<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<rss version="2.0">
<channel>
<title>Blogs for Likeitalot73.</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog?Likeitalot73</link>
<description>My blog</description>
<language>en-us</language>
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<title>Did I say that? LMFAO</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=112941</link>
<pubDate>30-JUL-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
This happened at Harvard University in October last year:

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen which gives the sperm all the energy for their journey.

A female freshman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?'

'That's correct,' responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, she asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?'

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied) she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return. However, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic.

Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day.'
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Ask a Stupid Question</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=112921</link>
<pubDate>29-JUL-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I got this email thought it was funny as hell

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Wal-Mart and was standing in line at the check-out.A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.Horrified, she asked if  I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me.I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food
]]></description>
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<title>Definately a man thing!</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=110481</link>
<pubDate>15-JUN-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
1. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

2. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory. I don?t remember, what I chose.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature?s way of saying ?No hard feelings??

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ?don?t? and ?stop?, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man?s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it?s lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don?t have a good partner, you?d better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What?s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man?s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn?t.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don?t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ?Don?t take your troubles to bed?, many men still sleep with their wives!!!
]]></description>
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<title>Biker?s mustache</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=110461</link>
<pubDate>15-JUN-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Two flies walk into a bar and order drinks and start talking.
The first fly asks, ?How was your travel down here??

The second fly answers ?It was cold. I rode in a bikers mustache. How was yours??

The first fly answers, ?I was warm. I rode in a biker chicks? pussy. You ought to do it next year.?

So a year passes and the same two flies met in the same bar.

The first fly says, ?Did you do it??

The second fly answers, ?Yes but some how I still showed up in a biker?s mustache.
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>A Good Harley Secretary</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=110101</link>
<pubDate>12-JUN-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The  owner of a Harley shop was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to  ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office  and said, 'You graduated from the University of  Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000,  minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The  secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my  earrings.'
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Hey Ladies</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=106620</link>
<pubDate>02-MAY-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Is it spring yet?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Good Catholic Boy</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=97260</link>
<pubDate>10-FEB-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days. 

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this persons condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago priest who made an admonition to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person. 

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, 
reach out!'

So I did....... 

I Won't be at Mass this week! I'm in the hospital.
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>I Have a Headache</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=69320</link>
<pubDate>03-SEP-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as  a suppository. It's up to you."
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Pay Your Bills</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=55820</link>
<pubDate>11-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them. The king was a very jealous man. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the king's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the royal chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the king and queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the cure for the itch. The king quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1, 000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the king, with a laugh just told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the king's underwear. The king immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.
Moral of the story: Pay Bills
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Two Irishmen</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=46587</link>
<pubDate>05-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Two Irishmen, Patrick &amp; Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. 
 

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" 
 

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. 
 

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat.
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Beer Prices</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=46160</link>
<pubDate>02-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Gas Prices are getting boring to talk about lol
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>New Way For Car Thieves</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=44940</link>
<pubDate>22-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Seems that car thieves have found yet another way to steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN #

I didn't believe this e-mail, so I called a friend at Chrysler Dodge and pretended I had lost my keys. They told me to just bring in the VIN#, and they would cut me one on the spot, and I could order the keyless device if I wanted. The Car Dealer's Parts Department will make a duplicate key from the VIN #, and collect payment From the thief who will return to your car.  He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is walk up to your  car, insert the key and off he goes to a local Chop Shop with your vehicle.

You don't believe it? It IS that easy. To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape (electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN Metal Label located on the dashboard. By law, you cannot remove the VIN, but you can cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief.

I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals another car or truck.

Detective Scott Hobbs, Calgary Police Service
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>The New BK Fountain Of Youth</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=45462</link>
<pubDate>26-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
"Staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals. Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women's breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.

Dr Karen Weatherby, who carried out the German study, wrote in The New England Journal of Medicine: "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life 4 to 5 years."

She added that sexy stars like Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Anna Nicole Smith and Demi Moore had proved to be especially good for the men's health."

