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redheadedsweety
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Posted on Wed, Dec 15, 2010 21:43

Hi All,

 

Well here we go .....I gave up my business moved back to California to take care of my father when he got sick. I moved about 4 hours away from him as at the time he wasnt that bad. I went to work for another company here in Ca and started writing a book. Everything was going well till a year ago, when I went to see  him and he was deathly ill . I called all the family ( you see I have a brother and 2 sisters ) as I didnt think he was going to live and niether did the Dr.s . The sisters who hadnt seen him in 5 plus years due to this lovely dysfunctional family and the fact my father was very abusive when were were younger. They both decided they could handle taking care of him and stepped in . That was fine I was at the point I needed a break anyways. HA well that only lasted for 2 weeks and they were begging me to take everything back over. Low and behold my father got better and sure enough upset the family again and they all are not talking to each other again. So then after this last year with the medication and the dementia that he has gotten things have turned worse again ......Last night I received a phone call from the 24 hour care giver service who takes care of him now and there was a situation with a lady there and she quit. I asked this person I know about what agency I needed to get a hold of to take care of this .....Well the person pointed me in the right direction and after all day on the phone taking care of this I sit here writing this and totally balling my eyes out as I am alone and have to make the decision on what to do with my father. Has anyone ever had to put thier parent in a facility of any sort? It is not an easy thing to do no matter how bad the child hood and how awful he is right now he still is my father. This is not easy and for anyone that has been through this I feel for you. I am done on this for the night as I cant cry anymore tonight.

 

On a more positive note my weight loss program is going well I should be down another couple lbs this weekend. I bought a Zumba work out video and this white girl has rhyem...I tell you !



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waynesworld
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Posted on Wed, May 11, 2011 06:56

Sorry Red to hear of your situation with your father, I had a similar situation with my Mom before she passed away. We placed her in an assisted living home (appx. 5 other patients), was still able to visit her daily, take her to medical appointments, etc. It was one of the most difficult decisions to have to make, but for the better of all concerned. Don't forget to look up for additional guidance. Hope all is going better now. Where in Calif. are you located. I just retired from the Orange county area.


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demoman
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Posted on Sat, Feb 05, 2011 12:29

this one thing is why i will be sure to take care of things myself and my way when i get to that point, or close to it. I wont put my kids through this kind of thing.


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beaujolaid
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Posted on Sat, Jan 22, 2011 00:12

As the baby boomers continue to age this will become an ever increasing issue effecting every community across the Continent. Three years ago I helped my mother place her older sister in a long term care care facility. I researched various institutions within a 25 mile ratios over a 3 mos. and made my recommendation. My aunt does not have dementia due to water on the brain, very much like a water head infant. This developed as she approved 80 yrs old. Since then I have had the opportunity to work with dozens of dementia and Alzheimer patients in a few Long Care Skilled Nursing Facilities. It does not ever get easy to watch a loved one become mentally impaired. My mother knows that her sister has very little ways to communicate left to her, yet my mother can not tolerate her sister crying. Many times she just crys in her own frustration to remember how to form the words she wants to communicate. It is devastating to watch some one you have known to be intelligent and articulate become so helpless. I urge anyone who faces this to do what they can to educate themselves as to what to expect as this prognosis progresses and to pursue what ever out-let they can to give them joy as they learn to cope with this long process, I recommend MOTORCYCLE RIDING for example!!!!as anexcelent distraction! 



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redheadedsweety
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Posted on Sat, Jan 01, 2011 14:10

thank u june as this is a hard road for a child to take .......with gods help and strength I shall endure.



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Junie2006
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Posted on Sat, Dec 25, 2010 13:38

Hi, I had to reach the decision when we could not look after my mum anymore or keep her safe as she was severe dementia. Each stage of seeing her deteriorate and change into a different person and lose one capacity after another was really difficult. But I cannot advise about care facilities and support. Things over here in England are different and because of our wonderful Social System (which I will not apologise for) everyone was etitled to care and support and a suitable placement for relatives disabled or getting old and unable to cope. It is horrible and it is one step on that horrible road where you start to say goodbye to something getting worse and the parent who was so strong and the strength of family is now the dependent child. It is so dreadful to see them have their dignity eroded away. I cannot tell you what to do or what decisions to make. The only thing is to get in with care and charitable and support agencies and bodies that specilise in this and find from them what you need and the support you need yourself. Horrible. But all my closest friends have lost their most beloved parent in a long debilitating process. Mine via senile dementia, my friend Liz lost ehr mum through brain tumour and another friend Sandra lost her dad slowly through Parkinsons. There is nothing we can say or do. But we do understand in a way which does not have to be said. Be with those who understand. There are many who have gobe before you and who now give their lives in turning round and helping others JunieXXX


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