Members Only
Most Recent Visitors
Members Only

27 • Man
Members Only

51 • Woman
Members Only

70 • Man
Members Only

55 • Woman
Members Only

52 • Man
Members Only

75 • Woman
Best Comeback Line Ever - God Bless The Marines Posted on May 09, 2008 at 08:29 PM
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of the best National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Public Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly, dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines! AMERICA, THE HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
Jersey Rednecks Posted on May 05, 2008 at 08:07 AM
A Redneck ( i think it was my brother ) was stopped by a game warden in Jersey recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" "Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that." The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works." "O. K.", said the warden. "I've got to see this!" The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?" "Well, what?", says the redneck. The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?" "Call who back?" "The FISH", replied the warden! "What fish?", replied the redneck. Moral of the story: Jersey rednecks may not be as smart as some city slickers, but they ain't as dumb as some government employees.
Members Only
Lipstick In Our Schools Posted on Apr 28, 2008 at 08:42 AM
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls had begun to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night ( You can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers.... and then there are educators.
The Phone Call Posted on Apr 27, 2008 at 05:17 PM
Phone Call: Italian Mother: "Hello?" Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? Italian Mother: "You're going out?" Daughter: "Yes." Italian Mother: "With whom?" Daughter: "With a friend." Italian Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man." Daughter: "MOM, I didn't leave him. He left me!" Italian Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies." Daughter: "MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?" Italian Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father." Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did and I don't do." Italian Mother: "What are you hinting at?" Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.." Italian Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?" Daughter: "MA its My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!" Italian Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?" Daughter: "MOM, He's not a loser." Italian Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite." Daughter: "MA, I don't want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?" Italian Mother: "Poor children with such a mother." Daughter: "Such a what?" Italian Mother : "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you ." Daughter: "ENOUGH MA!!!" Italian Mother: "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!" Daughter: "Great MA, Now you're worried about the loser?" Italian Mother: "Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him immediately." Daughter: "Goodbye, mother." Italian Mother: "Wait! Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?" Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!" Italian Mother: "If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
Members Only
Dr Phil says Achieve Inner Peace Posted on Apr 27, 2008 at 07:54 AM
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, a half of a joint, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
Members Only
Weight Loss For Men Posted on Apr 26, 2008 at 06:04 PM
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine." He lost 63 pounds that week.
Members Only
Jesus Is Watching You Posted on Apr 26, 2008 at 03:17 PM
A stormy night a burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" The bird replied, "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler "Jesus".
~ Tearful Story ~ Posted on Apr 24, 2008 at 01:41 PM
: Tearful story A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying "Well, we're not having any of that brokeback mountain shit in our garden." Brings a tear to your eye...doesn't it?
Would You Remarry? Posted on Apr 23, 2008 at 06:39 AM
Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question. WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure. It's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably. It is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No. I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?" HUSBAND: "Yes. Those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?" HUSBAND: "No. She's left-handed." WIFE: - silence - HUSBAND: " . . ..Shit."
Wrong Feet Posted on Mar 24, 2008 at 08:33 PM
While on vacation a married couple walked into a shoe store. The Salesman said to them, "I have some very special Jamaican sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex. " Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." So, the husband, after Some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet! You Got dem on the wrong feet!
Choosing a Profession... Posted on Mar 24, 2008 at 08:30 PM
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. So one day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky and a Playboy magazine 'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself, 'when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum. ' The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's centerfold. 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 'He's gonna be a politician!'
People And Their Drama -- Please Keep It Outta My Mail Posted on Mar 24, 2008 at 11:33 AM
