at the apex of the wall.

"When the original wall in Washington, D.C., was being built, construction workers saw someone toss an object into the concrete foundation," said Chris Robinson, a volunteer for the memorial visit. "When they realized he had thrown a Purple Heart in, they asked him why. The answer became part of a ritual for the wall."

According to a plaque that travels with the wall, the soldier believed the wall, which was built as a place to promote healing, needed a heart of its own in order to accomplish that. After hearing the story, a family visiting the traveling wall in Illinois donated a son's Purple Heart Award to Dignity Memorial.

The Purple Heart sits beneath the panel that bears the soldier's name. The name Robert John Achas is etched into panel E-1, line 95, the exact center, and heart, of the Vietnam Wall.

The memorial wall is a three-quarter-scale replica of the memorial in Washington, D.C. Dignity Memorial funeral, cremation and cemetery service providers created the powerful replica in 1990 as a courtesy to those who may never visit the nation's capital to see the wall firsthand.

Since the traveling wall was built, it has been displayed in more than 200 cities and visited by hundreds of thousands of Americans. In 2004, the reported number of visitors to the wall was 900,000.

The faux-granite replica is 240 feet long and stands 8 feet tall. The names of 58,000 Americans who died or are missing in Vietnam have been inscribed on the wall's surface.

The memorial will be open to the public Friday through Sunday. Opening ceremonies for the exhibit will be held at noon Friday with an additional ceremony at 1 p.m. Saturday. Closing ceremonies will be at 8 p.m. Sunday. During the opening ceremony, organizations, businesses and individuals will have an opportunity to lay wreaths at the base of the wall.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>How To Start Out Each Day With A Positive Attitude</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=43565</link>
<pubDate>11-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
1. Open a new file in your computer

2. Name it Hillary Rodham Clinton

3. Send it to the trash.

4. Empty the trash.

5. Your PC will ask you, 
"Do you really want to get rid of Hillary Rodham Clinton?

6. Firmly Click Yes

7. Feel better?

PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Warning - To WOMEN</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=41444</link>
<pubDate>25-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While
the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up
with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked
oatmeal. Who would have done
such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my
thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my
guard was down, the thieves struck again.

My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my
original. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for
lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the
hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked
repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts.

What could they do to me next?

My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story.

I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the
coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using ..

You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs - and I hope that Cindy
Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out
of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept.

Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

NOW YOU MAY LAUGH...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Using Google Maps - This Is A Must Read</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=41443</link>
<pubDate>25-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I have thought about going overseas again, and this is what google maps provided to me...

1. google.com
2. get directs
3. type in - get direction
from New York to London
4. MUST READ NO. 24 OF THE DIRECTIONS

Please No Releasement of Fluids through your nostrils.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Will Roger....Died - His Comments</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=40501</link>
<pubDate>18-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Some of his comments.

1.  Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 

2.  Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. (especially in Texas)

3.  There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works. 

4.  Never miss a good chance to shut up. 

5.  Always drink upstream from the herd. 

6.  If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 

7.  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. 

8.  There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 

9.  Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 

10.  If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 

11.  Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 

12.  After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. 

The moral:   When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. 

ABOUT GROWING OLDER... 

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. 

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. 

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.  I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. 

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied with growing older and would like to go back to your youthful days, stop and think of Algebra. 

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. 

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. 

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. 

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. 

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. 

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today it's called golf. 

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble and yourself, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. 

Hey TTT, think that this could be incorporated into the BK Blog Manuel?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Are Your Balls In Working Order?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=40042</link>
<pubDate>16-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a 
real- memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it 
may need a ball replacement. 

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained 
personnel. 

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger 
and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ, depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden 
discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. 
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing 
and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Are Your Balls In Working Order?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Something Is Definitely Wrong!!!!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=38802</link>
<pubDate>07-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Something is definitely wrong here in Central Texas, and I don't like it...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>In Need Of A Mechanic - Any Out in Blog Land?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=37221</link>
<pubDate>28-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>For All Nude Male Sunbathers - Take Caution</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=36460</link>
<pubDate>22-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The Bird

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw
a blonde coming toward him, so he covered himself with the
newspaper he was reading. The blonde came up to him and asked,

"What do you have under the newspaper?"

"A bird," the guy replied.