(.)(.)
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Come get your oil changed</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=43941</link>
<pubDate>14-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in the process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. 
Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Starting young</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=42104</link>
<pubDate>30-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I think this is a little to young, don't you think?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Jersey & Likeit Vegas Encounter</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=39224</link>
<pubDate>10-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Just got back from Vegas &amp; had a blast. Met up with Jersey Sunday, shopped @ places like Playboy, Victorias Secret, etc. I tell you it was interesting.
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Vegas Baby</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=37661</link>
<pubDate>30-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Next week I'm coming down to the Vegas Strip. I'm not much of a gambler but wanna have a good time. The buddy I'm going with is also single, good times. Any recommendations on what to do? A buddy recommended Margaritaville, what else, never been there before. Please help BK?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Free Breast Exams</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=37162</link>
<pubDate>28-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
When you return home from somewhere &amp; you are just to tired to do your self breast exam. Unsure of the proper technique. My name is likeit &amp; lets me do your breast exam free of charge, I like to help. I'm highly trained &amp; motivated, let me examine your breasts. Call 1-800-lic-kita put your breasts in my hands. Call takers are standing by. LMAO Have a good one BKers
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Sometimes The Wife Is Needed....</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=37160</link>
<pubDate>28-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Saves on tires anyway
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Football's almost here</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=36407</link>
<pubDate>22-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Football  FINALLY makes sense.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first  football game. They had great seats right behind 
their team's bench. After the  game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really  liked it," she replied, "especially the tight  pants and  all the big muscles, but I just couldn't  understand why they were killing each other over 25  cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you  mean?"

"Well, they  flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they  kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' 

I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Penises Want A Raise</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=36310</link>
<pubDate>21-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[

]]></description>
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<item>
<title>A Drunk Walks Out Of The Bar.........</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=35802</link>
<pubDate>18-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. 
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches 'Can I help you sir?' 
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my harrley the man replies. 
The cop asks 'Where was your harley the last time you saw it?' 
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key' the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.. 
He asks the man 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself? 
Momentarily confused,the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out........... 
'Holy shit ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!'
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Awesome Patriotism</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=34250</link>
<pubDate>06-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I'm told that there is a huge rock near a gravel pit on Hwy.25 in rural Iowa. 


For generations, kids have painted slogans, names, and obscenities on this rock, changing its character many times. 


A few months back, the rock received its latest paint job, and since then it has been left completely undisturbed. It's quite an impressive sight. Be sure to scroll down and check out the multiple photos (all angles) of the rock.


I thought the flag was draped over the rock, but it's not. It's actually painted on the rock too
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Newfie Medical Care</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=34184</link>
<pubDate>05-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A Doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant "Garge, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want
to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients".

"Yes, sir!!!" answers Garge.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Garge,how was your day?"

Garge told him that he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."

"Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir" says Garge.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her 
bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts:
HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"

And what did you do Garge?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes. !!!"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Only works on my blogs</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=33400</link>
<pubDate>27-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
When I open a blog I started I have everyone on them
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>The Loving Wife</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=33166</link>
<pubDate>26-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A married couple was in a terrible accident and the man's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too thin.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face ... he looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>New Words For 2007</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=33044</link>
<pubDate>25-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
New Words for 2007


* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person. 

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person. 

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a Project failed, and who was responsible.

* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.


* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* GOING FOR A McSH!T.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McSh *t with Lies.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the Toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wakeup, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
At 3:00am.

* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's 
Got 4 buttocks.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Redneck Valentine</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=31481</link>
<pubDate>12-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you. 

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway. 

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can. 

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd. 

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms. 

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

 

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can. 

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed. 

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
 
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
 
Yipeeee....Yee Ha!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Your school teacher always said......</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=30800</link>
<pubDate>07-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
They have eyes in the back of their head &amp; they're watching you. Kinda freaky lol
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I Wanna Live.........</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=30541</link>
<pubDate>06-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I want to live my next life backwards.

You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wakeup in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous  and you get ready for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.
 
