This happened at Harvard University in October last year:
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen which gives the sperm all the energy for their journey.
A female freshman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?'
'That's correct,' responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, she asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?'
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied) she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return. However, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic.
Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day.'
I got this email thought it was funny as hell
I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Wal-Mart and was standing in line at the check-out.A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me.I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food
1. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
2. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory. I don?t remember, what I chose.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature?s way of saying ?No hard feelings??
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ?don?t? and ?stop?, unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man?s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it?s lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don?t have a good partner, you?d better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What?s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man?s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn?t.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don?t have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ?Don?t take your troubles to bed?, many men still sleep with their wives!!!
Two flies walk into a bar and order drinks and start talking.
The first fly asks, ?How was your travel down here??
The second fly answers ?It was cold. I rode in a bikers mustache. How was yours??
The first fly answers, ?I was warm. I rode in a biker chicks? pussy. You ought to do it next year.?
So a year passes and the same two flies met in the same bar.
The first fly says, ?Did you do it??
The second fly answers, ?Yes but some how I still showed up in a biker?s mustache.
The owner of a Harley shop was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.
Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this persons condition.
Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.
Recalling some long ago priest who made an admonition to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out,
So I did.......
I Won't be at Mass this week! I'm in the hospital.
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository. It's up to you."
Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them. The king was a very jealous man. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the king's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the royal chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the king and queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the cure for the itch. The king quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1, 000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the king, with a laugh just told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the king's underwear. The king immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.
Moral of the story: Pay Bills
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat.
Seems that car thieves have found yet another way to steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN #
I didn't believe this e-mail, so I called a friend at Chrysler Dodge and pretended I had lost my keys. They told me to just bring in the VIN#, and they would cut me one on the spot, and I could order the keyless device if I wanted. The Car Dealer's Parts Department will make a duplicate key from the VIN #, and collect payment From the thief who will return to your car. He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local Chop Shop with your vehicle.
You don't believe it? It IS that easy. To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape (electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN Metal Label located on the dashboard. By law, you cannot remove the VIN, but you can cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief.
I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals another car or truck.
Detective Scott Hobbs, Calgary Police Service
"Staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals. Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women's breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.
Dr Karen Weatherby, who carried out the German study, wrote in The New England Journal of Medicine: "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life 4 to 5 years."
She added that sexy stars like Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Anna Nicole Smith and Demi Moore had proved to be especially good for the men's health."
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Oil Change: $20.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in the process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Impound fee: $75.00
But you know the job was done right!!!
Next week I'm coming down to the Vegas Strip. I'm not much of a gambler but wanna have a good time. The buddy I'm going with is also single, good times. Any recommendations on what to do? A buddy recommended Margaritaville, what else, never been there before. Please help BK?
When you return home from somewhere & you are just to tired to do your self breast exam. Unsure of the proper technique. My name is likeit & lets me do your breast exam free of charge, I like to help. I'm highly trained & motivated, let me examine your breasts. Call 1-800-lic-kita put your breasts in my hands. Call takers are standing by. LMAO Have a good one BKers
Football FINALLY makes sense.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind
their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"