The blonde walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the police asked him what happened, the guy replied:

I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this blonde asked
me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

The police went back to the beach, found the blonde, and asked her, "What did you do to the man who was sunbathing here?" After a pause, the blonde replied,

"To him?..... Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I Will Survive...</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=36122</link>
<pubDate>20-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
SING IT GIRLS!!!

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches,
Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just
waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on...

But there you are,
another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and
All you've brought was a French Fry!
I should have known it Was bullshit,
just your sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda
lurking deep within those jeans!

Go on no w - go, !
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches,
then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a prick to think I
wouldn't find out for myself!?
Don't You know we're only joking when
we say size don't count??!!

[Chorus]

I will survive!
I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
With a handful of latex
and my friend with multi-speeds!
I will survive!
I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw Your little weiner
standing tall and proud!
But to hell with Your ego
and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all My lovin'
for a cordless multispeed!

Go on now - go, !
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches,
then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a prick to think I
wouldn't find out for myself!?
Don't You know we're only joking when
we say size don't count??!!

I will survive!I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive!
I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

LMSAO.....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>He's Here.....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=35361</link>
<pubDate>15-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
My 2nd Grandson "Chase"was born this a.m.. Gammy again. My 1st Grandson, Austin, feeling kind of left out with a new baby brother, asked me, "Gammy, are you gonna put olives on his fingers to learn to count? Are you gonna use him like a mop like you did me?" I had to tell him, "yep, but this time he can help me, and see how much fun we can have". 
Chase, Welcome to Gammy's World...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I Am Learning To Become....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=35320</link>
<pubDate>14-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
POLITICALLY CORRECT: 

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 
 
1. A woman is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN." 
 
2. A woman is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 
 
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY." 
 
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." 
 
5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 
 
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER." 
 
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 
 
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 
 
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN." 
 
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 
 
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 
 
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of 
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." 
 
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE." 
 
I personally like No. 5 for the men.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>When In Need...Ask A Biker</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=34182</link>
<pubDate>05-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A husky biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. 

They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.  On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He also stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside
the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.  While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him
she was lost.  She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said,
"Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.  I would walk you home but I can't
carry this stuff."  The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the
bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.  On the way he said "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.  We'll be there in no
time."  The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get
in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?"  The biker said, "Holy smokes lady!  I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two
chickens, and a goose.  How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Am I Getting Old Or What?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=33761</link>
<pubDate>03-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
What do ya'll think?
I sold my 10 acres of land with 3,000 sqft home after 5 years. I got tired of every weekend of cutting cedars, post fixin', farm animal caring, etc.. No time for fun, so I figured there is more to life than working 8 days a week on a small ranch, so I moved into an apartment complex.  (majority are young soldiers and their families). Since moving in I have a life, no more working 8 days a week, no fixin' anything-call management.
We're (16 apartments) all having a BBQ one day, and it was brought up that I am "too old" to be living in an apartment complex "at my age"(45), I should be settled down in a "normal" home. Also was told that I play my music too loud and it's too old of music, and that they would rather hear television noise. I explained to them about what all is involved in owning a home and land, etc., and they still didn't get it. However, these young ones don't think one minute of banging on my door asking for help with a sick child, asking for a receipe, borrow this or that, etc. So, all of us at the 305 Complex are debating "what is too old to live in an apartment complex"?    
305 Complex Wants To Know...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Words For Men - Stops All Confusion...</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=30701</link>
<pubDate>07-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Womens' Word Definitions to Stop All The Confusion For Men...

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually ends in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

This is for the Men that need to be warned about future arguments so ya'll can avoid future arguements, only if ya';; they remember the terminology!

Oh, and don't forget....?

"Whatever"
...it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU

This is all in fun guys.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>To All AzzHoles....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=30105</link>
<pubDate>03-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Now this story is theraputic...

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone-don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. 

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" 

I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robbie Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robbie's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number). 

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and I hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. 

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. 

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" 

So, one day I was at the grocery-store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some kid in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. 

A couple of days later! , right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" 

"Yes it is." 

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" 

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front." 

"What's your name?" I asked. 

"My name is Don Hansen," he said. 

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" 

"I'm home every evening after five." 

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" 

"Yes?" 

"Don, you're an asshole!" 

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. 

So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1. "Hello" 

"You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.) 

"Are you still there?" he asked. 

"Yeah," I said. 

"Stop calling me!" he screamed. 