I rest my case.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Should be on T shirts</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=30540</link>
<pubDate>06-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs?A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith &amp; Wesson.
29..  I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Michelin Man In Deep $h!t</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=30059</link>
<pubDate>02-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Oh Oh Not using a rubber lol
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>What satisfies a woman</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=30058</link>
<pubDate>02-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
What is only 2  1/2 inches long
And can satisfy a woman
EVERY  TIME ?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Sunbathing tips</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29666</link>
<pubDate>30-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Jill, a rather well-proportioned woman, planned to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing. She found the ideal spot on the roof of her hotel. It was deserted and secluded, with a  smooth, raised "deck" which received the sun all day long. She wore a  bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided that since no one could see her way up there,  she would slip out of it and get rid of the tan lines on her back.

She'd  been lying there on her stomach for a little while when she heard someone  running up the stairs toward the roof. Startled, she didn't have time to pull on her suit, and since she was lying on her stomach, she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse  me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of  breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing up here, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit, as you did yesterday"

"YESTERDAY!" she  exclaimed, rather irritated... "Have you been following me around? And  besides, what difference does it make ANYWAY, since no one except a nosey assistant manager can see me? I'm on the top floor and I'm covered with a  towel."

"Well, that would be true," said the embarrassed little man, "except for the fact that you're lying on the dining room skylight."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Sisters Of St. Francis</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=29281</link>
<pubDate>27-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.....It reads: 


SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS 

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 

10 MILES 


He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought...... 


Soon he sees another sign, which says: 


SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS 

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 

5 MILES 


Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real.... Then he drives past a third sign saying: 


SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS 

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 

NEXT RIGHT 


His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.... On the side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: 




SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS 


He climbs the steps and rings the bell.... The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?" 


He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."..... 


"Very well my son. Please follow me." 


He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.... 


The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 

"Please knock on this door"............. 


He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.....This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway"....... 


He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup..... He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him........ 


As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:........... 


GO IN PEACE. 

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED 

BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. 

SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>HAPPY EVER AFTER</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=28609</link>
<pubDate>22-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Once upon a time there lived a king.  The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem.  Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal,  wood, stone, anything she touched would melt. 

Because of this, men were afraid of her.  Nobody would dare marry her. 

The king despaired.  What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians.  One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." 

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. 

The next day, he held a competition.  Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the  king's wealth. 

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel. 

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. 

The second prince brought diamonds.   

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.But alas,  once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. 

:-[ 

The third prince approached.   He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told,  though she turned red.

She felt something hard.  She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!

The king was overjoyed.   Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. 

Question:  What was in the prince's pants? 

M&amp;M's of course.   They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 
What were you thinking??
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>What was your First ......</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=28020</link>
<pubDate>17-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Tatoo or Piercing?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>A Dynamite True Story</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=27040</link>
<pubDate>09-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM PRINCE ALBERT, SASKATCHEWAN, CANADA
TRUE STORY HEARD ON A SASKATOON RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT. 

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator in Saskatoon for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).

He and a friend go duck hunting at Tobin Lake in mid-October; and of course the lake is frozen.

These two guys go on a lake with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the New NAVIGATOR.

They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks,  something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice large  enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more  power than the average drill auger can produce. 

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...???

Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for 
RETRIEVING !!!

Especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off  across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite,  with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. 

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins
in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the
dog. !

The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused then continues. 

Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator. 

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the  truck touches the dogs rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master. 

Then""""""""""KAAAAA...BOOOOOOOOOOOOM""""""""""!!!!

The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, 
leaving the two idiots standing there with...... "I can't believe
this just happened" looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments...
In case you are wondering...The dog is okay...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>The 2006 Darwin Award goes to</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=26904</link>
<pubDate>09-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The envelope, please..and the 2006 Darwin nominees are. 
. 
Semifinalist #1 
. 
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited 
into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister. 
 
Semifinalist #2 
 
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
around their ankles. 
 
Semifinalist #3 
 
A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause
of death was "Major trauma." 
. 
Semifinalist #4 
. 
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. 
The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
hospitalized. 

Semifinalist #5 
 
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. 

Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette
lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. 

The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers. 


Now ladies and gentleman, the undisputed WINNER of this year's Darwin Award: 
 

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators
finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best as could be determined are
that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.  
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. 
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. 
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small
fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. 

