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Lynell
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Posted on Mon, Feb 15, 2010 00:11

I'm doing this blog thing for the first time, it's a quarter til 2 in the morning, I should take a pill and go to bed. I am a widow, have been for nearly 3 years {May 6, 2007}. I told myself that I would never again love as deeply and as totally committed as I did my late husband. Death does have a way of making your loved one seem better than they really were. All I know is God sent me to that man and we made a life together and then He took him away from me. 20 years raising kids and working hard to keep the family farm. I'm here all by myself now, the boys don't love it like we did, I get no help from them at all. I'm just one little woman, no 4x4, can't get to all the fences that need mending, but I do tend to surprise trespassers with my sudden appearance in the dark, with gun or rifle in hand. I have no qualms whatsoever about shooting first and asking questions later. I sure do wish my man was here to take care of all that, I tend to get real jumpy when I'm scared, trigger happy or whatever you want to call it. I've quit sleeping in our bedroom. I sleep on the couch, so I can hear unusual noises, or since it is winter time, so I can be closer to the fire. When I have sleepover company, we end up in my son's old bedroom, complete with his leftover teenage decor. Makes for a real nice touch for the new man of the moment......NOT. I have had a few guys that I went with for a steady time period, but no one I could be with for more than a few days at a time. I'd rather listen to the quiet in my house than have some one here that is glued to the tv, sitting in my man's chair, doing nothing for me. I am so used to being alone that I get downright bitchy when I'm passed the point of "You should go home now". I do enjoy my solitude. I also know that it's gonna take one hell of a man to bring me out of this self imposed prison. OK, almost 2:15 am, time to really take a pill and go lay my bady down. More at another time. OK....2/17/2010....How does a person know when to let go of what they consider to be their life as it has been being lived? I have so much history out here in the woods where I live. All the work my husband did to build this farm up from what it was to what it is now. This house that is no longer a home, but that I can't seem to change anything in it, like all OUR stuff, mementos of the past, man I can't even get all his junk separated to even know what to do with it. I've hauled off so many trailer loads already, and there's still so much of it left. I won't even do regular cleaning inside my house, I just don't have the want to. I've had more than my fair share of husbands in this life, but God made me to be a wife, and I surely do miss that part. My kids are grown and gone, with spouses of their own, and only the stepson has blessed us with grandkids. He doesn't even visit me when they do come out to fish or hunt. His wife is jealous of me. Imagine that!! All the years of my husband being jealous of his own son giving me attention, then now this!! She keeps him messed up on meth and their life is chaos. My kids on the other hand are well adjusted, productive members of society, one is married to a cop and the other will soon be one. I have really removed myself from the public eye, even doing my Walmart shopping at midnight or later, just so I won't run into anyone I know, thereby not having to tell anyone how my life has been since my man passed. Depression SUX!!


Princess Lynell

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Didi12
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Posted on Thu, May 06, 2010 14:33

Your Story really touched me i lost my hubby Jan.19 2010...I am so scared he was my life and i don't think i will ever love like i loved this man he was the 1st man in my life we got married i was 18 he was 28 and we were married right away (WE ELOPED)we were married 23 years we have 3 kids together a boy 23 and twin girls 17 We miss him so much my heart is so broken i have so many friends and family that are here anytime we need them but i feel all alone i think of him all the time and cry myself to sleep from time to time .I know that it will get easier .....if i could have one wish i would wish i could see him again just once more We loved each other so much .Our love grew everyday.His name was Savage he was the love of my life ,I hope everyone will be as lucky as we were to find a love so real and true .

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jay755
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Posted on Sun, Mar 28, 2010 19:13

God Bless you.It happened to me and it harts. But give it Time. Pry to God and He will gide you and befor you know it your Life will chage for the better.when it herts Pry and do something stay doing thigs so you can be bissy Clian the House go to a movie go to chorch stay so bissy that when you get home you are so tyit that you shower and get noked Out I mein out for the night.I was like you Filling sorry Crying my sefe to sleep.It takes time you have to be Happy agen. I know if he loved you the way you loved him He wood whant to see you Happy agen .Moving on .Live gos on Injoy what you have left live it fill. God Bless you and pray pray


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ROToROT
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Posted on Mon, Mar 08, 2010 06:41

Go to church, relieve your guilt, this is not your fault, read Proverbs for 5-10 minutes a night. God Bless You.


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czechmate2
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Posted on Sat, Feb 20, 2010 10:46

ther is no hell of a man that will bring you out, just my thought only Lynell can make her happy for many years to come


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commtech
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Posted on Fri, Feb 19, 2010 11:35

Sounds like you have had a rough go of it and time to move on. I am in Louisiana not too far from you , maybe a good bike ride will help get your head clear, let me know.


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