"Make me," I said. 

"Who are you?" he asked. 

"My name is Don Hansen." 

"Yeah? Where do you live?" 

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front." 

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." 

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole." 

Then I called asshole # 2: 

"Hello?" he said. 

"Hello Asshole," I said. 

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." 

"You'll what?" I said. 

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed. 

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover! Then, I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. 

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew. 

Now, I feel better... 

(The names were made up to protect the innocent... and myself.)
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>First Date Embarrassment!!! Long but, A MUST READ</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29927</link>
<pubDate>01-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! 
We have all had bad dates.. but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. It was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. 

Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. 
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! 

She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until 
They headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! 

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a 
while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. 

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the 
side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. 

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from 
the icy metal. 

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she 
answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" 
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. 

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! 
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. 

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
 
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." 

..And you thought 
Your first date was embarrassing. 

Jay Leno's comment .. "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off."

So now, everyone, quite shooting the liquids through ya'll's nostrils.....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Modern Cooking & Dating Service(s)</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29805</link>
<pubDate>31-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Thought this saying is just to funny....

"Recipes Are Like A Dating Service... They Never End Up Looking Like The Picture!!"

Just to funny not to blog...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Hillary Clintons New Indian Name.... Read On....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29681</link>
<pubDate>30-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Ya'll Just Have to Laugh, no matter what party ya' vote for...

Hillary's New Indian Name....

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York state. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President.She referred to her career as a New York Senator, and how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval. Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs as to how they came to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>One Smart Biker</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=28460</link>
<pubDate>20-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A big ole biker was stopped by a game warden in North Florida recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing. 

The game warden asked the biker, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" 

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish." 

"Pet fish?" 

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim' round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home." 

"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!" 

The Biker looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, Iet me  tell ya,. I'll show you. It really works." 

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!" 

The Biker poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. 

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?" 

"Well, what?" said the Biker. 

"When are you going to call them back?" 

"Call who back?" 

"The FISH!" 

"What fish?" 

We Bikers may not be as smart as some, but we ain't as dumb as most.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>A Biker's Christmas Carol</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=23181</link>
<pubDate>12-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
'Twas the night before Christmas, And not until Spring, Would an engine be running, not even a Wing.

The bikes are all sleeping, They're covered and warm Batteries are tended, nylon covers their form.

My Bros were all nestled snug in their beds, While visions of new chrome danced in their heads.

And I in my doo-rag, bike jacket and boots, Out shoveling snow, and dreaming of scoots.

Then from the horizon there came such a clatter, My shovel I dropped, what could be the matter?

Away up the hill, I slogged through the snow, Looked up at the sky; where'd all that noise go?

A throb from the heavens like straight pipes so hearty, Gave Summers' good thoughts, a loud bikers' party.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a neat '02 Retro, Red trailer in rear.

With a little old rider, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than Crotchies his Retro came on, And he whistled, and shouted, and sang out this song;

"Now, Harley! Now, Big Dog! On Honda and Beamer!

Now Vulcan! Now Injun! On Vict'ry and Trumpet!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now RIDE away! RIDE away! RIDE away all!"

As small bikes that from the semis do fly, When they meet with the air blast, mount to the sky.

So up to the house-top that Ol' X it flew, With a trailer of goodies, and ole' St. Nick too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, The rumble and thunder of pipes that gave proof.

I ran to the house, boots thumping around, And in came St. Nick all bearded and round.

Dressed all in black leather, from  Helmet to boot, His chaps were all tarnished with road grime and soot.

A T-bag of goodies he'd flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pac k.

His shades -- how they twinkled! his do-rag how scary!

With chains intertwined, through skulls that were cherry!

His droll little mouth had done many a row, So the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, The smoke had a strange smell; it gave him relief!

He had a broad face and a large fat beer belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was tattooed and plump, a right jolly old rider, So I offered a cold Bud, thought what could be righter?

A wink of his eye as he downed that cold beer, Gave me to know I had nothing to fear.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to my ride, And fixed it with Chrome, Horsepower and Pride!

And giving the peace sign with bikers' good cheer, Took off for his Retro which was rumbling quite near.

He sprang on the saddle, his gloves on the bars, A wheeley he thre w then off towards the stars!

I heard him exclaim, as my chest swelled with pride...