So, I talked to this dude...a few times. Thru phone calls, no meeting. And, within a week I had some chick emailing my PRIVATE WORK email telling me dude was married and back off and whatnot. I tell dude, he says shes some crazy nutcase stalker chick. Then I'm thinking, how did chick get my private work email addy? Dude says somebody on BK musta gave it to her...No dice there. No one on here knows it and it's not the one I use on here. He had the email addy tho. Then Easter morning, I wake up to an ignorant email from dude telling me "He knows what I am now. And I need to shut my mouth. And I dont let anyone close to me cuz I dont even like myself." Not sure wtf he was talking about nor do I care....I haven't said a word about him to anyone else....haven't talked about him, hell, we don't even know the same ppl. Nor, do I believe he is worth my time to talk about him. Now all this is from someone I have not spent even 3 mins with....only emails. How ridiculous is this?? All I have to say is....I'm not into your stupid games, or your drama or anything at all. Keep it out of my mail and my life....along with yourself...thanks much!
Tax Rebate Posted on Mar 23, 2008 at 10:03 AM
*President George Bush said each one of us would get a $600.00 tax rebate. It was previously slated to be $800.00, but they dropped it to a $600.00 tax rebate because of various budget problems. Now, if we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China, if we spend it on computers, most of the money will go to Korea or India. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs.....and none of these scenarios will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America the only way to keep that money here at home is to drink beer, gamble, or spend it on prostitution. Currently it seems that these are the only businesses still left in the U.S.
Myspace? Posted on Mar 23, 2008 at 09:31 AM
Any of yall caved to the hype of Myspace and got yourself one? I have 3 teenagers who all have myspace so I got one more or less to keep up with them a lil bit online. And I've managed to find some ppl I knew long ago and/or went to school that's been kind of nice... Anybody got one? Mine is if any yall wanna check it out....
Divorce vs Murder Posted on Mar 21, 2008 at 08:11 AM
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.' The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!' The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.
Members Only
Crane Accident in NYC Posted on Mar 18, 2008 at 03:42 PM
If you watch the news, I'm sure you've seen the crane accident in NYC over the weekend. This is the work that the company I have worked for for the past 12 years does. Thank the Lord this was not one of our job sites (altho I was freaking out over the weekend until I KNEW it wasn't my guys). Even though it was not one of our job sites, we knew ppl working there and several friends have been hurt....and others killed. My thoughts, my heart and my prayers go out to all the workers, the crane operators, the crane company, NY Crane (who we work with regularly) the GC and all the rescue workers and each and every one of their families, and all the ppl and residents and also anyone else involved in this tragic and awful time. Please, if you could or would, say a prayer or send warm wishes and thoughts out to all those ppl affected by this tragedy. Thanks yall.
Joke For Today Posted on Mar 16, 2008 at 07:43 PM
The train was packed, and the U. S. Marine Walked the entire length looking for a seat, but a well-dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's poodle took the Only seat remaining. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was Under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little Dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American In his place !" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
To Everyone..... Posted on Mar 10, 2008 at 08:21 PM
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something, NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED! For 2008, could you please just send money, BEER, chocolate, movie tickets or gasoline vouchers and airline tickets instead? Thank you!
Members Only
Biker Chick by Jo Dee Messina Posted on Feb 28, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Biker Chick song by Jo Dee Messina Me and the girls out after work Drinkin' marguaritas one night After a few, the conversation turned to The kind of guys we like One only dates doctors, one likes cowboys And one prefers the sensitive kind Well, I really shocked 'em then All jaws were droppin' when It came turn to tell 'em mine I like a man with a tan and a twisted chrome kickstand Leanin' on a big old bike The low rollin' sound that'll shake the ground Comin' out of long pipes I like a tattoo or two Or even more if they're cool On the big old arms of a long-haired dude Inside of me, there's an all I wanna be Biker chick chick Biker chick chick (whooo) I never rode on the back of an old Chopper down the highway Holdin' on tight just him and I Makin' our getaway I've always been the good girl Walked the straight and narrow path all my life, boo But the tequila's kickin' in And since I'm here with friends Can't a girl just fantasize I like a man with a tan and a twisted chrome kickstand Leanin' on a big old bike The low rollin' sound that'll shake the ground Comin' out of long pipes I like a tattoo or two Or even more if they're cool On the big old arms of a long-haired dude Inside of me, there's an all I wanna be Biker chick chick Biker chick chick (whooo) I never said he was the marryin' kind All I said was I bet he'd be a wild ride Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh I like a man with a tan and a twisted chrome kickstand Leanin' on a big old bike The low rollin' sound that'll shake the ground Comin' out of long pipes I like a tattoo or two Or even more if they're cool On the big old arms of a long-haired dude Inside of me, there's an all I wanna be Biker chick chick Biker chick chick (whooo)
Members Only
A Lil Cup -o- Tea Posted on Feb 18, 2008 at 10:54 AM
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. Then she says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?
Members Only