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not on the ground.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>A Smart Wife</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=26840</link>
<pubDate>08-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
GO WIFE
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 Miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he 
says insistently.
Up to 80. "I want the car, too," he continues. 85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 85 Mph, The wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>0 to 200 in 6 seconds</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=26460</link>
<pubDate>06-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Husband Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE." The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Biker Weight Loss Program</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=26040</link>
<pubDate>04-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Calories Burned During Sex:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....12 Calories
Without her consent 2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........8 Calories
With one hand.........12 Calories
With your teeth.......485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection......6 Calories
Without an erection...3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary.........12 Calories
69 lying down......78 Calories
69 standing up.....812Calories    Wheelbarrow..........216 Calories
Doggy Style.........326 Calories
Italian chandelier  2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real..........112 Calories
Fake..........1,315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging ..............18 Calories
Getting up immediately..36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years.........36 Calories
30-39 years........ 80 Calories
40-49 years.........124 Calories
50-59 years.........1,972 Calories
60-69 years.........7,916 Calories
70 and over.........Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly........32 Calories
In a hurry ...98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.........13,521 Calories

Results may vary.
Right now, as you read this, 60 Million Americans
Are having SEX!
And you're on the computer!!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>What was the highlight of your Holiday?</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=24920</link>
<pubDate>25-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
My brother set me up perfectly. We both shopped a couple weeks back &amp; he bought a HD Street sign with Bar &amp; Shield Ave. Well I spent the whole day movin the thing around from it being Then my 2 year old nephew brings his present to me, I laughed so hard it was priceless.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>WARNING Newest SCAM</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=23662</link>
<pubDate>15-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A "heads up" for you and any of your friends who may be regular
Sears customers. Over the last month I became the victim of a
clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get hardware
supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good looking 18 or 19
years old girls come over to your car as you are loading your stuff into the car. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their  almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Sears store. You agree and they get in the back seat.
On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them
climbs over into the front seat and performs on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen December 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Irish Wit</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=21960</link>
<pubDate>01-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor.

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."

O'Malley was shocked, but managed to compose himself and walk into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting.

"Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."

After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

O'Malley told his friends they were drinking to his impending end. "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.

After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS."

O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your Mother after I'm gone."

--Gotta love the Irish--
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>The Beer Prayer</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=20301</link>
<pubDate>15-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as in the tavern,
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spilages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer,
The bitter &amp; the lager
For ever &amp; ever
Barmen
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Everymans Dream</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=20300</link>
<pubDate>15-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Self explanitory
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>The Bathtub Test</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=19561</link>
<pubDate>08-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
THE BATHTUB TEST 
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." 

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor.

"A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
 
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I Hate My Job</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=18940</link>
<pubDate>31-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
When you have an  "I Hate My Job"  day, try this.
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &amp; Johnson. Be very 
sure you get this brand.
When you get home open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it
will not become chipped or broken.
Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "EverynRectal 
Thermometer made by Johnson &amp; Johnson is personally tested".
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the Thermometer quality control at Johnson &amp; Johnson."

REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A?? THAN YOURS
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>A True Friend</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=18801</link>
<pubDate>30-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no c utesy little smiley faces on this card, just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue
-- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you..

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have .

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

And remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over !!!!!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Don't mess with Mom</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=18665</link>
<pubDate>29-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
DON'T MESS WITH MOM 
My son came home from school one day,With a smirk upon his face. He decided he was smart enough,
To put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright?It's all about the laws today, The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
Don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
Or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
And regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
And I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
And pierce my tongue &amp; nose.
I can read &amp; watch just what I like, Get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
With the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
My body's only for my use,
Not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
Like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights, So you can't influence me,
Or I'll call Children's Services Division, Better known as C.S.D."

Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
Made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face, he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
At the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want, there's shirts &amp; pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
Who said they didn't care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes
Instead of those Nike Airs.

I've cancelled that appointment
To take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. Is unconcerned
So I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
Or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
To make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
And wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
A favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie, To watch on my VCR?"  
"Sorry, but I sold your TV, 
For new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
You'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. Requires Just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now, 
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get, 
Will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
Dirt-bike &amp; roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!
 
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
Instead of C.S.D..?"