"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD RIDE!"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>White - Red Christmas To All</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=22783</link>
<pubDate>08-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Merry Christmas to All....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Just Have To... No Mail</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=21641</link>
<pubDate>29-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I just have to blog this...LMSAO... and to all the blog police make sure that ya'll laugh also....

Being a true blonde, I was talking with my psychiatrist. 
"I'm on the road a lot, and my friends are complaining that they can never reach me."
 
My poor ol' psychiatrist asks, "Don't you have a phone in your car?" 

Being the Blonde that I am, I replied, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I've put a mailbox in my car." 

My Now Getting Rich  Psychiatrist says/asks, "Uh ... How's that working?" 

100% Stock in Cariole Blonde that I am, replies, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." 

Retiring from Blondes Extra Fees Psychiatrist states, "And why do you think that is?" 

Ok, Ok, 125% Stock in Cariole Blonde replies, "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

Just had to post!!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>The Other Woman</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=19120</link>
<pubDate>02-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I?m having an affair with a married man.  I am not brain- less. Nor am I a slut, a sleaze, a tramp, a trollop, a floozie ?not even, to tell the truth, much of a flirt.  Before I met him, I?d had a couple of lovers?both sweet, serious, and single.

At least two close friends fit a similar bill.  Allie and Pam are caring, conventional people who happened to have fallen in love with men who have wives.  Yet, if all of us were to reveal our romantic situations, we would be the recipients of everything from mild disapproval to downright loathing.

The Other Woman, as everyone knows from movies, television, books, is no good.  For starters, she?s decidedly immoral.  How else could she snatch an innocent man from the haven of heart, home, and legal liaison, a daddy from his children?  Vows, to her, made to be torn asunder.

She?s also, obviously, a sex maniac.  The all-night love fest in some hotel room, the exotic, erotic practices no wife would ever indulge in ? these are the province of the mistress.

Even pop psychology takes a stab at us: Women involved with married men are suppose to be closet non-committers who enjoy the clandestine aspects of the relationship.

They are also suppose to be dumb.  Who but a dummy would get herself involved with a man who is married to another woman?

If you?ve bought these portrayals, you?ve been sold an empty myth.  The Real Other Woman, I?ve know have nothing but respect for the institution of marriage.  In fact, they yearn to get married themselves.  Far from thinking, ?to hell with his marital status?, we are wildly envious of his family life.  Ironically, I find my married man?s love for his children one of his most appealing qualities.

Few, Other Women take their role lightly.  Pam agonized for months before actually sleeping with her lover; Allie calls me almost every day to analyze, reflect on, and debate the ethics of her situation.  This is not to say we?re all miserable, hand-wringing creatures, if anything, we?re level-headed.  We know a relationship with the right man can be more positive and ego enhancing than a fling with some creep whose sole appeal is that he?s single.  With love and respect, an affair will help?not ruin both lives.

There is passion?of course?but also companionship.  I spent my most recent night with my lover curled up in bed, wearing his boxers and t-shirt and passed the evening discussing life in general.

My point is that many women meet at work, the married man who eventually becomes their lover and have a lot more than sex to share with them.  Most of these affairs begin as a real friendship?and many are sexually exclusive.  A lot of married boyfriends (including mine) are telling the truth when they say they haven?t slept with their wives in years.

Do we really enjoy the furtive, secretive elements of our relationships?  NOT!  How I yearn to bring my beau to parties with my friends.  What I detest about our affair?and all the Other Women I?ve known agree?is having to keep the most important person in our lives stashed in the closet.

Note..this is not meant as some sort of apology.  Nor would I encourage any woman to become involved with a married man.  It can lead to extraordinary pain as well as pleasure.  I just want to point out that the Other Woman isn?t some she-devil?she is, in fact, Just Another Woman.

and could also be written as "The Other Man"...

hummmmm...I know I will catch alot of flack for this one...but it does make one stop and think about it though....hummmm
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Gotta Love The Texas Men-Ok, Any Man</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=16566</link>
<pubDate>05-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Only Texas men can make ya' feel like a woman.

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.  She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, "I'm too young to die," she cried.  Then she yelled, "If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!  Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.  Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.  No one moved.  He removed his shirt.  Muscles rippled across his chest. 

She gasped... 

Then, he spoke...

"Iron this -- and then get me a beer."  

Told ya'...One for the Men....