MOM (Mean Old Mother)
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>How to shower like a woman</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=18493</link>
<pubDate>27-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
How To Shower Like a Woman:


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to 
lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the 
way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more 
sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide 
loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real 
passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a 
pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in  your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

Have a great day! And ,"woo woo"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>5 levels of hangovers</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=17505</link>
<pubDate>16-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
***** Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak &amp; fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five 
s--ts you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually 
annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of everypore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in themcorners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right 
now...

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon
*****
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate
*****
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :
1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'Damn, we really screwed up .'
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Good answers</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=17506</link>
<pubDate>16-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
THE TOP FIVE SMART-ASS ANSWERS OF THE YEAR

Smart-Ass Answer #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said,"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart-Ass Answer #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a butcher, 
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're**** ***dead."

Smart-Ass Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for 
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart-Ass Answer #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up 
that reads Low bridge ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says,** "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of**** ***gas."

Smart-Ass Answer #1
The SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR "THE TEACHER " A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>What My Mother Taught Me</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15406</link>
<pubDate>20-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
What My Mother Taught Me
 =========================

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12.. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
 "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

 And my favorite:

 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
 "One day you'll have kids,
 and I hope they turn out just like you"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Lots of Thoughts</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15401</link>
<pubDate>20-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
1.FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS TAKE HOME UGLY PEOPLE
2.BEAUTY IS ONLY A LIGHT SWITCH AWAY
3.IF LIFE'S A WASTE OF TIME, &amp; TIME IS A WASTE OF TIME, THEN LETS ALL GET TOGETHER, GET WASTED &amp; HAVE THE TIME OF OUR LIVES
4.FIGHTING FOR PEACE IS LIKE SCREWING FOR VIRGINITY
5.NO MATTER HOW GOOD THEY LOOK, SOMEBODY IS SICK &amp; TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH THEIR S--T
6. AT THE FEAST OF EGO EVERYBODY LEAVES HUNGARY
7.IT'S HARD TO MAKE A COMEBACK IF YOU HAVN'T BEEN ANYWHERE
8.MAKE LOVE NOT WAR, HELL DO BOTH GET MARRIED
9.IF THE PRO IS THE OPPOSITE OF CON, WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS?    CONGRESS
10. FOR THE WOMEN: IF IT HAS TES TICLES OR TIRES YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TROUBLE WITH IT
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Should be tought in schools</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=14404</link>
<pubDate>09-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
From a strictly mathematical stand point it goes like this.

What makes 100%? What does it mean to give more that 100%? Ever wonder about those people that say they give 110%? What makes up 100% in life?

Well here's a little mathematical equation for you that might help answer these equations. 

If:
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ is represented as 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:
HARDWORK
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%
KNOWLEDGE
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%
But
ATTITUDE
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5=100%
Then there is
BULLS--T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20=103%
A--KISSING
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+14+7=118%

So certainly we can conclude that hardwork &amp; knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, it's the bulls--t &amp; a--kissing that will put you over the top.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Bird of Love is a Dove</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=14300</link>
<pubDate>07-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Everyone knows the bird of wisdom is the owl.
The bird of prey is the eagle. 
The bird of love is the dove.
What is the bird of true love?
The swallow.
Bad Joke Bad Joke
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>49 robbers LOL</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=13703</link>
<pubDate>01-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
One Wednesday night there was a knock @ my door. 49 robbers were @ my door. Went downstairs to get the gun, tripped over the p--s can on the run. Couldn't swim, couldn't float, half the S--t went down my throat. Went upstairs to get a drink, tripped over the stove &amp; burnt my D--k. Went outside to cool it off &amp; 49 robbers shot it off.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>PATRIOTIC DUTY</title>
<link>http://www.BikerKiss.com/blog_messages?blog_id=13745</link>
<pubDate>01-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I got this in an email here goes,lol

IN THE NAME OF PATRIOTISM

We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked, &amp; that he must commit suicide if he does.
So next Sunday @ 4:00pm Eastern time, all women are asked to walk around their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.
Circling the block for one hour is recommended for this anti terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to prove they are not terrorists, &amp; to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife &amp; show support for all womankind.
Since the Koran does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack @ your side is further proof of your anti terrorist sentiment. 
The government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists &amp; applauds your participation in this anti terrorist activity.
]]></description>
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