Take Care
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Bathtub Test</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=16008</link>
<pubDate>28-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
After reading this, it's obvious that I am not normal, I choice the bucket.  Read On...

The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. 

Do you want a bed near the window?"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Men & Womens Dictionary for BK Profiles</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=16005</link>
<pubDate>28-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
No offense, but funny as can be, and I would be in complete trouble with this dicationary. Here goes:

Womens Dictionary

40-ish.....49

Adventurous.....Slept with 
everyone

Athletic.....No Tits

Average Looking.....Ugly

Beautiful.....Pathological 
Liar

Contagious Smile.....Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure.....On Medication

Feminist.....Fat

Free Spirit.....Junkie

Friendship First.....Former Slut

Fun.....Annoying

New-Age.....Body hair in 
wrong place

Old-fashioned.....No B-Js

Open-minded.....Desperate

Outgoing.....Loud and 
Embarrasing

Passionate.....Sloppy Drunk

Professional.....Bitch

Voluptuous.....Very Fat

Large frame.....Hugely Fat

Wants Soul Mate.....Stalker

WOMENS' ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want...

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about?

OK NOW FOR MENS' ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = Should change clothes

I hope everyone can laugh, 

Take Care All,
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Finally....I Did It.</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15540</link>
<pubDate>23-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I PASSED! To tell it all I took the motorcycle safety class back in January. I did very well in the practices. When it came time for the actual testing part, testaphobia would kick in, and I'll be darn if I wouldn't fail. So the instructers caught on  quickly enough, and wouldn't tell me that I was being tested and I passed with flying colors.

Well, it's taken me since January to get over the testaphobia, I finally went and took the written test. Being the testaphobic that I am, the dps guy told me Icould only miss six, well there went that, nervous, sweaty, dizzy. I tested, missed six, but PASSED.

DARN TESTAPHOBIA SUCKS. But the cure is that I am now a license holder. No more test for me, hopefully. Now it's time for that Ridley.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Doves - Should I Date This One?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15460</link>
<pubDate>21-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
My friend and I were talking and I said, "That nice Hunk of a Man (we'll call him) asked me out for a date? I know you went out with him last week, but I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

"Well", my friend said, "I'll tell you about him. He showed up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brought me such beautiful flowers! Then he took me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he took me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we went to see a show. Let me tell you, my friend said, "I enjoyed it so much I, myself, could have just died from pleasure! 

But as him and I were coming back to my apartment and he turned into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy animal, he tore off my expensive new dress and had his way with me two times! not once, but twice."

Of course, I just couldn't believe what my friend was telling me and said "Goodness gracious!... are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

My friend says ""OH, NO...No, no, no...WEAR AN OL' DRESS"".

LMAO.....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Your First Kiss?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15355</link>
<pubDate>20-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
"Your First Kiss" 
So,it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind: 
Is it the right time?
Is anyone watching?
Does your partner even want to?
Is your breath fresh?
And the big question...
Should you use some tongue?
Then you lean in and just go for it!!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>What's Your Eye Color?  - Blue</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15347</link>
<pubDate>20-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Do your eyes really describe who you are? 

Blue Eyes-

People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome &amp; very good kissers. They are patient and forgiving and they always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why, they are very funny and outgoing and don't care what people think or say, They are very satisfying and love to please. They can EXCEED your pleasure standards. The best of all. 

Green Eyes-

Sex Addicts!!! People with green eyes have the most passion put into relationships, they have long lasting relationships. People with green eyes are also the horniest and most beautiful. They long for the touch of another. People with green eyes are very sexy and very attracted towards the opposite sex. You will meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life. 

Hazel Eyes-
People with hazel eyes are very loveable. They are really hot and awsome to be around. Their relationship tends to be very honest cause if they aren't truly in love, the relationship won't work. They are very fun to be around but don't enjoy "pet names". They fall easily for their best friends. They don't care what people think or say,They are very satisfying and love to please. They can EXCEED your pleasure standards. ry laid back and chill and love to just be around. You will be happy soon with the person who is on your heart.

Brown Eyes-
Sexy as hell,people with brown eyes are very attractive, adorable, love to make new friends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite Can make anyone laugh or cheer them up. Loves to please the ones they care for or love,very good kissers, are straight up WARRIORS, you will find the one that you are meant to be with.
]]></description>
</item>
</channel>
</rss>
